At 7/25/17 08:00 PM, MchectorII wrote:

Great you'll join us! No, right now we don't take turns. It's "fire at will". Please share your thoughts right away. It's only after the treatment phase I will assign writers to work on a specific sequence, so we can write the first draft all at once.

Oh boy,looks like I better start my juices flowing.Just to confirm,July 31st is the deadline for the drafts,right?

No, Juli 31st is the deadline for the outline and the character description. After that we'll complete the treatment. It's only after we've completed the treatment that we start on the 1rst draft. Refer to the opening post for the schedule. There's also an explanation what's meant by outline, treatment and draft and such.

Should we have like a final debate (say 24hr post anytime debate) on the 31st to reckon these undecided points? Tag everyone and announce the time and place (here I presume)?

At 7/25/17 11:08 PM, EKublai wrote: Should we have like a final debate (say 24hr post anytime debate) on the 31st to reckon these undecided points? Tag everyone and announce the time and place (here I presume)?

Also, I've noted that no one has commented on my mid third act twist where we fin out all the bots have been enslaved to their own specialization. I like the idea, but it's a late add so I'm wondering if people just missed it or what. If no no problem

At 7/25/17 07:00 PM, SourJovis wrote: - What is NewGrounds within this world? A place, a website, a community?

I'd like a mix between the 3. Community aspect is of course the most important. Place could receive a passing mention or essentially just be setting. The website aspect has been mentioned as pertaining to the portal bots.

- Should Philladelphia get nuked? If so, right from the start, or later for example right before the third act? Who nukes Philladelphia? Is it the corpocrat? What's his motivation?

We've already mentioned a school shooting. Perhaps we could inject some cold war/9-11 type paranoia into the beginning of the story, but have that come to fruition later. Motivation, perhaps blackmail to instill obedience into NG, maybe the city as a whole, if they don't consume what the fatcats put out?

- Should ArchetypeZ8's parents die, or is that too grimm?

I'm not against it, but parental abuse or perhaps having to leave her family due to some circumstance related to the corpocrat regime would be cool.

- Is it a good idea to name the Corpocrat named CorpoCat and have him be the cat Darnell (accidentally) set on fire at the beginning? Are his subordinates Fat-Cats? Or is that just too many cats?

There can never be too many cats. An anthromorphic cyborg cat sounds cool. Maybe Darnell accidentally set him on fire during one of his experiments, and the cat gradually grew to resent Darnell's love of science and Newgrounds. Jealousy is a powerful motive, so the cat wants to take everything Darnell loves, including the community, not because Darnell loves them but because the Corpo-Cat blames them for everything wrong with his world.

Fat-cats, censor bots, and DMCA blasters sounds cool to me. Although it'd be cool if the higher ups were representative of CEOs rather than lackeys. A lot of the evil that labels do today is through automatic DMCA bots and auto-takedowns (look at YouTube). Cool points if computer mice are harmed in the making of this audio drama.

- Is zombies a good idea? I was thinking these could be people that were brainwashed by the Corpoc(r)at('s music) to take away their free will. That fits the theme of freedom and creativity, vs all music and other art controlled by large corporations.

Unless we're talking toxoplasma gondii type zombies (free will is modified), no. Brain rot has gotten to the point of being stereotypical, but who's to say everyone can't be brainwashed or manipulated by nanobots?

- It seems several people are in favour of A-Bot betraying everyone. I didn't think that was in his nature, but I thought he could be reprogrammed when he's abducted, and later after he's saved he turns evil. With his last free will he self destructs to prevent him from killing the others and only a chip with his consciousness remains.

It would be cooler if A-Bot betrayed everyone against his will, essentially fighting the evil virus or w/e that was injected inside of him while he was kidnapped. We could do what Mass Effect did with the Reaper IFF in ME2, essentially. Our heroes rescue A-Bot and seize some technology, installing it themselves, unaware of the danger until it's too late.

- Does the idea of the Corpocrat forcing musicians to sign contracts so they no longer have control over their music alienate part of the audience, or is it something non-musicians can relate to. This is for the audio portal's anniversary, but it should be interesting enough for non audio portal members to listen to.

It's something I myself relate to. One of the reasons I've refused offers from some labels. Before I was serious, I looked at the Kesha incident and others like this. The labels aren't very kind as a rule. I believe the Corpocrats should be the most egregious example of that.

Thanks for your patience, by the way, and the well wishes. I really appreciate it!

@EKublai, I missed that one. I'm not of a particular opinion there though. Plenty of room to get there.

At 7/24/17 09:24 PM, SourJovis wrote: - Is it a good idea to name the Corpocrat named CorpoCat and have him be the cat Darnell (accidentally) set on fire at the beginning? Are his subordinates Fat-Cats? Or is that just too many cats?
- Is zombies a good idea? I was thinking these could be people that were brainwashed by the Corpoc(r)at('s music) to take away their free will. That fits the theme of freedom and creativity, vs all music and other art controlled by large corporations.
- Does the idea of the Corpocrat forcing musicians to sign contracts so they no longer have control over their music alienate part of the audience, or is it something non-musicians can relate to. This is for the audio portal's anniversary, but it should be interesting enough for non audio portal members to listen to.

That's it so far. Let us know what you think. I'm probably forgetting a lot of ideas so please add them to the list.

- Absolutely yes yes yes, CorpoCat would be an iconic villain that voice actors would have a lot of fun doing, and I mean... It's Newgrounds. Goofy and absurd is what we do best. :D

- So the next two points I've decided to pay attention to can possibly correspond. Maybe to make it more relatable for all walks of life, signing a music contract over to the Corpocrat would suck the life out of that artist and turn *them* into a zombie. Then whatever that zombie artist is forced to produce consequently turns all that listen to it into zombies! It could have a lot of potential for drama, Darnell could come across musicians he really liked that have turned and be horrified.

I dunno, these are just my two bits :)

At 7/26/17 12:43 AM, LadyArsenic wrote: signing a music contract over to the Corpocrat would suck the life out of that artist and turn *them* into a zombie. Then whatever that zombie artist is forced to produce consequently turns all that listen to it into zombies! It could have a lot of potential for drama, Darnell could come across musicians he really liked that have turned and be horrified.

This is an excellent idea which would fit with what we observe of the real world. Think, how many people are obsessed with "illuminati confirmed", to the point it's become memetic.

I would have loved to help with the collaboration, but unfortunately I won't be able to- good luck with the collaboration though! :)

I'm happy to help anyway I can.

Where are we up to now?

At 7/24/17 09:24 PM, SourJovis wrote: That's it so far. Let us know what you think. I'm probably forgetting a lot of ideas so please add them to the list.

Ah, this is a great idea! It's 3 in the morning so I'll post ideas when I'm actually awake :p

Wow I've really missed out from the last time I was here 0_o I'm afraid I'm going through terrible writers block, love to join in though

At 7/26/17 01:35 AM, EDM364 wrote: signing a music contract over to the Corpocrat would suck the life out of that artist and turn *them* into a zombie. Then whatever that zombie artist is forced to produce consequently turns all that listen to it into zombies! It could have a lot of potential for drama, Darnell could come across musicians he really liked that have turned and be horrified.

I like this idea, maybe we can somehow incorporate that into the CorpoCats taking over A-Bot and they corrupt him in some way where the effect he had on people before he was captured is used for nefarious purposes.

They could be messing with his programming and find his "magic" powers that made people happy whenever they heard the music he was playing and turn it to use it either to make him a conduit of negative energy or use that knowledge to corrupt the artists they sign - cont. what EDM364 said.

At 7/31/17 11:23 AM, Septyrikon wrote:

At 7/26/17 01:35 AM, EDM364 wrote: signing a music contract over to the Corpocrat would suck the life out of that artist and turn *them* into a zombie. Then whatever that zombie artist is forced to produce consequently turns all that listen to it into zombies! It could have a lot of potential for drama, Darnell could come across musicians he really liked that have turned and be horrified.

I like this idea, maybe we can somehow incorporate that into the CorpoCats taking over A-Bot and they corrupt him in some way where the effect he had on people before he was captured is used for nefarious purposes.

They could be messing with his programming and find his "magic" powers that made people happy whenever they heard the music he was playing and turn it to use it either to make him a conduit of negative energy or use that knowledge to corrupt the artists they sign - cont. what EDM364 said.

Just throwing out an idea but what if they used the happiness itself for evil purpose by causing the artists a rush of euphoria when presenting them with horrible contracts in order to get them to be so happy that they just sign something they shouldn't? (Feel free to ignore this, since I'm not actually *on* the writing team. :) )

How are things looking on the outline, BTW? I know today (July 31st) was the new goal for having it at least roughed out. :)

Today is the deadline for the outline indeed. For the character descriptions as well. So today, or if I somehow don't make it at least tomorrow, I'm going to to upload the most recent version of the outline and character descriptions. Taking into account all of the the ideas and opinions you people gave. Then we can continue fleshing out the outline into an 6-12 page treatment. During this process changes can still be made since things are not quite as unanimously decided as they could be.

I'll try to get my two cents in today. I'm on set today so it might be a bit later tho.

At 7/31/17 12:04 PM, rebekahamberclark wrote: Just throwing out an idea but what if they used the happiness itself for evil purpose by causing the artists a rush of euphoria when presenting them with horrible contracts in order to get them to be so happy that they just sign something they shouldn't? (Feel free to ignore this, since I'm not actually *on* the writing team. :) )

Notice in the real world people are happy when they get a contract, no matter how terrible it seems on the surface. I favor people being ignorant of the horrific fine print and the whole thing being a kind of mystery.

I’ll briefly go over plot, but moving things along this post will be really about characters.
I believe nuking Philly at the beginning sets the right tone for this project in a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy sort of way. It gives us more room to treat it comically.
So, @EDM364 had a few interesting ideas I want to bring up.
A school shooting is interesting. I feel like some like running and gunning with explosives and fire is already built in early on.
Something we should always consider when we are doing this is that it’s a lot harder to cartoonize audio-only than is video. We run a real danger of the audio coming off as genuinely harrowing and a school shooting might not be that pleasant to listen to. Just something to consider.

The Villain (Clearly, this is going to be an anthropomorphic cat.)
Lesson number 1 about and interesting villain: They believe they are the hero of the story. Even when they know what they are doing is bad, they are convinced that seeing it through is the right thing to do.
To nuke Philly, there has to be a revenge aspect, I think (cue Darnell’s cat-burning incident from before)… our CorproCat sees kids like Darnell, Pico, and Nene, and believes that Newgrounds and the internet creates young people who are cynical, bored, and violent, and its up to the CorproCat’s moral policing to create order. See Battle Royale.

Darnell already has a fatal flaw (it’s true, he is bored and violent) but he’s passionate about the music! Maybe Darnell could be building A-Bot, inspired “by some website” he frequents.

That’s all for now. The trio is pretty well defined in a legacy sort of way. I think how their character traits interact with the story will become clearer as we lay out a treatment

At 8/1/17 05:31 PM, EKublai wrote: Stuff

On mobile, but to be clear about the school shooting idea, I'm referencing Picos School, which came out in 1999 pretty sure. This could simply be narrated with a snap of @RealFaction's new OST for the game, if permissible, and some generic shooting/explosions, maybe some sad music, w/e.

At 8/1/17 05:31 PM, EKublai wrote: I’ll briefly go over plot, but moving things along this post will be really about characters.
I believe nuking Philly at the beginning sets the right tone for this project in a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy sort of way. It gives us more room to treat it comically.

So, @EDM364 had a few interesting ideas I want to bring up.
A school shooting is interesting. I feel like some like running and gunning with explosives and fire is already built in early on.
Something we should always consider when we are doing this is that it’s a lot harder to cartoonize audio-only than is video. We run a real danger of the audio coming off as genuinely harrowing and a school shooting might not be that pleasant to listen to. Just something to consider.

At 8/1/17 07:33 PM, EDM364 wrote: On mobile, but to be clear about the school shooting idea, I'm referencing Picos School, which came out in 1999 pretty sure. This could simply be narrated with a snap of @RealFaction's new OST for the game, if permissible, and some generic shooting/explosions, maybe some sad music, w/e.

I understood that the school shooting was the one from. We could just mention the incidents of that gaming and the aftermath rather than actually describe what happens in that game in detail, since that's another story altogether.

The Villain (Clearly, this is going to be an anthropomorphic cat.)

Most people seem to like that idea, but not everyone though. It's also an option to have the CorpoCat not be the main villain, but a help of another villain. EDM364 coined the cyborg. I wasn't entirely sure whether this was the Corpocrat or a different villain. I think it should either be replaced by the CorpoCat, or be the CorpoCat's boss. In that case we should give it an interesting name, and have it appear or mentioned a little earlier on. Perhaps it can be called something like the Dream Crusher. It could be a villain created by accident by many separate people through the use of the internet. It's appearance will only be described at the very end of the story, but it's made clear earlier on it calls the shots. VicariousE said "It's kinda nice when the lead baddie doesn't have a personal interest in the protagonist". I don't think it's a bad thing if the main villain has a personal grudge against the the main character, but it's most interesting if the main villain's ultimate goal isn't simply to kill the main character. So if the CorpoCat will be the main villain his main goal should be to create order, and killing Darnell is mostly just because he stands up against him.

Lesson number 1 about and interesting villain: They believe they are the hero of the story. Even when they know what they are doing is bad, they are convinced that seeing it through is the right thing to do.
To nuke Philly, there has to be a revenge aspect, I think (cue Darnell’s cat-burning incident from before)… our CorproCat sees kids like Darnell, Pico, and Nene, and believes that Newgrounds and the internet creates young people who are cynical, bored, and violent, and its up to the CorproCat’s moral policing to create order. See Battle Royale.

Those are good motives.

So many ideas. Lots of different opinions. Really difficult to make one story out of it. I'm still working on in. I'll have to upload it soon, but we'll still have to make major changes during this weeks treatment phase.

ACT 1

1. OPENING
The CORPOCAT or the DREAMCRUSHER narrates why he has bombed Philadelphia. Something about creating order and setting an example. Should be clear who's talking and not be be too confusing. It should also be something that really makes a great impact since it's the opening.

Alternatively:
DARNELL describes the opening scene, while the NewGrounds anthem plays. In an postapocalyptic Glenside Philadelphia, squirming with brainwashed zombielike people the DreamCrusher's tower casts a shadow over NewGrounds Headquarters spouting ads all day. Newgrounds is the only "free" place, where people can express their creativity to their hearts content. The CorpoCat's FAT-CATS march on NewGrounds Headquarters with their deadly DMCA blasters. The NewGrounds community is lined up in front of the Newgrounds Headquarters to make their last stand. (Will be revisited at the beginning of the third act)

2. SET-UP
In the early days, DARNELL, PICO and NENE, have been giving authority the middle finger since forever. They terrorize Philadelphia with their misschief. Darnell sets a trashcan on fire that turns out to have a cat inside. Darnell extinguishes the burning cat and saves its life.

3. THEME STATED
With Darnell's expertise in science the three of them build P-BOT to share their new found interest flash animations and games free to play and create for everyone. It will be a bright new future. The three of them started to grow apart however after that school shooting in 1999.

4. It's the year 2003. Darnell is down in the dumps, and though the flash portal is great, there's no place to put original beats. That's why Darnell creates A-Bot in his own basement, who burst to live, to help share dope beatz for all y'all.

5. CATALYST (INCITING INCIDENT)
The CORPOCAT steps out of the shadows. He's the burnt cat from years before but on steroids. He's got robot parts and has grown real fat, greedy and mean. He warns the world can't handle unsupervised spreading of audio, and threatens to destroy A-Bot. A-Bot litteraly kicks him out of the house.

Alternatively:
Instead of the CorpoCat showing up himself there could be a DCMA notice appearing on Darnell's computer screen that he dismisses with a bold reply that will doom Philadelphia. (Though I wonder if this is dramatic enough)

7. Darnell takes A-Bot to sachool to demonstrate it. ARCHETYPEZ8 shows real interest in A-Bot and Darnell. She's an artist who makes songs that are too good for this world. She can't get a record deal signed anywhere because she refuses to become mainstream.

8. A-Bot helps ArchetypeZ8 to release her tracks to the world, inspiring milions of people, to use her audio in animations, games or create songs of their own.

9. DEBATE
Darnell grows jeaulous of ArchetypeZ8's musical succes and his friendship with A-Bot. He almost regrets having build A-Bot. But then ArchetypeZ8 shows an interest in Darnell. ArchetypeZ8 got Darnell head over heels. Darnell takes her for a ride across Philadelphia. On their bikes, because they're not old enough to drive.

10. LOCK IN
While Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 are out, the CorpoCat and his Fat-Cats arrive to abduct A-Bot who fights back for all his might, but is eventually overtaken. The CorpoCat mention's someone named the DreamCrusher whom they apperently work for.
Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 are on a hilltop/building/bridge/monument overlooking Philadelphia. They're ready to kiss, and in the background fireworks go off... Except it's not fireworks, but a bomb that obliterates Philladelphia. Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 rush to what's left of home, and find out A-Bot is gone.

ACT 2

11. BREAK INTO TWO
Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 look everywhere amidst the destruction, but discover no clues as to where A-Bot is. In the end they give up. Then ,3 days later, music erupts from the carnage. It's coming out of a Big Skyscraper which houses a huge speaker. Children listen to the music as flames cross the night skyline. It gives them hope in a hopeless place.

12. B STORY
Pico and Nene inside the new NewGrounds headquarters, get wind of how Darnell created A-Bot. They express what a great idea it is to have free audio to use in flash animations and games. What a waste it is A-Bot got abducted, and how they should help out. They assemble several well known NewGrounds characters (Ocean's 11 style) to join the struggle.

13. PROMISE OF THE PREMISE
Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 set out into the inferno to locate the source of the music.

14. An action scene enfolds where Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 infiltrate one or more of the Fat-Cat's bases and force them to tell where B-Bot is held. Meanwhile Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 should have the opportunity show their emotional sides, grow closer together, and there should be opportunity for comedy and song.

15. The third sequence Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 have grown closer together, know where A-Bot is being held, and are confidend they can save him.

16. Without the ability to distribute music freely, the mysterious DREAMCRUSHER calls all of the shots. He forces artist to sign label contracts with their own blood, owning their lives.

17. Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 infiltrate the base where A-Bot is being held.

18. Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 fight the CorpoCat, who's in charge of guarding A-Bot. The CorpoCat nearly wins but...

19. Pico, Nene, P-Bot and the other characters show up and join Darnell and ArchetypeZ8. Toghether they defeat and kill the CorpoCat.

20. MIDPOINT
Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 free B-Bot. The five of them head back to NewGrounds Headquarters. Improvements to A-Bot mean he can blast beats all over NG and beyond, and all sorts of musicians flock to have their beats hosted on his servers to follow in ArchetypeZ8's footsteps. (Maybe bring up NG Radio here and expound on elements of friendship. And fire.)

21. BAD GUYS CLOSE IN
The Fat-Cats report back to the DreamCrusher. They tell him Darnell and the gang have taken A-Bot back. Surprisingly the DreamCrusher is happy about this and tells the Fat-Cats to proceed to phase 2 and presses a button.

22. It turns out A-Bot has been reprogrammed when he was abducted. He abucts ArchetypeZ8 because the Fat-Cats have seen ArchetypeZ8's succes and know they must have it for their own.

23. Darnell, Pico and Nene catch up with A-Bot. A-Bot hands over ArchetypeZ8 to the FatCats who take her away. A fight ensues between A-Bot and the rest.

24. A-Bot defeats the others. He just as he's about to kill him, the good side of him that's still inside takes over, but all he can do to save his friends is autodestruct. Right before he explodes, he ejects a chip with his consiousness and Darnell catches it.

25. The Fat-Cats round up several Newgrounds members (Pico, Nene and all of the Bots?) and take them to their base.

26. The tower no longer plays music. Instead it has a jumbo screen that displays DMCA notices. This is where the Fat-Cats hold ArchetypeZ8 and other NewGrounds members. They force her to sign a contract, so no new songs can be released on NG, then assume rights to all her work. She vanishes without a trace.

27. The NewGrounds community convince the citizens of Philadelphia, the Fat-Cats are a thread. They are riled up to stand up against them.

28. ALL IS LOST
The DreamCrusher is tired of the people of Philadelphia turning against them, so they blast a virus song from their large tower, that brainwashes people, turning them into mindless zombies.

29. There seems to be a beat too many here...

30. DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL
The NG communtiy are the only survivors. They're holed up inside NG headquarters. Outside are zombies and/or at-Cats trying to break their way through their defences.

ACT 3

31. BREAK INTO 3
The Newgrounds community receives a song made by ArchetypeZ8 transmitted by the tower. It's a very bland song because ArchetypeZ8 can now only create commercial songs. Or is it? A-Bot who's now only a chip notices this is only halve a song, with tracks missing. If the song is complete, it has the power to counter the virus song, and turn all of the brainwashed people back to normal again.

32. Darnell is determined to get inside the tower, so he starts making the biggest, baddest beats, until he catches the DreamCrusher's attention. He's invited into the tower to sign a music contract.

33. Darnell intends to plug A-Bot into this speaker via a chip containing A-bot's consciousness, then release ArchetypeZ8's halve song together with his own halve. He completes a short interview with some sort of clerk, who takes him on a tour of the place, which leads to cells shaped like studios, where the artists are forced to write and rewrite their music until a community board can agree on whether it's good or not -- or else sing/play songs they don't agree with. The staff assures Darnell this is voluntary and gainful employment, but he sees ArchetypeZ8 in one of the cells. She instantly recognizes him and cries out but is quickly silenced by sound-proofed walls.

34. Darnell eventually is lead to the mainframe, where the the DreamCrusher sits. It's a cyborg with multiple personalities, controlled by the board. It was created by accident by multiple people in severall places, but nobody remembers by whom and why.The clerk leaves, and the DreamCrusher and Darnell have a conversation. The DreamCrusher knows why he's here, having been watching him and his online activities for years, but he hasn't been able to get insight on A-Bot. He admits Newgrounds has been a tough cookie to crack, and the people love them, but they're no competition. Insert epic boss-battle here.

35. The DreamCrusher is ultimately defeated and the connection to the board severed, rendering him paralyzed. Surprisingly, he thought he was doing the right thing by censoring the web. Darnell however has no pity. He lights him on fire, and before the board can react, plugs A-Bot's chip into the mainframe, which gives A-Bot full control over the building. As security mobilizes, shit hits the fan. Systems start going haywire, and all the artists are in danger.

36. Darnell fights his way through security down to ArchetypeZ8 with A-Bot's help. He manages to rescue her, but the board is trying to hack back into the system. Lots of things breaking, insert an elevator scene with appropriate music for a second, before they hit the top floor. Pico and Nene are at the helipad with a copter, but the security are waiting to intercept them. They have to veer off course after a shoot-out, forcing Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 to go down to a lower floor.

37. Security manages to shoot ArchetypeZ8 in the leg, forcing Darnell to carry her. They're wounded, and they're cornered, at least until the combined version of Darnell and ArchetypeZ8's halve songs start playing from the giant speaker, shorting out the security's cybernetic augments.

38. FINALE
Darnell suddenly has an idea while they're distracted. He grabs ArchetypeZ8 and barrels out the window. A-Bot jams out the whole way and brings the tower crashing down to the ground once all of the artists are able to make it out. Darnell manages to make it out in time, jumping from the top of the tower with ArchetypeZ8 and landing safely thanks to a janky parachute he brought along just in case things went south.

39. As the tower crumbles, all goes silent for a few minutes. Glenside is covered in dust and debris. Insert sad music, because everyone thinks A-Bot is dead. The dust clears later, however, and as people gather around to remember their lost compadre, including Pico, Nene, Darnell, and ArchetypeZ8, they hear some lo-fi music stuttering from the rubble. Quickly, they uncover the source of the sound, a speaker cone from the mainframe, with A-Bot's chip. He's alive!

40. FINAL IMAGE
The sun rizes on the horizon, casting a golden light over the golden horizon. The brainwashed people have all turned back to normal uppon hearing Darnell's and ArchetypeZ8's combined song. The NG people have survived. Darnell rebuilds A-Bot's body and inserts the chip with his consiousness. They have happy moments together. Darnell and ArchetypeZ8 finally have that kiss, but when Darnell finds out ArchetypeZ8 is secretey a man he pukes.

There are a lot of similarities between EKublai, EDM364 and my version of the outline. I tried to keep most of these simmilarities in tact. I went back to my earlier version rather than to EKublia's more recent version because I feel my version is more concise and contains more of the other ideas people had. Also, I don't understand the way EKublai's system for counting the beats works. We can use EKublai's parts where he goes more indepth for the treatment of the first draft.

A big difference between EKublai's version and EDM364 and mine is that in EKublai's version ArchetypeZ8 doesn't get kidnapped, while in the other 2 she does. Which is the better option?

There was a debate about whether or not ArchetypeZ8's parents should die, but I decided to leave them out of the story altogether, to not overcomplicate things and lose focus.

EKublai's twist that all of the NG-Bots are enslaved by the Fat-Cats is interesting. I wonder if a fight against an A-bot clone isn't one too many, but we'll see if it works. This should happen around beat 36 and 37. Probably instead of the things already going on, because it's too much otherwise.

I'm not sure about Darnell rebuilding the DreamCrusher. Why'd he do that and what's its purpose once it's good.

Yeah it was kind of confusing. I myself didn't really think that I was making a beat sheet as opposed to a very detailed outline.

What I'll say about the kid napping is that you might get diminishing returns when having both A-bot AND Archetype9z get captured. There's a lot of capturing going on here (which seems appropriate if ensalvement is the ultimate goal of the baddies) but having two featured supporting cast members taken in two different sequences is repetitive.

I'll leave the parents thing up to debate. Archetype9z should have some character drive. Thing going for her so she's not so 2D, she needs a reason to be at odds with the main trio IMO

At 8/2/17 12:54 PM, EKublai wrote: What I'll say about the kid napping is that you might get diminishing returns when having both A-bot AND Archetype9z get captured. There's a lot of capturing going on here (which seems appropriate if ensalvement is the ultimate goal of the baddies) but having two featured supporting cast members taken in two different sequences is repetitive.

I too was afraid another kidnapping in the second part would be too repetitive, but I feel it works though.
- ArchetypeZ8 is a new character. People need time to get attached to her. After getting to know her that well during the first halve, I think it her abduction makes more impact. More so than A-Bot's abduction at the beginning.
- It's also a good thing to have a main character's point of view for the whole enslavement part of the musicians/artists. -
- What I also like about it is the second halve mirrors the first halve but in a more dramatic way, like they're back to the exact same situation, but this time things are even worse. The first villain is dead, but there's a new more evil one. There's another abduction, but this time a person the main character and the audience have gotten really attached to is taken. Darnell has no help this time, because ArchetypeZ8 is taken and A-Bot lost his body. Instead of forcing their way in like they could in the first halve, the heroes have to come up with a more elaborate plan. So even though there's both an abduction in the first halve and the second, they're dealt with in a very different ways.

I also liked your idea of having all the bots enslaved and working for the main villain (DreamCruser), and an evil version of A-Bot is build. It could be called N-Bot (Nega-Bot), E-Bot (Evil-Bot) or D-Bot (Dark-Bot), but unfortunately all of those bots already exist, although they're not defined. I had no time to put that in the outline, but I think it should be in there.

The idea of rebuilding the DreamCrusher as a good-guy could work as well. My idea is that the DreamCrusher stands for all of the copyright laws and internet regulations invented for a good cause by several people, but that got misinterpreted over time, and used to take away free use of the internet. I think this could be turned into something good again, like a DreamProtector/DreamProjector/DreamCaster or something.

I'll leave the parents thing up to debate. Archetype9z should have some character drive. Thing going for her so she's not so 2D, she needs a reason to be at odds with the main trio IMO

Not sure if ArchetypeZ8 needs to be "at odds" with the others. I understand they shouldn't be one happy family at this point, because things are at their lowest point and the whole gang being together undermines this (especially because they weren't during the first halve). I think ArchetypeZ8's abduction serves as a simpler and effective alternative though. It's odd to bring up ArchetypeZ8's parents when we've never seen Darnell, Pico and Nene's parents. Do they even have parents? Why didn't we see them before in the other games/animations? What happened to them during the bombing? It raises too many questions. Having ArchetypeZ8's parents die is a terrible thing, but when you've never met them before it doesn't make as much impact as it should.

How's it moving?

At 8/6/17 02:24 AM, Troisnyx wrote: How's it moving?

We're done with the outline. I'll put that in a document on the 8th of august, probably google docs or something for better oversight. I'll make some adaptations to the outline, like include the Evil version of A-Bot, have the part in there where it's revealed the other bots have been enslaved, and the part at the end where the DreamCrusher is rebuild for the sake of good. Also I will add where the songs are going to be. About that; A while ago a lyricist/musician/vocalist thread was started to to decide how many and what songs would be in the audio drama. What was the result of that? Also the list of characters with their description will be added, and a schedule of who will be writing what.

We'll skip the treatment phase, because the outline is very detailed already and I want to give all of the writers a little more freedom. So each of the writers can flesh out the beats of their own sequence by themselves before they write their first draft if they want.

The 8th of August we'll start writing the first draft. The deadline for that is 21st of August. Each writer is going to write one sequence. There are 8 sequences in total, each consisting of approximately 5 beats. That means we'll need 8 writers available for the first draft. The trick to writing the first draft is to just let it flow. Write down whatever comes to mind and don't be afraid to write a "bad first draft". Don't be ashamed of what the other people may think of it. It's only a first draft. You won't be judged, and it will be changed.

We'll need another 8 writers to work on the second draft which we'll work on from August 22nd to September the 4th. Writers who did not get a chance to work on the first draft, will get a chance to write the second draft. This consist of rewriting the first draft, to improve it. This may not seem like much, but it's at least as much work, if not more. Each writer who works on the second draft will rewrite a sequence written by another writer, so no writer will rewrite his/her own sequence. Don't be harsh towards the writer who wrote the first draft of your sequence on a personal base. But don't be forgiving with your rewrite. Change whatever needs to be changed to make it better.

So if I'm correct there are 13 writers still active at the moment:
@Ekublai @EDM364 @Kalviter @Kwing @LadyArsenic @Septyrikon @SourJovis @VicariousE @MchectorII @TaintedLogic @FoAngel @CGA-999 and @SuperChick

Who's up for working on the first draft from August 8 to 21?
Who want's to work on the second draft from August 22 to September 4?
Or who's available for both.

Let me know before August 8 so I can make the schedule. Also what sequence has you'd like to work on (see outline above) Each sequence is about 5 beats, so sequence 1 is beat 1-5, sequence 2 is beat 6-10 etc (this may be shifted around though.

We'll be using WriterDuet for all of the drafts since that's a free program that uses the industry standards for scriptwriting. We'll export in fdx. I don't yet know how to write with multiple people on one project, but that doesn't matter. If we each finish our own part, I will put it all together in one file, and export as pdf for all to see. The same goes if somehow you're unable to use WriterDuet, you can use a different program, as long as I can put it in WriterDuet manually (copy paste).

Hope all of that is clear.

Looking forward to your reactions/answers/questions.

At 8/6/17 12:41 PM, SourJovis wrote: We're done with the outline. I'll put that in a document on the 8th of august, probably google docs or something for better oversight.

Looking forward to your reactions/answers/questions.

Hit me with the outline when you put it out and I'll see if I can take a crack at it. Seeing as we have so many people here it might be a good idea if we delegate scenes to writers.

I'm up for writing 8 thru 21 of Aug

At 8/6/17 12:41 PM, SourJovis wrote: Who's up for working on the first draft from August 8 to 21?
Who want's to work on the second draft from August 22 to September 4?
Or who's available for both.

Either is fine with me, although I'd prefer working on the first draft, please. I don't care which part of the story I have to write.

Thanks!

I've already got a WriterDuet account, still waiting on @Ekublai to send me an email invite to his account/project file (check your NG or Discord PM's). If it works, it should make editing and viewing multiple scenes together easier. The program's for screenwriting, not radio/audioplays, but with some guidance, we can all use the correct buttons.

It's kinda rotten to nominate EKublai as WD admin this way, but he was there first lol

As for the ever evolving treatment... I've been on the sidelines, trying to be the characters, understand their environment, motivations. Not easy for me on many levels, as I'm over 40 y/o. and have gotten used to: following the money, reading people/events as a defensive mechanism, not taking things at face value... and dealing with a diminishing supply of testosterone/piss n vinegar optimism

TBH, it reads like something I would've written in early high school, however, there is room in the outline for genuine pathos, conflict (gotta hear dem tank treads, hydraulics, gunfire, bass thumping in the distance), and emotion/motivation from its principal characters.

So, fuck, lemme lurk some more, and offer congrats to those who've submitted outlines so far, and to SourJovis for collating the info thus far.

At 8/6/17 12:41 PM, SourJovis wrote:
So if I'm correct there are 13 writers still active at the moment:
@Ekublai @EDM364 @Kalviter @Kwing @LadyArsenic @Septyrikon @SourJovis @VicariousE @MchectorII @TaintedLogic @FoAngel @CGA-999 and @SuperChick

Who's up for working on the first draft from August 8 to 21?
Who want's to work on the second draft from August 22 to September 4?
Or who's available for both.

I'm up for this, you can put me down for sure, but I haven't really been following this. What exactly does this entail?