i'll list you as a candidate.

i would love to be a candidate, but school already started for me.

hiya dont know if you rember me but you said that i could join!

hey well school starts for me sep the 6 so if you want i can cover for you

At 8/28/07 05:04 AM, madels wrote: hey well school starts for me sep the 6 so if you want i can cover for you

I really really don't want to offend you, but if you get chosen over either of us, my head will explode.

Rise of Evil:Part 1
The evil DEVIL

Million years ago there was a force which was stronger than everything created by the world.He called himself GoD.He was the creator of the Solar system.He wanted a perfect and clean universe.GoD was always alone and sad.He had nothing to do but to stay and watch the world.One day he became bord and did everything to create something called ,,friend,,.He looked inside him deeply and saw a light.He got the light out and spread it around.When the light touch something it became a ,,human or an alien,,.Many years after The job to keep the world a safe and beautiful place got harder and impossible.The world started to destoy itself from the inside and outside.It wasnt long until it was almost destoyed.God didnt know what to do.he needed help.Someone who has powers like him to help him keep the world a happy place.God didnt gave up until he found somekind of new race.God named the new race ,,Angels,,.They were little humans whit wings whit powers like him.Days,months,years and again even the Angels got overworked and the world started to get worse whit each day.GoD needed even more help.Something whit more powers and brain.GoD searched the hole universe but nothing.He didnt found the thing he was looking for.In time the human and the alien race began to kill one another.They were full whit the new feeling ,,Anger,,.But GoD was a lucky one.After the biggest search he found something whit horns and very red.That was the ,,DEVIL,,.To be continued.!

At 8/28/07 07:13 AM, Phantom wrote:

At 8/28/07 05:04 AM, madels wrote: hey well school starts for me sep the 6 so if you want i can cover for you

I really really don't want to offend you, but if you get chosen over either of us, my head will explode.

Lol. Madel, they've been here since the start of the club. They also have helped me tremendously to expand my club. Sorry, but you do not qualify for a candidate. Monkey, i know you got school, but you should candidate. We might need more than one co-leader.

At 8/28/07 07:56 AM, Marsoto wrote: Rise of Evil:Part 1
The evil DEVIL

Wow, that is some long paragraph of boring crap...

1). SPELLING, For the love of fucking god it's spelled "with".

2). Jesus that shit was boring, if you are gonna write, beat yourself with a pan in the head until you come up with something mildly interesting or don't bother at all.

3). Fuck, learn to paragraph, reading one long paragraph makes me a pissed off critic.

4). find a topic, what you just did was describe the religious perception of creation in the most awful way known to man.

5). Well I don't have a fifth reason but you just suck, take this nicely and try to improve

If anyone's pissed off with my reaction, you can bite my ass, I'm having a bad day.

At 8/28/07 08:00 AM, gunground wrote:

At 8/28/07 07:13 AM, Phantom wrote:

At 8/28/07 05:04 AM, madels wrote: hey well school starts for me sep the 6 so if you want i can cover for you

I really really don't want to offend you, but if you get chosen over either of us, my head will explode.

Lol. Madel, they've been here since the start of the club. They also have helped me tremendously to expand my club. Sorry, but you do not qualify for a candidate. Monkey, i know you got school, but you should candidate. We might need more than one co-leader.

er yeah i guessed that but theres no harm in offering is there? oh and hey im gonna start a new story soon but have no idea what it will be about

I'm already in school...but oh well, I guess I can put my name in the running. I'm on everyday at any rate.

At 8/27/07 09:39 AM, gunground wrote: Wednesday i go back to the torture house (school). So i'm gonna need a secondary leader. The candidates show yourselves, and i will pick the winner.

I haven't been around for a while, but I want to start posting around here more often. So I'll volenteer as a candidate.

Yeah, I haven't been active recently due to one fact: school. Oh Phantom, thanks for the comment. I responded to it about the paragraphing thing, but I don't understand about needing to be proofread better. What exactly do you mean?

alright. Tommorow is the deadline for candidates to announce candicy *did i spell it right?*.

Candidacy. I think. Firefox says candidacy is right. =D

At 8/28/07 07:43 PM, Zodir wrote: Yeah, I haven't been active recently due to one fact: school. Oh Phantom, thanks for the comment. I responded to it about the paragraphing thing, but I don't understand about needing to be proofread better. What exactly do you mean?

What I meant is that there were some minor spelling errors I noticed, also I copy my stories from Word too but they all seem to have at least some spaces, yours don't.

This is more of a plot outline then an actual story, I posted it on my userpage as post 3 but I want to know what you guys think of the idea, thanks!

The Jetsons get kicked out of their house because Mr. Jetson gets fired because he and his friend crashed a hover jet into an gas tanker, and then his friend lit a cigarette, which he then threw in the fire, to Mr. Jetson's protests. It lights the factory on fire, but luckily everyone escapes.

Mr. Jetson's boss asks who started the fire, and the firend blames Mr. Jetson, who, despite his protests, is fired and hauled off to jail. His family pays the bail and he is back home in no time. He takes out a phone book and calls his friend and asks him to take the blame, but his friend refuses, and hangs up.

Mr. Jetson is forced to bring his family into a shelter for the homeless and then goes looking for another job. He is eventually employed as a computer engineer for the rich TYRANTCO. corporation. He works there for two years and mages to buy his house back, however he then learns that since his being fired, his friend that framed him has gone on to wealth and fame, and he also owns TYRANTCO., for which Mr. Jetson still works for.

Mr. Jetson goes to his boss and demands to see the head of the company. He is laughed at and thrown out, but is not fired. He then remembers the phone book he had 2 years ago. He takes it out, and, hoping the number is correct, hears the phone ringing.

His friend's wife picks up the phone and asks who it is. He says it is an old friend, and can he please speak to Thomas Delfonso (that's his friend's name). She says he isn't home, and he asks her to have him call him back. She complies and they both hang up at exactly same time.

He waits anxiously at the phone all day (it's a Saturday). He recieves several calls, but none from Thomas. He waits there all weekend and is then forced to go to work by his wife and children.

Mr. Jetson develops an obsession about Thomas Delfonso and slowly begins going crazy. One day he lights his desk on fire and throws the contents all over the building. During this process he wounds several people. He is then fired and sent to jail once again, where his family pays the bail, once again.

Three days later he recieves the call. Mr. Jetson disguises himself as a home designer and lies that he is going to redo their kitchen and wants his address. Delfonso suspiciously gives him their address and hangs up.

Mr. Jetson drives there right away and arrives at 3:30 in the morning. He packed a duffel bag with 3 pistols, 2 grenades (one fragmentation and one smoke) and a sniper rifle, and a pair of night-vision goggles. He throws a smoke grenade threw their window and knocks out both of them. He shoots their door open with a silenced pistol and walks in. He shoots Delfonso's wife, who is barely conscious, and then takes Delfonso out from his room. He is wearing a black balaclava, so Delfonso can't see him.

He knocks Delfonso out by punching him and then starts prying out the floorboards. Smoke has started seeping from the broken window and the fire department comes. Mr. Jetson disgusies himself as Thomas Delfonso by wearing his clothes and hairpiece and says that he fixing his toaster and smoke started come out. He then threw it out the window because it got hot. He says that he went down and got the toaster and brought it back into his house and finally fixed it, and then he says that he doesn't want any help. Although they don't appear to believe his story, they drive away, saying, "Well, it's his house."

Delfnso awakens shortly after this. Mr. Jetson shoots both his legs with the silenced pistol and puts him in the spot where the floor boards were. He then asks him, "Do you know you I am?" Delfonso whereily shakes his head and Mr. Jetson pulls off his mask. He then starts nailing the floorboards down. Delfonso tries to escape, but Mr. Jetson knocks him out again.

Delfonso awakens to total blackness. He notices a weight on his chest and realizes that it is a flashlight. He also sees a note to the right of him reading, 'Who's the burner now?' It appears to be written in blood. He then realizes he is chained (by the left leg) to a metal post under the floorboards. There is a gun with a single shot left in it next to the note. He flips the note over and reads,

'You can try and shoot the chain
But then there will be much pain"

Mr. Jetson signed his name to it, and dated it, too.

He ponders the idea for a while and then succumbs to the thought of escaping and shoots the chain. He misses. He then starts screaming for someone to help, but no one does. He dies 6 days later of starvation. During those six days, he started ripping apart his arm and eating it, but he vomited and realized he was dying of blood loss so just 'lay there, and died.'

Seven years later the police find him when the house is torn down. He is a skeleton, but the note, dusty and crimpled, still lies there. They realize that this is what happened to Thomas Delfonso and arrest Mr. Jetson at his house (he is now a rich billionaire, who owns a Medical Facility Devoted to Treating Cancer Victims and discovering new cures for cancer), Mr. Jetosn shoots two police officers, but one manages to be merely shot in the leg and requires reinforcements. The police surround his house. Mr. Jetson goes haywire and shoots his son and daughter, then chops his wifes leg off with a butcher knife and throws into the crowd around his house. He stabs his wife in the head and throws her, and his 2 children, out the window too. He then jumps out the window himself, firing widly into the crowd. Before the police can get to him, however, he shoots himself in the head.

This story is (c) copyright 2007 Frenzy.

Dude, wtf is that? A Jetsons fanfic? -arches an eyebrow- Meh...

Well ok i have to say last story i wrote was a dum but well i really didnt have so much time to think about it.Well anyway i think this one is going to be nice.Hope you like it people.

The Agents-part 1
What happened today?

Many years ago evil ruled the world.No one wanted to battle the evil that was all around the world.One city with good inside left.The people there created a shield to protect them from the monsters and zombies in the world.It wasnt long untill the evil found out a way to brake the energy shield.Thousands of evil soldiers went to the city and started the biggest war in history.Only a few humans survived and was forced to hide in the cave deep inside a forest.It was 200 years untill the people decided to do something about the damage that the evil has created.The people organized a club called the ,,Agents".Months after that a human named ,,Satori" was captured by the zombies.The Zombies wanted to know where the rest of the people were but Satori didnt tell them a thing and 3 weeks after he escaped but took whit him a red ball.He went back to the cave and when he got there the ball started glow red and lightning came out of it.In a moments Satori was in the air flying like a plane.Everyone who touch the ball had super powers.8 years after one of the Agents named Jack made a deal whit the monsters and a week after the Agency was destroyed.Jack turned evil and became the leader of the monsters and started the same war.All of the Agents were hunted and killed but one woman left.That woman was the greatest agent.We called her ,,Kamelia".She knew all of the secrets of the agents power and she could control it.Sorry but i got to go see ya next time !

At 8/29/07 11:08 AM, Marsoto wrote: ruled the world.No one wanted

There should be a space following your full stops. This pair of sentences is an example of that.

One city with good inside left.

This sentence doesn't even make sense. You should type your stories up in Word or a similar program with a spelling and grammar check. They would tell you that this sentence is fragment, meaning incomplete. Word would also help with your other, countless, mistakes.

It wasnt long untill the evil found out a way to brake the energy shield.

Until is spealt with one 'L'. My main problem with this sentence, however, is actually "found out a way". There's nothing wrong with that technically but it is very sloppy grammar. Instead it should say, "found a way".

Only a few humans survived and was forced to hide in the cave deep inside a forest.

Singular: was. Plural: were. When you speak of humans as a group then they "[were] forced to hide". Also, it should be a cave, not "the cave". 'The cave' implies it as mentioned priorly and that there was some significance to it but this is not the case with your story.

do something about the damage that the evil has created.

Has should be had as you are reffering to the past. You actually have two options, though. Either it "[had] created." or you could develop the sentence into "has [continued to create until this very day]" or something along those lines.

The people organized a club called the ,,Agents".

Commas are not quotation marks. "This is quoted text." ,,This is awful grammar". Also, a single apostrophe, would suffice in this case. "club called ['the agents']"

,,Satori"

About the quotation marks, see above. This should not be in quotation marks as names do not need them.
"Speaking here" - these marks indicate someone's spoken word or something someone has said in some form or another.
'Name here' - these marks can be used to indicate the name given to something, such as a club to use your example.
Nouns don't need either, unless they fit one of the above descriptions.

and 3 weeks after he escaped but took whit him a red ball.

"After" should be 'later' and "whit" should be 'with'.

and when he got there the ball started glow red

Either it started to glow red or it started glowing red. It cannot "start glow red".

In a moments

It is a moment or several moments. Again, you decide. Always make sure of what type of language to use; singular or plural.

Everyone who touch the ball had super powers.

"Everyone who [touched] the ball [was given] super powers.

but one woman left.

She 'was left'.

Sorry but i got to go see ya next time !

At least start a new paragraph when you're no longer telling the story! But really you ought to be paragraphing the whole thing.

I've pointed out all of the grammatical and spelling errors that I was able to spot and these are the areas you should focus on improving for the time-being. I advise you to type your stories into a word processor with a spelling and grammar checker. It will point out your mistakes and offer suggestions. Not all of your mistakes will be pointed out so you also must make some effort yourself to learn those things that I listed above.
So far you have posted two stories that were littered with hideous grammar and spelling. I hope you take on board what I've said and make some sort of improvement by the time you decide to post another story. Remember, we're here to help.

At 8/29/07 10:43 AM, 1Housefan wrote: Dude, wtf is that? A Jetsons fanfic? -arches an eyebrow- Meh...

I don't know enough about the Jetsons to have anything to do with them.

Anyway: CONCEPT:

One of my stories is set in a fantasy world, another is set a few years into the future, crossover ensues through dimensional portal, results=?

That's a pretty weird idea that's just kept coming back to me.

At 8/29/07 11:08 AM, Marsoto wrote: Well ok i have to say last story i wrote was a dum but well i really didnt have so much time to think about it.Well anyway i think this one is going to be nice.Hope you like it people.

well, i thought it was ok. but sadly, it sounded alot more like a short summary of a series of stories than an actual story itself, so i think you should make a series of stories, based on this that you just wrote.

Lol. Thats almost exactly what the jetson's are about :P. Sounds like a a twisted, cruel jetsons fan fic :P. Lol. Anyways i liked it :)

Hahaha! good news everybody! well, i was the second person to be in this club, first to join, but i only just now put it in my sig. i hope we get a little more publicity this way.

At 8/29/07 08:19 PM, gunground wrote: Lol. Thats almost exactly what the jetson's are about :P. Sounds like a a twisted, cruel jetsons fan fic :P.

The Jetsons, set in the future, with a hovercar. Mr. Jetson works at a cog factory. Not sure how you'd ever be able to publish your work mate, considering such similarities.

Yeah, I agree about the similarities. I know this is kind of off subject considering it's a Writers Club, but ... I GOT METROID PRIME 3 YESTERDAY! It is amazing. Ok, back on topic, Phantom, thanks for pointing out a few spelling errors, but Word said it was right, so I don't know.

sorry i havnt posy for so long its just im writting this story called: The dead zone

At 8/30/07 07:41 AM, Zodir wrote: Ok, back on topic, Phantom, thanks for pointing out a few spelling errors, but Word said it was right, so I don't know.

Do you have at least Word 2003? Check options->Spelling and Grammar. I have the following checkmarked: check spelling as you type, always suggest corrections, ignore words in uppercase (I really need to change that I think), ignore words with numbers, ignore internet and file addresses, check grammar as you type, check grammar with spelling.
And writing style is: Grammar Only

At 8/30/07 09:04 AM, madels wrote: sorry i havnt posy for so long its just im writting this story called: The dead zone

posy what am i like sorry i meant post

my newest story is coming on goood and soon ill share some with you all. so far ive written 20 odd pages (sorry for spelling erros im crap at spelling)

At 8/30/07 11:35 AM, madels wrote: my newest story is coming on goood and soon ill share some with you all. so far ive written 20 odd pages (sorry for spelling erros im crap at spelling)

im soooo bored right now so i thought id share a poem i made up when i was 10 at school it goes a little like this: Humphrey the camel

Humphrey the camel sat on a barrel

And watched the birds fly by

In a minute or two

He might get bird floe

Said his friend who also walked by

Humphrey the camel who sat on a barrel

Was hungry and decided he would eat a pie

He found a raisin and eat it

But then he felt sick

And then he managed to pick

A green bogie that came from his nose

But after all that he felt rather tired

And decided to have a quick nap

But then a bee came by

Who looked very sly

And Stung him on the nose
And that was the end of that z z z z z