Suicide.

[Xavon]

If you came here expecting a joke then I'm sorry to inform you this is the real deal. To understand a little about me, you can read what I posted not too long ago.

So, I think my mind has finally snapped. I'm not even sure what I should be saying right now or why I should say anything, but I guess the bottom line right now is that I've considered committing suicide more now than I ever have before. I can't focus, my mind is always filled with terrible thoughts, my emotions constantly get in the way of everything I do, I'm doing poorly in school, my social life isn't as strong as it used to be, and I don't really enjoy anything as much as I used to. My mind is really broken right now, it finally whiplashed and decided to try and take me down once and for all.

If I killed myself, what would the big deal be? On my side, all I see happening after I'm gone is nothing or something; and when I look at it that way there isn't much to lose. I can hardly control myself anymore, I'm losing everything and it's berserk lately; my thoughts are short-circuiting everything about me and changing me entirely. I can seem normal on the outside, but that's fake, everything inside me is gone; I feel hollow and worthless. Sure, I could change myself if I really tried, I could graduate with my class if I really put my mind to it; but I don't have the mental strength to do anything anymore; even if I tried it wouldn't make a difference, I would revert to being the same hollow being that I've always been in due time.

Really, what do I say during a time like this? I obviously can't think for myself right now, I'm illogical, irresponsible, and somewhat delusional from all of this stress. Seriously, I don't give a fuck if some of you assholes take this as a joke or don't attempt to say anything productive, so go kill yourself before I beat you to it if you're going to post like an idiot.

The only thing I do know is that I'd be dead already if I had any firearms in my vicinity. So tell me something guys, anything, I'm just too confused and I need to hear advice or whatever from anyone.

[Corky-D]

Oh, so you want to upset your parents?

And don´t give me that "I hate them anyway" crap.

[DP]

Here comes the emo flames. But all i can say is do something you like. Don't mope around go outside and be happy. 90% of people online are emos. They don't do anything except be on the computer. They never go outside and have fun they just stay in a dark room. So go outside and have fun.

[Ragnarokia]

At 2/20/08 05:31 PM, Xavon wrote:

my emotions constantly get in the way of everything I do, I'm doing poorly in school, my social life isn't as strong as it used to be, and I don't really enjoy anything as much as I used to. My mind is really broken right now, it finally whiplashed and decided to try and take me down once and for all.

You do not know about me, believe me, you are ok. Either that or I am overdue.

[NeonFlame126]

Think of everyone else, first. If happiness level is normal level now, it'd go to about -5000 after you die.

[AcidSoldier]

Don't, please don't. I'm quite sensative and when it comes to people doing stuff like this, it just hurts inside. Please, try and sort your problems. The feelings are just normal, everyone gets them at some point. Please, just don't do it.

[Absolutelynothing]

You need some motivation and love.
But suicide won't help with anything.

[ripoffhitman]

I think I see your problem. You want attention more than anything, anyone who takes killing people seriosly wouldn't write, "and if you want to be an idiot, i'll kill ya". Your just another pansy, that thinks the world is after them, and right now you think you know your current state. Your current state is whining about life, not some logical phase of life, no offense, but stop itching for attention, and maybe you won't feel like crap when people don't take you seriosly.

[Kero-enigma]

At 2/20/08 05:34 PM, PinkBeer wrote: You dont live in Bridgend by any chance? Haha.

Only joking. In all seriousness, you are clearly depressed. Get yourself to a doctor, he will prescribe yous some anti-depressants who will make you a very happy bunny. I knew someone just like you, and its all good now.

Medication is not the answer, but majority of America seems to think so.
In all seriousness, suicide isn't the answer either. It's not worth it, like anorexia.

[Zanarchy]

Hell, at least you had an okay life, even if it's different now. I've been dead and hollow my entire life, and i've wanted to kill hundreds of people. I also have strong urges to rape my 12 year old cousin, but so far i've managed to keep my urges under control, and i've kept my feelings locked away where nobody can see them. For fuck's sake, I wrote a suicide note today. It's a bit cheesy, but it explains me, my life, and the shit i've had to put up with since I was born.

Just keep your feelings on the inside, and distance your self from people. It works for me, and I hope it works for you too.

[Atgod88]

Get some help man, its not worth it.

[camobch0]

I have seen so many of these dumb little attention threads, I don't even give a shit, and nor does anyone else.

[Kero-enigma]

At 2/20/08 05:40 PM, Zanarchy wrote: Hell, at least you had an okay life, even if it's different now. I've been dead and hollow my entire life, and i've wanted to kill hundreds of people. I also have strong urges to rape my 12 year old cousin, but so far i've managed to keep my urges under control, and i've kept my feelings locked away where nobody can see them. For fuck's sake, I wrote a suicide note today. It's a bit cheesy, but it explains me, my life, and the shit i've had to put up with since I was born.

Just keep your feelings on the inside, and distance your self from people. It works for me, and I hope it works for you too.

This fails eventually. Which explains my apparent bitterness.
As serious as this thread is, it's becoming interesting conversation. Anyhow....
Just try thinking about whatever positives you have going in life. People around you, past achievements, anything to get you off the thought of suicide. And spend time outdoors! Being on a computer definately doesn't help most of the time.

[Ragnarokia]

I will not go into my life on here. But just so you know, I think I am worse.
I pondered killing myself, but then I realised. What would that do, take away everything. Yes it would. Who cares about the people left behind you are dead, it is great. The end of pain, and no more sadness. Perfect. This I can agree with.
But despite this, in the end, you can atleast try something, for me, I write and draw, getting into animation, makes a new world, one in which you can make perfect to you.
Newgrounds, it is a new life, you come here I am sure to escape from your own. If you are not accepted, you just have not found the right people.

Hope it goes well, I could do without explaining everything to idiot users who will insult you so I will end it here.

[Lucktail]

Go cry, emo kid.

[Xavon]

At 2/20/08 05:33 PM, Corky-D wrote: Oh, so you want to upset your parents?

And don´t give me that "I hate them anyway" crap.

I haven't talked to my parents in almost 4 years for various reasons, regardless of the fact that I live with them. I live with my mother, grandpa, and brother; I don't really care what they'd think about it.

At 2/20/08 05:34 PM, PinkBeer wrote: You dont live in Bridgend by any chance? Haha.

Only joking. In all seriousness, you are clearly depressed. Get yourself to a doctor, he will prescribe yous some anti-depressants who will make you a very happy bunny. I knew someone just like you, and its all good now.

Obviously I am depressed, I'm diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, I've had anti-depressants, they've never really helped me too much.

At 2/20/08 05:34 PM, Psycho wrote: And how the hell is suicide going to make any of that better?

I never said it would; but in reality it would make all of it better considering the fact that I wouldn't exist anymore.

At 2/20/08 05:35 PM, Electric-Bla wrote: Only two more years and you're out mate. There has to be at least one cool job that you know of and then you can just relax and get things straight. You should try and pick up some new friends as well, go places, be out in the sun. And for god's sake, see a counselor, they'll help you through the last years and then you'll be free.

I've considered counseling and getting a professional psychiatric test done recently, but I dunno.

Don't do it, I know how you feel, I've been there lately.
Don't do it.

Who knows.

At 2/20/08 05:36 PM, Ragnarokia wrote: You do not know about me, believe me, you are ok. Either that or I am overdue.

I'm far from alright, I'm quite past the point of being normal.

At 2/20/08 05:36 PM, AcidSoldier wrote: Don't, please don't. I'm quite sensative and when it comes to people doing stuff like this, it just hurts inside. Please, try and sort your problems. The feelings are just normal, everyone gets them at some point. Please, just don't do it.

I've had two of my uncles commit suicide and my grandmother and mother attempted it, one of my uncles took his girlfriend with him. I guess it just runs in my blood.

I'm glad you're so caring about the subject, I've had these suicidal thoughts since 5th grade though and they've reoccurred too many times to count. I don't know if I'd have the balls to do it now that I'm trying to think a little, even if I had the tools right in front of me.

At 2/20/08 05:38 PM, ripoffhitman wrote: I think I see your problem. You want attention more than anything,

You're quite judgmental, it must be fun to live ignorantly you're entire life; is it?

anyone who takes killing people seriosly wouldn't write, "and if you want to be an idiot, i'll kill ya".

I said if they were going to be an idiot they should kill themselves before I beat them to it, meaning before I kill myself. Try interpreting human speech a little better.

Your just another pansy, that thinks the world is after them, and right now you think you know your current state.

Okay, you can believe this about me if you wish.

Your current state is whining about life, not some logical phase of life, no offense, but stop itching for attention, and maybe you won't feel like crap when people don't take you seriosly.

You're just another reason why I'm ashamed to be part of this pathetic human race, people like you don't deserve to exist on this earth.

At 2/20/08 05:42 PM, camobch0 wrote: I have seen so many of these dumb little attention threads, I don't even give a shit, and nor does anyone else.

Maybe you should stop to think that some people aren't looking for attention and that they actually do have problems, eh? Then the rest of the world won't see you as such an ignorant, pathetic waste of flesh.

[Mizar]

attention whore. go kill yourself.

[megabad]

your not going to kill yourself. period. not because your to afraid of death but because your to strong to be beaten by your inner demons. you speak of actually killing all your friends for a price, in your mind its easy to say things over and over but when you actually try it it changes a lot! i have gone through a suicidal patch in my life, MOST people have. all my friends had left me because of somthing my other friend said. wasn't true and nobody was talking to me.i can say two great peices of advice to you. Its always darkest befor the dawn and its just a phase, it will end just as it has begun. if non of this helps them think, you asked twice for help. once you write all that text, this time you added to it! you want help and that proves your not as bad as you think! if all this fails, go down to a pet store, buy a pet hampster, name it, see its defenceless, grab a rock and prove to yourself you are pure of heart and cant kill it. PM me if you need more talk.

[Kero-enigma]

At 2/20/08 05:54 PM, Mizar wrote: attention whore. go kill yourself.

God just loves the hypocrites here.

[Xavon]

At 2/20/08 05:47 PM, Xtesh wrote: "Wah, i want to commit take the easy way out, never mind the fact that many poeple will be hurt by my entirely selfish act."

I wonder why so many people post such ignorant statements all the time.

When people try to judge me and make assumptions, you all seem to think I don't know the obvious or that I haven't thought anything through at all.

It's just ridiculous.

At 2/20/08 05:52 PM, Jaredcatz wrote: Go cry, emo kid.

Whatever.

At 2/20/08 05:54 PM, Mizar wrote: attention whore. go kill yourself.

You're cool.

[ReciprocalAnalogy]

Above physiology, the underlying basis for nearly all human action is self-affirmation. When our self-concept doesn't match up to our values, it creates anxiety - disallowing affirmation.

So how do we react? Almost all humans avert, whether it's...
+ Calling someone who has offended you a poop-head.
+ Drinking (and partying in many cases).
+ Fulfilling or entertaining prophecies of hopelessness.
... they are all forms of aversion.

Some avoidance is necessary, as we'll never achieve our ideal potential. However, favoring aversion only widens the schism between self-concept and personal value.

[Seriana]

Welcome to adolescence.

I've tried suicide 4 times now. I wonder why I don't go for my 5th sometimes.

Whatever your life may be, it's a shining star compared to me. Think of it that way.
You have a lot more to live for than some paranoid schizophrenic with messed up sexual fantasies that carries no responsibility or guilt and manipulates every living breathing thing into his will.

[Zanarchy]

At 2/20/08 05:45 PM, Kero-enigma wrote:

At 2/20/08 05:40 PM, Zanarchy wrote: Hell, at least you had an okay life, even if it's different now. I've been dead and hollow my entire life, and i've wanted to kill hundreds of people. I also have strong urges to rape my 12 year old cousin, but so far i've managed to keep my urges under control, and i've kept my feelings locked away where nobody can see them. For fuck's sake, I wrote a suicide note today. It's a bit cheesy, but it explains me, my life, and the shit i've had to put up with since I was born.

Just keep your feelings on the inside, and distance your self from people. It works for me, and I hope it works for you too.

This fails eventually. Which explains my apparent bitterness.
As serious as this thread is, it's becoming interesting conversation. Anyhow....
Just try thinking about whatever positives you have going in life. People around you, past achievements, anything to get you off the thought of suicide. And spend time outdoors! Being on a computer definately doesn't help most of the time.

I hate the outdoors, the only thing I like about it is snow, and wolves. Hell, if I had it my way the fucking sun would be gone. There is only one thing positively affecting my life, and that is Jaclyn(karlu20) I've never met her, but she's helped me more than anybody I have met.

[Corky-D]

At 2/20/08 05:53 PM, Xavon wrote: I haven't talked to my parents in almost 4 years for various reasons, regardless of the fact that I live with them. I live with my mother, grandpa, and brother; I don't really care what they'd think about it.

That is a tiny bit selfish.
They are still your family. You don´t have the right to act like that.

But chronic depression is a bitch, understandable why you are thinking like this.

I don´t know you, I don´t know how you think, what you feel, therefore I can´t really help, like everyone else on this Site.

It does help talking to others about it though.

There is no more advice I could give.

[Monkeymannnnx]

If your seriously thinking about it then do it, see how it fixs your current situation numbnuts

[Seriana]

No no no.

Fuck psychiatric help.

All they did was lock me in a room and give me medicines which makes me delusional, paranoid, and hallucinate to this day. Fuck them. And they make me pay $14,000 in bills.

[Kero-enigma]

At 2/20/08 05:58 PM, Zanarchy wrote:

I hate the outdoors, the only thing I like about it is snow, and wolves. Hell, if I had it my way the fucking sun would be gone. There is only one thing positively affecting my life, and that is Jaclyn(karlu20) I've never met her, but she's helped me more than anybody I have met.

Man, you're bugging. We need the sun, no matter how much you hate it. And random strangers on the internet are barely a credible source for something "positively affecting" your life. Although I won't question it further, it just sounds like cake to me. I can't fully believe that.

[NucularSoldier]

No reason to kill yourself. That's a pretty selfish and dumb act.

[Brick-top]

Think of the people around you and then you'll find it really fucking hard to do it.

[Brian]

You are thinking way to negatively, to get right to the point of it all. You arne't just thinking negative thoughts though, its worse because you honestly believe you can't get better. That is a flaw and a mistake in your logic. You can't see it now, but if you believe, even blindly without cause or reason that you can, will and are getting over it, it will happen.

I'd recomend in anycase getting professional help, reaching out to friends and family, and perhaps getting on a medication to stable out your hormones and mind.

People do love you and will miss you if you take your life. Don't do it. Move past it, struggle through it if you have to, but don't give up. Don't lose.