The Letter: Part 2
Strauss looked at the pop tarts sitting in front of him, dripping with water and dishwashing soap. Angrily, he threw the food back and hit Lotus in the face.
"These are complete bullshit!" he exclaimed. "What did you do, put these through the wash cycle on them??"
"Well, yes," said Lotus, wiping the soggy pop tarts from his face. "That's the way you like them!"
"I requested poptarts bathed in CLOROX, not in dishwashing soap, you idiot!"
"My mistake," said Lotus, humbly. "I'll fix you some more poptarts, the way you like them."
"No," said Strauss. "I have another task, a new task. I want a different type of cuisine. Quick. I want you to go out and get a bag of nails."
"What, fingernails?"
"No, you blockhead. Carpenter nails, railroad nails, rivets."
"Where am I going to find a bag of nails? The hardware store is closed!"
"That's not my problem," said Strauss dismissively. "Just go get me my nails. I'm hungry."
As Strauss turned around back in his chair, reading over some papers, Lotus gave him the finger behind his back. "I'm tired of having to always get that guy food."
"Normal, I have to act normal," said Trivia to himself, walking down the hall. "I am going mad down in there at that lab and coming up with experiments that produce absolutely NOTHING!" He threw a paper cup at the wall. "They keep me locked up down there so much, that I'm going insane!"
Trivia knocked on the door to Charlotte's room, impatient.
"Come in," said Charlotte.
As Trivia opened the door, Charlotte stood up and brushed the sawdust off her blouse. "What's the sawdust for?"
"Sometimes," Charlotte said, "I get so angry, that I carve etchings into the desk in my room. Take a look."
Trivia looked passively and saw a picture of a man being hung from an elaborately-sketched bridge.
"See?" Charlotte said, "That's Ghost."
"I see," said Trivia. "Seriously, if you don't like it here, why don't you just leave? It's not like anyone is going to miss you."
Charlotte looked down at the floor, embarrassed. "I....can't. I just can't leave."
"And why not?"
"I can't explain," she snapped. "Just believe me when I say that I can't leave on my own free will. Which brings me to the point of why I called you here."
"Yes, why did you call me here? It's not like I couldn't use the break, but I'm working on a very special experiment."
"Sorry," Charlotte said. "Look, you have ties with the anime nerds, right?"
Trivia looked at her silently, then spoke, "No one is supposed to know about that. Not even you. How did you get that information?"
"Nevermind," Charlotte said, annoyed. "I just need you to give this letter to one of them. They'll know what to do."
"What's it say?"
"It's a secret," said Charlotte. "I just need you to deliver it. You can still leave the mansion on your own free will, and I need to correspond with them."
"O...K..." said Trivia, confused, as he took the letter. "But I warn you, I'm not going to be losing my job, my head, or my mannequin over this."
"Whatever," said Charlotte. "Just don't open it."
Without another word, Trivia left the room and slammed the door. Oh, he would deliver the letter, alright. If he could just find a letter opener.
"I'm pissed off," said Strauss, barging into Ghost's office.
"I thought I told you not to bother me during my private time," said Ghost, quickly concealing his Kenny G CD.
"Yeah, cry me a river. The world's smallest violin is playing a song just for you." Strauss closed the door behind him.
"Well I'm pissed too," he said. "I think I will announce it. Marsupial!!!"
"Marsupial's not here," said Strauss. "They're all in the announcement hall."
"This is perfect." said Ghost, laughing meniacally. "There I will announce my current state of mind and make a pointless decree!"
"You'll have to wait for Fragment to finish his concert."
"Bullshit," said Ghost. "Ghost waits for no...did you say concert?"
"Yes," said Strauss. "Fragment's been drinking the 211 again and decided he's going to be an underground rapper."
"Now, this, I have to see," said Ghost.
The loudspeakers were all set in the meeting hall. All the mafia members were gathered in the hall with buckets of water and ecstasy pills, cheering names of brilliant physical therapists. Fragment stood up on the microphone, and said "Mafia! Are you ready to have a good time tonight?"
"NO!" everyone shouted in unison.
"Alright," he said "hit it Brendan!"
A beat started playing, and Fragment put a hood over his head, cupping the microphone in both hands, and began to rap in a Jamaican accent.
Watch out for pussyhole dem dead and buried.
In a de graveyard quick.
Cemetary dead and buried.
Pussy hole dem halfa dead!
Now you're in the cemetary, your spirit lingers on.
Searching for the one, that gunslinging master.
A sniper scope, One by one bling bling a gonna take dem out!
And when we comin' you gonna hear dis! *click-click*
And when we comin' you gonna hear dis! *click-click*.
"Bull SHIT!" shouted Nomader. "You ripped that off of someone else!"
The beat stopped, and Fragment cleared his throat. "No, I didn't!!"
"No," yelled Nomader. "You couldn't come up with a rap that epic!"
Nomader paused for a second, then went back to rapping
and when we comin' you gonna....
"No, FUCK you! BOOOO!"
At once, the crowd started booing, and throwing rotten apples, pants, and beer bongs at Fragment, who covered his head, which was then hit with a rubber vagina.
As Ghost and Strauss walked in to the chaos, objects flying everywhere. A used condom then hit Ghost in the face.
Ghost wiped off the condom angrily, as his face got red. He ran up to the podium and shoved Fragment out of the way.
"That's ENOUGH!" he screamed into the microphone.
At once, all the screaming and booing ceased and everyone stood quietly, waiting for Ghost to start sending in hitmen to take them and put them in pink dresses before shooting their legbones off.
"Gentlemen," he announced when there was total silence. "I'm pissed!" He then looked pointed over at Snype. "Emil," he said, "Suck my dick! I need some release!"
Snype looked at him, disgusted and confused. "But my name is not Emil!"
"That's it, I've had enough of your lip! Tangent. I want you to cut Snype up into little pieces, and feed him to the dogs!"
Tangent looked at Ghost nervously, "Right away sir." He grabbed Snype by the shoulder. "Come on, let's get this over with."
continued in part 3