Interactive Story II

[HeroDan]

Hello fellow Writing forum members, HeroDan speaking!

This thread is sequel (or remake, whichever you like) to Josh-B's "NeverEnding Story" , which has been edited by HollowedPumkinz to become "The Man in The Fedora Hat". I am here today to start yet another NeverEnding Story, only this time it has a different name, since NeverEnding Story would be a bit of a misleading title.

What you have to do is, I start with a sentence, and you have to continue it, and when we all see the story fit, we shall end it. You may post paragraphs occasionally.

As last time, I am here to set out the rules:

1. Skipping over spam posts that say they all die or something that makes the story completely vulgar and unreasonable

2. That you should check the thread before posting that way two people don't accidentally make two different posts that go in different directions from the last post.

3.That if two people do end up making two separate posts that the next person to post after those two has the right to choose which one the rest of the story builds from.

Occasional comedy should be inserted, but not too often. I now leave you with the first sentence:

" It was a hot summer day, and Daniel was walking to his highschool "

[DaelJericho]

It was a hot summer day, and Daniel was walking to his highschool.
"Hey, Danny!", shouted Tina, as she tried to catch up with him, "Now wait a minute!"

[kidd25]

It was a hot summer day, and Daniel was walking to his highschool.
"Hey, Danny!", shouted Tina, as she tried to catch up with him, "Now wait a minute!"
tina tried to follow him and his new girlfriend, which she hated with a passion.

[homor]

t was a hot summer day, and Daniel was walking to his highschool.
"Hey, Danny!", shouted Tina, as she tried to catch up with him, "Now wait a minute!" Tina tried to follow him and his new girlfriend, whom she hated with a passion.

"oh god, it's her." said Cindy, Danny's new Girlfriend.
"look, i know you two don't like each other, but try to be nice to her, okay?" said Dan, trying to get some control on the situation.
"fine." Cindy said as she rolled her eyes.

[funnyhomeboy]

It was a hot summer day, and Daniel was walking to his highschool.
"Hey, Danny!", shouted Tina, as she tried to catch up with him, "Now wait a minute!" Tina tried to follow him and his new girlfriend, whom she hated with a passion.

"oh god, it's her." said Cindy, Danny's new Girlfriend.
"look, i know you two don't like each other, but try to be nice to her, okay?" said Dan, trying to get some control on the situation.
"fine." Cindy said as she rolled her eyes.

"Hey, pretty boy, what's up on the cherry trees?" said Tina, trying to hide the fact that she was catching her breath.

Danny always hated Tina for her eccentricity, yet admired her optimistic attitude, while her wild analogies left something to be desired.

"Nothing juicy at the moment, I'm afraid." replied Danny.

Cindy mildly tugged him on the arm, trying to release him from the conversation as if he was seduced by Aphrodite herself.

[kidd25]

It was a hot summer day, and Daniel was walking to his highschool.
"Hey, Danny!", shouted Tina, as she tried to catch up with him, "Now wait a minute!" Tina tried to follow him and his new girlfriend, whom she hated with a passion.

"oh god, it's her." said Cindy, Danny's new Girlfriend.
"look, i know you two don't like each other, but try to be nice to her, okay?" said Dan, trying to get some control on the situation.
"fine." Cindy said as she rolled her eyes.

"Hey, pretty boy, what's up on the cherry trees?" said Tina, trying to hide the fact that she was catching her breath.

Danny always hated Tina for her eccentricity, yet admired her optimistic attitude, while her wild analogies left something to be desired.

"Nothing juicy at the moment, I'm afraid." replied Danny.

Cindy mildly tugged him on the arm, trying to release him from the conversation as if he was seduced by Aphrodite herself. danny gave her a look, then kissed.

"really get a room." tina said staring at cindy.
"well get yourself a man." she replied sternly. danny tugged her arm. "fine im sorry." they kept walking toward school, until a limo pulled up next to all three of them.

[HeroDan]

It was a hot summer day, and Daniel was walking to his highschool.: "Hey, Danny!", shouted Tina, as she tried to catch up with him, "Now wait a minute!" Tina tried to follow him and his new girlfriend, whom she hated with a passion.

"oh god, it's her." said Cindy, Danny's new Girlfriend.
"look, i know you two don't like each other, but try to be nice to her, okay?" said Dan, trying to get some control on the situation.
"fine." Cindy said as she rolled her eyes.

"Hey, pretty boy, what's up on the cherry trees?" said Tina, trying to hide the fact that she was catching her breath.

Danny always hated Tina for her eccentricity, yet admired her optimistic attitude, while her wild analogies left something to be desired.

"Nothing juicy at the moment, I'm afraid." replied Danny.

Cindy mildly tugged him on the arm, trying to release him from the conversation as if he was seduced by Aphrodite herself. danny gave her a look, then kissed.: "really get a room." tina said staring at cindy.
"well get yourself a man." she replied sternly. danny tugged her arm. "fine im sorry." they kept walking toward school, until a limo pulled up next to all three of them.

"Excuse me sir, are you Daniel?" said the man in the limo
" Yeah, why do you-" Daniel was cut off by a tranquilizing dart stuck to his neck.

[TheSubject666]

It was a hot summer day, and Daniel was walking to his highschool.: "Hey, Danny!", shouted Tina, as she tried to catch up with him, "Now wait a minute!" Tina tried to follow him and his new girlfriend, whom she hated with a passion.

"oh god, it's her." said Cindy, Danny's new Girlfriend.
"look, i know you two don't like each other, but try to be nice to her, okay?" said Dan, trying to get some control on the situation.
"fine." Cindy said as she rolled her eyes.

"Hey, pretty boy, what's up on the cherry trees?" said Tina, trying to hide the fact that she was catching her breath.

Danny always hated Tina for her eccentricity, yet admired her optimistic attitude, while her wild analogies left something to be desired.

"Nothing juicy at the moment, I'm afraid." replied Danny.

Cindy mildly tugged him on the arm, trying to release him from the conversation as if he was seduced by Aphrodite herself. danny gave her a look, then kissed.: "really get a room." tina said staring at cindy.
"well get yourself a man." she replied sternly. danny tugged her arm. "fine im sorry." they kept walking toward school, until a limo pulled up next to all three of them.

"Excuse me sir, are you Daniel?" said the man in the limo
" Yeah, why do you-" Daniel was cut off by a tranquilizing dart stuck to his neck.
* * *

Dan woke up, his head aching. Quickly, his eyes scanned his surroundings. He was in a dark room, there wasn't much light, and he was strapped to a chair. He tried to free himself, but to no avail, the plastic straps that held him were tight and strong. Dan rolled his eyes, "Damn it!"

[kidd25]

It was a hot summer day, and Daniel was walking to his highschool.: "Hey, Danny!", shouted Tina, as she tried to catch up with him, "Now wait a minute!" Tina tried to follow him and his new girlfriend, whom she hated with a passion.

"oh god, it's her." said Cindy, Danny's new Girlfriend.
"look, i know you two don't like each other, but try to be nice to her, okay?" said Dan, trying to get some control on the situation.
"fine." Cindy said as she rolled her eyes.

"Hey, pretty boy, what's up on the cherry trees?" said Tina, trying to hide the fact that she was catching her breath.

Danny always hated Tina for her eccentricity, yet admired her optimistic attitude, while her wild analogies left something to be desired.

"Nothing juicy at the moment, I'm afraid." replied Danny.

Cindy mildly tugged him on the arm, trying to release him from the conversation as if he was seduced by Aphrodite herself. danny gave her a look, then kissed.: "really get a room." tina said staring at cindy.
"well get yourself a man." she replied sternly. danny tugged her arm. "fine im sorry." they kept walking toward school, until a limo pulled up next to all three of them.

"Excuse me sir, are you Daniel?" said the man in the limo
" Yeah, why do you-" Daniel was cut off by a tranquilizing dart stuck to his neck.
* * *

Dan woke up, his head aching. Quickly, his eyes scanned his surroundings. He was in a dark room, there wasn't much light, and he was strapped to a chair. He tried to free himself, but to no avail, the plastic straps that held him were tight and strong. Dan rolled his eyes, "Damn it!"

" your telling me." said cindy tied to tina in the same chair. tine tried to cut her self loose with the nail cutter but instead cut cindy hand making her bleed. "ahh wacth it you-"
"cindy" danny interupted. a blood drop fell from her hand into a puddle below which was barely heard. a weird noise came from below, that seem to be neither human nor animal.

[homor]

* * *

Dan woke up, his head aching. Quickly, his eyes scanned his surroundings. He was in a dark room, there wasn't much light, and he was strapped to a chair. He tried to free himself, but to no avail, the plastic straps that held him were tight and strong. Dan rolled his eyes, "Damn it!"

"you're telling me." said Cindy, tied to tina in the same chair. Tina tried to cut her self loose with the nail cutter but instead cut Cindy's hand making her bleed. "ahh! watch it you-"
"Cindy!" danny interupted. a blood drop fell from her hand into a puddle below which was barely heard. a weird noise came from below, that seem to be neither human nor animal.

"what the hell is that?!" shouted Tina, horrified.

the walls of the half-burned down Warehouse shook with a god-like rumble, a thick air of fright passed through and shook everyone to the bone.

sweat began to roll down Dan's face as his eyes welled up with terror.

"oh god no, it's him..."

[Reptyle]

"Oh god no, it's him..." Tina breathed as a figure entered the room, hunching over as he did so in order to fit his immense bulk through the door frame.

"Well, hello there, Tina and friends. I apologize for your understated welcome, but I did have some rather pressing buisness to attend to," the giagantic man said, glancing briefly at the flecks of blood on his hands.

"You may not appreciate the sudden rearrangement of your respective schedules as of right now, but Tina really should have expected this, and, while you other children may not be directly involved, I do try to make a point of not leaving witnesses about.

"You see, children, Tina is not exactly a sterling individual. In fact, she reneged on several very important commitments. Not to worry though," the man baritoned, "we'll have the sort out shortly."

He then winked, his eyes glowing red and slitted like a cat's.

[TheSubject666]

"You see, children, Tina is not exactly a sterling individual. In fact, she reneged on several very important commitments. Not to worry though," the man baritoned, "we'll have the sort out shortly."

He then winked, his eyes glowing red and slitted like a cat's.

" You bastard! I told you I would get around to it!" Tina struggled at her bonds, "You son of a bitch!"

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me," grumbled the huge man. He laughed, his voice bellowing throughout all of the chambers, "You see Tina, when we set a date, we keep to a date, at least thats how it works in most buisnesses. So until I'm done talking, you really should keep your mouth shut until I'm done talking." As he finished he walked up to Tina and slapped her across the face. She yelled out in pain. "Good," he continued, "Now you have learned your lesson."

[homor]

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me," grumbled the huge man. He laughed, his voice bellowing throughout all of the chambers, "You see Tina, when we set a date, we keep to a date, at least thats how it works in most buisnesses. So until I'm done talking, you really should keep your mouth shut until I'm done talking." As he finished he walked up to Tina and slapped her across the face. She yelled out in pain. "Good," he continued, "Now you have learned your lesson."

Tina replied by spitting in the man's face. the man simply smiled and wiped it off.

"i suppose your other two have a couple of Cliché questions to ask, 'what are we doing here? who are you?' well allow my friend here to explain." said the man, in an ominous tone.

something came shambling through the door, it had pale white skin that was stitched in multiple places alongside many, many scars, he had no hair, one eye bigger than the other, sharp, claw-like hands and sharp teeth, and six tentacles growing out of his back, a trail of green pus was left behind wherever he walked.

"we tolds you we didn't wants the girl, Leonardo. we wanteds the boy." said the creature, in a broken, fragmented voice.

"the girl led him to us, Mr. Gustav." replied Leonardo.

[kidd25]

Tina replied by spitting in the man's face. the man simply smiled and wiped it off.

"i suppose your other two have a couple of Cliché questions to ask, 'what are we doing here? who are you?' well allow my friend here to explain." said the man, in an ominous tone.

something came shambling through the door, it had pale white skin that was stitched in multiple places alongside many, many scars, he had no hair, one eye bigger than the other, sharp, claw-like hands and sharp teeth, and six tentacles growing out of his back, a trail of green pus was left behind wherever he walked.

"we tolds you we didn't wants the girl, Leonardo. we wanteds the boy." said the creature, in a broken, fragmented voice.

"the girl led him to us, Mr. Gustav." replied Leonardo.

"ok everyone shut up!" danny yelled. cindy felt something scaly on her skin, she look at tina and screamed. "cindy? tina!" danny screamed. tina was changing her skin was transforming into something that they could barely make out.

" all i wanted was to live in my own life." tina replied still tied to the chair.

[homor]

"all i wanted was to live in my own life." Tina replied still tied to the chair.

her skin turned a pale white, her eyes turned a bright red, and he hands became claw-like as well. she wasn't nearly as disfigured as Gustav, as she had no visible stitches or scars, tears were rolling down her face.

"U-u-un-Ungrateful wh-wh-wh-whooOoOoOore." said Gustav as spittle flew from his mouth "We gives you everythings, and yous threws it all aways."

"I DIDN'T WANT WHAT YOU GAVE ME!" shout Tina, in a sobbing frenzy. "I JUST WANTED MY OWN LIFE!"

"it d-d-doesn't matter, we wanted you killed be-c-c-cause you wouldn't kill the boys, and you betrayeds us, so we wanteds you deads." said Gustav.

"you just can't find dependable thugs anymore, eh? but don't worry, i took care of them." said Leo, referring to the blood on his hands.

"why would you want me dead?" said Dan.

"because of whats your fathers did to us." replied Gustav. "but we has a betters plan."

Gustav pulled out a syringe from his pant pocket, it was filled with some strange liquid.

[jossospro]

Gustav pulled out a syringe from his pant pocket, it was filled with some strange liquid.

He then injected it into his arm. "ahhhh" he groaned satisfied. "Now let's get onto the important stuff."

"Hey!" yelled Cindy. "You haven't explained what I'm here for yet, tell me!"

Gustav looked at her quizically. "I have no idea. I guess you can go." Gustav released Cindy from the straps and the chair. "Ok now you ca-"

All of a sudden Cindy was standing in front of Tina, with tough pulsating fists and powerfully fierce eyes. "My time to shine BITCH!" She then proceded to rapidly beat Tina's face without any restraint.

Gustav and the huge man watched silently as Tina's entire head was mashed into a bloody stain on the chair. The straps now seemed pointless holding down a seated, headless corpse.

Dan stared with an open mouth and wide open eyes. "Cindy! what the-"

"I've been wanting to do that for a while Dan. I'm sorry but I never liked her."

"But we were on the verge of seeing what kind of monster she was and the story was about to develop incredibly dramatically!"

Gustav, without wasting time explaining anything else, because this would serve no purpose what-so-ever since he was going to kill Dan soon anyway, shot Dan in the head with his gun that he had and Dan died.

[Reptyle]

At 3/2/10 11:14 PM, jossospro wrote: The best troll post I have ever read on one of these threads. Congratulations.

Gustav pulled out a syringe from his pant pocket, it was filled with some strange liquid.

"Our dear Gustav has quite a flair for drama," Leonardo grinned ferally, "your father took away his humanity, and now he's going to destroy yours."

"O-other girl...sshouldn'ts be heree..."

"Oh, God, what's going on, I don't have anything to do with this!" Cindy shrieked, "Just let me go, you'll never hear from me again, I swear, I--"

"Hush, hush, child, you're right. You'll soon be on your way," Leornardo murmured, resting a hand on her head.

"Oh, thank God," she exhaled, hysterical.

Leonardo tightened his massive fist, and Cindy barely had time to scream. Gustav jabbed Daniel with the syringe and he fell unconcious once more.

***

"Daniel, wake up, dammit," said a voice in the darkness. Tina's voice.

[homor]

***

"Daniel, wake up, dammit," said a voice in the darkness. Tina's voice.

"oh-...phew! it was all just a bad dream." said Danny, revealed as a smile grew on his face.

"NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" Tina shouted in a furious rage. "WE'RE STILL TRAPPED!"

Dan looked around and saw him and Tina were chained to a wall next to each other.

Tina suddenly became much less angry, as tears fell down her face, she looked away from Danny.

"i-...i'm sorry." said Tina. "i'm sorry for everything."

"look, i don't need an apology, i need to know what hell is going on!" said Dan, firmly.

"your father's name is Robert, right?" asked Tina.

Dan nodded.

Tina went on to explain everything that had happened up to this point, how his Father used to be a Scientist and how he saw the horrible experiments Gustav was doing, and worked with him regardless, how it all exploded in his face and got his brother turned into a Monster, and how the Monster that Jason became possessed Gustav's body and left what little thought and emotions that were left of Jason's corpse went on to hunt after Robert.

Dan was flabbergasted at this revelation, at the fact that his Father not only could see these horrible things for himself and still go along with the man, but also that he used to be a smoker.

"so the man that Dad was hunted by is this guy?" asked Dan.

Tina nodded no.

"Jason was able to control his old body and what little of Gustav's mind was left in it, but your Father was able to kill him, or atleast he thought so."

"so now Jason's dead body is running around with Gustav's retarded mind?"

Tina nodded yes.

"one last question:

how the hell are we gonna get out of here?"

[jossospro]

"one last question:

how the hell are we gonna get out of here?"

Suddenly a spark went off in Dan's mind. "Tina! I think I've worked it out!"

Tina looked over curiously. "Worked what out?"

"you don't see it?"

"See what Dan? tell me!"

"When you and Robert went into that cave, No one knew that the emerald of darkness was in there, but you two did. What was Robert's name?"

"Robert."

"Right. so Spell that backwards."

"T-R-E-B-O-R"

"Right remember your father's name is TREVOR!!!"

Tina thought about this. "Oh my god your right! what does it mean?"

"Well it... Umm... Hang on, I lost my train of thought."

Tina became dissapointed.

"Um.. Robert's trebor... father's name is Trevor... something to do with T and B... darkness Emerald..."

"So you can't remember how this relates to us now."

"Yea yea i do. I just forgot the middle bit."

"Well how about explaining our current situation?"

"But then it won't make sense."

"Just tell me whats going on in your head!" Yelled Tina.

Dan sighed. "Tina... My father lived a double life, and he was called Trevor."

"What!" yelled Tina. "But you and I used to go out! You can't be serious!"

"I'm afraid so Tina." Dan sighed again, but this time there was a close-up of his face. "What we did I'm afraid was incest, and as soon as we return to the outside world, we will be arrested.

"Do the authorities know!?!" Tina yelled frantically. "Wait, what do I give a shit about that for! Dan! This is terrible!"

"Well it's not that bad... we had fun."

"No Dan! I'm sorry but one night at your house I got drunk, and you were asleep, and your dad was watching television... and I... I did things with him."

"You what!" Dan screamed. "You bitch! I can't believe you did that you bitch! GRAWHAHWAHR" Dan started screaming out of control. his head spiraled all over the place, as if it were a completely seperate entity. His screams started to become a blur of nonsense and useless noise, noise that got louder and louder until POP! his head exploded.

Tina chuckled to herself. "Silly. My dad's name was Michael. hee hee."

[bigblueDUMBASS]

"one last question:

how the hell are we gonna get out of here?"

Tina simply shrugged her shoulders, a look of sadness on her face as her eyes were closed.

suddenly, a horrible scratching was heard, like a freshly sharpened Axe being dragged across a concrete floor.

suddenly, the door to the chamber burst open, and out walked a man in a Mafia suit, grinning like a maniac.

it couldn't have been Leonardo, he was much too thin, and much less cool or collected, his hands were shaking and he was covered in blood.

"sorry kids, but the boss says you too gotta go!" the said in between his frantic giggling.

the man began slowly shambling towards Danny, the Axe shaking in his hands.

Danny and Tina struggled in their chains, hoping to knocking a bolt loose or something, it didn't work.

the man swung at Danny's legs.

having only a split second to react, Danny quickly lifted his legs up, causing the man to miss, and kicked the man in the face, and the man's head flew across the room.

a deep silence swept through the room.

Danny couldn't process what just happened, and neither could Tina.

Danny looked at his left hand, and pulled on the chains as hard he could, the chain snapped like a cheap pair of Children's handcuffs.

he pulled the the other chain, and it broke just as easily.

"D-...Danny?" said Tina, nervous. "w-what's going on?"

"i think...

i think whatever put into me gave me super strength."

[kidd25]

"D-...Danny?" said Tina, nervous. "w-what's going on?"

"i think...

i think whatever put into me gave me super strength." danny got up, and tina slowly was turning back to her human form.
" i need some more, of the blood." tina look at danny her eyes were red, she look at the door. "you coming or should i carry you." she said with a smile.

danny and tina kept moving through the weird underground faciltly. "every year, every year,every month i eat, and i enjoy my food you say. i would kill you i would eat you if i wasn't in this cage." they heard this coming from the door in front of them, it sounded as if a lung was pierce and someone was talking using it.

"so lady first." danny said nervously looking at tina.
"gentleman open the door." tine replied, with her eyes still shining red.

[jossospro]

this story is like, following some kind of homosexual manga. If the ppl wanted to kill them why are they locking them up - this is why ur all gayer than a mousetrap

[funnyhomeboy]

At 3/3/10 03:40 PM, jossospro wrote:

this is why ur all gayer than a mousetrap

Excellent Analogy.

[Reptyle]

At 3/3/10 03:40 PM, jossospro wrote: this story is like, following some kind of homosexual manga. If the ppl wanted to kill them why are they locking them up - this is why ur all gayer than a mousetrap

1. If you follow homosexual manga, take a look at the first Neverending Story, it was way more homoerotic; there was only one female character and she was pretty butch anyway.

2. Well if all the initial characters were killed, it would be a mystery thriller instead of a zany and fantastical action adventure. With failed kidnapping we get to introduce the villains and set up a nice overblown conflict.

3. No, you're gay like a mousetrap. Although if someone could explain the analogy to an naive young lad like me it would be greatly apreciated.

Sorry. I'll add to the story once I have time and a slightly better sense of what's going on.

[Reptyle]

Okay, sorry for double post. Actual content now.

"So, ladies first." Danny said nervously looking at Tina.
"Gentlemen open the door." Tina replied, with her eyes still shining red.

"Kill you and eat you, kill and eat, do you hear me, EAT YOU!" A psychotic voice screamed as Tina and Daniel entered the room. A hideous creature sat in a cage, seated with legs out before it in grotesque parody of a child throwing a tantrum. Its entire body was lined with bristles and barbs, needle-like teeth protruded from its mouth, slightly slurring its speech as it asked, "Did you hear me? I said I would kill and eat them, and I meant it I did. I would kill you too and eat you too maybe the girl looks tasty except for the eyes the--RED EYES! Red eyes, eyes like Lee-o, so cruel he is, I will kill him and eat him and YOU TOO! Unless maybe you let me out, then I would be your best friend I would. Please?"

Daniel stared open-mouthed at the creature, but before he could respond, the door above the cage clicked open and Leonardo stepped onto the metal stairwell.

"Dear me," Leonardo intoned, "Either you are an extremely tenacious pair of adolescents or I really must be more careful of who I send to threaten you with and axe." He languidly made his way down the stairs.

[TheSubject666]

"Dear me," Leonardo intoned, "Either you are an extremely tenacious pair of adolescents or I really must be more careful of who I send to threaten you with and axe." He languidly made his way down the stairs.

Behind him followed an unnaturally beautiful woman. She had huge long legs, the perfect face, and was overall stunning. Danny was struck dumb, staring at her, his face blank. She smiled, her teeth sharp, yellow, and filed to points. Danny shook his head.

"Beverly." Tina growled.

"Tina" Beverly said, smiling slightly, her eyes slowly changing hue. Leo swept his hand back, holding Beverly back.

"Enough girls, there will be time, there will be time. UNtil then, I must ask you to keep your tongues in and DON'T fight. We wouldn't want to scare our guest here." Leo said, and at once Beverly maintained her composure, but the spell had been broken.

"Can someone please tell me whats going on here?" Danny asked.

[homor]

"Can someone please tell me whats going on here?" Danny asked.

"see this Chick right here?" asked Leo. "she's my wife."

"me and her run Made Men in this City's Mafia Family, and in exchange for a little help, Gustav promises to get rid of the Don and his lieutenants so that we can take it over."

"and none of the crap you see here freaks you out?!" shouted Danny.

"not really, being ruthless criminals numbs you to a lot of things." said Beverly. "right baby?"

"you know it you crazy broad." Leonardo said, licking his lips.

Beverly rolled her eyes at Leo's advances.

she clapped her hands loudly. "go bring back mommy a piece of limb, would you dear?" she said, referring to the monster.

the Monster Lunged at Tina and Danny.

[Reptyle]

She clapped her hands loudly. "go bring back mommy a piece of limb, would you dear?" she said, referring to the monster.

The door of the massive cage creaked open as Leonardo hit a button on a small remote control, and the monster lunged at Tina and Danny.

Added a bit within homor's post to explain how it was able to exit the cage.

The creature's spines bit into Danny's skin as it knocked him to the ground. "Kill and eat you, kill and eat," it said, "Except for part of a limb, Mommy said to save that she did so save a piece I will." Danny struggled against the beast as it gnashed its teeth searching for the boy's throat.

"Wait!" Tina shouted, "What about Leo? He called your mommy crazy!"

"Lee-o? LEO! I will kill and eat him, kill and eat, he said bad things about Mommy!" the monster bounded up the stairs and through the door.

"Come on, let's get out of here before that thing changes its mind again," said Tina.

[Version2]

Man, I want to participate in this, but there's so many plot holes because of the troll poster, and I can't follow the logic of the story anymore.

I mean, this kid is kidnapped by an organization, then held hostage, but for no reason at all the boss give his captive super strength, which allows the kid to break his bonds and escape. Currently, four of the main characters are in a room with a mentally unstable monster-cannibal, and the bad guys know that it could turn around and kill them just as quick and easily as the kids. So they open the fucking cage! Why? Are these bad guys retarded?

The Leo character is a fucking bad ass, and should not be this stupid, but he's dropping the ball everywhere! I don't know how to write for this story, I'm just at a loss because I can't follow it.

Would it be bad form to grab the last few sections and try to correct them to fix the plot holes? I want keep as much of the original material as possible, but add my own work, and delete the things that don't make sense. I also would be fixing dialog that breaks character. Would this be rude?

Sorry I didn't post any content, I'm not trying to troll, I'm just trying to see where this is going, I guess? I promise the next time I post in this thread you will get Genuine Platinum Grade V2 Writing.

[homor]

but for no reason at all the boss give his captive super strength,

those are just the short term effects.

the Boss has a plan, just you wait and see.