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So it seems you are correct.
Next question.
If water is so much more useful than diamonds or gold, why is it cheaper?

At 11/7/09 01:08 PM, RiuTenshin wrote: So it seems you are correct.
Next question.
If water is so much more useful than diamonds or gold, why is it cheaper?

Because there's enough of it that you barely have to shoot any African kids at all to get it.

Elfer,
-Why is hampster? (True or false.)
-What does baked shit taste like?
-Who is Anonymous?
-Define Newgrounds.
-Define /b/.
-If you mix pee with toothpaste and barf, what do you get?

Was Crystal Pepsi really that bad?

-Can you divide by zero?
-Why are girls confusing?

Dear Elfer,

When did Saint Cuthbert become archbishop of Canterbury?

-How do I tell this girl that i've always liked her, even though she doesn't feel the same way and will think i'm an awkward creep?

-I'm thinking about fasting to lose weight, but I think that would do me more harm than good? Fast or exercise?

-How do I shot web?

Dear Elfer,
-Is chinchilla? Yes or no.
-How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
-Roflcopter?
-In soviet Russia, cock joke about you! (True or false.)

How can you politely yet directly tell a user on the Newgrounds BBS that you have actively engaged in sexual congress with their mother?

Dear Elfer,
-What video game am I currently thinking about? (HINT: The name of the game is a different word for "Story")

Ok now I forgot this but; how big is my penis supposed to be at age 14?

Please be specific, and no I won't tell anyone how big it is.

At 11/7/09 05:51 PM, Tateos wrote: 13 assorted questions

The answer to all of your questions is "Yes, definitely."

At 11/7/09 05:56 PM, MultiCanimefan wrote: Was Crystal Pepsi really that bad?

Yes. The idea of a clear cola was actually pretty novel, the reason people didn't keep buying it is because it was shit. Which is to say, it was a lot like original Pepsi, but not quite as good and with no caffeine. People don't want to drink stuff that doesn't taste as good just because it's clear.

However, it's worth noting that people are willing to drink stuff that tastes like crap if it makes them look sophisticated or rich. For example, you'll see lots of people who claim to enjoy the exorbitantly-priced Grey Goose, a bottom-of-the-line French vodka, even though people who actually know about vodka prefer to buy, you know, stuff that's actually good.

At 11/8/09 03:19 AM, AlkaSeltzer wrote: Dear Elfer,

When did Saint Cuthbert become archbishop of Canterbury?

Approximately 740. Of course, he wasn't a saint at the time.

At 11/8/09 05:10 AM, Marcus wrote: How can you politely yet directly tell a user on the Newgrounds BBS that you have actively engaged in sexual congress with their mother?

Use the PM system. Also, maybe start out by dropping a few hints, like "Hey, remember that time we went bowling? You know, way back before I did your mom?"

At 11/8/09 11:21 AM, jake-thesnake wrote: Ok now I forgot this but; how big is my penis supposed to be at age 14?

Please be specific, and no I won't tell anyone how big it is.

Well, since there's a lot of natural variation in these things, I'd be willing to be as specific as "Bigger than a tube of lip chap, but small enough to fit in a breadbox."

At 11/8/09 03:23 AM, supperman2 wrote: -How do I tell this girl that i've always liked her, even though she doesn't feel the same way and will think i'm an awkward creep?

Um, don't just come out and say it? Try to hang out with her a bit more. If the two of you aren't comfortable being around each other, there's not much point telling her anyway.

-I'm thinking about fasting to lose weight, but I think that would do me more harm than good? Fast or exercise?

Exercise for sure. Fasting will just screw up your metabolism and hurt you in the long run. Exercise will make you lose weight and get you in better shape at the same time. Don't just do cardio, lifting weights will raise your metabolism and make your cardio more effective.

Also, eat healthier food instead of less food.

-How do I shot web?

Nice thread, Elfer!

I'm studying electrical engineering, but this year: I'm epic failing, but I'm not the only one. I go to my classes, but couldn't find time to study. The courses are tough and it seems that more people have the same problem. Sometimes, I think working hard just isn't good enough. Could you give me some advice? Some students guide?

At 11/9/09 01:37 PM, Akrimetch wrote: Nice thread, Elfer!

I'm studying electrical engineering, but this year: I'm epic failing, but I'm not the only one. I go to my classes, but couldn't find time to study. The courses are tough and it seems that more people have the same problem. Sometimes, I think working hard just isn't good enough. Could you give me some advice? Some students guide?

Man, you asked the right mothafuckin' person, because that was my "helping peeps" project from last year. I really should update it a bit, but all the fundamentals are there.

Basically it's all about parceling your work into manageable chunks and doing work at a steady rate rather than binging.

Also, I'm not sure how you're not finding time to study. Electrical engineering is around what, 30 hours of class per week? If you're in engineering, you should be prepared to spend anywhere between 40 and 100 hours in a week working on shit.

Class + projects which consumes lots of your study time. The project is done, so basically, I have 15 hours more to spend on shit now. I think it was time and the lack of motivation to do the shit. Sometimes I had the feeling I just couldn't take a proper shit. Thanks for your advice/guide, it's really helpful.

Dear Elfer,

I think I suffer from Chronic Procrastination Syndrome, I never study for examinations that are potentially vital to my future prospects in working life. I am 16 and don't have a job because I think it is a pointless and medial, I have addictions to the computer (three hours daily, includes communication and entertainment) and I also delay such minor tasks as cleaning the house and such. But I also think its foolish to think I have a minor mental illness, it is usually extremely difficult for a person to admit to such a trait. Am I completely overreacting and am just the paramount slob of society or are there actual grounds for my retardation? This is a completely serious question btw, My quality of life is null because of this habit of letting things slide and I need you, Elfer, to fix it.

Also what is a Malapterurus stiassnyae and where is it commonly found?

At 11/10/09 09:05 AM, AlkaSeltzer wrote: Dear Elfer,

I think I suffer from Chronic Procrastination Syndrome,

This is not a real thing. I procrastinate a lot too, but the trick is to just get over it and actually start DOING shit when it needs to be done. Getting started is the hardest part, after that it's all pretty easy. Look at the links I've put up to my things for students, it works for other day-to-day stuff too. Just write down what you need to do, break it into smaller chunks if you can, and start going through all of your items for the day. Bam.

Also what is a Malapterurus stiassnyae and where is it commonly found?

Holy shit it is an electric catfish found in the Nile. RAD.

Do me next

pun intended

1. How can I get rid of my credit card debt (around 6500) without filing bankruptcy, consolidating, or transferring accounts?

2. Why do I have such a huge cock?

3. Why am I such a good lover?

4. How are you doing today?

At 11/10/09 10:22 AM, kidray76 wrote: 1. How can I get rid of my credit card debt (around 6500) without filing bankruptcy, consolidating, or transferring accounts?

I dunno, you got a job? How close do you keep track of your money flow?

2. Why do I have such a huge cock?

3. Why am I such a good lover?

Because you are a narcissist and a liar.

4. How are you doing today?

I'm okay. The stone bruise on my heel has gotten a lot better since yesterday, but I had to skip climbing tonight because when I was climbing last night I almost popped a joint on one of my fingers on the crux of a route with a bunch of one-finger pockets.

At 11/10/09 10:25 AM, Elfer wrote:

At 11/10/09 10:22 AM, kidray76 wrote:

I dunno, you got a job? How close do you keep track of your money flow?

Like most americans, I got credit card debt. At least most my debt (around 4000 or so) is education expenses (fucking tuition) so ugghhhh.

Because you are a narcissist and a liar.

So, I have a big cock because I'm a liar? So honesty people have little dicks? That sucks huge ass lol.

I'm okay. The stone bruise on my heel has gotten a lot better since yesterday, but I had to skip climbing tonight because when I was climbing last night I almost popped a joint on one of my fingers on the crux of a route with a bunch of one-finger pockets.

Ouch, you might want to get a finger splint for a day or so. Don't want any more damage.

At 11/10/09 10:32 AM, TheAdd wrote: How do i get tomorrow off school without acting ill, my mom knows every lil' thing i do to charm people out of stuff, so it seems impossible.

I want it off because i've had tests all fucking week.... (If thats of any help)

Do you know the process for reporting a reason for absence to your school's office? If so, you can probably find an exploit. For example, if they don't do a callback for confirmation or something, you can just get an older friend (if you have one) to call you in sick. Leave your house as normal, but don't go to school.

Or you can do what I used to do in high school, go to class and just don't pay any god damned attention.

My idea is, I've got a huge bruise on my back from paint-balling, so i was gonna complain that it hurt when i sat on the chairs. - We all know this is way too weak to get a day off, I'm no pussy for god's sake.

Yeah, that's too weak. The only way an injury will get you a day off school is if it's serious enough to warrant a visit to the doctor/hospital, and then you're pretty screwed anyway.

At 11/10/09 10:32 AM, kidray76 wrote:

At 11/10/09 10:25 AM, Elfer wrote:

At 11/10/09 10:22 AM, kidray76 wrote:

I dunno, you got a job? How close do you keep track of your money flow?

Like most americans, I got credit card debt. At least most my debt (around 4000 or so) is education expenses (fucking tuition) so ugghhhh.

Okay, I meant that I need answers to a couple of questions before I can answer your first one.

1) Do you have a job?
2) What kind of a system are you currently using to keep track of your finances?

So, I have a big cock because I'm a liar? So honesty people have little dicks? That sucks huge ass lol.

No, I think that one's backwards.

Ouch, you might want to get a finger splint for a day or so. Don't want any more damage.

Nah, I quit as soon as I felt it start to pop. It doesn't hurt now, it just feels a little funny if I clench my fist, but that's the same with any number of minor injuries. I'm taking today off and I'll get back to it tomorrow, but I might lay off the mono pockets until a bit later.

At 11/10/09 12:06 PM, Ericho wrote: My brother is mentally ill and can't do anything without feeling a sensation of swallowing or a need to open and lock doors. My mother is also very sick with laryngitis. What should we do to solve our problems?

Consult a real medical professional, and do the best you can in the mean time.

Should my arm bend both ways?

At 11/10/09 01:50 PM, ViZi wrote: Should my arm bend both ways?

At the shoulder? Yeah.

how do i make global peace? and what for?

At 11/10/09 02:12 PM, satanbrain wrote: how do i make global peace? and what for?

Perhaps try to give everyone in the world some perspective. Compare the personal gains they can secure to the suffering they must inflict to obtain them.

Unfortunately, pretty much everyone in the world is real dumb, so it's going to be hard to do this.

What happened to your how to student blog ie. no updates for the whole year ?

You still haven't fixed my life, I want a refund.

What are the best treatments for a jammed finger?

At 11/12/09 03:17 AM, SadisticMonkey wrote: What happened to your how to student blog ie. no updates for the whole year ?

Personal circumstances changed and I just didn't have the time to keep updating it. I might be able to start again some time in Jan 2010 though.

At 11/12/09 03:35 AM, Gagsy wrote: You still haven't fixed my life, I want a refund.

NO REFUNDS

Also, secretly this topic is just where I tell you HOW to fix your life, you still have to go out there and do it. Fixing your problems is a process, not a quick change sort of thing.

At 11/12/09 04:33 AM, AlkaSeltzer wrote: What are the best treatments for a jammed finger?

Ice and rest. Assuming you didn't fracture it, just take it easy on that finger and slowly try to regain the proper range of motion.

Aside from that, there's really no magic fix for joint injuries.

It burns when pee.