Mar. 6th, 2008 @ 08:24 PM
Normally I'd goad you on, or laugh at your misfortune, or maybe even list several convenient ways of dying, but let's see if I can't do something more helpful this time.
First off, I have to say that Newgrounds is a bit of a poor place to discuss thoughts of suicide. We're not serious here, especially in General forum. We "Don't care". And above all else, few of us here harbor actual thoughts of suicide. We can't relate to you if you wanted to, and most of us don't want to.
As for why we're so unsympathetic, I think, for me at least, it was always that you really don't have it that hard. Sorry, but that's what I think. There's people on the other side of the planet that don't have food. You have food, shelter, clothing, internet. You have luxuries. Personal comforts. Somehow it doesn't seem right that they're still hanging in there while you're throwing in the towel.
Another reason is because it's hugely disrespectful to all the people who have cared for you. Forgive me if it turns out that you had abusive parents (apologies, but I haven't read all 8 pages of this thread, though I have tried to skim over your posts), but if they loved and cared for you, then it's a huge slap in their face for you to kill yourself, especially if you don't even try to talk to them about it. My parents moved me here a little after the breakup of the Soviet Union to avoid the civil war, they gave up their jobs, their homeland, to give me a safe place to live. I don't appreciate them nearly enough for that, but I'd never spit in their face by offing myself.
Lastly, overlapping a little with the first reason, is just the greediness of the gesture. Life isn't about you or your problems. Everyone has problems, some people more than others, some people's worse than others. Suicide seems like a cry for attention, like you did it because things weren't going your way, because it wasn't all about you. If you want good things from life, you have to put work in to get them. Admittedly, I don't put in as much work as I should, but each day I try to get something done, to achieve some kind of progress.
This is going to come off as angry. It's not. I was genuinely trying to be civil while writing this. I just don't believe (nor do I think you can sufficiently make me believe) that life has been so irremediably bad for you that it can't be fixed, that it's not going to get better. The very least you could do is talk to your parents, they don't deserve to get blindsided.