At 8/29/07 08:19 PM, gunground wrote: Lol. Thats almost exactly what the jetson's are about :P. Sounds like a a twisted, cruel jetsons fan fic :P. Lol. Anyways i liked it :)

I reread it again. Maybe i should've read the actual story before posting *i was caught red handed!* Well, i can't say I liked it, however i may be a bit biased because of my favorite genres and non favorite genres. Anyways candidacy is over. I will choose the 2 next co-leaders of the club!

Well the first paragraph was certainly very similar to the Jetsons. I wasn't a huge fan of the story -shrug- I'm more of a past person than a future person.

hey guys, i highly recommend that you read this. it is the best story ive read on newgrounds. brilliant stuff, even though it is pretty long, it just doesnt get boring. also, someone in the thread has ruined the ending sadly... ):

sorry, gave the link to page three. oh well, you'll figure it out.

yea, that was ONE funny story.

my aura has changed today

flash storys none

real storys about 2 or 3 (7 if short storys count)

i've been writing 4 about four years now andi have been published

I haven't done any flash storys,I dunno how many ive done in real life,we used to do one every week in school.I've been writing for about 5 years. Also what do you guys think about my story? link's in my sig

At 8/30/07 10:35 PM, MonkeyV wrote: hey guys, i highly recommend that you read this. it is the best story ive read on newgrounds. brilliant stuff, even though it is pretty long, it just doesnt get boring. also, someone in the thread has ruined the ending sadly... ):

Great story, however the link to the full story didn't work for me, could someone here repost it maybe? It did look very good so far, until some prick ruined the ending.

did anyone flippin read my poem??????????

At 8/31/07 09:51 AM, madels wrote: did anyone flippin read my poem??????????

Errr yeah, and it wasn't bad, but it wasn't very good either. Also for future reference, don't be pissed if people don't read your stuff, it takes time >_>

Alright, the first candidate has been chosen. I have chose phantom as our secondary leader. He is a loyal, great contributor to the clan. However, I highly frown upon your prejudice against internet talkers, so give them a fair chance, and judge them not on how they speak, but how they write from now on. Ok?

At 8/31/07 02:54 PM, gunground wrote: However, I highly frown upon your prejudice against internet talkers, so give them a fair chance, and judge them not on how they speak, but how they write from now on. Ok?

lUzl I noit speak teh leet wut u on abt?

Just trying to add some comedic spice to the sandwich that is the concept of secondary leadership.

Haha. You prove a point centurian while being funny at the same time. What I mean't was, to a certain extent people should be allowed to internet talk. I mean't that if they say lol or sometimes mispell something, its ok. But if they talk like that, Then yes, ban away.

well her is a story i wrote last night bfore i went to sleep its a sort story so don't complain about its lenght

This is a story about a boy named Geoffrey. Well he was kicked in the grapes and this small and humorous act of violence drove him to the brink of insanity along with some suppressed memories of incest. Well he bought a machete stole his grandpa's AK-47 from the past world war rallied up his friends. Well they went on an angry rampage and wrecked up two city blocks. (casualties of wich are unknown same with the following events after.) Now Geoffrey's friend freddy had somehow gotten his hands on a grenade. (the source of where he got it from are still unknown) Well he threw the grenade into a hardware store and they were having a sale on propane that day so they had pretty much every propane tank in stock out in the front. The exlosion blew the place to hell and back a few hours later the inferno burnt the whole town down. Geoffrey and his friends whereabouts are unknown they have no living relative for they all died in the fire that burnt down the town. The story is being dismissed as an urban legend because the town was never on the map in the first place. The authorities that survived the inferno are being accused of insanity and so are any other survivors.

At 8/31/07 04:34 PM, afghan-man1 wrote: well her is a story i wrote last night bfore i went to sleep its a sort story so don't complain about its lenght

you should take this short story, and make it into a long story, because right now it just seems like a long summary of a story.

oh and phantom, congratulations on second in command, you deserve it.

At 8/31/07 04:34 PM, afghan-man1 wrote: well her is a story i wrote last night bfore i went to sleep its a sort story so don't complain about its lenght

You use the word 'well' way too much. Also, as mentioned prior to my post, it isn't so much a story as it is a summary of events. Stories, short or not, go into descriptions and should at least make some form of effort to grip a reader. Whether that be through drama, tension, comedy or horror is to the writer's discretion, but the effort must be made. Perhaps you could try out some writing exercises such as thinking of an object then figuring out ways to describe it.

An Orange
It's surface is smooth in texture but littered by one-hundred tiny craters. The rubbery skin grips my hand as it sits comfortably, wrapped in my fingers. As I peel away it's flesh I find a stringy substance that tears away from the innards easily and to my pleasure; I never did like that stuff. I choose my first segment. It is the largest and as I pull it away I realise it is almost bursting with the juices inside. The thoughts of it bring water to my mouth so bite into it with no further delay. The juices explode against my cheeks and swirl around my teeth. For the moments before I swallow, my mouth is awash with liquid, my tongue being the only island in a citric ocean.

So, that's what I mean by a writing exercise. I actually quite enjoyed writing that just now and I should hope that you'd find it enjoyable too. I also hope that I've helped in some way. If you practice a few of these exercises, you'll be coming up with thousands of descriptive words in no time.

What did people think of that description, anyway?

At 8/31/07 10:18 PM, Schmut wrote: What did people think of that description, anyway?

and the award for best description of an inanament object goes to... "drum roll please" SCHMUT!!! whooooo!!!
really, it was great.

On a different note, please gunground, we need a new contest, stat. we have to wright all this crap about ourselves in school so we can introduce ourselves and such, and its really killing my writing skill.

sorry for typos... meh. you know what im saying.

inanimate*
write*

damm it! last night my sister (twin sister) was real angry cause herstupid boyfreind dumped her just cause she wanted sex with him and she through my 89page story out of the window and most of the pages flew away so i screamed and shouted at her and then i started a new story an hour later from that and its all about my sisters tantrum! *giggles she wont like that!

At 8/31/07 10:18 PM, Schmut wrote: What did people think of that description, anyway?

very good, you'd be great at writing one of those novels women like so much, you know the kind: "His throbbing *** entered her **** softly and..." lol.

At 9/1/07 06:15 AM, Phantom wrote: very good, you'd be great at writing one of those novels women like so much, you know the kind: "His throbbing *** entered her **** softly and..." lol.

Yeah, I was actually think, as I wrote that, that an orange had never seemed so sexy. I don't think I will be writing one of those novels, though. I just think it's good practice to write little paragraphs that are intensely descriptive once in a while.
Right now I'm working on a script so there's not really any room for me to go into large amounts of vivid description. I'm still finding it fun to write, though. I think I finally found out how to write comedy into a script and I'm having fun doing that.
It just occured to me that I may never look at an orange in the same way again. They've lost their innocence now. :(

At 9/1/07 09:43 AM, Schmut wrote: It just occured to me that I may never look at an orange in the same way again. They've lost their innocence now. :(

hahaha, yeah. for some strange reason i really want an orange now...
meh.

i feel like writing, contest please gunground.

Well anyway, I'm glad to say I finished reading Cell and I've already written a decent amount of my next story to be, "The Prisoner". One lucky member will get a sneak peak at the work, I'll get in touch with him...

Well, because of monkey's request, i will form a contest for you. Today's Contest is Inaminate object Day! You may take one inaminate object, and try to make the most descriptive, and persuasive entry around. However, since schmut already did orange, the fruit orange will not be accepted in this contest today. Get to writing!

Hrmmm...I haven't written anything in a while. Maybe next contest i'll enter.

Right, getting on well with my crossover-spin off duffer. Only thing I need to come up with is another villain, since the one in my completed story is dead and I'm planning to kill the other one (or at least be trapped inside a portal) And I've already established that it could kill 3 well trained soldiers very easily. And it needs to have the theme of a gaurdian.

Suggestions? (I was thinking of a Dragon-Minotaur hybrid thingie)

At 9/2/07 09:49 AM, gunground wrote:

Hrmmm...I haven't written anything in a while. Maybe next contest i'll enter.

I'm busy writing something real so I won't enter it and be judge, what's the deadline?

At 9/2/07 12:20 PM, Phantom wrote:

At 9/2/07 09:49 AM, gunground wrote:

Hrmmm...I haven't written anything in a while. Maybe next contest i'll enter.

I'm busy writing something real so I won't enter it and be judge, what's the deadline?

Two days from now. Anyways how much pages have you gotten done yet? I'm anxiously waiting for it to come out so i can buy it :) (even if it means having it shipped over from your country).

Anyways, i have looked over the candidates carefully, and have made my decision for who will be the 3rd secondary leader... *Drum roll please*.

The winner...of the rank IS!
Housefan1.

Congrats house :).

At 9/2/07 05:40 PM, gunground wrote: Two days from now. Anyways how much pages have you gotten done yet? I'm anxiously waiting for it to come out so i can buy it :) (even if it means having it shipped over from your country).

Well...While I am working on being printed somewhere, anywhere, I'm working on a short story right now and I'm positive it will be great.

Age: 14
Stories Written: 4
Name: Zac. :)

My stories are in my userpage, and I have a lonely one sitting on my desktop. :(

Hey, I've done some work; I've got 3 stories in my sig, 1 I posted here long ago, and 3 other short stories I've done by request (look at my user page for details). I guess I'll post the first story that's been requested. It's not real good, but I hadn't written anything real in a while, so here it is. It was meant to look like one of those BBS stories that you kind of believe but not really.

-----------------

So, my best friend (who's name will be withheld) has this fucking hot sister. I mean super model type, even though she's 14. And she can hold her own on the sports field. She's the perfect girl. But she's my best friends sister, so she's off limits.

When I would hang out with my friend, she would be there, doing whatever we were doing. I wasn't sure, but it seemed like she liked me. She would always try to tackle me in football, and defended me in soccer. She laughed at all my jokes, and had too much fun when we played video games together.
So after months of thinking about it, I decided not to ask her out. My friendship with the guy is worth more to me than a girl. Right about now, I'm sure your thinking "If he didn't ask the bitch out, why the fuck is he writing about this?!?!" Well, I'll tell you why.

So, one day, me, my best friend and his sister were playing run the bases (it's like cricket; there are 2 bases, and 2 catchers. The catchers try to tag the runners with a baseball as they try to get from base to base). My best friend had to go to the bathroom, so it was just me and his hot sister. She wanted to practice tagging out sliding runners, so we practiced. After a couple attempts, she accidentally stepped in front of me as I was sliding feet-first into the base. Unable to stop or move out of the way in time, I knocked her on top of me.

When the dust cleared, and we had our senses back, we both realized how we were; she was laying on top of me, with our faces an inch apart. I could smell and feel the sweet sweat coming off of her. Damn, even her sweat is sexy! Anyway, in that moment, she leaned her head in, and so did I, and we kissed. It was just for a second or 2, but it was wonderful none the less.

So, just after the kiss, and as the girl is rolling off of me and getting up, her brother comes out and says "Fucking Christ! That was a dousey of a twosey". We all laugh, and while we were laughing, we looked at each other, as if to say "he can never know"

So, we secretly go out for months. She, getting her friends to cover for her when she told the family she was going to the mall or whatever with them, and I by acting normal around him and my other friends.

After about 5 or 6 months of us secretly going out, she invites me over one afternoon. Not her brother, but her. When I get over there, I find an empty house besides my girlfriend. She explains that no one is going to be home for another 2 hours. I get the message, and she leads me to the couch.
We make out for a little while, and then she takes her shirt off, as do I. She didn't have a bra on, making it quicker to see her tits. I never saw them before, just felt them when we made out. They were wonderful B-cups; full and firm.

So she opens my pants and pulls out my dick. I slide my pants a little lower as she puts in her mouth. She then starts sliding her mouth up and down on my dick. I let a moan as she slowly builds up speed. With one hand, I begin to fondle her breast, and she herself let out a moan. She kept going until I sputtered out "I'm going to cum!"

So my girlfriend keeps going for a couple more seconds. I guess in that time her brother came in, but we didn't hear him. Well, just as she takes her mouth off my dick and strokes it to make me cum, he walks in. We still didn't notice him until he said "What the fuck is going on!?". Of course, that's when I came, squirting my juices on her face.

Startled, I pulled my pants up, and my secret lover covered her tits. "Bu....but you weren't supposed to be home until 6!" she said

"Coach called off practice, so I walked home," said my best friend, "You're lucky I'm not going to tell Mom and Dad because I respect the fact you have your own personal life" He couldn't mask the anger, no matter how hard he tried.

"As for you," he pointed to me, "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"

With that, he ran after me, jumping the sofa. I grabbed my shirt and ran towards the door and away from my killer. He chased after me, diving to tackle me. He was successful, and knocked me to the ground. As he was getting up, I kicked my foot out, and caught his chest, which sent him back.
I got up and faced my now ex-best friend. He coughed and stood up too. I ran at him, readying my fist and aiming for his head. But as I got close, he ducked, which sent me flying over his back and on to mine. I winced as I landed, but rolled away, so he couldn't get on top of me and pummel me. My now ex-girlfriend just stood and stared at the battle raging in her family room. She even let her arms fall down to their sides, exposing her chest. But I didn't have time to ogle; I had to kick someone's ass.
As I stood and faced him, the guy ran towards me. I had only enough time dive out of the way, and trip him. He tumbled, hitting his head on a table and knocking off the lamp that was on it onto his head. This dazed him. I went over, grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up. I then punched twice and threw him on the couch, the place where this all began.

I took a step, then another and punched the now bloody teenager, knocking him over, so he was laying down on the couch.

Finally, the bitch spoke up. "Stop! You're going to kill him!" That sentence, as cliche and cheesy as it was, actually put some sense back into me. I picked her shirt up and threw it on her.

She ripped it off her face and I said "I guess it's not meant to be" and left.