At 3/18/13 11:23 AM, roadguy5 wrote:At 3/18/13 10:24 AM, 4urentertainment wrote:At 3/18/13 08:38 AM, FlyingColours wrote:At 3/18/13 01:36 AM, TheInnerScience wrote:
I agree, reviews for the entries are a great aspect of a contest, especially one like this that has so many first timers(like myself) in it. Waiting for reviews is alright with me.
Mama always said patience was a virtue:) And the reviews on them are cool. But why did I post so late! Im acrually glad i waited a bit.
Reviews Round 3!
Growing Up by Sectus
I really like the incorporation of the field report into the story, it was able to include a lot of info while moving the story along quickly. This story could have done with some polish. There were quite a few spelling and word choice errors which could have been corrected with another round of editing. In the first part there were a lot of instances were you were a little too wordy, but maybe that was part of the genre hopping? It's hard to not overexplain. I liked the plot overall, even though the WBF's total control of the UK govt seemed a little far fetched for a story set so near in the future.
That Humorous Poem by theamazingjamez
This one was very funny, and there was plenty of hopping when it came to rhyming styles. Some rhymes repeated just the same words, which I'm not sure you're supposed to do. (That's why I don't do poetry, too many rules!!) I liked the parts where the characters broke the first wall and the bit about censorship. It was fairly nonsensical when it came to plot, but I'm relatively sure that was intentional.
Try This One by silas-stingy
First off, I actually really like the story. But you really need to proofread. You've got a whole lotta run-on sentences. Break those suckers up and maybe put some paragraph breaks in there while you're at it. Lots of grammar mistakes too which take away from the story. Like I said, the story itself has some cool ideas, but your execution just kind of fell through.
Untitled by pharynroller123
What?
Story Time! by Roadguy5
I left this story feeling a little unfulfilled. I wanted to know what was in the box, why it was in her house, and what that noise was! I thought the part where it turned into a movie adaptation was priceless and several of the lines were pretty funny. Sometimes your writing is a bit to repetitive, for instance you say the character Jen's name over and over again in the beginning. Since she's the only character we're dealing with, you can get away by just saying she. The readers will know who you're talking about. Make sure that you show and don't tell the action. Instead of saying "Jen was really scared now." Describe how she was scared. It will make everything seem more personal and helps draw the reader in. One thing that bugged me was when 2 characters both tried to use random combinations from completely unrelated things to try to open the box, that didn't really make much sense to me. Be careful about leaving things hanging, like when you mention Jen's "little adventure at the zoo." Since you never explain it or use it again, it loses its meaning.
I'm being nitpicky because you've got a lot of the basics down. I think with continued writing practice your stories will only improve!
I'm getting into the longer entries now, so my already glacial pace might slow down even more, but I still intend to review all of them!
At 3/19/13 10:58 PM, starwarsjunkie wrote: Reviews Round 3!
Story Time! by Roadguy5
I left this story feeling a little unfulfilled. I wanted to know what was in the box, why it was in her house, and what that noise was! I thought the part where it turned into a movie adaptation was priceless and several of the lines were pretty funny. Sometimes your writing is a bit to repetitive, for instance you say the character Jen's name over and over again in the beginning. Since she's the only character we're dealing with, you can get away by just saying she. The readers will know who you're talking about. Make sure that you show and don't tell the action. Instead of saying "Jen was really scared now." Describe how she was scared. It will make everything seem more personal and helps draw the reader in. One thing that bugged me was when 2 characters both tried to use random combinations from completely unrelated things to try to open the box, that didn't really make much sense to me. Be careful about leaving things hanging, like when you mention Jen's "little adventure at the zoo." Since you never explain it or use it again, it loses its meaning.
I'm being nitpicky because you've got a lot of the basics down. I think with continued writing practice your stories will only improve!
Thanks so much for the review! This was my first real story that I've written (I've only written plot ideas and essays yet), and your review helps so much. I know that I left the story open ended, but I hit the word limit and I'm not really sure what was in the box either(I imagine some sort of magical blue diamond I guess). I guess I could have spent more time on it, but I'm glad that I entered it as it was, it really shows my strengths and weaknesses.
I will be sure to use your advice for my next story, and hopefully I can wrap things up next time.
Hope you can get to mine soon,Ive been wanting some feedback on it. And hope it isnt like that one guy where only said "what" lol
Reviews: Round 4: FIGHT!
Untitled by Black-Duece
I can not really review this one for writing style very well as its all poem. It seemed to be free verse? I think? I don't know. In any case I liked it. It was at times funny and at times a little melancholy. Interesting message to it though.
The Corruption of Hersa by Michkoch
Basing stories off of art was last months theme... but oh well! While I like the theme of having the two opposing forces of spirituality and science competing together inside one person, I don't really understand where you went with it. She corrupted so that became the creation of corruption. She had to protect the corrupted with the corrupted forces? I don't really understand what that means. Flesh out your ideas a bit more and give some extra thought to what your trying to say with your big ideas. Otherwise it can sound like your just tossing fancy words around.
I am les tired and les lazy so that's all I've got today!
I know the competition is over, but does that mean there's gonna be no more entry reviews?
At 3/26/13 06:00 PM, silverspecks wrote: I know the competition is over, but does that mean there's gonna be no more entry reviews?
I think that the reviews started after the contest closed, so there should be more. Don't take my word for it though, I don't have anything to do with reviewing, so I could be completely wrong.
At 3/26/13 06:00 PM, silverspecks wrote: I know the competition is over, but does that mean there's gonna be no more entry reviews?
They'll post the judges reviews, probably in the results thread, and I'll still trickle my reviews through here, people are just busy is all.
At 3/26/13 10:56 PM, starwarsjunkie wrote:At 3/26/13 06:00 PM, silverspecks wrote: I know the competition is over, but does that mean there's gonna be no more entry reviews?They'll post the judges reviews, probably in the results thread, and I'll still trickle my reviews through here, people are just busy is all.
I'm currently outside the country. I'm coming back on April 1st, I'll get everything back up to speed then.
