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jakkelster
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-07-17 14:11:19 Reply

is it psychotic to stab 30 holes into your ex's bathroom wall ?

Pandamir
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-07-17 14:38:35 Reply

At 7/17/10 04:52 AM, Vincoid wrote: If, after this, you decide to still see her in order to pursue anything with her, question her motives. She just came out of another relationship. Why does she want to get back in touch with you right after? Is she looking for a quick lay or for something serious? I'm not saying you should be suspicious of her, but don't walk blindly into something you don't want.

Yeah that's what i keep thinking. But I am very aware of everything and also observing all angles of the current situation. And it's really not that i am desperate but i just can't seem to find my way at the moment with all that life is pilling on and having to try to figure all this out at the same time, is rather confusing to say the least. But I do want to get back with my ex but it would take time to rebuild everything with her considering how long we have been broken up. But in any case thanks for the advice Vincoid and any further advice would be greatly appreciated.


Love is giving somebody the power to destroy you and trusting them not to!!

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Vincoid
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-07-18 04:55:11 Reply

At 7/17/10 02:11 PM, jakkelster wrote: is it psychotic to stab 30 holes into your ex's bathroom wall ?

Only if you're not helping her redecorate.

At 7/17/10 02:38 PM, I-Love-Caitlyn wrote: Yeah that's what i keep thinking. But I am very aware of everything and also observing all angles of the current situation. And it's really not that i am desperate but i just can't seem to find my way at the moment with all that life is pilling on and having to try to figure all this out at the same time, is rather confusing to say the least. But I do want to get back with my ex but it would take time to rebuild everything with her considering how long we have been broken up. But in any case thanks for the advice Vincoid and any further advice would be greatly appreciated.

I get what you're saying, but to me it sounds like getting into a relationship isn't really the answer to what you're looking for. It actually sounds like what's happening is life, and since life is unpredictable and mostly chaotic, you're looking for some stability, some security.
The thing, however, is that a relationship won't help with that. Sure, the great feeling you'll feel will numb out some of the worries you have, but you're going to have to deal with all that life sends your way anyway. What I'm saying is not that you shouldn't get into a relationship, but if you're doing it to find stability, you'll probably end up making it more chaotic, especially in a situation like this where you're getting back with your ex.

What I think you really should do is learn to deal with the insecurities and unpredictability of life. Instead of trying to control your life, let go of all things outside your reach and just go with it. Go with whatever happens and make the most out of every situation.
I believe that we only have control over 2 things; What we do and how we feel. We don't control what others do or what happens to us, but we can take control over how we feel about it. If we try to take control over that which we have no control, we end up feeling like we have no control at all and end up struggling all the time. If you let go of trying to have control, you instead learn how to go with any given situation, thus creating control over your own life.

Besides all of this, I also believe we should always fix our personal life in order to improve our relationships with other people instead of the other way around. Doing so could cause a lot of stress and extra pressure on the relationship since you're not only expecting yourself to feel better because of it, but also expecting her to make you feel better. Putting that kind of responsibility on her is not only unfair, it's most likely going to destroy all feelings she has for you since she can't live up to your expectations.

So try and fix your personal life as much as you can by actually letting go of it. The answers you're looking for can come at any given moment as soon as you let going of trying to find them. Most of the time, the only thing we need is peace of mind so your brain can actually give you an answer to your problems. Stress and all kinds of negative emotions end up clouding our brain and creating an endless cycle in which you only get more stressed out. All you need to do is let go.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Pandamir
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-07-18 15:21:37 Reply

At 7/18/10 04:55 AM, Vincoid wrote:

:. Stress and all kinds of negative emotions end up clouding our brain and creating an endless cycle in which you only get more stressed out. All you need to do is let go.

That makes perfect sense. And I will try to put that plan into action then seem where it takes me and how it effects things. It should all work out for the better but life is unpredictable so there is no way of telling which way it will go. So i will just hope for the best and plan for the worst.


Love is giving somebody the power to destroy you and trusting them not to!!

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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-07-21 14:47:16 Reply

Dam, I cant belive how long its been since I've been to this crew. Well its probably since I havnt been in a relationship for a while so Iv had nothing to post. Nor have I felt like I could contribute anything since Iv seriously been depressed for a couple of months.

But Im seriously happy that vincoids been here giving amazing advice. Il try to offer my advice too if thats okay, Im sure I can be of great service (once again lol)


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PWN411N00BS12
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-07-22 03:42:20 Reply

So me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 3 months, but i cant help but worry way too much about her. She knows how much i worry about us and keeps on saying that i should stop and that everything will be fine, but i find that a bit hard to accept...for a couple of reasons actually:
1. Shes had like 7 boyfriends before that (most of them) havent last more than a few weeks (im her longest, her first make-out, etc.)
2. Shes my first gf and really i've been heartbroken quite a bit before and dont want to be with someone like her
3. Its the summer and we've barely see each other (only been 3 times this entire summer...)
4. Shes in Mexico right now (until the 26th), but apprantly im one of the few people who know.
Is there a way to get rid of thinking like shes going to break up with me?

Also, should i really get involved with her? i mean whenever i always say my gushy romantic stuff (:/), i'm always haunted by the fact that we're only 15 and that we're probably going to break up later on and meet other people and that more i love her the more heartbroken i'm going to end up being in the end. I really love her, but im afraid to be because of that.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-07-23 15:49:20 Reply

At 6/27/10 05:16 AM, Madnessfreak13 wrote:
i like a girl who i'm near certain likes me but we don't mention this to each other ever. we've been friends for years and i'm too nervous to say anything about it. what should i do guys, i've helped my buddies out in these situations but i just don't have the balls to do it in my case

hey guys help, Please

c'mon i need it and i trust you guys

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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-07-23 23:39:41 Reply

At 7/22/10 03:42 AM, PWN411N00BS12 wrote: So me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 3 months, but i cant help but worry way too much about her. She knows how much i worry about us and keeps on saying that i should stop and that everything will be fine, but i find that a bit hard to accept...for a couple of reasons actually:

You should listen to yourself and your girlfriend. You admit that you worry too much, the problem is that you also believe you can't help it. This is where you're wrong. Obviously you wouldn't have come here and ask for help if you truly believed that you are beyond help. The reason you should listen to your girlfriend is simple; she's telling you to do what you deep down know is the right thing to do. She gets you on a level that you can't comprehend and trusts that you, with her guidance, will find your way. Besides that, she also obviously has trust that you will, which would be odd for a girl that wants to dump you since they really don't care much about you.

I think you know what your problem is and that you simply do not know how to solve it. I also think that I can provide you with a solution. First, let's take a look at your first problem by going through the reasons you give below.

1. Shes had like 7 boyfriends before that (most of them) havent last more than a few weeks (im her longest, her first make-out, etc.)

What you just said is that you are in every way different from her previous boyfriends. She has stayed with you longer, she found you worthy (or hot) enough to make out with you, etc. If you are in every way different from the guys she dumped, why worry about suffering the same fate? You should be proud of having been better than all of those before you.

2. Shes my first gf and really i've been heartbroken quite a bit before and dont want to be with someone like her

Do you know how fear of dogs works? People say that dogs smell fear. Part of that is true since we emit pheromones when we're afraid that dogs can smell. The other part is that dogs read body language and recognizes fear. The way dogs react to this fear is the way it expects you to react, namely to defend itself by attacking you. Fear of dogs is thus basicly an endless cycle which ends with you evoking that which you are afraid of.
The solution to this problem is simple, namely not being afraid of dogs. That way you don't threaten the dog and it won't feel like it should attack you.

The reason I'm telling you this is because people are similar. When you are afraid your relationship will end, you'll do all kinds of things that will deteriorate the quality of the relationship. Eventually this will all build up and evoke a reaction from your partner. This reaction is similar to that of the dog; she will do exactly that which you are afraid of.
If you instead have no fear of your partner leaving you, you will, just like the situation with the dog, be able to do whatever you want without evoking your previously feared reaction.

If you fear she'll break up, your actions will eventually get her to do so.
If you fear that you'll be hurt by the relationship ending, it will.
If you have confidence in the relationship and that you'll handle whatever happens, you will handle it.

3. Its the summer and we've barely see each other (only been 3 times this entire summer...)
4. Shes in Mexico right now (until the 26th), but apprantly im one of the few people who know.

Again, you're the odd one out here. And in contrary to most situations, you're actually on the side of the people she trusts. Doesn't sound like a bad thing, does it?

Also, it's not really about how often you see each other, it's about the quality of the time that you share. It's about making the most of that time. You also need to realize that she has a life of her own, and in contrary to what you might think, it's for the best that there are things more important to her than you.

Is there a way to get rid of thinking like shes going to break up with me?

There are several. The first way is by getting rid of your first problem, namely thinking too much about the wrong stuff. Your mind is set to doom scenario mode and turns any information into something negative without looking at it in more detail. As I've shown you, the reason you gave are actually all positives and aren't even close to meaning she'll dump you.
Whenever you find yourself thinking negatively, start questioning yourself. Ask yourself if it's really all that bad or if you're overreacting.

Secondly, call yourself on it. If you find yourself thinking that she'll dump you or anything along that line, stop what you're doing. Actually say (or think, if that feel betters) to yourself to stop. Say: "habbi! Everything is going perfectly fine. Whatever happens, I'll handle it, learn from it and grow from it".
By doing this, you create a feeling of control over what you feel and interrupt your bad habit. Doing this is crucial since it's the only way to erase that habit completely. By saying to yourself what I just said, you'll not only erase the bad habit, you'll replace it with a new healthy one. This habit will shift your mind to a constructive way of thinking whenever something "bad" happens. Then you'll find that which you previously feared was either not to be feared at all or is actually a pretty valuable lesson to you.


Also, should i really get involved with her? i mean whenever i always say my gushy romantic stuff (:/), i'm always haunted by the fact that we're only 15 and that we're probably going to break up later on and meet other people and that more i love her the more heartbroken i'm going to end up being in the end. I really love her, but im afraid to be because of that.

The truth is that you most likely will break up at some point and that you will meet new people. The truth is also that you will move on and love other people. The truth is that life will always hurt at some times. The truth is also that it will feel great at some times. The big difference is you. You have the control to decided what to do when these things happen. Do you choose to experience breaking up as a bad thing or as an opportunity to use what you've learned in another amazing relationship and simple appreciate all you've been through with her?

Appreciate what you have today and realize, but do not fear, that it may be gone tomorrow. It's nothing but realistic to accept the fact that things do not always go as we want them to. However, it is foolish to ignore what we have today because we fear that it may be gone tomorrow. That way we don't really have it at all.

At 7/23/10 03:49 PM, Madnessfreak13 wrote:
At 6/27/10 05:16 AM, Madnessfreak13 wrote:
i like a girl who i'm near certain likes me but we don't mention this to each other ever. we've been friends for years and i'm too nervous to say anything about it. what should i do guys, i've helped my buddies out in these situations but i just don't have the balls to do it in my case
hey guys help, Please

c'mon i need it and i trust you guys

Trust yourself, rely on yourself, not us. If you don't have the balls to do what you tell others to do, you won't have the balls to do what any of us will tell you. None of us will be able to magically give you a pair. Only one person can do that and that is you. And the only way to do that is by doing that which you know you should be doing.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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kassarin
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-08-01 06:31:24 Reply

At 7/23/10 03:49 PM, Madnessfreak13 wrote:
At 6/27/10 05:16 AM, Madnessfreak13 wrote:
i like a girl who i'm near certain likes me but we don't mention this to each other ever. we've been friends for years and i'm too nervous to say anything about it. what should i do guys, i've helped my buddies out in these situations but i just don't have the balls to do it in my case
hey guys help, Please

c'mon i need it and i trust you guys

Alright, you can actually try teasing her for a few days. If she gives you a positive response means her door is still opened. One good method you can try is to "push and pull" i.e. to tease her and compliment her, tease her, compliment her. Wash rinse repeat.

If she doesn't tease you back or anything, that means its a neg response, which means her door is closed and your relationship with her will be "friends only". Go try again and post out the result. Good luck mate ;)

MrOctopi
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-08-02 20:33:34 Reply

Wow, I haven't been here in ages. Life is good. I have a shit ton of prospects, and to be honest I should have serious girlfriend by 2nd semster. Anyways, that's besides the point. Has anybody here been to Warped Tour? And if so, is it a good place to hook up with chicks? Just wondering.


Do that which is good, and no harm shall come to thee.

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Iseewhatyoudidthar
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-08-11 15:37:53 Reply

Hi,
Well anyways this girl started talking to me on facebook. She lives about an hour or so away from me and shit but thats beside the point. Well anyways she asked me for my number and I gave it to her thinking nothing of it. Then she starts asking me all these weird questions such as "Are you a virgin ;)" after that it was apparent she wanted my balls. And after that she started talking about her feelings and she said she was suicidal and shit. So I was like fuck. I asked my friend what to do he said just play along. So I did. I wish I didn't. She starts telling me all this sexual stuff she wants to do to me. The next day I was at my friends house and I recalled her talking about her past boyfriend who asked for nudes then left her. So I thought maybe she would think I was the creep if I asked for nudes (she was like I'm never doing that again :C) and acted like a total dick to her. That did not work in the slightest. It made her like me more. Last night I turn on my phone to find 7 new texts from her. Then I go on facebook and I have 2 messages from her. Since then I have been ignoring her. But she still pesters me even when I do that. What do I do? I just want her to go away.

tarahloveshentai
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-08-12 05:06:53 Reply

So guys, I've recently been presented single thanks to a boyfriend who's cheated on me and is still talking to that very person behind my back.

I've been out of the dating game for 6 years. I've had suitors along the way but I've always turned them down because I was taken.

I'm scared of being alone but I can't be with someone that's going to lie and break promises every time this girl contacts him. I've already given him a second chance and he blew it.

How do I get back into the dating game?
I don't like being single and I don't want to "enjoy" the single life?


I respond to every message!

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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-08-12 06:17:15 Reply

At 8/11/10 03:37 PM, Iseewhatyoudidthar wrote: Well anyways this girl started talking to me on facebook.

It may sound cruel, and blatantly rude - but you need to get it through to this girl. Initially you need to outright tell her your not interested at all. Dont exactly insult her, but make it firm enough for her to get the point. hen eventually you two will continue talking more rarely, as friends. Thats your best bet. Firm, somewhat rude, but not outright mean. Some girls need it that way, or they get caught up.

Its the nicer alternative. For a girl like that, your next best bet is the block button.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-08-15 23:50:04 Reply

At 8/12/10 05:06 AM, tarahloveshentai wrote: How do I get back into the dating game?
I don't like being single and I don't want to "enjoy" the single life?

I hate to break this to you, but part of it might be to enjoy the single life. I've dealt with a kind of big breakup before (a little over a year, and I truly did love her), and part of getting over it/ getting back into it is to enjoy being with yourself. Take the time to do things you couldn't do in a relationship. Go out with your friends. Listen to something new. Be yourself. If you can't be happy by yourself, then it's hard to truly be happy with someone else. You may not like being single at first, but it's not a good idea to jump into a relationship again so soon. Maybe the best thing in your situation after being in such a long relationship is to be by yourself.

And trust me, I know this is going to be hard to just "do." I didn't hear this from some psychologist or Dr. Phil or anything; this is something I just experienced on my own. It really is easier said than done, because this is a really hard time for you. I've been there. A lot of other people have too. I know plenty myself. It may take months for you to find someone else. In fact, it's when you aren't looking for someone is when you find them.

Take my advice however you will, but this is just how I dealt with the same thing.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-08-31 02:17:03 Reply

Hey I like a girl that i've liked for almost a year which i guess isn't much but as i started to try harder, she got back with her old boyfriend (this was a few months back) and now i'm still into her, while she's taken.
I'm okay friends with her current boyfriend as we're all in the same group of friends, but he's a lot more attractive and muscular than me, and if i pissed him off, he could/maybe would do some serious damage to me.

i dont wanna break them up because theyre both happy, i dont have the right, i dont think i could even if i did want to, and i would get hurt badly.

TLDR -
like girl
shes taken
im sad
wat do

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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-08-31 09:20:37 Reply

At 8/31/10 02:17 AM, Spaghetti14 wrote: Hey I like a girl that i've liked for almost a year which i guess isn't much but as i started to try harder, she got back with her old boyfriend (this was a few months back) and now i'm still into her, while she's taken.
I'm okay friends with her current boyfriend as we're all in the same group of friends, but he's a lot more attractive and muscular than me, and if i pissed him off, he could/maybe would do some serious damage to me.

i dont wanna break them up because theyre both happy, i dont have the right, i dont think i could even if i did want to, and i would get hurt badly.

TLDR -
like girl
shes taken
im sad
wat do

Cents from AHL. I've gleaned from "We're in the same group of friends" that you and the large, attractive, muscular man may actually be your friend? I'm not certain of the circumstances between you two, but there is nothing wrong with at least telling this girl that you're interested. Chances are... likely that this girl, and this guy won't be together forever. If/when her current relationship ever dies, she'll remember that theres a guy she hangs out with that would be more than happy to court her. Also: you mentioned that he's more attractive and muscular than you. Where is your self esteem? If you've been doting over this girl for a year, it's time to take matters into your own hands. Your body is a statue waiting to be sculpted into an adonis. Hit the gym every now and then. You're not aiming to be a professional weight lifter, but getting into shape, or better shape, will both increase your chances, and boost your self esteem. If you don't believe you're worth dating, neither will she. If all else fails, simply realize that however cliche it sounds, there certainly are more fish in the sea. A damn near infinite number of fish in the sea.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-01 01:37:47 Reply

Blah.

So, there's this girl. She's perfect for me, I can myself around her, and she won't bitch me out like all the other girl's I've ever gone out with. She's beautiful, and the time we spend together, though it hasn't been much, is always amazing.

She asked me out the first day we met, after she asked if I wanted to hang out with her at lunch. We talked about some of her asshole exes, we laughed, and we were able to really talk to each other. I feel so different about her than any of my previous girlfriends.

The problem is some experiences with my aforementioned "previous girlfriends". Whenever I go out with a girl, I always let her get too close to me. I really get into the relationship. What always happens is that she will break up with me, something I know will happen because I feel more strongly for them than they do for me. It's a feeling I've gotten at the start of all my relationships. After she breaks up with me, I feel like shit for weeks, knowing I let someone I knew wouldn't really like me get so close to me. This is why I stopped trying for relationships.

This girl is different. It's the first time I've ever not felt that way about a relationship. But that's the problem. If I would have felt that she didn't like me so much, I would have broken up with her right away. I guess it's one of those "I love you, but I don't want to be hurt again" clichès. The only reason I don't break up with her now is because I think that we might have a real chance at something good.

How do you think I should handle this situation?


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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-01 04:32:45 Reply

At 9/1/10 01:37 AM, DM692 wrote: How do you think I should handle this situation?

Ask yourself dude - Is the possibily, worth the pain?

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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-01 08:16:26 Reply

At 9/1/10 01:37 AM, DM692 wrote: How do you think I should handle this situation?

Go for it.

First of all you're afraid for a result you got from several similar other situations but at the same time you're telling us that this time it's different. So what's there to be afraid of?

Secondly, letting a girl get close to you is your thing. The only way you'll ever be happy is to make yourself vulnerable. That way you find the girl that really fits with you perfectly when you do so and she doesn't take advantage of it. That means risking getting hurt, but when you do find that girl, you'll happier than ever before and all that was bad will seem to fade away.
Not letting girls get close isn't an option either because that would mean you had to stop being yourself. Nothing will make you more miserable than that.

So, if happiness is what you seek, there really is one option for you:

Go for it.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-02 20:52:47 Reply

At 9/1/10 08:16 AM, Vincoid wrote: So, if happiness is what you seek, there really is one option for you:

Go for it.

Woah. That actually really helped a lot man, thanks.

Unfortunately, another problem seems to have arisen :C

This girl, she seems to be really immature. Like, not in the "LOL COCK JOKE LOLOLOLOL" kind of way, and I don't really know how to explain it, but it's like she'll always have to point out to everyone she talks to that I'm her boyfriend.

*Thinks about what to type next, gets boop from Facebook*

Fuck. here's what happened. Turns out it was her, and she simply said "i luv u". Really, she's the sweetest thing in the world, but we've only been going out for a few days. I wasn't ready to say anything to that, so I just said "Look, I really like you, but like I said, I'm not used to things going so fast, and I don't know if I'm quite ready to say 'I love you'. :C". Fortunately, she understood and took it well, which definitely shows some maturity.

Either way, no matter how strongly I feel for her, I feel I'm getting in over my head. She has some mental conditions (ADD, ADHD, bipolarity, depression) that sometimes make her act weird. But not in some psychotic way, just... weird. Like I mentioned before I got the FB notification, she likes pointing out to everyone that I'm her boyfriend, even though it's pretty easy to see.

Now, even though I feel something's special about this girl, I'm wondering if it's a kind of relationship I can handle right now. I don't think I'm somewhere in life where I can comfortably be with someone like this. Do you guys think that there's any way I can find... stability in this relationship?


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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-06 14:15:55 Reply

At 9/2/10 08:52 PM, DM692 wrote: Now, even though I feel something's special about this girl, I'm wondering if it's a kind of relationship I can handle right now. I don't think I'm somewhere in life where I can comfortably be with someone like this. Do you guys think that there's any way I can find... stability in this relationship?

Maybe it's something you need to get used to, maybe it's simply something you can't deal with right now. I really can't tell so you'll need to find that out for yourself.

Maybe she can't deal with it that well either and this is how she acts because of it, so maybe she needs to get used to it. I'd sit this one out for a little while, take some time to collect your thoughts and make a decision in a little while.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-15 23:05:22 Reply

So homecoming is coming up and I wanna go but there aren't really any girls I have my eye on (that are available, at least..) so I wanna still ask someone but I just want it to be a friend.
So I was gonna ask a friend, but I don't wanna ruin their chances either if they wanna go with someone else who is more than a friend.
I just don't wanna be the only single guy at homecoming in 5 weeks, and apparently people are starting to ask already which I think is just stupid.

GrandSpank
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-23 15:02:38 Reply

Well, it's been a while since I've asked for help here, but I knew this would be the best place to turn to.

As some other users have already mentioned, homecoming is around the corner. I'm in my senior year and really want to experience everything, and that means finally going to the dance, and finally getting a date. I have my eyes on one or two girls that I don't think have a date yet.

So, I have a couple of questions. First, does it matter if I don't know the girl personally at all? I've had them in past years classes but I never really had any discussions with them. We know each other by name only. I feel like it could be awkward if the girl accepted the date but we end up having nothing in common and just have an awkward silent night. Should we have a date before the dance?

Second, when should I ask? The dance is in two or three weeks. Should I ask a few days before, or as soon as possible?

Thats all I was wondering, I'm sure someone else probably had the same questions. Thanks for any replies.

therealanimator
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-23 15:39:22 Reply

i think i beat myself up when it comes to looking for love.. Theres a girl im friendly with but..heres the deal im not good with flirting..i suck at flirting. I know she likes rock music and the mighty boosh.. but i just don't want be like "LETS GO OUT RIGHT NOW!". Anyone have any advice on how i should tell her i like you but not with words but with actions?


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Patton3
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-23 20:52:19 Reply

I realize what this is going to sound like, but please trust that I'm mature enough that I really am speaking on behalf of a friend.
In any case, he's now 4 years without a relationship and is actually depressed, in good part as a result of this. The rest comes from a pretty bad hand he was dealt as far as his childhood is concerned. His mom left with the last of his dad's money and moved out to California when his dad's company tanked, so he and his brother have been working with his dad in part to make ends meet, in part because his dad's... well, bad tempered. They've never been destitute, yet definitely what would be considered lower class as far as money is concerned.
He's a brilliant kid though. He's on a nearly full scholarship for engineering, and can build things you wouldn't believe: such as the working gun he made out of nothing but legos, which fired with enough force to pierce a wall. Often as nice as can be, though it must be said, he often bemoans his background. He's come from some rather shitty circumstances I grant him that, yet it becomes obsessive, and self pitying.
As far as women are concerned, he's more clueless than I am about 'signals' and flirting. And I can be pretty thick. He seems to have by and large just given up, and I'm running low on advice to get him. He's a good guy and a good friend, and I hate to see him in this position.
He would be the happiest guy in the world if he could just have a nice, sincere girl. Yet he's often blind to any flirting or hints, and bemoans his condition, making it worse. Then there's the issue that break ups are inevitable, and I simply don't know how he'd handle it, given what he is like now. I get the feeling he would revert to were he is now, and actually fall further.
So what advice can i give him? Because honestly, I'm just about out of dating/relationship wisdom, as are several others who have tried to help him.


If life gives you lemons, read the fine print; chances are, there's a monthly fee attached.

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B4gle
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-24 22:24:14 Reply

What do you do with a girl who has everything? Who guys are tripping over, and is just absolutely stunning? Usually I would act the opposite from what other guys are doing to get her attention, but this chick has all sorts of different types of guys after her. Guys that act like they don't care, and guys that just try too hard.

What chance does a brother have?


You have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

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B4gle
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-24 22:29:02 Reply

At 9/23/10 03:39 PM, therealanimator wrote: i think i beat myself up when it comes to looking for love.. Theres a girl im friendly with but..heres the deal im not good with flirting..i suck at flirting. I know she likes rock music and the mighty boosh.. but i just don't want be like "LETS GO OUT RIGHT NOW!". Anyone have any advice on how i should tell her i like you but not with words but with actions?

You are going to have to talk to her, that's inevitable. When your talking to her, keep eye contact for a little longer than normal, but not too the point where it's creeping her out. There are a few different approaches you could take.

You could tease her a little bit, and act like a little bit of a jerk, but in a playful way to make her laugh. Or you could be a nice guy, and throw a compliment her way every now and then. "you look nice today."

I've read somewhere that a person is MUCH more likely to remember a conversation if there is some kind of physical contact. When you joke around with her, lightly punch her shoulder, or do whatever you have to do. Give a high five if she tells you she did well on a test. Anything like that.

Flirting is a lot easier than you think. If you spend all your time thinking of some kind of a specific technique, you'll probably end up thinking too much and mess things up for yourself.


You have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

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B4gle
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-24 22:34:04 Reply

At 9/23/10 03:02 PM, GrandSpank wrote: Well, it's been a while since I've asked for help here, but I knew this would be the best place to turn to.

It's cool.

As some other users have already mentioned, homecoming is around the corner. I'm in my senior year and really want to experience everything, and that means finally going to the dance, and finally getting a date. I have my eyes on one or two girls that I don't think have a date yet.

Sounds good.

So, I have a couple of questions. First, does it matter if I don't know the girl personally at all? I've had them in past years classes but I never really had any discussions with them. We know each other by name only. I feel like it could be awkward if the girl accepted the date but we end up having nothing in common and just have an awkward silent night. Should we have a date before the dance?

Yes, you probably should know the girl a little beforehand. I don't mean talk to her all the time and be her bestfriend, but you will know when the time is right to ask her. Do not just blurt it out, that will seem creepy. If you have a conversation with her, and you really hit it off, and are having a great time talking to her, then try something like this.

Girl : hahaha, what a funny joke! Your hilarious!
You : hah, well you know, I try. Hey listen, you going to that dance?
Girl : Yeah I was thinking about it.
You : How about you stop just thinking about it and come with me?

Second, when should I ask? The dance is in two or three weeks. Should I ask a few days before, or as soon as possible?

Ask her whenever it feels right. If your having a great conversation with her, and she seems into you, then ask her then. But if this feeling never happens, you shouldn't bother.

Thats all I was wondering, I'm sure someone else probably had the same questions. Thanks for any replies.

No problem.


You have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

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tatsumaru7
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-27 17:40:43 Reply

And Im going to be living at home. So I wont be able to socialise as much as the people who are living there. So does anyone have and advice or tips for me? o.0

Just had my first day, its really over whelming there are just soooo many beautiful girls here I dont know what to do. Every time Im about to approach one I see a better looking one walk by then I walk towards her and I have absolutely FUCK ALL TO SAY. Really I dont know what I should do. Id would really like to get to know some of these girls a little better. I know how to start up the conversation but I just dont know how to end it. Do people still ask for phone numbers..or have people moved on o.0


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therealanimator
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Response to Relationship Crew 2010-09-27 18:04:20 Reply

B4gle..Thanks for the advice man. I keep seeing her like everyday when i get the chance i don't talk 2 her like but she waves at me and smiles at me so its gonna be good thanks guys.


cherry garcia: its like having an angel cum in your mouth

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