Not to piss you off strangler but this is too novice for this collab. Keep on practicing, skills come with time.
I give one vote for this credit http://spamtheweb.com/ul/upload/130308/5 9822_Credits2.php
Maybee if you take the screen parasite effect from the other one and you incormorate it into this one it'll give a better result. No idea! I love the music by the way!
Im still working on my part, didn't work alot though... Its the exam time at school so gotta be ready!