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ArkAngel - Episode 1.1

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Author Comments

Well it’s been a long time since I submitted anything to NG.
This is the start of a new series.
ArkAngel is a collaboration, between me and a friend.
The plot will develop slowly so don’t expect much in the way of answers in this 1st part. It mainly serves as in introduction to the two main characters. Anyway enjoy and the 2nd half of episode 1 will be out shortly.
Later,
Son Finale

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About this movie.

Overall it is pretty good but WTF u just practally copied a part from neon genis evangelion.U changed the words a part of the movie the hair color.WTF is your proplem no offense but at least say that some parts of your movie are parts of evanglion in your credits or at the beggening.If u do ty.

((( NOTBAD )))

~~REVIEW~~
This was really good and i do hope there is more cause i want to see it through, but the file was just way to big, maybe cut it down somewhat, still nice animation...

~~THINGS TO IMPROVE ON~~
Lower the file, is the best thing you can do for this...

~~OVERALL~~
Good animation just abit on the large downloading size...

~X~

Son-Finale responds:

I agree the file size is too large. I have been tempted as of late to remake this and see how I've improved. I know a million things i could do better with it. Anyway thank you for the review!

dot dot dot

I like it but... i think you could do much more. You got a lot of talent, use it to the maximum. Overall good job there.

To Say It Needs Work Is An Understatement

It was all right, I guess. The style of animation you did for it was pretty well. However, the complete rip-off of "Evangelion" characters (when I didn't really even like that series much to begin with) really turned me off. This may have been the point, but come on! Even their clothes were the same.
You can still make an original storyline with original characters without completely ripping off a series. Hell, "Rah Xephon" proved that. That series had its own style, character designs, though very similar to the "Evangelion" storyline and characters, because it was meant to be.
So next time, try not to blatantly rip-off other people's hard work by tracing. It's really haphazard and shows you have no creativity or originality whatsoever.

What you also need is music. Having that two minute gap with Shinji-clone staring at Asuka-clone was the most hackneyed part of this entire thing. I honestly was about to close the window and mistake it for being a glitch. Maybe it is, but if that were the case, then maybe you need to work on this a lot more. I would also suggest finding a composer to help you with the music so that the silent scenes are made more interesting. Fixing your timing is another priority.

Another thing: Nothing really important happened. This introduction was completely pointless. It's one thing to start a story very slow, but it's another when it's utterly boring and made very little sense. This video was almost as much of a waste to make as it was to watch; you didn't even introduce your characters properly.
And where did that Kaji-clone come from? He just sort of appeared from the same door where the Shinji-clone came out of, but he wasn't anywhere seen in the classroom. Shinji-clone's reaction to Asuka-clone supposedly "liking" him was also cliché.

As a writer, I agree with the last person who reviewed and think that the script could use a hell of a lot of work. "Poop for brains?" Talk about the worse intro line ever to our main characters. The voice acting alone seemed like a rip-off of the "Evangelion" dubs, and that's not really something to brag about.
You're trying to tell an actual story, but it's not working out. I'd suggest you find another writer, or work on upping your skills in that department, which might take a few years.

My advice is to try to stop copying other styles and create one of your own. Originality doesn't grow on trees, but if you can't come up with material of your own than maybe you're doing the wrong thing by making "creative" work of your own.

One last thing: I'm not saying all of this because I'm trying to be mean. I'm saying this because it's my honest opinion, and this is what I thought afterward. Next time you decide to upload anything like this, make sure that there's an actual point to go across. By the time this flash was finished, I was staring at the screen, wondering what the hell I was just doing.

Lets Break it down...

Ok im gonna be critical so just bare with me. The graphics were above average, considering all the characters with the exception of the main character (which I honestly thought was a girl until he started talking) were either traced from or copied from Evangelion but hey Evangelion rocks so not really complaining too much there.

Sound wise it was ok. There were very few back ground sounds and those that you did have were pretty bad (example: the laughing students after the main character is tripped by the Asuka clone) However the voice acting especially that done by Kagome :) was exceptional so it makes up for the sound effects.

Finally I really hate to do this but being a writer myself I just cant let it slide, your script sucked. The lines for the characters were generic and boring (thank god the voice actors were good). I can understand that this is just the opening episode so things start off slow, but there really should be some kind of hook that will keep people interested so they will watch the next episode.

All in all it was pretty dang good but hey its Evangelion (the boring parts but still Eva) and Evangelion kicks butt.

Credits & Info

Views
9,294
Faves:
6
Votes
43
Score
3.14 / 5.00

Uploaded
Nov 16, 2005
11:10 AM EST