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At 11/3/09 08:19 AM, FeedingAdiction wrote: Yeah, I have a few problems Elfer:
1. I'm moving to Australia next year, I'm afraid of leaving everything behind :(
2. I have certain problems of saying "I Love You" to my girlfriend... I dunno... it's like... I just don't feel it, it seems unright, but I do love her.
3. I'm a virgin.

You are 13. These are not problems, really.

1. Going to Australia means leaving things behind, but it also opens up everything that's in Australia. Since you're 13, I'm guessing you don't have a lot of fixed assets in the Philippines.
2. Again, chalk this one up to youth. Relationships at your age, in the vast, vast majority of cases, are not really based on the most sound decisions possible.
3. Once again, not a problem at your age. Relax.

At 11/2/09 10:25 PM, Elfer wrote:

Why do zombies traditionally crave brains?

They're high in protein and they're easy to eat even with poor dental hygiene.

It's not every day that I am impressed by something on the BBS - your answers have impressed me, my good man.

I'm not a genius, I'm just a man who spends an inordinate time thinking about zombies.

Why is it so hard to turn in Racedriver: GRiD?

At 11/3/09 04:07 PM, kalhua wrote: Why is it so hard to turn in Racedriver: GRiD?

I haven't played it, but I'm guessing it's because it's one of those games that only likes it if you drift around corners just right, and turning without drifting sucks.

Well, see I have this problem with my great-grandfather. He has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and he thinks he is like 18. He's always trying to get into these clubs and he has now developed a drinking problem. He got in a bar fight about a week ago and got cut up real bad. It makes me sad to see him this way, is there anything at all that I can do?

Currently playing the Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Physical combat class or magic class?

At 11/3/09 06:20 PM, ViZi wrote: Well, see I have this problem with my great-grandfather. He has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and he thinks he is like 18. He's always trying to get into these clubs and he has now developed a drinking problem. He got in a bar fight about a week ago and got cut up real bad. It makes me sad to see him this way, is there anything at all that I can do?

Phone the bars in the area and tell them he has a medical condition and shouldn't be allowed in, maybe? Have them contact someone who can take care of it if he does show up at a bar?

At 11/3/09 06:29 PM, MultiCanimefan wrote: Currently playing the Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Physical combat class or magic class?

Magic class! Pkew Pkew!

can blood type be related to certain human traits

ie: type Bs are more likely to be blonde. or type eyes have a higher chance of having diabetes

Related? Maybe. But enough that you could make accurate predictions based on it? Nah.

How can I troll everyone in my shitty, elitist rich douchebag school without getting too many consequences?

At 11/3/09 11:19 PM, theshadowwolf wrote: How can I troll everyone in my shitty, elitist rich douchebag school without getting too many consequences?

I can't just tell you how to troll your school, trolling comes fro the heart. You just have to think, what makes rich people angry?

- Poor people
- Having to do real work of any kind
- The loss of money or material possessions
- The implication that they are no better than anyone else

You've got to work with these sorts of ideas and fit them to your situation.

Dear Elfer,

What is the highest court in the Dutch legal system?

Elfer, what are some things that can help me manage my academics and athletics? The plan I'm currently doing actually lets me complete practice and school work but robs me of my sleep. I wrestle, and not doing wrestling is not an option.

At 11/5/09 01:46 AM, AlkaSeltzer wrote: Dear Elfer,

What is the highest court in the Dutch legal system?

The Hoge Raad der Nederlanden. It also acts as the highest court of appeal for the Dutch Antilles and Aruba.

At 11/5/09 02:48 AM, TGreenie wrote: Elfer, what are some things that can help me manage my academics and athletics? The plan I'm currently doing actually lets me complete practice and school work but robs me of my sleep. I wrestle, and not doing wrestling is not an option.

What's your schedule like right now? Gimme an example.

What question should I be asking Elfer in his "ITT: Elfer Fix Yo' Life" to make him have a giggle and improve his day a little?

Can God, assuming he were real, make a rock sooo big that even he couldnt lift it?

At 11/5/09 03:23 PM, SessileNomad wrote: Can God, assuming he were real, make a rock sooo big that even he couldnt lift it?

Yes.

But then he'd lift it anyway and all the peeps would be like :o

You should get a prize, Elfer.

Hi!

Just thought id ask your advice on why im in so much pain but not in labour? Should i keep ringing the hospital telling them im in pain or just put up with it?

Cheers!

ps: my local hospital is quite shit and always send me home saying "Oh we dont know!" :S

At 11/5/09 05:34 PM, Kittykylie wrote: Hi!

Just thought id ask your advice on why im in so much pain but not in labour? Should i keep ringing the hospital telling them im in pain or just put up with it?

Cheers!

ps: my local hospital is quite shit and always send me home saying "Oh we dont know!" :S

I am in no way a medical professional, so I'm not even going to offer an opinion as to the cause of your pain.

However, you might want to try ringing a different hospital, or a doctor's office, or some sort of maternity-specific service in your area.

Honestly though, this doesn't necessarily indicate that your hospital is shit. It just means they don't know what the cause of the pain is but don't see symptoms that require continuing observation.

Elfer,

I'm failing english

Halp

Elfer I can't suck my dick. Help me learn how to do this task.

At 11/5/09 06:41 PM, Warningshot wrote: Elfer,

I'm failing english

Halp

Do your assignments on time and do them well? If you know anyone who's good at English, ask them to edit your shit, and actually pay attention to what they change and try to apply it next time.

Also, trying to use good sentence structure all the time, even in casual online conversations, is good practice.

At 11/5/09 06:49 PM, SgtDK wrote: Elfer I can't suck my dick. Help me learn how to do this task.

Here is an internet on the subject. Also the googs led me to a yoga posture hilariously suited to the task.

Elfer, I have the most important question ever.
Yes or No?

Elfer, I was recently at a carnival giving out cotton candy, when suddenly it got out of control and engulfed half the park in pink, sweet goodness. What the hell do I do?

Elfer, is it possible to give help to a large pile of tangled retards? If so, how?

At 11/7/09 01:03 AM, RiuTenshin wrote: Elfer, I have the most important question ever.
Yes or No?

No. You do not.

At 11/7/09 01:17 AM, MultiCanimefan wrote: Elfer, I was recently at a carnival giving out cotton candy, when suddenly it got out of control and engulfed half the park in pink, sweet goodness. What the hell do I do?

Don't worry about it, I'm sure there's already a team of rough-and-ready cartoon kid detectives working on it for you. Order yourself a pizza.

At 11/7/09 03:00 AM, Tateos wrote: Elfer, is it possible to give help to a large pile of tangled retards? If so, how?

Yes. You could try untangling them somehow. Perhaps by dumping a large quantity of some sort of industrial lubricant on the pile, it would simply lose cohesion and slide apart.

You could also throw food at them to stave off death in the pile.

So it seems you are correct.
Next question.
If water is so much more useful than diamonds or gold, why is it cheaper?