Reviews for TOME Episode 02

[Oney]

umm

why did you reintroduce all the characters again, are you going to reintroduce them every time you make a new episode
why is doubling beeped out, and the british guy not when he says bollocks
why are you still beeping doubling out, or having him curse for no reason
if this game is based far into the future why is doubling comparing tome to the matrix or inception, wouldn't they be old obscure movies in this time period
additionally dancing. what
there is no tension when they are stalking gamecrazed or when they enter the mansion, cos the stupid fucking unsuited music is always a yappin
theres on shot where kirbopher and nylock look all terrible and sketchy, what happened were they mugged
why is doublings sister also a professional hacker, thats highly unlikely, my sisters not an animator and i don't have aids
why is she all slimey like doubling, why would she choose the same class, does she have a crush on her brother
why did nylock ask her if she was related to doubling straight off the bat, that's just stupid, if I'm a gnome in world of warcraft am i related to every other gnome IRL, i know she has the same powers but that leads me to another point, the people playing tome seem to be able to make a character with ANY power they want, and any appearance they want, so basically it feels more like an alien world far more than a video game. why not have some jokes relating to MMO videogames, like guys constantly jumping around or have an obvious cock walking around, if they game has THAT much creative options why not.
there was one shot where that hacker girl was on top of the building, and she was made of terrible gradients
'why did you fall, i dont know.' thats really poor writing and i know its hard to know if a joke is good when YOU write it if but whoever you showed this to while making it didnt say 'thats fucking stupid' you should block and delete them cos they dunno what funny is
the entire story furthered nothing
I think you're not changing any of the obvious flaws cos you've already started with them and it'd be weird if the whole style suddenly changed, just changed everything slightly per episode, or don't. I know I don't have to watch these, but you don't have to make cartoons either.

[Goombowser]

...

I'm glad you took the criticism on the previous flashes seriously and improved! I'm glad that you fixed the overused gradients, bland obnoxious characters, uninteresting story, poor lip-syncing, and repetitive humor! You're always improving Kirbofer! When I compare your older work to this, I see TONS of improvement! You put WAY more effort into your cartoons than Egoraptor, HappyHarry, Oney, and Psychicpebbles, so ignoring their gripes and personal progress seems like the best solution, right?

[JordansFilms1]

Really?

This really isn't good, man. I gotta be honest.
But it CAN be good. You just have to work harder at it.

Firstly, the dialogue seems kind of stiff and unnatural. That might be because of the voice actors, or it might because of the writing. Although the voice acting too, is not so great. Martin is pretty good as Nylocke, but the rest of the cast is about average.

Secondly, the battle scenes are not engaging or entertaining. Like, I actually want the awkward, slow dialogue scenes during these parts. They have a strange pace that fluctuates randomly, and the action itself isn't that spectacular. So, what it seems like to me is since you want to make these quickly to release a new episode each month, and you want the action scenes to look good, you make the dialogue mostly text and poses. But when you do that and the action scenes come out like this, it is inexcusable.

Thirdly, the humor doesn't do it for me. And since I know you'll say, "It isn't your type of humor, you just don't get it," let me just defend myself. Screaming isn't funny. 4th wall jokes when done this way isn't funny. And giving regular everyday things "cute" little nicknames is not funny. It seems like you are writing for 8 year olds.

Speaking of writing for 8 year olds, my fourth point (more of a mini point), is that you can SWEAR. This is Newgrounds. You're not going to hurt anyone's little virgin ears. But, since you do write for 8 year olds, you might argue that you want to make it family friendly, but then why do you talk about "fetishes" and other things of the like? At least stay consistent with your flaws.

Fifth, the art is still of low quality, so is the animation, etc. You know, if you're on a tight schedule, make an episode implying that there will be a huge update to the TOME system or something, take a break from making episodes, and do a huge overhaul on the art. If the animation will be low quality, at least make the art of high quality.

And finally, just a nitpick I have had for a while. That thing you do, where your character yells angrily, and his mouth enlarges with sharp teeth- wasn't funny the first time a saw it, and it's just annoying now. The dialogue feels like it was written for a video game, especially towards the end. Which I guess was your intention, but here it doesn't really work because it is delivering information which doesn't seem relevant to a viewer and just seems overall awkward.

The only redeeming factor to this all is the music, which isn't that bad, but it's also not a huge focus and takes a back seat to what you are trying to do with visuals, humor, story, etc.

Please, take all (constructive) criticisms into mind when making these episodes, because it could vastly improve what you want and are trying to do.

[rDOTelm]

jesus, you HAVE potential

i mean it's fucking horrendous as it is but for fucks sake you haven't changed at all since your first submission

your colors are putrid as fuck, do something about it. and for gods sakes, get rid of the fucking gradient shades. stop it. it makes everything look like shit.

everything is terrible and can be fixed, and it saddens me how you just wave away criticism because 'people don't HAVE to watch it' and 'it's how i want to do it'

yeah i get that, this is how YOU want to do it, but it's still fucking garbage, and thanks to your refusal to take criticism that's what it always will be, no matter what you rationalize. i.e egoraptors' 'taking a dump in a soup' metaphor

BUT WHY WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ARTISTS LIKE HIM OBVIOUSLY YOUR LEGION OF 12 YEAR OLD RETARDED FANS THAT WORSHIP EVERYTHING YOU SHIT OUT MUST KNOW SO MUCH BETTER