At 10/21/13 02:49 PM, Vinnyy wrote:
Granted, but it gets stolen.

I wish Halloween was as exciting as it used to be.

Granted, you get raped on Christmas.

I wish I could teleport.

At 10/21/13 03:51 PM, Vinnyy wrote: Granted. You teleport inside a volcano and get burned to ashes.

I wish I was a skilled writer.

Granted, you become extremely skilled at writing in languages you don't understand.

I wish my bath tub was made of solid gold.

At 10/21/13 03:51 PM, Vinnyy wrote: I wish I was a skilled writer.

Granted, but you lost your hands in a writing accident

I wish I could be a zoolinguist.

At 10/21/13 03:58 PM, Cyberdevil wrote:

Granted, you become extremely skilled at writing in languages you don't understand.

I wish my bath tub was made of solid gold.

Granted but it gets stolen 5 minutes after it was made by a renegade Giraffe and Jeff Goldblum in order to sell on the White market.

I wish I wasn't so tired and could corrupt wishes better.

At 10/21/13 04:00 PM, zXzFIRELORDzXz wrote:
I wish I could be a zoolinguist.

Granted, you spend the entirety of your life pioneering the practice of understanding animal language; picking up from past academia and running with full-blown obsessive research; mapping out the complexity of the language structure of animals that have predominant speech patterns, like cats, ravens, and dolphins to name only a few of your broad repertoire.

Unfortunately, funding was rarely ever in your favor throughout the entire process... where twenty five years of actual research was done. it could've been crammed into ONE if you had competent, like-minded assistants, and sufficient financial backing. You knew this throughout your frustrated, lonely life... you die penniless and unrecognized in your work, never making time for much of a social life, and never reproducing. Your funeral is sparsely attended, lab animals occupied more seats than people did.

By the time people realized the ground-breaking significance (and sheer scale) of your work, society's interest in science has decayed to the point where zoolinguistics became just a neat little thing to know, or a foot-note to animal-related research, and the entirety of your work was cast aside all over again because "animals had nothing interesting to say."

The world glided off into the sunset on the mobile La-z-men, their many tubes clogged with food and insulin mixtures, pulsating with artificial oxygen sweeteners and holo-tv commercials loudly chattering through the winds. Your name, your legacy, dashed to time in a world of nihilism.

I wish to become a licensed chiropractor.

At 10/22/13 01:23 AM, Phobotech wrote: I wish to become a licensed chiropractor.

Granted, you become a licensed chiropractor. Your first patient turns out to be the president of France, and in accidentally breaking his neck you spark a feud between your countries, resulting in all out Nuclear war. Bordering countries to France pledge allegiance, and soon Europe stands united against the US, both continents lighting up the night sky with a rain of nukes and missiles. The destruction is sublime, and all that's left are fields of ash and deep craters that upset the world core, causing a rupture of Earthquakes and volcanoes. Great tectonic shifts shatter all remaining societies and change the outlines of the continents. Nuclear waste spreads over the world and slowly kills off entire populations. Only a selected few survive and become immune. Dark clouds of dust and ash cover the sky for many years and humanity lives in the shadow of it's former glory, scavenging, salvaging what they can and turning to cannibalism to survive. Fortunately, you aren't there to see it.

I wish the Earth was twice as big.

At 10/22/13 03:28 AM, Cyberdevil wrote:
I wish the Earth was twice as big.

Granted, our atmosphere loses a SIGNIFICANT amount of air density as it's divvied across the new surface. The sea level changes drastically too; all bodies of water significantly shrink, as the water is merely displaced into new borders...Many large coastal countries witness the tide vanish over the horizon, revealing new land. However, there are many cultures that refer to it as the "Ides of Typhoons." if they survived it. Some islands are wiped out completely, perpetually submerged in the violent, amorphous waters for weeks. Mountainous regions have insufficient oxygen to live in...if they survive, man-kind moves to lower ground.

With the atmosphere thinned, it doesn't take long for harmful cosmic radiation to do its work. Seemingly overnight, space debris, shooting stars, and micro-asteroid impacts become more frequent...some of the space debris being man-made satellites, now suddenly within the earth's troposphere. People freak the hell out.

The moon's placement remains unchanged, and with our added mass, we gain additional gravitational pull. Macro-debris falling off of Comet ISON that would've normally missed us, now adds to the carnage as the moon drifts closer for a bit of a planetary scale fender-bender (billions die), and robs what little atmosphere that we have left, killing off whoever remains.

We eventually become a much larger Mars.

I wish to become a best-selling author of some sort...that would be fun.

At 10/22/13 09:04 AM, Phobotech wrote: I wish to become a best-selling author of some sort...that would be fun.

Granted. For years you struggle to get something published, enter every writing contest you stumble across and keep the pen moving day as well as night. Then one beautiful day, you wake up to the sound of splintering wood. You rush out of your room to the stairwell, where a group of masked thugs are making their way upstairs. One of them sedates you with a dart gun, and they proceed to roll you into a carpet; carry you out of the house and stuff you in the trunk of a black Mercadez.

You wake up many miles later in some warm exotic country, sitting upon a stage, on a chair, with your arms and legs tied to its steel frame. Other people are similarly lined up on both sides. It turns out you've been kidnapped for a human auction, on specifically authors. You're first to go, and since the bidders are all excited a chubby little man offers an unreasonably high sum for you, a whooping $2000! You are thus the best-selling author, and spend the rest of your life in a locked basement room writing speeches and propaganda for a regime you never learn the name of.

I wish I could see through walls.

At 10/22/13 09:22 AM, Cyberdevil wrote: ... a whooping $2000! You are thus the best-selling author!

I fucking LOL'D!

I wish I could see through walls.

Granted, but you can never turn the ability off. Similar to a cheap-game's draw distance, there's a sweet spot where you can actually tell whats going on after a certain distance...objects and people that are AT that particular distance seem dissected in real time, and its not as clearly defined-looking as you would think... this make reading a pain in the ass. Going to the bathroom a disgusting, clumsy ordeal, and surfing the web a process that necessitates walking back and forth closer to the controls and away from the monitor.

You eventually get the hang of it. NBC does a documentary about you, and you're sometimes commissioned by emergency personnel for certain jobs every once and a while. You age as the most far-sighted man in the world.

I wish I had an ability similar to Aquaman's, except it applies to anything alive.

At 10/21/13 04:04 PM, VJF wrote: I wish I wasn't so tired and could corrupt wishes better.

Granted, but you get banned before you can corrupt any more wishes.

At 10/22/13 09:38 AM, Phobotech wrote: I wish I had an ability similar to Aquaman's, except it applies to anything alive.

Granted, and everyone hates you for it.

I wish I had the powers of all superheroes combined, without any weaknesses, and with nobody but me knowing about it.

At 10/22/13 10:15 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote: I wish I had the powers of all superheroes combined, without any weaknesses, and with nobody but me knowing about it.

Granted, you can now go through walls, break walls, see through walls, become a wall, teleport to the other side of the wall and/or just eradicate the wall. All these abilities makes you supernaturally indecisive and have a nervous breakdown every time you see a wall.

I wish I could breathe underwater.

At 10/22/13 11:16 AM, Cyberdevil wrote: I wish I could breathe underwater.

Granted, now you can't breathe on land any more.

I wish I didn't need to breathe to stay alive.

At 10/22/13 01:17 PM, Slacker013 wrote:

At 10/22/13 12:45 PM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

I wish I didn't need to breathe to stay alive.

Granted, you're a zombie...

I wish for the power to play chicken with oncoming traffic!

Granted, you are now a chicken in the middle of traffic.

I wish for grilled chicken.

At 10/22/13 02:40 PM, Thor wrote:
I wish I could convince anyone to do anything I want them too, instantly

Granted, but literally EVERY command has a corrupted result, way out of hand from what you intended. Without thinking, a careless statement is corrupted as a command to someone within earshot...coincidences like this will eventually lead to your undoing if it doesn't kill you the first time. You die from stress.

I wish that instead of me having to ever fart, I gained relief by forcing other people to fart.

At 10/22/13 03:10 PM, Thor wrote:
I wish I was the king of Africa

Granted. Within a week of your rule, your corrupt underlings start slaughtering thousands. When it comes time to hold those accountable, they all point fingers at you. You become the world's most hated king.

I wish everybody and every animal simultaneously orgasm'd at high noon every day for an entire month.

At 10/22/13 04:22 PM, Phobotech wrote:

At 10/22/13 03:10 PM, Thor wrote:
I wish I was the king of Africa

Granted. Within a week of your rule, your corrupt underlings start slaughtering thousands. When it comes time to hold those accountable, they all point fingers at you. You become the world's most hated king.

I wish everybody and every animal simultaneously orgasm'd at high noon every day for an entire month.

Wish granted, the orgasmic wave turns us all into barbaric creatures who hunt in the wild for something to reproduce with. All of mankind goes rapidly backwards and De-Evolution comes into effect.

I wish I had a had a ghost friend who was nice and cool.

At 10/22/13 04:25 PM, Chronomental wrote:
I wish I had a had a ghost friend who was nice and cool.

Granted, but the ghost is trapped within the confines of the very walls you live in now. If you ever move or leave, the ghost won't be able to follow. You are the only one it interacts with; numerous attempts to prove it's existence are met with failure and shoddy, easily-reproduced quality...you have doubts of your own sanity.

In time, one of your many conversations leads to a thorough detailing of the afterlife hierarchy and process. This reveals that specters are beyond time, but the ghost you have is skilled at keeping up with you chronologically. You accidentally learn of your own fate...but you'll have company waiting for you on the other side, at least.

I wish I became a cool ghost whenever I eventually die.

At 10/22/13 05:01 PM, Vinnyy wrote:

At 10/22/13 04:32 PM, Phobotech wrote:
I wish I became a cool ghost whenever I eventually die.

Granted, but you are unable to interact with anyone and as a result, you become an extremely lonely ghost, drifting for all eternity with no one to talk to.

I wish for a crystal ball that works.

Granted, but every wish takes a year off your life. You didn't wish for immortality fast enough, so now you're dead.

I wish for a beer factory.

At 10/22/13 05:39 PM, BuggyBugBugMe wrote:
I wish for a beer factory.

Granted, but its an average, dime-a-dozen Anheuser-Busch factory. It ain't even a fancy one, and the company has a strict stock count, so you can't even have free beer. Bummer...(but it gets the bills paid.)

(...but its also really demanding hours, you have no free time, and its actually really boring and tedious.)

I wish I became a Wizard that was capable of summoning the most exotic drinks and foods in every party I attend! LO, THE PARTY WIZARD HAS ARRIVED PRECISELY WHEN HE MEANS TO.

...Got the whole beard, hat, cloak and staff to boot.

At 10/22/13 10:44 PM, Phobotech wrote:

I wish I became a Wizard that was capable of summoning the most exotic drinks and foods in every party I attend! LO, THE PARTY WIZARD HAS ARRIVED PRECISELY WHEN HE MEANS TO.

Granted, but the drinks and food are so exotic that they havent been tested for possible poisons within them, killing at least half the people who attend the parties you show up to.

I wish I didnt have to deal with idiots

At 10/22/13 10:50 PM, Lionelion wrote:
I wish I didnt have to deal with idiots

Granted. You take the MENSA test, and miraculously score highly enough that you're summoned to attend a convention exclusive to the world's brightest mind...

...There you are bored, trivialized, and badgered by people too damned intelligent for their own good. Snooty pricks with sticks so far up their asses, completely devoid of any semblance of a sense of humor that any half-human could pick up on. Over-entitled douchebags that look down on each other like spineless social cannibals. You learn that its not the idiocy that was so repulsive to you, but humanity itself.

I wish aliens conquered the leaders of the world and ushered in an age of progress and uniting the human race with the hyper-civilization of the expanded universe we have never been aware of.

At 10/22/13 04:32 PM, saqwert wrote: I wish you had polio

Granted, but so do you.

At 10/22/13 11:13 PM, Phobotech wrote: I wish aliens conquered the leaders of the world and ushered in an age of progress and uniting the human race with the hyper-civilization of the expanded universe we have never been aware of.

Granted. Unfortunately, you are standing right on their landing site, and they don't pay attention where they go. At least you were a sacrifice for intergalactic peace.

I wish for an end to all killing, at once.

At 10/23/13 10:25 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

I wish for an end to all killing, at once.

Granted, but the world will become overpopulated.

I wish I had a better wish

At 10/23/13 10:33 AM, Elitistinen wrote:
I wish my car doesn't break down everytime before I go to work.

Granted. Your car just breaks...permanently.

I wish I could debunk every conspiracy theory with actual facts.

At 10/23/13 10:36 AM, Phobotech wrote: Granted. Your car just breaks...permanently.

I wish I could debunk every conspiracy theory with actual facts.

Granted. Suddenly it's revealed there are no conspiracies. People are pissed off that they no longer have reason to doubt, claim it must be a conspiracy that there are no conspiracies, and in your attempts to debunk their rage with facts they eventually riot and topple the government. Society goes back to the stone age.

I wish clouds were made of cotton candy.

At 10/23/13 10:47 AM, Cyberdevil wrote: I wish clouds were made of cotton candy.

Granted, it never rains and the world dries out.

I wish for some cotton candy.

At 10/23/13 10:47 AM, Cyberdevil wrote:
I wish clouds were made of cotton candy.

Granted. In that moment, every cloud turns into a water-flavored cotton candy, and heavy with mass, fall violently to the earth. This takes out a couple of airplanes and jets that just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Tons of traffic accidents ensue.

In the many months cleaning up the mess and the cotton catastrophe, the entire rain cycle is thrown off balance. We experience a world-wide drought for a very long time before it re-stabilizes itself...but hey, while the food shortage is going on, at least we have plenty of candy!

I wish diabetes is permanently cured, eradicated as a disease of the past.

At 10/23/13 10:51 AM, NewgroundsMike wrote:

At 10/23/13 10:47 AM, Cyberdevil wrote: I wish clouds were made of cotton candy.

Granted, it never rains and the world dries out.

I wish for some cotton candy.

Granted, but it's all sky candy from Cyberdevil's wish.

I wish diabetes is permanently cured, eradicated as a disease of the past.

At 10/23/13 11:13 AM, Phobotech wrote: I wish diabetes is permanently cured, eradicated as a disease of the past.

Granted. Diabetes is permanently cured. As a result, people eat sugary foods like never before, become extremely fat and die early of obesity. Soon everybody is extremely tired and fat, they stay indoors and eat more and more to get over sudden surges of depression and despair. The world order decays and society as we know it is no more.

I wish screams were melodic and catchy.

At 10/23/13 08:58 PM, Slacker013 wrote:

I wish for some of that shitty tea!

Granted, it still tastes like shit tho

I wish that whenever I was buying something, i'd always have the exact change for it right in my pocket