Few people have the courage to do something like this, especially when they're unsure of themselves. You deserve a 10 based on that alone. Your emotion shows a lot through your voice, I can tell she meant a lot to you. Though nobody can ever truly understand, this still shows a lot.
I won't try to give consolation, you've heard it too many times and I know it never helps. However, I can tell you that you will inspire a lot of people with this, myself included.
I understand that it wasn't worth it, and it will never make sense. Nobody can do anything about that, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry.