Granted. Oh no, looks like your wish worked a little too well as now they're so moist that you constantly have to get towels and stuff for it!

I wish DC Comics went completely bankrupt and people blamed the internet for it.

Granted, but the entire shitfest results in comic books and the Internet being banned globally. You can't even connect to the Internet with video games. All of your online gaming sessions are now a thing of the past. Everything online ceases to exist, even Newgrounds. All of your old comic books are also confiscated and subsequently burned while comic book artists now face jail time for making comics. Newspapers are forbidden from printing comics. It's pandemonium for the boomers

I wish I had some chicken to eat right now

It's one of these. Catch it if you can.

I wish for more cock jokes.

Granted. It blows up in anger and gives an long, irate speech pointing out all the flaws of humanity and what we've done to the planet. What, thought it'll literally explode?

I wish beer was laced with magic mushrooms.

Granted, it fucks the taste.

I wish more places would sell cherry wine.

Granted. They're all overpriced for what you're willing to pay for.

I wish that the Madness from the Madness Combat series existed in real life.

Granted. There's now violence everywhere to be found. The police are easily outmatched. Things are spiraling helplessly out of control. Reality is breaking down. Hank is killing everyone. You're next on his hitlist. He can't quite kill you though. It just resets into an endless loop, which he manages to figure out is happening, so he makes sure you suffer each loop. Whether or not you regret your wish is not his concern

I wish it would stop being so damn hot here

Welcome to the new ice age.

I wish my fucking landlord would leave the porch light off.

Granted, the landlord removes all porch lights and outside light sources and it's just a little bit spooky and insufficiently lit.

You later find out it's because they've gone fucking crazy, and they're trying to welcome in demons who might be warded off by the light. The demons aren't real, but the landlord's insanity certainly is. The longer you linger there, the tighter their grip coils around their tenants. Eventually they'll outright refuse people's requests to leave. Tenants don't formally break leases anymore, they escape...and if you weren't among the first five people to move out, this shitbag will become increasingly hostile and paranoid to keep you there...if you hesitate still, they'll keep you there for as long as it takes. Find where you've fled, and reel you back in.

I wish I didn't need energy drinks anymore, because I was just naturally energetic.

Granted, but now you're so energetic that sleep has become a lost concept, despite the fact that you do, in fact, still need sleep, and yet it won't come. How long have you been up? You don't even know anymore. You face eternity as a sleepless being, losing sanity for each hour of sleep you will never get back

I wish this migraine would go away

Granted. Now it's a tension headache.

I wish for a bigger house.

Granted. You moved into a new home. When you wake up, the entire house is now bigger. However, you'll now need a ladder just to safely go up and down one step as everything inside the house is bigger as well.

I wish prostitution never occurred in human history.

Granted. You now know some worthless trivial facts about zoology.

I wish my shower wouldn't get so dirty.

Granted. Now it doesn't work at all so now there's no reason for it to get dirty.

I wish melted-down bullets and shell casings were re-used as the "lead" in a new type of leaded gasoline.

Granted: overnight your mother develops crippling OCD.

She wakes you up in the morning and begs to clean your shower before you get in.

She paces outside your bathroom ready to wash the curtain whenever you use it.

You can hear her scrape-scraping away at the grout between the tiles in the middle of the night, while you try to sleep.

I wish I didn’t need to empty my bin.

Granted. Your bin and everything else in your house is stolen by gremlins.

I wish I was an inch taller.

Granted. Your cranium is now an inch taller, and since your brain isn't used to that you now have frequent headaches.

I wish my above wish was granted.

You know what? I'll grant this. This brings all the same problems that led to the original leaded fuel being discontinued, plus the petrol engine's days are limited anyway because non-renewable resource and all that crap, so, hey, if you want to look like an arse, who am I to stop you?

I wish more people used "arse" instead of "ass".

I wish i was dead

Granted. But you have to retire in Louisiana. So sorry.

I wish more Mexican restaurants near my house delivered.

Ok, but the Mexican guy who delivers your food always shits in your bushes.

I wish I was a little bit taller... I wish I was a baller... I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her.

Since you were skipped this time I'll grant this. Now that the word "ass" has been replaced, all other words that cotnain it follow suit. Now there are arsessins, arsistants, clarses, glarses, etc.

Granted. You're tall enough that you bump your head on more things, your balls are as big as a tanuki's (the yokai, not the actual animal), and your girl is the most beautiful statue you've seen to the point you decided to give the statue a name.

I wish it rained coal every Christmas.

Granted. You can see people's private parts

I wish i can fly

Granted. You end up getting sucked into the engine of a plane and cause it to crash.

I wish the entirety of COVID-19 was replaced with hallucinogens.

I'm going to stop corrupting wishes, because I'm high.

I wish the state before THE EVENT was fully restored, because this life is overrated.

As it's my birthday and I like this thread, figured I'd bump this.

Granted. It's fully restored all right... back to the way it was during the medieval age, complete with the same laws.

I wish computer viruses was just as contagious to humans as the current diseases, and that TNP's hard drive became so infected that it's beyond repair and they have to get a new one.

Granted. the economy crashed and the apocalypse started

I wish @WadeFulp was active

Granted, plebs no longer exist but neither do you.

I wish this was all a simulation.

Remember the Matrix? The real world is even shittier.

Speaking of which, I wish for Morpheus's coat and sunglasses.

Granted. You're all slimy and smell like high heaven as this particular coat and sunglasses came straight from the dumpster. Wait, is that dried blood on them? And what's with the sirens? Ah, the police are on the scene and you're wearing the evidence! Good luck!

I wish that people can literally talk out of their ass.