LiveCorpse Suicide 2004-06-16 15:32:14
The stories on the forums sounded like a bad joke, but it has turned out to be true - NG regular Adam Fulton (aka Livecorpse) has passed away. After a surreal turn of events involving a stabbing, a police officer shooting and a three-day manhunt, Adam took his own life to avoid prison.
The author of one hundred Flash submissions, Adam was well recognized and a good friend to many in the NG community. His close friends knew of his difficult, troubled life. Some even heard from him during his final moments, as police surrounded his apartment. Parts of his suicide letter (which was sent to friends as a two-part email) were read on the news, but we have them in their entirety. I've given some thought about whether it would be exploitive to post the letter; it is one of the more intriguing things I have read in a while, so I would like to share it. This letter is a rare peak into the circumstances of someone who in many ways isn't much different than you or I. Remember, there are always better options than taking your own life. Here is the alleged letter:
By the time you read this, i will have ended my life. For the past 3 days, i have been a fugitive from justice, following events of nightmarish proportions. The main thing is that i injured an innocent police officer, who did nothing wrong.
Here's how it happened: my neighbor Rick and i had met up a couple of times to have a beer. i had known he was insane, as he told me he was on disability for it. Well being a Native American by one half, he gets a bit off his rocker more so when he drinks. Also, on Tuesday, the day of the events, we did partake of some marijuana. All of this seemed to change him into a mean crazy bastard. I told him i was going to go home and sleep, and he demanded 2 more beers. I told him, ok. Wait out here. He tried to push his way into my apartment. I told him as best i could, that i never have visitors, but he wasn't listening. I think we was trying to take advantage of me or something. I said if he comes in he's going to find out im the sort of guy who stands up for his property. In my blind drunken stupor i grabbed my knife, and poked him with it, never intending to cause damage, just to show i meant business. He yelped and walked off.
Next thing i know , i hear many sirens, and the neighborhood is swarming with police and ambulances. My adrenaline kicked in, and i was for some reason certain that I would end up getting screwed. And also i don't live the cleanest lifestyle anyways, so it'd be my word against his, and then some. So i snapped. I felt nothing but fear. It was either run far away or die trying. So i head out the door, turn the corner, and im face to face with a scary man in a black uniform (Officer Jode Derickson[Hendrickson?]) I acted out of pure insanity, and drunkenness.. I saw nothing as i squeezed the trigger, except the fence i jumped over. I hear yells of pain, and heard 3 or more shots whizz by me, some hitting the fence. I run as fast as i could, through yard, over fences..
I slowed down to a quick pace, and took off my outer shirt. That is how i managed to elude the 50 or more officers, including SWAT, K-9, and helicopters. I wish they had shot me dead that day. The last 3 days have been pure hell, filled with the reality that i might never see or hear from any of my friends and family. Ever. I hid in dumpsters and behind buildings and on side streets.
I am splitting this message into 2 parts, as i may die before i finish. I am able to write these final words because i managed to get in my apt early this morning. And this is where i shall rest in peace.
There are many reasons why i must kill myself, rather than face hard labor in prison, or go on the run.
I am too weak to make it in prison, and have too many mental problems. They would eat me alive in there. I would die of AIDS quickly and painfuly. Also it would be hell because of my sleeping disorders, which have ruined my life many times over (ARMY, Job Corps, Roommates) I am a loner by default and behind bars one is constantly being harassed by predators. Suicide in prison is much too painful and ineffective.
I can not go on the run, because i am a hesitant coward when it comes to crime. For the last 3 days i needed a car to leave town, but let multiple opportunities pass,. With so much fear. I could not pay my rent, though i prepared myself to do crimes. I backed out at the last moment every time.
Survival of the fittest, and I am a weak person, doomed to fail.
I have tried my very hardest to make it in this life. Oh how i have tried.
And now that it comes to having to prey on others to survive, i fail at that. I like to play like I don't have much empathy, but truth is i have too much. for some reason i give a damn about other people. And on that note i want to apologize to (Officer Jode Derickson[Hendrickson?]) for shooting him.
That is so f**ked up.. I don't deserve to walk the same planet as him. For the past 3 nights i could hear his agonized cries as i lay tossing and turning, sleepless in a cold dumpster, like the piece of garbage that I am.
For four years the man has served the tucson police department, and in a routine investigation, the man gets shot by a lowlife psychotic. For no reason other than he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I wish he had made his target when he returned fire Tuesday. I honestly do, because, truthfully, i'm nearly too cowardly to take my own life. That is, until today. There is nothing that can end my resolve to end this, and end it now.
"A lifetime of fucking up, fixed in the blink of an eye." - Nine Inch Nails.
All i've ever done in this life is fuck up. And recently, i was damn near about to be evicted, and i thought things couldn't get any worse. And then i trusted another human being (neighbor Rick).. And from that, one bullet fucked my whole life up. Well, one bullet is all it takes to make it right again.
I had alot of mental problems, many of which kept me indoors for days at a time, and sleepless for days at a time. I was a nervous wreck.
Anyways, it's been a good run, and i am done with this piece of shit planet. I apologize in advance fir the grief this will cause my loved ones, but would you rather have me exist only to be a large black man's sex toy in prison? Or to steal cars and do bad things to "good" people, as a fugitive?
I have/had no other choice. This is the end for me, my time to finally rest in peace. I love you all more than words can express.
-Resting in Peace
Adam Christopher Fulton