So, I looked at a couple of pages and my complaints are mostly the same as everyone elses. Unrefined pencils, very badly structured pages (Which could've been fixed by examining any comic ever and noting its layout) and bad text.
One thing that does bother me is the style itself. Don't get me wrong, I love all sorts of styles, even the anime/manga style, but try to make it unique will you? Right now it's a cross between the copying Masashi Kishimoto's look (I understand it's some sort of Naruto fanfic or something, still doesn't mean it has to look EXACTLY like it) and the generic crap we see in those "How to draw Anime" books that need to be burned. You're falling into a trap many artists and even myself have fallen into and trust me unless you are an expert at it, it will get you nowhere. Make your art look unique; it should be like a second signature. It's a difficult task to create a unique look especially in this day and age, but just look at your favorite artists and take a bit of inspiration from each of them to build up something that is you. Also research artistic principles like anatomy. As an artist, anatomy should be your best friend and once you learn it, you'll find adapting or deforming it to match certain styles will both look good and be insanely easy. Personally, I recommend creating a comic based on your own story that you make yourself, not a fan fiction, but that's not for me to say. You are in charge of what you make your stories about.
Also, read Scott McCloud's books, particularly "Making Comics" It's a Comic on how to make comics and is very good for learning this sort of thing. :)