Alright...
Okay if this is simply practice at animation and voice acting, then congratulations your improving greatly. But if this is simply supposed to be another show then I'm sorry, but the cliches are killing it. I write also so I know how hard it is to sound original, but this feels like you traced the outline for generic anime and then ruined its opportunities to escape that outline.
I have a feeling that this could be really good, but feel free to be original, otherwise your wasting your potential.