I give advice to teenagers in my spare time, what kind of clinic do I have to check into and what pills will I have to take to avoid this behavior in the future?

At 11/2/09 05:37 PM, Tateos wrote: What's the best way to approach girls?

From the front. You tend to either get a stiff knee to the testicles, a face full of mace, the shrill piercing tone of a rape whistle before getting hauled off for a night in prison, or a combination of the three when you try a stealthy approach from behind.

At 11/2/09 05:37 PM, Tateos wrote: What's the best way to approach girls?

I dunno, calmly? You have to be your own person or it's not really going to go anywhere.

At 11/2/09 05:48 PM, poxpower wrote: I give advice to teenagers in my spare time, what kind of clinic do I have to check into and what pills will I have to take to avoid this behavior in the future?

All of 'em.

At 11/2/09 02:17 PM, poxpower wrote: How do I make some Kalkalash?

Give me the REAL recipe.

That was your 28,000th post.
High five.

Anways, Elfer, fix mah life.
How do I get women?
I'm 15, I'm myself, I try to be confident, I flirt and tease, yet the ladies don't like me in a romantic way.
They say it's not cause of looks, but I bet it is, because I'm not ripped, AND I'm short.
Being short sucks.

Im pretty sure someone asks this but, how do I get a girl to like me?

inb4 sexiness.

At 11/2/09 06:25 PM, Spaghetti14 wrote: Anways, Elfer, fix mah life.
How do I get women?
I'm 15, I'm myself, I try to be confident, I flirt and tease, yet the ladies don't like me in a romantic way.
They say it's not cause of looks, but I bet it is, because I'm not ripped, AND I'm short.
Being short sucks.

Well I mean, you can work out more if you want, it's got a lot more benefits than just looking good. And if you do decide to lift weights, for fuck's sake remember to train your hands and forearms, otherwise none of it will have any practical benefit.

But I'd say if you're 15, just don't sweat the ladies too much. This is something that you'll be painfully aware of a few years from now, but at this age, you and everyone around you is an idiot who doesn't know how to handle any sort of interpersonal relationship in a reasonable way. If something happens, it happens, but you really don't need to actively pursue it if it's just going to be stressful.

At 11/2/09 06:55 PM, MegamanZero360 wrote: Im pretty sure someone asks this but, how do I get a girl to like me?

inb4 sexiness.

Read rest of topic, etc. etc. etc.

Anyway, you don't want to get a girl to like you, you should try to meet a girl who already likes who you are. Of course, self-improvement does help with that.

At 11/2/09 07:33 PM, Elfer wrote:

At 11/2/09 06:25 PM, Spaghetti14 wrote: Anways, Elfer, fix mah life.
How do I get women?
I'm 15, I'm myself, I try to be confident, I flirt and tease, yet the ladies don't like me in a romantic way.
They say it's not cause of looks, but I bet it is, because I'm not ripped, AND I'm short.
Being short sucks.

Well I mean, you can work out more if you want, it's got a lot more benefits than just looking good. And if you do decide to lift weights, for fuck's sake remember to train your hands and forearms, otherwise none of it will have any practical benefit.

Yeah, I'm taking a life fitness class where we run/work out 4 days a week.
And then sometimes I take walks on the weekends to work off some of the extra pounds.
Thanks for the advice on my arms, I'll remember that.

But I'd say if you're 15, just don't sweat the ladies too much. This is something that you'll be painfully aware of a few years from now, but at this age, you and everyone around you is an idiot who doesn't know how to handle any sort of interpersonal relationship in a reasonable way. If something happens, it happens, but you really don't need to actively pursue it if it's just going to be stressful.

Yeah, it's just stressful because like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS has/has had a boyfriend/girlfriend, and I feel lonely sometimes. I lack the perspective of anything like that because I've never had someone who I could relate to like that, and when people are all over each other and in couples within my friend group, I end up getting kind of left out because everyone's too busy having secks and making out and whatnot with their girlfriend.. Plus the girls I like never like me, and the girls I don't like never like me, and there's probably like ONE creepy unattractive scary mean girl somewhere in our school that kind of has a thing for me, I'm guessing. Cause that's just what happens for me.

Thanks for the advice.

I tried to be more obvious with my sarcasm, but it didn't work. So how can I make the world smarter?

Also, why is it socks disappear in the dryer? I swear I lost 1 every time I do laundry.

What is the secret to rock-hard abs?
Is it better to shave before or after your shower?
What is the best way to do the 20,000 calorie challenge (20,000 calories in one sitting)?
Who won the silver medal in 1936 Olympic 100m dash?
Why do zombies traditionally crave brains?

At 11/2/09 07:58 PM, Spaghetti14 wrote: Yeah, it's just stressful because like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS has/has had a boyfriend/girlfriend, and I feel lonely sometimes. I lack the perspective of anything like that because I've never had someone who I could relate to like that, and when people are all over each other and in couples within my friend group, I end up getting kind of left out because everyone's too busy having secks and making out and whatnot with their girlfriend..

Yes, well, teenagers are disgusting. That's a fact you're going to have to live with. Not just now, but for the rest of your life, so long as they're allowed to be visible in public. Shame, really.

Here's something comforting though: In all probability, most of those relationships are based on shitty foundations of trying to achieve some sort of social standing, and they're only held together by the people not wanting to be out of a relationship. You'll see this over the next couple of years as your social group is wracked with catastrophic break-ups.

Oh yeah: Decide now which side you're going to be on in the event of a breakup. In most cases, you can keep one friend of the two of them, but that's it.

Plus the girls I like never like me, and the girls I don't like never like me, and there's probably like ONE creepy unattractive scary mean girl somewhere in our school that kind of has a thing for me, I'm guessing. Cause that's just what happens for me.

Judging by what you've said, you know who the person in the school for you probably is? A quiet girl that you'd have a hard time meeting at a regular party. If there's any clubs at the school that interest you at all, try going to a few meetings and meet people outside of your regular social group. If nothing else, you can at least get in some practice talking to girls. (Note: Don't be creepy, talk to the guys too.)

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to let you in on a litle secret here: For people like you and I, high school isn't really about having fun. It's about suffering, and growing as a person as a result. I know it's difficult to do, but try to make chasing after girls a lower priority, and focus on improving yourself as a person and developing new skills. I'm not saying to avoid girls or anything, by all means, talk to them as much as you want, but don't always have getting a girlfriend at the front of your mind. That was a mistake I made, and in retrospect, it was a poor decision.

Actively attempting to get a girlfriend severely clouds your judgment in finding someone you really like. You start going after anyone who looks good and you think would tolerate you. The best thing to do is talk to girls like you would talk to any of your other friends, and learn about them as a person. When you find someone that shares your ideas, who you're comfortable around, who you can be friends with and have real, meaningful conversations with, that's when you want to pursue.

Yes, at times it'll be difficult, and at times you'll be lonely or depressed or pissed off. But that's what being a teenager is about. Regrettably, it's very hard for me to just give you perspective on your situation, since you're caught right in the middle of it. You'll understand much better when you have your diploma and you're looking back at the train wreck that was high school.

I guess really the best advice I can give you is: Yes things suck. No, things really aren't fair. And yes, it's going to last for what seems like a really long time. But if you work at it and plow through it, things will eventually get better. I sure as hell wasn't dating anyone when I was your age, but now I'm in a great relationship with a girl that I'm moving in with next May.

At 11/2/09 08:03 PM, BrianEtrius wrote: I tried to be more obvious with my sarcasm, but it didn't work. So how can I make the world smarter?

I don't know, go to a somewhat popular internet forum and start giving out advice?

Also, why is it socks disappear in the dryer? I swear I lost 1 every time I do laundry.

Erosion.

At 11/2/09 08:05 PM, Timmy wrote: What is the secret to rock-hard abs?

Climbing! Climbing is the answer to everything. I guess you could do lots of ab exercises if you want to do it the boring way though.

Is it better to shave before or after your shower?

I find before works out best, because then I can wash my face after shaving more easily.

What is the best way to do the 20,000 calorie challenge (20,000 calories in one sitting)?

It depends. If you're willing to do it, you could just chug two and a half liters of olive oil and be done with it.

Who won the silver medal in 1936 Olympic 100m dash?

Ralph Metcalfe, one of the two black dudes who embarrassed Nazi Germany at the 1936 Olympics 100m dash.

Why do zombies traditionally crave brains?

They're high in protein and they're easy to eat even with poor dental hygiene.

At 11/2/09 10:25 PM, Elfer wrote: Yes, well, teenagers are disgusting. That's a fact you're going to have to live with. Not just now, but for the rest of your life, so long as they're allowed to be visible in public. Shame, really.

I guess so.. :(

Here's something comforting though: In all probability, most of those relationships are based on shitty foundations of trying to achieve some sort of social standing, and they're only held together by the people not wanting to be out of a relationship. You'll see this over the next couple of years as your social group is wracked with catastrophic break-ups.

Now that I look at it, it seems like some of them are, while a few of them aren't as well. And yeah, I've already witnessed a few of these terrible month-wrecking drama shit-balls.

Oh yeah: Decide now which side you're going to be on in the event of a breakup. In most cases, you can keep one friend of the two of them, but that's it.

I guess it will be depending on the situation, but that's a good idea, I'll have to ponder that..

Judging by what you've said, you know who the person in the school for you probably is? A quiet girl that you'd have a hard time meeting at a regular party. If there's any clubs at the school that interest you at all, try going to a few meetings and meet people outside of your regular social group. If nothing else, you can at least get in some practice talking to girls. (Note: Don't be creepy, talk to the guys too.)

No, that isn't currently happen, but judging from what I've seen, I believe it's happened to me once or twice. It's not a good thing either, it's not someone I'd want to date, even if it was a girlfriend, and they weren't really bad looking or anything either.
At least that perspective lets me know I'm not totally desperate.

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to let you in on a litle secret here: For people like you and I, high school isn't really about having fun. It's about suffering, and growing as a person as a result.

Eegghh, I try to ignore that fact. It's gonna come crashing down for realzzz pretty soon.

I know it's difficult to do, but try to make chasing after girls a lower priority, and focus on improving yourself as a person and developing new skills. I'm not saying to avoid girls or anything, by all means, talk to them as much as you want, but don't always have getting a girlfriend at the front of your mind. That was a mistake I made, and in retrospect, it was a poor decision.
Actively attempting to get a girlfriend severely clouds your judgment in finding someone you really like. You start going after anyone who looks good and you think would tolerate you. The best thing to do is talk to girls like you would talk to any of your other friends, and learn about them as a person. When you find someone that shares your ideas, who you're comfortable around, who you can be friends with and have real, meaningful conversations with, that's when you want to pursue.

Thanks! I don't do that nearly as much as I used to, but it's still a little bit of an issue for me. There was one girl I liked for like 6 months, and I attempted (after several non"dates"but"dates"at-the-same-time) to ask her out, and she said yes, and then changed her mind the next day, because she's a bitch. I guess I'll just have to work up my attractiveness and people skills a little more. I'm not inept though - I go to some parties and people know my name, but I totally agree with what you're saying.

Yes, at times it'll be difficult, and at times you'll be lonely or depressed or pissed off.

Mmmyup.. :/

But that's what being a teenager is about. Regrettably, it's very hard for me to just give you perspective on your situation, since you're caught right in the middle of it. You'll understand much better when you have your diploma and you're looking back at the train wreck that was high school.

Hahaha, I'll remember you then.

I guess really the best advice I can give you is: Yes things suck. No, things really aren't fair. And yes, it's going to last for what seems like a really long time. But if you work at it and plow through it, things will eventually get better. I sure as hell wasn't dating anyone when I was your age, but now I'm in a great relationship with a girl that I'm moving in with next May.

Well congrats man! And listen, I know you do this for everyone cause it's your thread, but thank you so much! You're really a good listener and advice giver.
:D

How do I talk to someone?

I never approach, I'm always on a different wavelength of interests with people so I can't talk about the same things with them, usually. I always end up going into some strange philosophical or outlandish subject and less about who's dating who or whatever. I fully support being yourself, but the people that I can talk to about those subjects usually kind of suck. I'm not only into those things but normal shit too.

How would I go at talking to people? I'm not for changing myself, just wanting to adapt to others.

At 11/2/09 10:47 PM, AlkaSeltzer wrote: Dear Elfer,

What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Would that be an African or a European swallow?

At 11/2/09 10:50 PM, Spaghetti14 wrote: No, that isn't currently happen, but judging from what I've seen, I believe it's happened to me once or twice. It's not a good thing either, it's not someone I'd want to date, even if it was a girlfriend, and they weren't really bad looking or anything either.

Yeah, I know those people. Happened to me too. Good call on not giving in.

D

Cheers dude.

At 11/3/09 01:46 AM, Peacekid wrote: How do I talk to someone?

I fully support being yourself, but the people that I can talk to about those subjects usually kind of suck. I'm not only into those things but normal shit too.

Small talk is an irritating but useful skill. Since you seem to have been cursed with the non-neurotic-but-still-a-thinker personality, there's not going ot be a lot of people you can really talk to. There's going to be a lot of people who are only interested in talking about fluff, and a lot of people who are willing to discuss philosophy, but they're obsessive and serious about it because they think it makes them more refined.

Real people who can actually talk about ideas are pretty few and far between. I've met three of them, the first one was when I was 17. I did meet one person when I was 15, but they were more interested in arguing that their own ideas were right instead of actually thinking about things first.

So I guess what I'm saying is, practice making small talk about stupid stuff. That way you can talk to the rest of the people, even if you can't really relate to them.

Yeah, I have a few problems Elfer:
1. I'm moving to Australia next year, I'm afraid of leaving everything behind :(
2. I have certain problems of saying "I Love You" to my girlfriend... I dunno... it's like... I just don't feel it, it seems unright, but I do love her.
3. I'm a virgin.

At 11/3/09 08:19 AM, FeedingAdiction wrote: Yeah, I have a few problems Elfer:
1. I'm moving to Australia next year, I'm afraid of leaving everything behind :(
2. I have certain problems of saying "I Love You" to my girlfriend... I dunno... it's like... I just don't feel it, it seems unright, but I do love her.
3. I'm a virgin.

You are 13. These are not problems, really.

1. Going to Australia means leaving things behind, but it also opens up everything that's in Australia. Since you're 13, I'm guessing you don't have a lot of fixed assets in the Philippines.
2. Again, chalk this one up to youth. Relationships at your age, in the vast, vast majority of cases, are not really based on the most sound decisions possible.
3. Once again, not a problem at your age. Relax.

At 11/2/09 10:25 PM, Elfer wrote:

Why do zombies traditionally crave brains?

They're high in protein and they're easy to eat even with poor dental hygiene.

It's not every day that I am impressed by something on the BBS - your answers have impressed me, my good man.

I'm not a genius, I'm just a man who spends an inordinate time thinking about zombies.

Why is it so hard to turn in Racedriver: GRiD?

At 11/3/09 04:07 PM, kalhua wrote: Why is it so hard to turn in Racedriver: GRiD?

I haven't played it, but I'm guessing it's because it's one of those games that only likes it if you drift around corners just right, and turning without drifting sucks.

Well, see I have this problem with my great-grandfather. He has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and he thinks he is like 18. He's always trying to get into these clubs and he has now developed a drinking problem. He got in a bar fight about a week ago and got cut up real bad. It makes me sad to see him this way, is there anything at all that I can do?

Currently playing the Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Physical combat class or magic class?

At 11/3/09 06:20 PM, ViZi wrote: Well, see I have this problem with my great-grandfather. He has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and he thinks he is like 18. He's always trying to get into these clubs and he has now developed a drinking problem. He got in a bar fight about a week ago and got cut up real bad. It makes me sad to see him this way, is there anything at all that I can do?

Phone the bars in the area and tell them he has a medical condition and shouldn't be allowed in, maybe? Have them contact someone who can take care of it if he does show up at a bar?

At 11/3/09 06:29 PM, MultiCanimefan wrote: Currently playing the Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Physical combat class or magic class?

Magic class! Pkew Pkew!

can blood type be related to certain human traits

ie: type Bs are more likely to be blonde. or type eyes have a higher chance of having diabetes

Related? Maybe. But enough that you could make accurate predictions based on it? Nah.

How can I troll everyone in my shitty, elitist rich douchebag school without getting too many consequences?

At 11/3/09 11:19 PM, theshadowwolf wrote: How can I troll everyone in my shitty, elitist rich douchebag school without getting too many consequences?

I can't just tell you how to troll your school, trolling comes fro the heart. You just have to think, what makes rich people angry?

- Poor people
- Having to do real work of any kind
- The loss of money or material possessions
- The implication that they are no better than anyone else

You've got to work with these sorts of ideas and fit them to your situation.

Elfer, what are some things that can help me manage my academics and athletics? The plan I'm currently doing actually lets me complete practice and school work but robs me of my sleep. I wrestle, and not doing wrestling is not an option.

At 11/5/09 01:46 AM, AlkaSeltzer wrote: Dear Elfer,

What is the highest court in the Dutch legal system?

The Hoge Raad der Nederlanden. It also acts as the highest court of appeal for the Dutch Antilles and Aruba.

At 11/5/09 02:48 AM, TGreenie wrote: Elfer, what are some things that can help me manage my academics and athletics? The plan I'm currently doing actually lets me complete practice and school work but robs me of my sleep. I wrestle, and not doing wrestling is not an option.

What's your schedule like right now? Gimme an example.

What question should I be asking Elfer in his "ITT: Elfer Fix Yo' Life" to make him have a giggle and improve his day a little?