At 2/16/13 12:26 AM, silverspecks wrote:
Please delete the other version of this post that has formatting issues.
"Haven't told John this yet," the bartender addressed Julia, "but the bar's gonna be closed next Saturday. Take'n the wife out fer annivers'ry and I couldn't find a replacement."
"Sounds romantic Chuck. Where're you two going?"
"Some fancy-schmancy place I can't pronounce. That good-for-nothing man of yours told her 'bout it, and I already know it's gonna put me out another hundred."
Alrighty, let me shed some light on this one.
First thing I noticed: Short. That doesn't mean it's bad, but if you make it longer, you'll be able to put more depth in your story, with more ease. Ofcourse, depth in a story is very important, so try to write a bit more, you've got tons of time left before the deadline and they'll judge every piece the same way, so take your time.
Next thing I saw, was your writing style. You started off without a proper introduction of the characters, which actually turned out good. I understood who was who and it also proves you're quite able of adding characters in the mix, without the need of a whole paragraph of text. Also, you used alot of extra explanation at moments, which was very good. How higher the level of writing, the better you'll get at creating a lively surrounding.
You kept the writing style of every character well split, though I personally would've avoided using words like "he's" instead of "he has" for Julia. She seemed to be alot more literate than the barkeeper, so that extra bit would've made the difference even more clear.
Third thing I checked were the intro and outro. They weren't there. That doesn't necessarily has to be a problem, but here, it felt like a started watching a movie that was already running for a while, so that cost me a bit of my interest. Also, the ending was a bit too abrupt. What's his past? If this was supposed to have a sequel, the ending would've been amazing, but now it just left me hanging.
Writing is a learning process. As you start writing more, you'll start to understand what makes a story good and what makes it worse. Lots of writers can get problem with writers block, but that's most of the time because they feel forced to finish a part of the story on one day. Just take your time and find the right balance between writing and relaxing and you will probably never have that problem again.
The most important thing is though, that you're supposed to have fun. As I read the author's note, I think you have and that's what matters the most. Just keep on writing whenever you feel like it, because your story was quite good, but just needed a bit more length. I'm looking forward to reading your next story for the next contest.