Reviews: Round 1
Not really sure what to say about this one. You've definitely got some genre hopping with the change from poem to prose and it was very random... but other then that I don't know. Try to put more work into plot next time, maybe?
There are some very good parts to this one, and some that could use some work. One thing I noticed, which is something I myself struggle with, is the tendency to over-explain things. For instance, you say the light blinded him because his eyes were adjusted to the dark. That last detail might not have been necessary. The reader can probably understand that the light is very bright just because you say it blinds him. Too much detail can sometimes distract the reader and breaks flow.
I liked how you changed the style of narration at first, as it seemed to change when we were in another character's perspective, but the last one doesn't make sense. If we're still in the same characters head why does he suddenly sound what family guy thinks black people are like?
In the end, I just found myself wondering what the plot was. It was just too short. You've got a whole month for these contests, so don't be afraid to spend time developing your idea.
Very dark, very moody. I like a lot of the imagery, especially the part about the sea creatures. It was a bit esoteric and I found myself wondering how the first half connected with the second half, and I can't really piece them together. But that's okay, it was a really enjoyable read even if it wasn't the most straight forward.
I'll try to get through everybody's as fast as I can, hopefully I'll be able to read a few more tonight.