At 7/22/10 03:42 AM, PWN411N00BS12 wrote:
So me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 3 months, but i cant help but worry way too much about her. She knows how much i worry about us and keeps on saying that i should stop and that everything will be fine, but i find that a bit hard to accept...for a couple of reasons actually:
You should listen to yourself and your girlfriend. You admit that you worry too much, the problem is that you also believe you can't help it. This is where you're wrong. Obviously you wouldn't have come here and ask for help if you truly believed that you are beyond help. The reason you should listen to your girlfriend is simple; she's telling you to do what you deep down know is the right thing to do. She gets you on a level that you can't comprehend and trusts that you, with her guidance, will find your way. Besides that, she also obviously has trust that you will, which would be odd for a girl that wants to dump you since they really don't care much about you.
I think you know what your problem is and that you simply do not know how to solve it. I also think that I can provide you with a solution. First, let's take a look at your first problem by going through the reasons you give below.
1. Shes had like 7 boyfriends before that (most of them) havent last more than a few weeks (im her longest, her first make-out, etc.)
What you just said is that you are in every way different from her previous boyfriends. She has stayed with you longer, she found you worthy (or hot) enough to make out with you, etc. If you are in every way different from the guys she dumped, why worry about suffering the same fate? You should be proud of having been better than all of those before you.
2. Shes my first gf and really i've been heartbroken quite a bit before and dont want to be with someone like her
Do you know how fear of dogs works? People say that dogs smell fear. Part of that is true since we emit pheromones when we're afraid that dogs can smell. The other part is that dogs read body language and recognizes fear. The way dogs react to this fear is the way it expects you to react, namely to defend itself by attacking you. Fear of dogs is thus basicly an endless cycle which ends with you evoking that which you are afraid of.
The solution to this problem is simple, namely not being afraid of dogs. That way you don't threaten the dog and it won't feel like it should attack you.
The reason I'm telling you this is because people are similar. When you are afraid your relationship will end, you'll do all kinds of things that will deteriorate the quality of the relationship. Eventually this will all build up and evoke a reaction from your partner. This reaction is similar to that of the dog; she will do exactly that which you are afraid of.
If you instead have no fear of your partner leaving you, you will, just like the situation with the dog, be able to do whatever you want without evoking your previously feared reaction.
If you fear she'll break up, your actions will eventually get her to do so.
If you fear that you'll be hurt by the relationship ending, it will.
If you have confidence in the relationship and that you'll handle whatever happens, you will handle it.
3. Its the summer and we've barely see each other (only been 3 times this entire summer...)
4. Shes in Mexico right now (until the 26th), but apprantly im one of the few people who know.
Again, you're the odd one out here. And in contrary to most situations, you're actually on the side of the people she trusts. Doesn't sound like a bad thing, does it?
Also, it's not really about how often you see each other, it's about the quality of the time that you share. It's about making the most of that time. You also need to realize that she has a life of her own, and in contrary to what you might think, it's for the best that there are things more important to her than you.
Is there a way to get rid of thinking like shes going to break up with me?
There are several. The first way is by getting rid of your first problem, namely thinking too much about the wrong stuff. Your mind is set to doom scenario mode and turns any information into something negative without looking at it in more detail. As I've shown you, the reason you gave are actually all positives and aren't even close to meaning she'll dump you.
Whenever you find yourself thinking negatively, start questioning yourself. Ask yourself if it's really all that bad or if you're overreacting.
Secondly, call yourself on it. If you find yourself thinking that she'll dump you or anything along that line, stop what you're doing. Actually say (or think, if that feel betters) to yourself to stop. Say: "habbi! Everything is going perfectly fine. Whatever happens, I'll handle it, learn from it and grow from it".
By doing this, you create a feeling of control over what you feel and interrupt your bad habit. Doing this is crucial since it's the only way to erase that habit completely. By saying to yourself what I just said, you'll not only erase the bad habit, you'll replace it with a new healthy one. This habit will shift your mind to a constructive way of thinking whenever something "bad" happens. Then you'll find that which you previously feared was either not to be feared at all or is actually a pretty valuable lesson to you.
Also, should i really get involved with her? i mean whenever i always say my gushy romantic stuff (:/), i'm always haunted by the fact that we're only 15 and that we're probably going to break up later on and meet other people and that more i love her the more heartbroken i'm going to end up being in the end. I really love her, but im afraid to be because of that.
The truth is that you most likely will break up at some point and that you will meet new people. The truth is also that you will move on and love other people. The truth is that life will always hurt at some times. The truth is also that it will feel great at some times. The big difference is you. You have the control to decided what to do when these things happen. Do you choose to experience breaking up as a bad thing or as an opportunity to use what you've learned in another amazing relationship and simple appreciate all you've been through with her?
Appreciate what you have today and realize, but do not fear, that it may be gone tomorrow. It's nothing but realistic to accept the fact that things do not always go as we want them to. However, it is foolish to ignore what we have today because we fear that it may be gone tomorrow. That way we don't really have it at all.
At 7/23/10 03:49 PM, Madnessfreak13 wrote:
At 6/27/10 05:16 AM, Madnessfreak13 wrote:
hey guys help, Please
i like a girl who i'm near certain likes me but we don't mention this to each other ever. we've been friends for years and i'm too nervous to say anything about it. what should i do guys, i've helped my buddies out in these situations but i just don't have the balls to do it in my case
c'mon i need it and i trust you guys
Trust yourself, rely on yourself, not us. If you don't have the balls to do what you tell others to do, you won't have the balls to do what any of us will tell you. None of us will be able to magically give you a pair. Only one person can do that and that is you. And the only way to do that is by doing that which you know you should be doing.