Hey this is my comic, sumthin i've been working on for years.. i Dont plan on publishing it But i do enjoi continuing it for my personal use. Its A mix of Naruto, Dragon Ball z, Kingdom Hearts sorta, and some what code Geass. Constructive criticism, ideas, questions, comments on the art itself and the comic. Tell me what you think! oh by the way this is part 27, in a 10 page per part series because back in freshman year of highschool i just skipped thru so much just doing 10 pages per part.But i didnt want to change the way i did it so i kept it 10 pages per part, and it had excessive female nudity.. lol but i strayed away from all of that i was a horny lil bastard.

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At 5/4/11 03:44 PM, Ramatsu wrote: Page 1

Well Although the art seems well enough for a comic, especially a personal one, you need to focuse on your pacing and layout of the comic its self
Right now your panels are so cramed together, I don't even know where to start reading. Google some tutorials on layout or get some books. To be honest the How to Draw Manga series has a couple of good examples and lessons on proper layout.
Also be sure to darken up the final work and swap out the hand written text for typed. Be sure to use a legible and consistent text.

Yea ima need alot of pointers, except im not much of a computer wiz not sure how to swap out the wording and the scanner made it much brighter than it actually is.

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At 5/4/11 03:52 PM, Ramatsu wrote: Yea ima need alot of pointers, except im not much of a computer wiz not sure how to swap out the wording and the scanner made it much brighter than it actually is.

Simple brightness and contrast or levels will do for darkening a picture, although it's usually better to ink the picture either by hand or digitally. As for text, use the brush to white out the bubbles and then use the text tool.

Oh my, your page layout and frames for your drawings are very confusing. I suggest leaving some space open between frames or at least have some more consistency in your layout. It's not because your frames look like parallelograms that it makes your comic more dynamic.. just more confusing. In a lot of places I don't even know what frame goes first. Try to give mostly one direction to your page layout.

On your second page, there is a drawing in which an explosion seems to be happening.. That's a pretty major event, but when you put another frame over it you diminish it's importance. You could have easily used 3/4ths of your page for that frame, especially if you're going for what seems like a manga-like style.
Your drawings are fairly good, though. Nothing a little more practice can't enhance.

To help Illustrate what morthagg was saying, Good spacing and strong borders help.
They give the viewer a break so they can see and comprehend on what is going on.

1st page last panel, I have no Idea what's going on with the girl with outrageous tits, where's her hand?
The panel placement is atrocious, if you can't fit it neatly into 1 page, don't just cram it in there, just continue it on another page. Which brings me to the second page.

I have no idea which direction I'm supposed to be looking at this in, but I can't make heads or tails of it left or right. Wouldn't he call out the summon before it comes out and not after?

Actions scenes are fine, but this is only the 2nd page and it's already a total clusterfuck.

Its looking pretty good sofar, but would love to see some color up in there, anyways good luck

~X~

It's Behind the piece of hilt of the sword, the sword is supposed to becoming twards us, and you read left to right, and it being slightly clustered that i know Lol, i plan on getting manga studios sometime soon with a wacom intuo4.. should help out more so that my panel set up doesnt leave people confused.

At 5/4/11 04:43 PM, threadwood wrote: typed dialogue instantly makes any comic pretty lame.

So... Every professionally produced comic sucks, or they all have to be a master of typography. Gotcha, I'll keep that in mind

It's not that type makes something lame, it's choosing the right type face for the character and comic. A good, solid, readable font will make the difference. Especially if your like me and can't make heads or tails of my "c" and "e" sometimes.

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oh hai

At 5/4/11 05:02 PM, test-object wrote: oh hai

Oh god, what have you started...

At 5/4/11 05:08 PM, Kinsei01 wrote:

At 5/4/11 05:02 PM, test-object wrote: oh hai

Oh god, what have you started...

Aw, let's not ruin his thread with joke pics...
OP is not being a douche or anything, even though he's a Naruto knock-off.

Lol! yea another reason i wont be publishing this!! i'd be getting sued for money i dont have. i just do this all in fun, dont ask why i waste my time on doing this if i won't publish it.. i just enjoy making it

At 5/4/11 05:12 PM, Ramatsu wrote: Lol! yea another reason i wont be publishing this!! i'd be getting sued for money i dont have. i just do this all in fun, dont ask why i waste my time on doing this if i won't publish it.. i just enjoy making it

You see? He's adorable!

At 5/4/11 05:11 PM, test-object wrote:

At 5/4/11 05:08 PM, Kinsei01 wrote:

At 5/4/11 05:02 PM, test-object wrote: oh hai

Oh god, what have you started...

Aw, let's not ruin his thread with joke pics...
OP is not being a douche or anything, even though he's a Naruto knock-off.

but..... it's too juicy....... must resist.

Anyway OP. You should show us some sketches. Your layout issues really need to start out in your planning phase, you should post some Roughs showing us you have been paying attention and working on what we have said.

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At 5/4/11 05:14 PM, Ramatsu wrote: page 4

please help me read

At 5/4/11 05:20 PM, Ashman wrote:

At 5/4/11 05:14 PM, Ramatsu wrote: page 4

please help me read

You want to read it? im going to have to figure out..

At 5/4/11 05:25 PM, Ramatsu wrote:

At 5/4/11 05:20 PM, Ashman wrote:

At 5/4/11 05:14 PM, Ramatsu wrote: page 4

please help me read

You want to read it? im going to have to figure out..

well...it would help, try making the lines stand out more, and that should bring out the text aswell, basically make it darker

Not really a good mix of Anime's/games..... Sounds like an obnoxious puke-up really, you should try coming up with a unique story -line with Unique characters (of your own design and not based off of other animes/mangas...)

At 5/4/11 05:31 PM, Ashman wrote:
well...it would help, try making the lines stand out more, and that should bring out the text aswell, basically make it darker

yea i would have to ink it or something, because its really dark in person. i'm not used to doing all this computer stuff just one more thing i have to learn. I didnt think when i scanned it, it would become this bright

At 5/4/11 05:37 PM, silversunned wrote: Not really a good mix of Anime's/games..... Sounds like an obnoxious puke-up really, you should try coming up with a unique story -line with Unique characters (of your own design and not based off of other animes/mangas...)

It has its unique story-line and characters with an exception of saix lol he's the only one to not be my own unique character. i got some ideas from them, the ninja head protector and techniques and saix are obvious ripoffs lol! but if i would have not stated about most everything else they arent so obvious.

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