Some I found online...
On working at the DMV.
Patty: Some days we don't let the line move at all.
Selma: Yeah, we call those WEEKdays.
Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, your sexual harassment suit is exactly what I need to help rebuild my shattered practice. Care to join me in a belt of scotch?
Marge: But it's only 9:30 in the morning!
Lionel Hutz: Yeah, but I haven't slept in days.
Lou: I went to the McDonalds over in Shelbyville the other day.
Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?
Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Hmm...Must've sprung up over night.
Lou: But you know, its the little differences.
Chief Wiggum: Example?
Lou: Well at a McDonalds you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Get out! What do they call it?
Lou: A quarter pounder with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Quarter pounder with cheese...well I can see the cheese but? Hey, do they have Krusty's Partially Gelatinated Gum-Based beverages?
Lou: Yeah, they call them 'shakes.'
Eddie: *Pfft* 'Shakes.' You don't know what you're gettin'. ... I wonder if you never saw Pulp Fiction, if it would be as good?
"...and from now on your name will be Dingus McGee..." "But I like my name!" "Hush up, Dingus!"
"Play the Race Card! PLAY IT!"
"Homer, we aren't staying in a bar! What about Maggie? Look! She is already drunk off the fumes! And she is a mean drunk."
*raises fist, drunkingly*
Reverned Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate!
Those are good for now...
Ryan