Apparently, the player is being charged with controlling Paco from the Emperor's New Groove as he shoves a middle finger right up Ponce de Leon's ass by not only discovering numerous Fountains of Youth, but Fountains of Aging as well. Don't let that give you the wrong idea, the game is a tad strange. The player is quick to discover that Old Man Paco is particularly brittle, and is unable to withstand thousands upon thousands of blades of grass without violently exploding, as the elderly are wont to do. While Baby Paco's soft, infantile skin is resilient enough to withstand the torturous vegetation, but his inability to jump is what we in the industry like to call "absolute bollocks". The heavyset Hispanic peasant proves to be the most athletic, as his ability to climb mountains with David Spade and bathe in rivers transfers exceptionally well. Levels involve starting out as someone completely useless for the situation and having to travel to the ridiculously ubiquitous "Time Streams" and becoming someone more well equipped for the environment at hand. The reasoning behind this is a bit sketchy; it makes no particular sense that Baby Paco is able to use lifts, while the others can't, and conversely, it requires a lifetime's worth of knowledge to understand the concept of a spring because Geriatric Paco is the only one able to utilize them. Color coding is the only indication of who can use what, which explains why the old fucker keeps exploding when he touches the green grass, except not at all because this shit is exceedingly arbitrary. Pits and spikes would have sufficed, instead of making land itself a fucking hazard. And fuck me with a cue stick, I must have tried one of the earlier levels, the introduction to Quantum Spring Theory at least a dozen times, inching my elderly gentleman to the very edge of the mocking red toadstool, before he landed a hair short of the glowing pixelated exit. Perhaps after that level, things start to be enjoyable and make sense, but I think I've expended all the effort I'm willing to on this game.