At 3/26/08 05:13 PM, Strauss wrote: a kick ass story part

really funny and fun 2 read, not many ppl in the bbs can write a good story, keep up the good work!
joining might be fun, but i think u said i haf 2 lurk a bit or something

At 3/31/08 10:28 PM, AnalPenguinFarming wrote:

At 3/31/08 01:30 PM, Lotus wrote:

At 3/31/08 12:55 PM, AnalPenguinFarming wrote: Hopefully I qualify. Thanks in advance.

You do qualify, highly.

You will still have to wait for Ghost or a vet to confirm it, but I have no doubts you will get in.

Good call Lotuz. I'm glad you can recognize a great applicant and that may help you in the future here in the family my friend.

Haha thanks a lot for the quick response Lotus, I appreciate it. I also appreciate the welcome (even if I'm not officially in yet) which is a good quality that I love to see in a club or crew on NG.

We're a family here, we really do watch out for each other. I want to welcome you to our family and appreciate your interest in us.

I don't know what effect stats have on this group...but I uh...became Master Sergeant today? lol.

It's always a plus.

At 4/1/08 12:23 AM, Ghost wrote:

At 3/31/08 01:30 PM, Lotus wrote:.

You will still have to wait for Ghost or a vet to confirm it, but I have no doubts you will get in.

Good call Lotuz. I'm glad you can recognize a great applicant and that may help you in the future here in the family my friend.

Thanks very much brother, I'm always more than happy to lend my knowledge to others in determining who we should and shouldn't accept into our home. I know it can be hard to determine sometimes when there a mix of good and bad things about a person but I've always been very good at reading people. ^.^

Not referring to anyone in particular, just the majority of the younger applicants we get here have a mix.

At 4/1/08 12:23 AM, Ghost wrote: We're a family here, we really do watch out for each other. I want to welcome you to our family and appreciate your interest in us.

Thanks a lot for the acceptance, Ghost! I'm looking forward to my future in the NG Mafia. But just so I know, what am I to do from here? I'm willing to do anything to help the family out, as that's how I try and run the NGDD. I guess I'm just looking for requirements from me and more information on my position in the Mafia.

At 4/1/08 01:00 PM, AnalPenguinFarming wrote: I guess I'm just looking for requirements from me and more information on my position in the Mafia.

Well some of your questions can be answered by viewing our site and reading up on the rule book and checking out the FAQ. You've already met the requirements to join so the rest is basically the same as any other club. Contribute as much as you can and don't a total douche. I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay here, welcome.

Once their was a gay mafia crew and they were all gay THATS U!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

What day is it, again?

Dozens of angry Mafia recruits to be stood outside the Mansion doors as Strauss blocked their way.

"Let us in!"

"C'mon, what the fuck!? Outta da way!"

"Let me in!"

Strauss responded in bored monotone.

"None of you have 50 intelligent postfucking. Some of you are just douchebags. I don't think that's changed by this time, so none of you are in yet."

"Hey!" a lone figure pushed his way up through the crowd and stared up angrily at Strauss.

"I got a letter that said I could come in! We all did!"

"Yeah!"

"I got it right here! Need to see it?!"

"Me too!"

Strauss gave the primary offender a firm pimpslap. He spit blood as he lifted himself feebly from the pavement.

"Look..." Strauss began, "You all apparently have no track of time. Leave before you piss me off."

"But!"

"Fuck," Strauss said, "I'm pissed." He spoke into a walkie talkie. "Triv! Activate the primary deterrent thingy!"

The sound of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" began to blare through the speakers near the door, and it only got louder. The failures of life showed their dismay.

"Dammit! That's the third time today!"

"NOOOO! I've been rolled!"

"Turn that off! It's teh old as shat!"

While they all complained, Strauss cracked his knuckles on iron and fed the first person he could se a nice meal of fist.

Strauss's fist blew through the back of the person's head, and Strauss raised his arm into the air with the faggot still impaled on his wrist.

"Holy shit! Whadda we do"

"I know! Let's form he Newgrounds Yakuza and take over the Mafia, and kill him! I'm leader!"

"No! It'll be "NG Gangstas" and I'll be leader!"

"Why you? I wanna be leader!"

Strauss didn't wait for the end result. Instead, he picked up the massive BETTS bomb and hurled it into the crowd. The crowd was blown to shit. Literally.

There was one person sitting in the plot of dirt, shit, bood and ripped up innards, gasping as he died, his lower half blown to shit.

Strauss went to this one person and said in a very pissed-off way, "It's April Fucking Fools Day", before kicking his brains out.

The Blow Every Thing To Shit Bomb AKA BETTS Bomb

A new weapon from Science Department that annhiliates everything in the detonation area (area depends on the size of the bomb), puts the mess back together in an alternate dimension, then warps them bak to the detonation area. Thus, blowing people into bloody chunks, shredded guts, and shit.

Whats good Mafia? Who wants a story

At 4/1/08 06:19 PM, Kurofelis wrote: What day is it, again?

Very nice story my man. Just the latest in a production line of kick-ass stories around here; I think someone put something in the water...AND I LIKE IT!!!

The sound of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" began to blare through the speakers near the door, and it only got louder. The failures of life showed their dismay.

Possibly the greatest pop culture reference ever!

At 4/1/08 06:19 PM, Kurofelis wrote: What day is it, again?

Nice story, loving the Rick Roll shit in it too. XD

At 4/1/08 06:25 PM, Marsupial wrote: Whats good Mafia? Who wants a story

You bet your ass I do! :)

At 4/1/08 06:19 PM, Kurofelis wrote: What day is it, again?

once again, a good story, shorter, but nontheless funny.

*thumbs up*

Hey guys, how's everything?

Surprisingly, I'm busy, Newgrounds wise. For those of you that don't visit the General forum, and don't read sigs, I'm organizing an East Coast meet-up for NG users. This will take place in the East Coast of the U.S, and the official city will be decided tonight. If you're interested, just let me know.

Awesome story, Lotus. You bet I'll be using the BETTS bomb in my stories from now on. And congratulations to AnalPenguinFarmer. It's always nice to get a new member in here, and I'm sure you'll fit in just fine.

At 4/2/08 07:39 AM, Fragment wrote: Hey guys, how's everything?

Not too bad really. You?

Surprisingly, I'm busy, Newgrounds wise. For those of you that don't visit the General forum, and don't read sigs, I'm organizing an East Coast meet-up for NG users. This will take place in the East Coast of the U.S, and the official city will be decided tonight. If you're interested, just let me know.

Good deal and I am coming for sure! :D

Awesome story, Lotus. You bet I'll be using the BETTS bomb in my stories from now on. And congratulations to AnalPenguinFarmer. It's always nice to get a new member in here, and I'm sure you'll fit in just fine.

I didn't make the story though, I think we all know who you're referring to though. ;)

At 4/2/08 07:39 AM, Fragment wrote: Surprisingly, I'm busy, Newgrounds wise. For those of you that don't visit the General forum, and don't read sigs, I'm organizing an East Coast meet-up for NG users. This will take place in the East Coast of the U.S, and the official city will be decided tonight. If you're interested, just let me know.

Awesome story, Lotus. You bet I'll be using the BETTS bomb in my stories from now on. And congratulations to AnalPenguinFarmer. It's always nice to get a new member in here, and I'm sure you'll fit in just fine.

Thanks for the congradulations, and if you're organizing an East Coast NG meetup, then I'm totally down for going to it, as I've never met a Newgrounder outside of the internet, and I can only imagine what they're like in person. It sucks because I've never heard of a meetup being close to me, but I'll head out to one if it's in driving distance (hintnewyorkcityhint).

At 4/2/08 01:27 PM, AnalPenguinFarming wrote: Thanks for the congradulations, and if you're organizing an East Coast NG meetup, then I'm totally down for going to it, as I've never met a Newgrounder outside of the internet, and I can only imagine what they're like in person. It sucks because I've never heard of a meetup being close to me, but I'll head out to one if it's in driving distance (hintnewyorkcityhint).

Of course you're invited! All you have to do is PM me your choice of where should it take place and when. It's going to be great.

Look i apologize for all the shit i said about your crew.If its alright i would like to be in,so can i be?

Ive tried to end your mafia but you win.

At 4/2/08 09:45 PM, possum2 wrote: Look i apologize for all the shit i said about your crew.If its alright i would like to be in,so can i be?

Ive tried to end your mafia but you win.

Yay, we win! Even though we never fought back...Yeah, anyway, nah. You wouldn't even have a chance if you didn't spend your entire online career badmouthing us, sorry.

At 4/1/08 03:06 PM, possum2 wrote: Once their was a gay mafia crew and they were all gay THATS U!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I may be new, but that isn't a very mature thing to say to a Club or Crew that you want to get into. Especially one as selective when it comes to posting as this one is. Of course I can't reject you or accept you, but I'm trying to point out to who actually does have the power - you don't exactly think before you post, which could lose you a lot of respect.

Sorry if I was stepping on anyone's toes, but I hate seeing that in the crews I'm in, and wanted to make sure the proper higher-ups noticed.

I may be new, but that isn't a very mature thing to say to a Club or Crew that you want to get into. Especially one as selective when it comes to posting as this one is. Of course I can't reject you or accept you, but I'm trying to point out to who actually does have the power - you don't exactly think before you post, which could lose you a lot of respect.

Sorry if I was stepping on anyone's toes, but I hate seeing that in the crews I'm in, and wanted to make sure the proper higher-ups noticed.

Well said.

At 4/3/08 12:44 AM, possum2 wrote: I may be new, but that isn't a very mature thing to say to a Club or Crew that you want to get into. Especially one as selective when it comes to posting as this one is. Of course I can't reject you or accept you, but I'm trying to point out to who actually does have the power - you don't exactly think before you post, which could lose you a lot of respect.

Sorry if I was stepping on anyone's toes, but I hate seeing that in the crews I'm in, and wanted to make sure the proper higher-ups noticed.

Well said.

...What?

And hello to all the mafia members that know me...i've been gone a few days (possibly weeks) but i'm back now, and possibly going to write my first story for this crew.
Is the contest for Ghost's death still in effect or has it ended?

At 4/3/08 12:44 AM, possum2 wrote: I may be new, but that isn't a very mature thing to say to a Club or Crew that you want to get into. Especially one as selective when it comes to posting as this one is. Of course I can't reject you or accept you, but I'm trying to point out to who actually does have the power - you don't exactly think before you post, which could lose you a lot of respect.

Sorry if I was stepping on anyone's toes, but I hate seeing that in the crews I'm in, and wanted to make sure the proper higher-ups noticed.

Well said.

I'm guessing you forgot to log off and switch accounts before posting this.

It's happened to me before, but not the same way.

Don't post things like that in the first place, and little problems like these won't happen.

At 4/3/08 01:46 AM, Gu-rrilla wrote:

At 4/3/08 12:44 AM, possum2 wrote:

Well said.

I'm guessing you forgot to log off and switch accounts before posting this.

It's happened to me before, but not the same way.

Don't post things like that in the first place, and little problems like these won't happen.

Hee Hee Hee, stung stung stung, like a Honey-filled Polish woman in an Apiarist's heaven....
I demand retribution, something involving paddles and vegemite and some drudic runes....

At 4/2/08 10:30 PM, AnalPenguinFarming wrote: I may be new, but that isn't a very mature thing to say to a Club or Crew that you want to get into. Especially one as selective when it comes to posting as this one is. Of course I can't reject you or accept you, but I'm trying to point out to who actually does have the power - you don't exactly think before you post, which could lose you a lot of respect.

Sorry if I was stepping on anyone's toes, but I hate seeing that in the crews I'm in, and wanted to make sure the proper higher-ups noticed.

yeah, we get posts like that all the time. what we usually do in the mafia is flat out ignore the post, then the person usually goes away if no one responds.

At 4/3/08 10:01 AM, Strauss wrote: yeah, we get posts like that all the time. what we usually do in the mafia is flat out ignore the post, then the person usually goes away if no one responds.

Alright, my mistake then. Now I know for next time. He was trying to apply though, so I figured it was a different type of situation.

At 4/3/08 10:03 AM, AnalPenguinFarming wrote: Alright, my mistake then. Now I know for next time. He was trying to apply though, so I figured it was a different type of situation.

No worries, you're the newest member here and while you did do as instructed to when it comes to new-comers (the same thing I did when you asked to join), you didn't know any better really when it comes to those who spam and the such.

We all make mistakes. :P

At 4/2/08 09:45 PM, possum2 wrote: Look i apologize for all the shit i said about your crew.If its alright i would like to be in,so can i be?

Ive tried to end your mafia but you win.

get the hell out of here. most of your posts are one-sentence replies that add nothing to the conversation, that is, when you aren't spamming or posting in all caps. we don't allow any of that shit here. and you have a lot of balls to ask for membership after you came in and spammed us for no reason at all. go out and make 50 more intelligent posts that add to the conversation of topics and come back, then we'll see.

At 4/3/08 01:34 PM, Lotus wrote: No worries, you're the newest member here and while you did do as instructed to when it comes to new-comers (the same thing I did when you asked to join), you didn't know any better really when it comes to those who spam and the such.

lawl, APF's a new member.

I'm so used to him being my superior officer.

Oh well, he can't win at everything.

No one has really liked the NG Mafia.

And when people apply, 98% of the time they fail completely at acting like a member of the Mafia.

We all make mistakes. :P

You're one to talk Dark.

Dammit, I mean Lotus.

go out and make 50 more intelligent posts that add to the conversation of topics and come back, then we'll see.

Ok

The Letter Prequel to 'Ghost and the Pink Goo'

Charlotte stood outside the door of Ghost's office. It was closed, as usual. He was probably having another 'important' meeting. She knocked on the door.
"Come in," Ghost coughed.
Charlotte walked forward, but soon got a facefull of the door.
"Shit!" she exclaimed. "Always....Remember you have to open the door before you walk through it," she chided herself.
As soon as she opened the door, the smell hit Charlotte like a ton of broken light bulbs. The smoke that filled the office was soon tumbling out the door.
"Close it!" yelled Ghost. "Do you honestly know the consequences of letting the smoke out of the room?"
"Let me guess," said Charlotte, annoyed. "The unicorns will come in and start attacking..."
"How did you know?" Strauss chimed in from behind the couch.
"What are you doing behind the couch, Strauss? I didn't even see you."
Strauss looked at her, puzzled. "Why, I'm hiding from the unicorns, of course."
"Anyway," said Charlotte, clearing her throat, giving a slight cough at the strength of the smoke, "I have something important to s....."
"You wanna join in?" interrupted Ghost. "We got this shit from Trivia and it's TNT!"
"Buffalo Chips!" said Charlotte, louder than was necessary. "I've come to announce that I am leaving the Mafia."
Ghost looked at Strauss, who looked back at him. At once, they both started laughing hysterically.
"Nonsense" said Ghost, dismissingly. "We haven't even lit up the fireworks yet."
"Indoors?" asked Charlotte, surprised.
"Of course! Where else would you set off a bottle rocket?"
Strauss jumped out from behind the couch and picked up a box of fireworks from the corner of the office. "These are magic fireworks. Guess what they do."
"They........explode?" offered Charlotte.
"Exactly! That's why this mission is top secret!"
"What mission?"
Ghost looked her and said, "Well if we let any old person know, it wouldn't be top secret, now would it?"
"Look, guys. I was trying to be serious here, but you are obviously too stoned to even recognize what I'm saying. I'll come back and see you when you're back to normal." With that, she left the room and slammed the door behind her.
"What was that all about?" asked Strauss.
"I don't know, but I think she wants to quit the Mafia," said Ghost.
"Well we can't allow her to do that, can we?"
"No," said Ghost, taking another long drag off his blunt. "Think up an idea of what we can do to keep her from leaving."
"I'll think of an idea right now," Strauss said, pouring himself a glass of brandy. "We won't allow her to leave the mansion. She may quit the mafia, but I'll be goddamned if I let the Jews take her away."
"God damn those Jews," said Ghost. "They're always trying to take our money, our women, and our telephones." He took another long drag. "So, how do you propose to keep her prisoner? We can't lock her up in the prison. It's dark in there and scary. Plus, the toilet doesn't work in there, and as funny as it would be to watch her piss herself, I don't have the heart to send Snype in there every month to clean it up."
"Oh no, nothing like that," said Strauss. "I'll just command her to stay. She'll do as she's told."
"You think so? I mean, is this plan at all influenced by the insane amount of weed we've been smoking?"
"No, this plan is perfect! I can make her my monkey slave. She will cook me cold sandwiches and toasties."
"Ah yes," said Ghost, tracing the smoke's upward path with his eye. "The joy of cooking a cold sandwich.....I love your plan. Of course Charlotte will stay. All we have to do is tell her not to leave! It's as simple as that! Tell her in the morning."
Strauss nodded agreeingly, then smiled. "Oh, this is going to be grand."

One year later
"I love titties," said Lotus, standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom.
"Oh so you like women now," his reflection said back to him.
"Of course I do," Lotus retorted. "I've always liked women. I love them down in my pants."
Prower walked by the bathroom, of which the door had been left open.
"Oh, so you're talking to yourself again, eh lotus?" said Prower.
"You shut up! I swear, this mirror talks back!"
"Of course it does. Just make sure you have Strauss' pop tarts ready."
"Yes, yes," Lotus sighed. "I put them in the dishwasher an hour ago. They should be soggy and soapy just the way he likes them."
Prower shook his head, then left.
"Yes," Lotus said to his reflection, "those pop tarts will be as soggy as a t-shirt off a fat Sicilian on a sunny day."

The lab branch of the mansion was hospital white and extremely quiet, save for the scientist droids that occasionally moved from one direction to the other. Trivia paced back and forth across the room, talking to himself, planning out new and innovative ways to evaporate water.
"A tea kettle," he said. "Fat chance! Tea kettles are for peons. For those who desperately hold on to the ways of old. There are much better ways of evaporating than heat. Don't you see?"
Prower, having snuck up behind Trivia, looked up, surprised. "I didn't know you even knew I was here."
"Of course I knew you were here! Do you think I would be talking to myself the entire time?"
"Well, I have seen you do it," said Prower. "What about that time when you were eating those grapes, and you had that revalation of how to remove the seed from the grape through teleportation?"
"That was a special case," said Trivia. "Those grapes were evil, and they came out a chicken's ass. At least, that's my hypothesis."
"And still you ate them...." said Prower.
"Of course. Who can pass up the sweetness of grapes?"
Prower looked down at the floor and said, "you have a point. Why just the other day my remote control fell into a vat of orange juice and I thought.........."
"I don't have time for your musings," snapped Trivia. "What is it that you want?"
"Charlotte requested that you go and see her. She's in her room, and looks pretty worked up."
"I TOLD you," said Trivia. "My penis is not for hire!"
"You never told me that," said Prower. "I never heard you utter those words in my life."
"Nevertheless," Trivia stated, "I stand by my principles."
"She doesn't want you for sex," said Prower, annoyed. "She's gay."
Trivia looked thoughtfully in the air, trying to comprehend what was said. Finally he looked back at prower. "I knew that," he said. "I was just testing your soul for weaknesses."
Without a word, Prower walked down the hall, then ran into a droid that was passing by. The droid fell over with a thud, spilling some sort of liquid on the ground.
"Do you realize what you DID?" shouted Trivia.
"Yes," he said. "Your clumsy robot knocked into me and now I spilled liquid cancer or something on the ground. I'm probably going to get cancer and die now."
"No," said Trivia. "That was just water. I was using it to test if turned into nitrogen after an hour of sitting in an isolated environment."
"Ugh, I've HAD it with you and your eccentricity," said Prower, storming out of the lab.

sorry for the double-post. This story is to be continued. That wasn't the entire story.