Forum Topic: My sexy action-packed bbs story

(72,941 views • 1,585 replies)

This topic is 53 pages long. [ 12345 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 ]

<< < > >>
None

mjairlax

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/12/06 09:59 PM

mjairlax NEUTRAL LEVEL 04

Sign-Up: 12/21/05

Posts: 158

c obously


None

TehreTard

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/12/06 10:03 PM

TehreTard NEUTRAL LEVEL 33

Sign-Up: 02/21/05

Posts: 8,432

C, sounds provocative

BBS Signature

None

JJA2006

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/12/06 10:04 PM

JJA2006 NEUTRAL LEVEL 06

Sign-Up: 05/08/05

Posts: 72

i'll vote C


None

extremegamer2491

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 01:17 AM

extremegamer2491 LIGHT LEVEL 10

Sign-Up: 03/16/05

Posts: 406

C. What else can I pick?


None

FluffyBunnyMan

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 04:08 AM

FluffyBunnyMan LIGHT LEVEL 29

Sign-Up: 07/16/05

Posts: 579

C FTFW No babies for him


None

ant-king5

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 07:17 AM

ant-king5 EVIL LEVEL 13

Sign-Up: 08/31/04

Posts: 21

cccccc cccccc cccccc


Happy

anonymous08

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 11:10 AM

anonymous08 EVIL LEVEL 21

Sign-Up: 01/04/05

Posts: 943

I pick c

first post as a level 12! ^_^

None

mjairlax

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 12:11 PM

mjairlax NEUTRAL LEVEL 04

Sign-Up: 12/21/05

Posts: 158

cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
cccccccccccccccccccccccccc


None

ZenOfAnger

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 03:14 PM

ZenOfAnger LIGHT LEVEL 20

Sign-Up: 02/10/06

Posts: 3,334

Great story, i vote c.

Gay porn! <-- What? You've already been there!?!
Xbox live gamertag : LoIzords (That's a capital i not a lowercase L.)
X-Gary-Gigax-X is a naughty, smelly child.

BBS Signature

None

GOD-OF-DEATH

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 04:44 PM

GOD-OF-DEATH EVIL LEVEL 10

Sign-Up: 04/01/06

Posts: 886

well, it looks like he's gone off and got banned again

Kein Mitleid Für Die Mehrheit
Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum EPIC TOPIC
Why So Serious?

BBS Signature

None

Lost-Thought

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 04:57 PM

Lost-Thought NEUTRAL LEVEL 13

Sign-Up: 01/15/05

Posts: 2,708

do c

Dean! have you been shooting dope into your scrotum? you can tell me, I'm hip
Metal Hell

BBS Signature

None

jacktherack

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 05:02 PM

jacktherack NEUTRAL LEVEL 17

Sign-Up: 11/05/04

Posts: 4,935

i will choose b just because everyone else choose c...
im such a rebel...


None

Gamemeister128bit

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 06:12 PM

Gamemeister128bit LIGHT LEVEL 14

Sign-Up: 10/11/05

Posts: 719

How about a C? That would inject humor into the story. Stale humor, but humor nonetheless.

Yes, I do know that was spelled wrong.

BBS Signature

None

Brass

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 06:52 PM

Brass DARK LEVEL 20

Sign-Up: 08/20/05

Posts: 3,378

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
C
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
C
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCC
CCCCCCCC
CCCCCC
CCCCCCC
CCCCC
CCCCCC
CCCC
CCCCC
CCC
CCCC
CC
CCC

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

Quad Core Q6600 Intel overclocked to 3.2 Ghz || 4GB G.Skill DDR2 RAM || ATI Radeon HD4850 512MB || Gigabyte P45 mobo || Dual monitor 1680x1050 and 1920x1080 || A FUCKING MOUSE

BBS Signature

None

Brass

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 07:05 PM

Brass DARK LEVEL 20

Sign-Up: 08/20/05

Posts: 3,378

At 6/13/06 07:00 PM, -BustaMove- wrote:
At 6/13/06 06:52 PM, somepurson wrote: C.
You should always that. you have definitely earned the right to be that annoying and get away with it.

Why thank you.

Quad Core Q6600 Intel overclocked to 3.2 Ghz || 4GB G.Skill DDR2 RAM || ATI Radeon HD4850 512MB || Gigabyte P45 mobo || Dual monitor 1680x1050 and 1920x1080 || A FUCKING MOUSE

BBS Signature

None

Damian

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 07:35 PM

Damian LIGHT LEVEL 13

Sign-Up: 03/29/06

Posts: 1,674

i pick B because if he knees him in the balls then winston can still shoot him. but he should take his gun away then kick his ass. im not sure why but i really like the way you ended that section. oh ya how old is winston? because i was thinking he was one of those 70 year old limo drivers.


None

jEWjEWnAZI

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 07:38 PM

jEWjEWnAZI LIGHT LEVEL 08

Sign-Up: 11/23/02

Posts: 1,442

ccccccccccc
c
c
c
c
ccccccccccc


None

bifgis

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 07:46 PM

bifgis EVIL LEVEL 34

Sign-Up: 02/07/06

Posts: 1,456


None

bifgis

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 07:53 PM

bifgis EVIL LEVEL 34

Sign-Up: 02/07/06

Posts: 1,456

He shoves his penis into the barrel of the gun and gives it a nice long fuck!


None

Tantalus

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 08:19 PM

Tantalus EVIL LEVEL 17

Sign-Up: 05/24/05

Posts: 1,876

Alright, I know I probably could've dragged out the end of the story a little more, but I pretty much knew how I wanted to end it, and I decided it was time. This story is over. If you've been with me from the beginning, thanks for your support. If you're just starting to read, have fun. I give you the breathtaking, heart-stopping, jaw-dropping conclusion to my sexy, action-packed bbs story. Enjoy.

Also, I'll take any questions/comments/consturctive criticisma you may have. Thanks!

Winston stood in front of Adam, pointing the gun at his forehead. Adam watched as he began squeezing the trigger. Winston stopped for a second, smiled, and said, "Any last words?"

Adam's only response was smacking the gun out of his way before the crazed driver could pull the trigger. The gun fired off into the wall. Adam took advantage of Winston's surprise and got in close so he could knee him in the balls. Winston fell down hard, holding his crotch. But he did still have the gun, and he aimed at Adam and fired again. Adam flung himself to his left just in time before the bullet tore yet another hole in the wall.

Adam got up, jumped on the driver, and kicked his gun out of his hands. Winston was still down. With satisfaction Adam realized he had definitely damaged the driver's boy-making ability. Adam savagely kicked winston in the nads again. Then in the face. Then in the nads. Then in the face. Then in the nads once more. Winston was a shriveled ball on the floor, whimpering to himself. Adam grabbed the gun that lay on the floor, but decided not to kill him. Instead he dragged the groveling driver into the room full of cages, and stuffed him into a large one nowhere near any of the children. Adam shoved him inside and locked the door. Winston didn't even fight back.

But as Adam turned to leave, Winston began crying. "Don't you hurt my Master!" he called out pathetically. "I... I... love him!" Adam kicked his cage as he left. He was a pathetic bastard. And apparently, a gay one, if he loved Big 'N' Salty.

Adam checked his watch again. He cursed and took off running as he realized it was nearly 1 AM. Viper would be at the front gate soon. Adam tore up the stairs, stumbling a few times. The time for discreteness was over. He didn't want to be late.

~

When Adam reached the front gate, Viper was already there, detonator in hand. "Hurry up, boy!" he hissed as Adam came jogging towards him.

"Long time no see," Adam muttered. Viper dismissed him, throwing something to him through the gate bars. Adam caught it and held it up so he could see it more clearly. It was a small device with a plug attached to one end. Adam realized it looked almost exactly like the one the guard had used to deactivate the ferris wheel's control panel.

"I stole it off a guard," Viper said. "It only works on things within the mansion's grounds. Now hurry up and plug it in, I want to finish this." Adam did as he said, and Viper simply pushed the gate open. Viper's jaw was set, and the look on his face grim. He turned to Adam, and tossed him the detonator. "Lucky for her you got here in time," he said. "Just tell me where that motherfucker is and you can leave. Contact your damn militia and tell them the job was finished."

In the distance they heard two gunshots. Krunk and the team were there. Adam paused a few moments before continuing. "Look, I don't know where he is," he said. Viper began walking towards the house, and Adam followed. "But can you at least tell me why you want him dead?" Viper smiled. "It's curiosity that killed the cat," he smirked. "Perhaps you should tag along. Once we find him, I think you'll understand why." They entered the house, leaving the front gate wide open.

Adam thought perhaps that Big 'N' Salty had taken advantage of one of Viper's children... That would be a reasonable explanation. But then again, things in Adam's life recently were never reasonable.

~

Adam and Viper made their way up the staircase to where Adam knew Big 'N' Salty's room was. Viper kicked open the door, and there was Big ‘N’ Salty, still asleep on his bed. He must have been a heavy sleeper, as he barely stirred when the door swung wide. Viper grinned widely as he saw Big ‘N’ Salty simply lying there. Standing off to one side, Adam was strongly reminded of one of those nature shows, with predator vs. prey. He was also surprised how Viper’s mood had changed so drastically. He didn’t seem angry any more, he seemed almost… happy… to get his revenge.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

BBS Signature

None

Tantalus

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 08:21 PM

Tantalus EVIL LEVEL 17

Sign-Up: 05/24/05

Posts: 1,876

Viper picked up Big ‘N’ Salty with ease by his collar and threw him across the room. That woke him up. Big ‘N’ Salty first saw Adam, which brought on the confusion, and then saw Viper, which brought on the fear. Whimpering pathetically, he backed himself up against the wall. Viper’s smile grew even wider.

“V-viper?” Big ‘N’ Salty whimpered.

“Yes, it’s me,” Viper responded laughingly. “Didn’t I tell you I’d be back? Didn’t I tell you I’d make you pay for what you’ve done to me? Didn’t I tell you I would kill you?”

The rapper sobbed pathetically, the tears falling freely from his face. “P-please, I’m sorry, give me another chance!”

Viper pressed his shoe against Big ‘N’ Salty’s throat. “You had your chance. You blew it. You betrayed me. And for that, you die.” Viper then lowered his foot. “But first… One last kiss.” And Viper did just that. He bent down and gave the crying rapper a long, sensuous kiss. Adam watched in horror.

“You guys are… gay?!” Adam blurted out. Viper turned to Adam. “I loved him more than you can understand!” he hissed. Then he turned back to Big ‘N’ Salty. “We could’ve had a life together!” he sobbed. “But no! You found someone else! And you kicked me out!”

Big ‘N’ Salty and Viper were now both crying together. “There was no one else,” Big ‘N’ Salty cried. “I was just tired of you… And besides, I was making enough money to make me rich. When I kicked you out, I had already earned half a million in a child porn ring.”

“I know!” Viper yelled, smacking Big ‘N’ Salty across the face. Viper then stroked the rapper’s face soothingly. “But I have seen some of your work, it’s quite good…” Adam was completely blown away. And he could only watch in shock as Viper pulled out his dick and forced it into Big ‘N’ Salty’s mouth. The rapper sucked on it willingly. And then Viper pulled out his gun. While Big ‘N’ Salty was still sucking his dick, he shot the rapper in his chest. Big ‘N’ Salty was dead.

At that point, Adam was too shocked to notice there was now someone standing next to him. It was the masked man. Big ‘N’ Salty’s nephew, the Commander’s son. He screamed. “You killed my uncle!” And rushed Viper with a knife. Viper simply ducked out of the way.

“Adam… I called for the hit. Me. Let your precious militia know they won’t be receiving payment,” Viper whispered solemnly. He then raised his gun, and… shot himself in the face. Viper had committed suicide. The masked man had no reaction. He simply looked at Adam as if he were seeing him for the first time, and said soberly, “He was crazy, you know.”

Adam could only nod as the masked man removed his mask. He did look a little like a younger version of the Commander. “My name is Jamal. And you know Big ‘N’ Salty was my uncle. He was crazy. He was mentally unstable. Viper took advantage of that. I know he’s done horrible things, but… he’s still my uncle. It wasn’t his fault. I could’ve helped him, but I didn’t.”

”Your uncle deserved to die for what he did,” Adam spat miserably. “Or haven’t you been down in his basement? Haven’t you seen what I’ve seen? There’s kids in cages down there. He’s a fucking child pornographer. He’s a crazy bastard. He could’ve done anything he wanted to them.”

Jamal held his head in his hands. “I know… I know. My uncle was easily led. I know what he did was wrong, but we can’t change any of it. But no matter what he did, he didn’t deserve to die. No one deserves to die. We could’ve gotten him mental help. Or something.” There was a slight pause before Jamal continued. “And about the ferris wheel thing… I’m sorry about that too. I told Winston to keep you from succeeding… I didn’t think he’d try to kill you.”

“Yeah, well, he just did, and I locked him in a fucking cage downstairs. I say we leave him,” Adam replied.

Jamal got up. “I’m sorry, Adam. I really am. I didn’t want you to get involved with this. But I have to go. Maybe I’ll see you again soon.” And with that, the no-longer-masked-man ran out of the room, leaving Adam alone with the corpses.

It really was an awkward situation. First of all, there was blood everywhere, and bits of Viper’s brain scattered on the far wall. Viper’s dick was still partly in the rapper’s mouth, and still half-flaccid. Big ‘N’ Salty’s eyes were closed. Adam suspected he did not feel it as he died, as there was no expression of pain on his face. Adam got up and left, no longer wanting to look at them.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

BBS Signature

None

Tantalus

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 08:23 PM

Tantalus EVIL LEVEL 17

Sign-Up: 05/24/05

Posts: 1,876

“Adam!” a voice called. “Adam! You dere, boy?” Adam walked down the stairs to find himself face to face with none other than Krunk. “Where’s Big ‘N’ Salty?” Krunk asked, a look of determination on his face. Adam merely pointed to the room he had just left. Krunk nodded and walked into the room, gun raised. Three seconds later, he walked back out, grinning.

“Already taken care of, huh, boy?” he asked. Adam smiled weakly. “Go get yo things, we needa get tha hell outta here.” Adam and Krunk ran up to his room, grabbed his stuff, and together they exited the mansion. Outside was a full team of militia agents, ready and waiting. “Let’s roll,” Krunk said, placing his hand on Adam’s shoulder.

“Wait,” Adam said. “That guy in there… with Big ‘N’ Salty… That was the guy who took Natasha. And I don’t know where she is…” Adam sat down on the paved driveway. Looking up at Krunk, he asked, “Is it over now? I just… I want to go home. I don’t want to do this anymore. Please… just let me go home.”

“You don’t have a home,” Krunk sighed. “You made an oath. You’re wit tha militia fo life, like it or not. I’m sorry, boy, but you’re comin’ back wit us. There ain’t nothin’ I can do about it.” And with that, Krunk heaved Adam off the ground.

“Krunk, Big ‘N’ Salty was a child pornographer. He has kids in his basement. Before we go… Can we at least help them?”

Krunk shook his head and kept on walking. “We can make a police call later. Right now we gotta go. We completed tha mission, now we leave. Soon, we get paid. That simple.” Adam didn’t bother to mention that Viper had called the hit in the first place.

As soon as they passed through the front gate, Adam, Krunk, and the team saw sirens. Krunk cursed aloud and signaled the team to draw their weapons. Ten police cars pulled up, and the police opened their doors and bent down behind them, guns raised. “Drop your weapons and put your hands where we can see them!” one shouted with a megaphone.

Krunk and the others did no such thing. Krunk pushed Adam behind him and said, “We ain’t goin’ peacefully. Now get yo asses out tha way, or we’ll make you get out tha way. Krunk fired one shot into the air, as a warning.

Then Veronica jumped out of the car. “Stop!” she screamed. “Kyle, come with us! We’ll protect you!”

Adam just stared. “I’m not Kyle Olims. My name is Adam. Please, Veronica, let us pass. We won’t have to hurt you if you don’t give us a reason to.”

It seemed no one had a response to that. After a few moments’ silence, out of nowhere, a helicopter appeared. Vance’s face appeared. “Hop in!” he shouted as a rope ladder was lowered. The team began climbing up the ladder, as the police simply watched. One officer began firing wildly at the helicopter, and the rest followed suit. The helicopter began to take off as Krunk started to climb up the ladder. Only Adam was left on the ground.

The ladder went higher and higher until it was almost out of Adam’s reach. He took one last look at Veronica, at the officers, who had now stopped firing at her command, and at Big ‘N’ Salty’s mansion. And he grabbed the ladder and began his climbing.

~

Once inside, he told Krunk and Vance everything. All about Viper, about Big ‘N’ Salty, Winston, Natasha, everything. Vance explained how simple it would be to track Natasha down by way of the detonator, and also said that Veronica could track him down by way of the communicator, and he should dispose of it before they returned to the hideout.

On their way back, true to his word, Vance discovered where Natasha was being held captive, and they freed her. Natasha practically jumped into Adam’s arms, and it remained that way until they returned to the hideout.

Before they got too close to Militia HQ, Adam pulled out his communicator again. “Hello, Veronica?” he said.

“Kyle… er, Adam, you… where…” her voice crackled.

“Look, just… make sure you free the children kept captive. The man in the cage, he’s insane. And, ask around for a little girl named Ashley. And tell her I said hi.” With that, Adam threw the communicator out the window.

~

Not long after, Adam found himself in the People’s court again. Natasha and Krunk had both testified for him, and the Commander was ready to give his verdict.

“In light of recent evidence, we are hereby dropping you of all charges,” The Commander said. “You are free to go, on the one condition that you never reveal our existence to a non-militia member.”

“But… where the hell am I supposed to go?” Adam asked.

“Home,” The Commander replied. “Or wherever else you feel like going.”

It was time for Adam to think. He really didn’t have a home anymore. And could he really return to school when he could live the life of an assassin, here at the militia? Could he even live a normal life now? Looking at the faces of Krunk, Natasha, and Vance… could he leave them behind? Could he leave his entire life behind? His normal life? Adam gritted his teeth and made the decision.

“Commander… I think you’ve got me for life,” Adam said, though still not as happy as he hoped he’d be.

“Alright, It’s settled then,” said the Commander, smiling. “You’ve proven your worth. You are now a full member of the militia!”

Krunk just grinned and clapped, remaining seated where he was. Natasha jumped up out of her seat and ran over to Adam, giving him a bear hug.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Adam began, “I’ve got to go to my room. There’s something I need to take care of.” Adam exited the courtroom alone, made his way down the familiar dank hallway and reentered his room. Adam laid down on his bed and had a long wank. It had been a while.

FIN

Questions, comments, criticisms welcome, as I said before.
BBS Signature

None

Lost-Thought

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 08:44 PM

Lost-Thought NEUTRAL LEVEL 13

Sign-Up: 01/15/05

Posts: 2,708

Should make a sequel tantalus, that was a very good story

Dean! have you been shooting dope into your scrotum? you can tell me, I'm hip
Metal Hell

BBS Signature

None

Damian

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 08:55 PM

Damian LIGHT LEVEL 13

Sign-Up: 03/29/06

Posts: 1,674

WOW. That was better then most real books ive ever read, and ive read a fair amount of books. You ended it perfectly in a way that still had me thinking about the story. If writing is your passion i really believe you could become a great writer. So you shouldnt stop writing because you know how to keep a story entertaining, descriptive, imaginative, suspensful and exciting all at the same time. And also, i was more attached to these characters then any others in any book. So let me know as soon as you can, or post it on here if youre going to make a sequel or not because it would make me so happy :).


None

extremegamer2491

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 09:18 PM

extremegamer2491 LIGHT LEVEL 10

Sign-Up: 03/16/05

Posts: 406

This is one of the best web stories that I have ever read. You have a great talent with developing characters that people can relate to. You also were great at describing the action going on during the story. It was well thought out. 11/10 for you.

Now what you need to do is to get all of these sections into one huge document and put it on a web site or something. Illustrate it, make a comic out of it, flash movie, anything. Adding a visual aid to it would be awsome. You could do a lot with this story. I'd love to make this story into a flash movie, but Im not that good yet.

Take this story far my friend. And keep on writing. You could make a damn good career out of it.


None

Fwahobadagadz

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 09:49 PM

Fwahobadagadz NEUTRAL LEVEL 18

Sign-Up: 04/08/05

Posts: 693

Awesome! Seriously, I really can't criticize it. You knew where you were going and you executed it perfectly, unlike most "choose your own adventure" stories. I fivened it.


Happy

Tantalus

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 09:59 PM

Tantalus EVIL LEVEL 17

Sign-Up: 05/24/05

Posts: 1,876

At 6/13/06 08:55 PM, DamianM wrote: So let me know as soon as you can, or post it on here if youre going to make a sequel or not because it would make me so happy :).

I am toying with a few ideas for a sequel. If I do start one, it won't be too soon, and it probably won't be an ABC choice thread. A lot of the time everyone chose the exact opposite choice of what I wanted, and it kind of screwed up the storyline in a few spots. But yeah, a sequel's possible.

BBS Signature

Shouting

LordTunnel

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 11:07 PM

LordTunnel EVIL LEVEL 07

Sign-Up: 03/30/05

Posts: 136

At 4/8/06 11:05 PM, -Tantalus- wrote: Alright, last bump. If this leaves the first page and hasn't had any replies, then fuck it.

Can you believe he almost quit at the start!!!!!!!!


None

StrawBerryKiwiClock

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 11:14 PM

StrawBerryKiwiClock EVIL LEVEL 09

Sign-Up: 01/24/06

Posts: 1,240

Great story, _Sisyphus_.. Oh wait its Tat something. Could you put it all into one, so I don't have to read amd search? I want to re-read.

So, apparently, I got banned for 3 days for having an opinion.

BBS Signature

None

jacktherack

Reply To Post Reply & Quote

Posted at: 6/13/06 11:26 PM

jacktherack NEUTRAL LEVEL 17

Sign-Up: 11/05/04

Posts: 4,935

they should make that into a book...
well if they did i couldnt buy it cause it would be x rate....
but it was really good ...
umm lets see..

i really really liked the story and think you are a good writer the only reason this cant be made into a book is because it would be too porno ish and stuff
i mean sure a book can be bad but do you notice why they dont have a rating on a book..
mostly because there arent a lot of voilent books..


All times are Eastern Standard Time (GMT -5) | Current Time: 11:34 PM

<< Back

This topic is 53 pages long. [ 12345 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 ]

<< < > >>
You need a Grounds Gold Account to post on the NG BBS! If you don't have one, click here to sign up now! It's fast, free, and easy — and opens up tons of great NG features!