At 10/4/17 06:50 AM, SourJovis wrote: I try to fix this as much as I can, and where I can't I'll try to pinpoint what the problem is so I can assign other writers to smooth things out.

I'll be open this week, after today. Just shoot me a message with a section. No worries about the lack of notice thing. I got locked out of my account at one point even, and then I got depressed and wasn't taking care of things like I should have. I've been meaning to apologize, actually.

I'm happy to lend a hand as well.

Alright. Here's the Second Draft if you're up for it.

Not as far developed as I would like. I'm going to assign tasks soon who I'd like to do what.
@FoAngel @ADR3-N @Kalviter @VicariousE @CGA-999 and @EKublai are you (still) up for it?

In the mean time you can read the second draft and please make suggestions of what has to be improved.

Some remarks I'd like to make right now:

Unfortunately I still haven't gotten around to writing beat 1-5. I started something several times, but it's not worth sharing. If someone else could just start over and use his her own imagination, that would be great. @FoAngel?

I see the version of beat 30-35 EKublai showed me, is different from the version TaintedLogic sent me earlier. The version TaintedLogic sent was the one I had already put into the project file, because EKublai made the first draft and TaintedLogic the second. I don't know if it's correct like this, or if the version EKublai sent me later is actually an improvement over the other one. EKublai and TaintedLogic could you please look at beat 30-35 of the second draft and change them the way you want them to be?

In any case, good job everyone.

PS if anyone I didn't mention wants to do something for the third draft please let me know as well. I think I've mentioned everyone who's currently active, but let me know if I forgot anyone.

At 10/10/17 10:27 PM, SourJovis wrote: Unfortunately I still haven't gotten around to writing beat 1-5. I started something several times, but it's not worth sharing. If someone else could just start over and use his her own imagination, that would be great. @FoAngel?

Sure I'll be happy to start on that.

At 10/10/17 10:27 PM, SourJovis wrote: I see the version of beat 30-35 EKublai showed me, is different from the version TaintedLogic sent me earlier.

Oh, sorry...I blame myself for this misunderstanding. Apparently @EKublai was still working on the 1st draft when I finished editing it, which I failed to realize until after I sent it to you, SJ. EKublai's version should be the correct version, though - do you want me to send it to you again?

Also, is there any way you can post a link to what we have in the thread, please? I'd love to see it. Thanks!

@SourJovis. I'm in. Who knew writing most of a third act would take awhile? Don't blame you, @TaintedLogic , it was awhile to wait. Anyway, I'll read through the draft tonight and post some thoughts.

I don't think I can commit myself to much more writing at the moment, since my university workload has picked up tremendously. I can still do things like proofreading, but I'm sorry to say my contribution for now has to be limited.

At 10/10/17 10:27 PM, SourJovis wrote: Alright. Here's the Second Draft if you're up for it.

Not as far developed as I would like. I'm going to assign tasks soon who I'd like to do what.
@FoAngel @ADR3-N @Kalviter @VicariousE @CGA-999 and @EKublai are you (still) up for it?

As long as I can do it on a weekday then sure.

Hey all,

I’m reading through this draft, and there are major story beats that need to be discussed before we can continue forward. However, this is already showing potential and i’m itching to redraft beats 5 - 10 based on what I think is needed but I’m not doing anything until we all agree to proceed. I do think we’re far enough along that not fully written parts can be worried about later in the interest of moving things along.

I know we’re all on very different schedules, so keeping the energy up is important when so if the more active users are dealing with life.

Hey all,

Shit my edit window expired. Here’s really what I wanted to write.

I’m reading through this draft, and there are major story beats that need to be resolved. I’ll try to post about them later tonight or by Thursday. However, this is already showing potential and i’m itching to redraft beats 5 - 10 based on what I think is needed but I’m not doing anything until we all agree to proceed. I do think we’re far enough along that not fully written parts can be worried about later in the interest of moving things along. @mchectorii and @taintedlogic, what are your views on your parts.

Also tagging @sourjovis

I know we’re all on very different schedules, so keeping the energy up is important when so if the more active users are dealing with life.
Poice!

At 10/16/17 09:56 PM, EKublai wrote: Hey all,

Shit my edit window expired. Here’s really what I wanted to write.

There was an issue before trying to get in contact with the writer of 5-10. I think was asked to rewrite that part. I'm happy for you to change it. It was written quickly and I'm sure there are major flaws somewhere in there.

Also I'm still in the process of writing 1-4. Just been a little busy what's the timeframe on this next draft?

@mchectorii and @taintedlogic, what are your views on your parts.

Also tagging @sourjovis

Whew,glad to know that this is still here.Yeah,about my script,it's going terrible to be honest.It's my first time writing a script(or at least one that has character development) and after seeing that format you put up before,I'll have to redo everything again together.With my busy schedule,I'd say things are pretty tight but I'm not dropping out and I'll need at least 3 days to get my parts together.Sorry for not replying to any of the comments sooner,I just have so many confused thoughts ever since school started.

At 10/16/17 09:56 PM, EKublai wrote: @mchectorii and @taintedlogic, what are your views on your parts.

I'm sorry...I don't know how to access the script now. Can someone post a link in the thread, please?

At 10/18/17 11:29 AM, TaintedLogic wrote:

At 10/16/17 09:56 PM, EKublai wrote: @mchectorii and @taintedlogic, what are your views on your parts.

I'm sorry...I don't know how to access the script now. Can someone post a link in the thread, please?

Do you mean the link with the format or my script?

This is the second draft we're working from now.

Parts 5-10 have already been written. So it's more or less editing what is already there.

Here's the link to the writerduet script

At 10/18/17 03:05 PM, FoAngel wrote: This is the second draft we're working from now.

Parts 5-10 have already been written. So it's more or less editing what is already there.

Here's the link to the writerduet script

Thank you so much! Excuse my incompetence.

At 10/18/17 01:23 AM, FoAngel wrote: Also I'm still in the process of writing 1-4. Just been a little busy what's the timeframe on this next draft?

Hey, FoAngel, PM me if you need a hand later with a link and a note. I've been trying to get up with people but seem to be having little to no luck. No blame-gaming here btw. I know we all have busy lives to tend to.

At 10/19/17 01:15 PM, ADR3-N wrote: Hey, FoAngel, PM me if you need a hand later with a link and a note. I've been trying to get up with people but seem to be having little to no luck. No blame-gaming here btw. I know we all have busy lives to tend to.

Hey Thanks,

I'm part way through writing 2 so if you could start on 3 and 4 that would be great.

(Hopefully the disney parody song i'm writing for part 2 can be used lol)

Here's the schedule for the third draft:

1-5---------@FoAngel
7-10--------@EKublai
11-15-------x
16-20------@TaintedLogic
21-25------@ADR3-N
26-30------@CGA-999
31-35------@SourJovis
36-40------x

The deadline is November 6th, so that's two weeks.

I hope everyone I've mentioned is available. If not let me know. If I left anyone out you can take the spots marked with an x. Also if you're finished early with your part, you can do the parts marked with an x, but please let everyone know you're doing that. To everyone, please put your parts in the writerduet file. Earlier I offered to put in the parts myself, but it turns out it takes more time than I thought and I don't have that amount of time at the moment. If you're not yet part of the project please PM me your e-mail address, so I can ad you.

At 10/10/17 10:49 PM, FoAngel wrote: Sure I'll be happy to start on that.

Thanks a lot.

At 10/11/17 12:14 AM, TaintedLogic wrote: Oh, sorry...I blame myself for this misunderstanding. Apparently @EKublai was still working on the 1st draft when I finished editing it, which I failed to realize until after I sent it to you, SJ. EKublai's version should be the correct version, though - do you want me to send it to you again?

That's okay. I understand the misunderstanding. I'll re-write beat 30-35 while I look at the latest version EKublai sent.

At 10/16/17 09:56 PM, EKublai wrote: I’m reading through this draft, and there are major story beats that need to be resolved. I’ll try to post about them later tonight or by Thursday. However, this is already showing potential and i’m itching to redraft beats 5 - 10 based on what I think is needed but I’m not doing anything until we all agree to proceed.

Yes, there are things that need to be resolved. But we have to keep pressing onward in the meantime, so that's why I made the schedule for the 3rd draft. If you or anyone for that matter find the time to read the entire 2nd draft and comment on that, it's much appreciated. Sure you can rewrite beats 7-10.

Could you please edit the parts in the writerduet file? Send me an e-mail address so I can ad you as a collaborator.

At 10/12/17 07:53 PM, CGA-999 wrote: As long as I can do it on a weekday then sure.

You've got two weeks so do it whenever you want.

At 10/18/17 01:52 AM, MchectorII wrote: Whew,glad to know that this is still here.Yeah,about my script,it's going terrible to be honest.It's my first time writing a script(or at least one that has character development) and after seeing that format you put up before,I'll have to redo everything again together.With my busy schedule,I'd say things are pretty tight but I'm not dropping out and I'll need at least 3 days to get my parts together.Sorry for not replying to any of the comments sooner,I just have so many confused thoughts ever since school started.

That was for the first draft I asked you to write. It's already past the deadline of the second draft now you let us hear from you. Since you didn't respond in time FoAngel wrote beat 7-10 (originally your part) from scratch. I'm afraid we can't use what you've done.

At 10/19/17 01:15 PM, ADR3-N wrote: Hey, FoAngel, PM me if you need a hand later with a link and a note. I've been trying to get up with people but seem to be having little to no luck. No blame-gaming here btw. I know we all have busy lives to tend to.

Here's the link to the writerduet file if that's what you mean.

I've been wanting to reply to this post since forever, but I kept on postponing it because I thought I'd have more time later on... I was wrong.

At 10/21/17 02:21 AM, FoAngel wrote:

Hopefully the disney parody song i'm writing for part 2 can be used lol

Looking forward to read it.

At 10/22/17 08:33 PM, SourJovis wrote: Here's the schedule for the third draft:

1-5---------@FoAngel
7-10--------@EKublai
11-15-------x
16-20------@TaintedLogic
21-25------@ADR3-N
26-30------@CGA-999
31-35------@SourJovis
36-40------x

Thanks! I'll start Thursday. As a general rule, what are we struggling with or trying to smooth out the most -- wordy dialogue, wonky beats, etc?

At 10/21/17 02:21 AM, FoAngel wrote:

Hopefully the disney parody song i'm writing for part 2 can be used lol

Looking forward to read it.

Likewise -- although if it's going to basically be a cover, it's copyrighted, and we can't use it. Just bear in mind we can have a similar style, but not a 1:1 copy of any songs you may be thinking of parodying.

That was for the first draft I asked you to write. It's already past the deadline of the second draft now you let us hear from you. Since you didn't respond in time FoAngel wrote beat 7-10 (originally your part) from scratch. I'm afraid we can't use what you've done.

Okay then,in that case,it's best to let FoAngel take over.All the best to everyone in the project!
I'll show myself out.

At 10/24/17 09:08 PM, ADR3-N wrote: Thanks! I'll start Thursday. As a general rule, what are we struggling with or trying to smooth out the most -- wordy dialogue, wonky beats, etc?

If you have time to read the entire script, you could tell us what bothers you the most and what you think should be changed. Like if certain parts are too long or short, or just uninteresting. Things that should be left out entirely. Characters that need a better introduction. If the way characters speak changes through the script. Things that just don't make any sense storywise. etc. Just whatever pops to your mind first.

Dialogue should indeed be as condensed as possible. Try to retain the humour.

Any spelling errors should be fixed. That's an open door, but it should still be done.

At 10/21/17 02:21 AM, FoAngel wrote:

Hopefully the disney parody song i'm writing for part 2 can be used lol

Looking forward to read it.

Likewise -- although if it's going to basically be a cover, it's copyrighted, and we can't use it. Just bear in mind we can have a similar style, but not a 1:1 copy of any songs you may be thinking of parodying.

That's a difficult topic. I think it's up to the vocalists, lyricists and musicians to work out the songs, not to us. So, they decide what the eventual song is going to be like. Personally I think a Disney style musical song could be fun. Not a parody of a specific song, but close enough in tone to a Disney movie song, it works as a parody. As for the subject if we're technically allowed to do covers of pre-existing songs, I don't know. Dinsey is extremely strict in protecting their intellectual property. We don't want to get in trouble because of this. It's worth noting we don't make any money of this project. That makes a difference. Besides there are countless of cover and tribute bands that do make money by performing songs they don't have the rights to, and they (generally) get away with it. Sometimes a famous band plays a cover of a well known song they haven't asked permission for, during a live performance, in front of thousands of people who all paid their ticked, and the band doesn't mention it's a cover so more than halve the audience doesn't even know. I don't know how the law works in that respect. Best to not tread on slippery ground though.

On that note, I read they want to do covers/remixes of famous NG songs like "endless handbag" and such. How does that work in terms of copyright?

At 10/25/17 11:51 AM, MchectorII wrote:

That was for the first draft I asked you to write. It's already past the deadline of the second draft now you let us hear from you. Since you didn't respond in time FoAngel wrote beat 7-10 (originally your part) from scratch. I'm afraid we can't use what you've done.

Okay then,in that case,it's best to let FoAngel take over.All the best to everyone in the project!
I'll show myself out.

@EKublai is writing the third draft for beats 7-10 right now. If you have any good ideas for that part you want to see into the final script, you could share them with him. Perhaps he'll decide to use them.

A word of advice; if you take part in these kind of projects, you better learn what the deadline is as soon as you can, keep that date in mind and stay in touch with the other collaborators. If you're not available for communication for a period of time, also let that be known.

Good luck to you as well.

@EKublai is writing the third draft for beats 7-10 right now. If you have any good ideas for that part you want to see into the final script, you could share them with him. Perhaps he'll decide to use them.

A word of advice; if you take part in these kind of projects, you better learn what the deadline is as soon as you can, keep that date in mind and stay in touch with the other collaborators. If you're not available for communication for a period of time, also let that be known.

Yea,deadlines and I don't get along too well..Sorry for the incovenience I've caused and I hope to learn from this.

At 10/26/17 10:01 AM, MchectorII wrote:

@EKublai is writing the third draft for beats 7-10 right now. If you have any good ideas for that part you want to see into the final script, you could share them with him. Perhaps he'll decide to use them.

A word of advice; if you take part in these kind of projects, you better learn what the deadline is as soon as you can, keep that date in mind and stay in touch with the other collaborators. If you're not available for communication for a period of time, also let that be known.

Yea,deadlines and I don't get along too well..Sorry for the incovenience I've caused and I hope to learn from this.

Dude! Don't sweat it. You've gave me some good stuff to work with. And most importantly, you didn't succumb to the big mistake that all of people writing the parts after you made.

I haven't made it through the 2nd of the script yet but for all those rewriting those parts: please, please make sure the writing does not rely on visual cues. On page 29, for instance, we have "Darnell sinks to the ground, legs dangling over the curb helplessly. AZ8 sighs, looking back out into the crowd, and then eventually points rhetorically at the skyscraper across
the street"

Always ask the question, "how is sound and dialogue supposed to accomplish this?"

I'll sloppily rewrite that last example as: Darnell sinks to the ground and groans. Darnell: I give up. ArchetypeZ8: Come on, Darnell, that sidewalk is filthy. *she sighs as the crowd continues to mumur* ArchetypeZ8: There's got to be some way... but there isn't... wait, yes there is! Look!"

Well-written? Not really. But it something the sound people can work with.

Even little stuff like "Darnell nods in agreement" cannot be heard. It's silence.

Just wanted to chime in with that.

At 10/26/17 12:44 PM, EKublai wrote: On page 29, for instance, we have "

That was my bad. I focused way to much on the quality of the writing over its intended application. Sometime this weekend, I'll try to find the time to re-read the script and fix some of these errors.

At 10/25/17 09:14 PM, SourJovis wrote: If you have time to read the entire script, you could tell us what bothers you the most and what you think should be changed.

Mostly, what has already been mentioned, the visual cues. We've already talked about how we might reconcile those with dialogue and SFX though, and if I come across them, I'll do my best. Another thing that bothered me was the inconsistency of dialogue between beats, but that ofc is going to happen when you have a lot of different people piecing together a script. I'll get on later and start editing. :)

Also, re: songs, with two audio mods including yours truly on the music squad, we should be fine. @Troisnyx and I can make sure nothing breaks the rules. Point to make, we absolutely cannot cover or remix any copyrighted songs without the appropriate license, which is ridiculously hard to obtain, but endless handbag and classic NG songs should be fine, as well as any song with appropriate CC licensing.

OK, since I'm not a writing person, I wanted to check in and ask, is everything solidified enough to do casting? Or are characters/character personalities still too up in the air at this point?

Please note that either answer is TOTALLY FINE! You guys are spinning straw into gold, far be it from me to breathe down your necks! :) I just don't want to jump the gun if it's too early, or dawdle when I should be doing *my* part.

At 10/26/17 06:40 PM, rebekahamberclark wrote: OK, since I'm not a writing person, I wanted to check in and ask, is everything solidified enough to do casting?

Imo, personalities are pretty well set. Lines are not totally finalized, but it looks like to me everything is fairly solid in terms of what characters we have. What do you think, @SourJovis, @Ekublai? Enough here to start thinking about actors, or should we wait and see what gets trimmed out or tacked on?