At 2/24/08 05:11 PM, sirtom93 wrote: So my question is. Im 15 and never had a girlfriend. Although I really like some girls for looks and personality at my school I dont think its humainly possible for me to build up the courage to ask one out. Is this a bad thing?

Not at all. It's not weird to be insecure about yourself. The best part about it is that it can be helped.

For starters, check out my big-ass post in This Topic

I never had the courage to ask girls out, but I learned to have faith in myself. And so can you, no matter how insecure you are.

Could you go a bit deeper in how you feel? Tell me a bit about what kind of insecurities you feel, because I think I know what's going on, but I need to have a bit more details to give you some advice that applies exactly to you.
Tell me what you think will happen if you just go up to a girl and talk to her. Tell me what you think will happen if you ask one out.

At 2/24/08 06:01 PM, elkrobber wrote:

At 2/22/08 06:51 AM, Vincoid wrote:

At 2/22/08 05:35 AM, elkrobber wrote:

At 2/22/08 03:43 AM, Vincoid wrote:

At 2/21/08 05:32 PM, elkrobber wrote:

Just ask. Be honest with her. Don't try to beat around the bush :P

Pun intended, right?

Yeah, pretty much :P

Took your advice vinci, and she said she would - I'm pretty sure that's mission accomplised.
I'll find out soon enough ;D

Nice one ;)

You know, there is no better way to see if my advice works than to actually try it. Keep it up man ;)

At 2/24/08 08:17 PM, Black-Lightning wrote: Where's vincoid? You need to have no life and spend more time with us in this crew buddy.

I spend quite some time here actually, it's just that I'm asleep when you're all on :P

At 2/24/08 11:39 PM, Black-Lightning wrote: So I was talking to the kid that hit ember with a skateboard. He said it never happened. I'm kinda confused on what to believe. I want to believe Ember, but she's lied to me a lot recently... shit is getting worse as 08 goes on.

Hold on a sec... didn't you guys break up? Weren't you playing bass? Didn't I, like ten million times, advice you to move on?

It doesn't matter what happened between them. You have to focus on yourself, on your own life. And hey, 08 ain't bad man... sure, some nasty shit happened to you, but you know what? Now you know. Now that you have experienced this, you can learn from it and stop yourself from ever getting in a situation like that.
That's why I'm here. Not to give you one line to say and move on to the next guy, but to help you guys become better with women in the rest of your life. That's why I would like to see all of you just going out there and try all the advice, so when you come back, you can discuss it and learn from it.
Wouldn't it be better if you could understand everything about how attraction and women work, instead of needing to ask for advice every two days?

At 2/25/08 01:02 AM, DarkLotusJuggalo wrote:

At 2/23/08 08:28 AM, Vincoid wrote:

At 2/22/08 03:52 PM, DarkLotusJuggalo wrote: I'm a vet here and while I haven't posted in some time, who are you Vincoid?

I'm Vincoid. And I try to make the world a better place for guys who aren't as good with girls as I am.

Just curious since I hadn't seen you around here when I was an active member here. Its all good though, you've got the right idea for the most part with things, TigerDemon still coming around?

I kind of slipped in about two weeks ago... didn't know it existed before that... too bad it's not that well known...

And about TigerDemon, I saw that he started this crew, but I haven't seen him post, I heard that he's been inactive for a couple of months or so...

Ok guys, I want to ask you something. Let me explain first:

I'm seeing guys come in here and ask advice. Some are regulars and will return, either needing more advice, thanking for the advice, or both. Some guys however, don't come back at all.
This isn't so smart, since you hardly learn anything from one piece of advice. That's why I have come up with the following:

Would you guys like me to post some of my knowledge about becoming a 'real man', women and dating, every day? Like a small daily thing with a different aspect of the subjects I just mentioned.
If so, can you post here: a) wether or not you think this is a good idea, b) what would you like to hear first?

I can come up with a lot of stuff myself, but I would like to know first what you guys think, and in what area you would like some help.

Thanks.

I think that a lot of people come here more for the support and opinion than the knowledge and advice.. I'm not saying that the advice is unappreciated. Its good advice and i'd agree to most of it..
But a lot of poeple want support or confidence, some just want to let something out to a neutral community..

As for posting your daily thing. I have no problem with that. Might not be a bad idea. But I'm not a big member here. So you should probably wait for more replies.

At 2/25/08 11:31 AM, CTM222 wrote: I think that a lot of people come here more for the support and opinion than the knowledge and advice.. I'm not saying that the advice is unappreciated. Its good advice and i'd agree to most of it..
But a lot of poeple want support or confidence, some just want to let something out to a neutral community..

I'll still do that, of course. It's just that, right now, we're giving them a solution to one situation. that way, when they encounter a different situation, they will have to come back for more advice.

If instead, I post a daily thing here, allowing them to learn how to integrate certain beliefs and skills in themselves, they will be able to control all of those situations with any girl/woman, in the rest of their lifes.
And the stuff I will talk about won't only help a lot with women, dating and relationships, but also in the rest of their lifes.

As for posting your daily thing. I have no problem with that. Might not be a bad idea. But I'm not a big member here. So you should probably wait for more replies.

Doesn't really matter if you're a big member, god I hate these puns, your opinion counts as much as one who is.

At 2/25/08 01:01 PM, Vincoid wrote:
And the stuff I will talk about won't only help a lot with women, dating and relationships, but also in the rest of their lifes.

Yeah. Sounds good to me, nothing wrong with learning/discussing life skills

god I hate these puns

Haha.. Did not notice that!

Man, I'm not here for like a month and now I only recognize two people... (Black and Phoenix)
I feel old...

At 2/25/08 11:31 AM, CTM222 wrote: I think that a lot of people come here more for the support and opinion than the knowledge and advice.. I'm not saying that the advice is unappreciated. Its good advice and i'd agree to most of it..
But a lot of poeple want support or confidence, some just want to let something out to a neutral community..

I completely agree here. Most of the time, people have an idea of what they need to do in a situation, and just want people to talk with to build up the courage to do it. It can be awkward with friends, so they ask us. Sometimes they don't know what to do, but deep down, most of the time they do.

Ex: How many times has the phrase 'Just ask her, and be yourself' been suggested? Almost everyone knows that's the thing to do, but they still come here to ask just to get people to back them up, and then they have the courage to do it.

At 2/24/08 05:11 PM, sirtom93 wrote: So my question is. Im 15 and never had a girlfriend.

My answer is, I'm almost 20 and never had a girlfriend. Five of my ~15 friends haven't either. It's not uncommon at all, and it's almost always for the same reason: lack of courage.
Don't worry, you'll find the courage when you really really truly like someone (instead of just a stiffy for them like you most likely have for those girls).

At 2/24/08 11:39 PM, Black-Lightning wrote: ... shit is getting worse as 08 goes on.

Agreed, this seems to be a pretty hectic year for just about everyone I know.

At 2/25/08 03:27 PM, CoryLehan wrote: Man, I'm not here for like a month and now I only recognize two people... (Black and Phoenix)
I feel old...

At 2/25/08 11:31 AM, CTM222 wrote: I think that a lot of people come here more for the support and opinion than the knowledge and advice.. I'm not saying that the advice is unappreciated. Its good advice and i'd agree to most of it..
But a lot of poeple want support or confidence, some just want to let something out to a neutral community..

I completely agree here. Most of the time, people have an idea of what they need to do in a situation, and just want people to talk with to build up the courage to do it. It can be awkward with friends, so they ask us. Sometimes they don't know what to do, but deep down, most of the time they do.

Ex: How many times has the phrase 'Just ask her, and be yourself' been suggested? Almost everyone knows that's the thing to do, but they still come here to ask just to get people to back them up, and then they have the courage to do it.

True, but wouldn't it be better if I can help guys to maintain that confidence? That way they'll have confidence in everything they do, have more success with women, are more attractive to women and don't have to keep returning for advice.

At 2/24/08 05:11 PM, sirtom93 wrote: So my question is. Im 15 and never had a girlfriend.

My answer is, I'm almost 20 and never had a girlfriend. Five of my ~15 friends haven't either. It's not uncommon at all, and it's almost always for the same reason: lack of courage.
Don't worry, you'll find the courage when you really really truly like someone (instead of just a stiffy for them like you most likely have for those girls).

Problem is that you'll actually have to talk to girls before you can decide wether or not you really like her. So it's actually better to build a constant confidence so you can approach any girl anytime.

And it's not lack of courage btw, it's too much insecurity and fear of rejection.
Courage, or confidence, is a lack of insecurity, not a thing of it's own. Big difference ;)

At 2/24/08 11:39 PM, Black-Lightning wrote: ... shit is getting worse as 08 goes on.

Agreed, this seems to be a pretty hectic year for just about everyone I know.

One of the things I hope to achieve with the daily stuff is to get you guys from being pessimists, and turn you into optimists, so you can truly enjoy life. Doesn't sound to bad now does it? :P

It makes me happy that my ex wife still has my name tattooed over her heart...

At 2/25/08 04:33 PM, PantyWipe wrote: It makes me happy that my ex wife still has my name tattooed over her heart...

Nice one bro! I don't have any exs that have tats of me or anything but I know one will be getting a tat that directly relates to me soon enough.

But then again I will probably be back with her soon enough as well. :)

Vincoid, why don't you post one of your daily tips as an example?

Vincoid that sounds great.

At 2/25/08 05:14 PM, DarkLotusJuggalo wrote: Nice one bro! I don't have any exs that have tats of me or anything but I know one will be getting a tat that directly relates to me soon enough.

But then again I will probably be back with her soon enough as well. :)

I got her name tatted on me, so it was an even trade. She was a good wifey when we were married, so I cant complain.

At 2/25/08 08:32 PM, PantyWipe wrote:

At 2/25/08 05:14 PM, DarkLotusJuggalo wrote: Nice one bro! I don't have any exs that have tats of me or anything but I know one will be getting a tat that directly relates to me soon enough.
But then again I will probably be back with her soon enough as well. :)

I got her name tatted on me, so it was an even trade. She was a good wifey when we were married, so I cant complain.

Thats good then man, don't tell anyone.. but I have a tattoo representing one of my exs as well, she is the same one I mention I may be back with pretty soon here. :)

In approximately one hour, when I call my girlfriend, she will be informed that we are no longer an item, due to her excessive stupidity, compulsion to manipulate, and willingness to withhold affection for her own gain.

At 2/25/08 09:02 PM, PhoenixTails wrote: In approximately one hour, when I call my girlfriend, she will be informed that we are no longer an item, due to her excessive stupidity, compulsion to manipulate, and willingness to withhold affection for her own gain.

Let us know how that goes, will you be breaking up with her in the process or more telling her off than anything else?

At 2/25/08 09:30 PM, DarkLotusJuggalo wrote: Let us know how that goes, will you be breaking up with her in the process or more telling her off than anything else?

Breaking up with her. As of now, attempted to call but received only the answering machine.

At 2/25/08 08:52 PM, DarkLotusJuggalo wrote:

At 2/25/08 08:32 PM, PantyWipe wrote:

At 2/25/08 05:14 PM, DarkLotusJuggalo wrote: Nice one bro! I don't have any exs that have tats of me or anything but I know one will be getting a tat that directly relates to me soon enough.
But then again I will probably be back with her soon enough as well. :)

I got her name tatted on me, so it was an even trade. She was a good wifey when we were married, so I cant complain.

Thats good then man, don't tell anyone.. but I have a tattoo representing one of my exs as well, she is the same one I mention I may be back with pretty soon here. :)

Usually you can find another girl with her name and be cool again... but I need to get remarried because the name "Belit" is uncommon as fuck. lol.

At 2/25/08 10:18 PM, PhoenixTails wrote:

At 2/25/08 09:30 PM, DarkLotusJuggalo wrote: Let us know how that goes, will you be breaking up with her in the process or more telling her off than anything else?

Breaking up with her. As of now, attempted to call but received only the answering machine.

Damn man, well it happens and if you ever need someone to turn to, you've always got us! :D

At 2/25/08 10:20 PM, PantyWipe wrote:

At 2/25/08 08:52 PM, DarkLotusJuggalo wrote: Thats good then man, don't tell anyone.. but I have a tattoo representing one of my exs as well, she is the same one I mention I may be back with pretty soon here. :)

Usually you can find another girl with her name and be cool again... but I need to get remarried because the name "Belit" is uncommon as fuck. lol.

Haha, I know what you mean man. I haven't heard of a single person with that name before but then again I have a little luck on my side since my tattoo is a representation with objects rather than a name. :P

At 2/25/08 05:43 PM, CTM222 wrote: Vincoid, why don't you post one of your daily tips as an example?

Sure, I'll do the first one today ;)

Locus of Control

This one has got to do with the 'inner game'. Locus of control is very important, in both dating and life in general.

Locus of control is how people look at the world. People with an external locus of control tend to look at others for clues for how they should be acting. They look at the people around them and the norms of society, as to see what they should do our how to behave. They also tend to believe that what happens to them in life is more under the control of others. Most people have an external locus of control.

Someone with an inner locus of control decides for himself what he wants, instead of taking clues from others. He uses his own progress to see how he's doing. And most important, he behaves according to his own beliefs and values, and does not behave as to seek approval of others.
He also feels like he's in control of his own life and the outcome of his action, and also his own emotions and feelings. Someone with an inner locus of control does not believe that he controls everything, but has a realistic view of what he can and can not control.

There are some other terms that relate to this.

Frame of reference. Someone with an internal frame of reference uses his own set of values to see if what the rest of the world is doing is right. He uses his own standards and believes when judging someone, instead of the values and beliefs of society. He doesn't try to beat somene elses results in life, he only tries to improve his own. He doesn't put much importance on what others say about him because it doesn't really matter to him.

Leader. Women want a leader. But what is a leader when you look at inner locus of control and inner frame of reference? A leader understand that most people have an external locus of control and know that those people are looking for someone to imitate. A leader does what he knows is the right thing to do (according to his own values) without hesitation or seeking approval from others. A leader is focussed on getting the outcome that he wants.

An example of external locus of control can be found right here in this topic. Guys who come here to ask advice, not to learn how to do something, but to gain approval of what they think is the right thing to do. In the back of their head they already know what to do, but they ask here to gain approval so they can feel good about it.
I doubt any of you have ever thought of it in this way, but that makes perfect sense. You simply didn't know about this before, and thus your actions (like seeking approval) are all subconscious. But, now that you know about this, you can change that.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't ask for advice, in fact, I encourage you to ask for advice. Leaders ask for advice too, but in a different way. They don't seek approval when asking. They don't seek advice so they can hear what they already know.
That's why I wanted to do this daily thing and have you guys ask questions about them. Because now you can avoid all the approval seeking and answering the same question a thousand times.

Now, for those who didn't make the connection here, let me get back to the first thing I said: "Locus of control is very important, in both dating and life in general.".

Why does it affect both life in general and dating etc.? For dating it's simple: women want a leader, and a leader has an inner locus of control.
But how does this apply to the rest of your life? What kind of effect do you think it has when you start making your own choices? A few things happen:
- People with an external locus of control look up to the leader. Meaning that if you are a leader, you will gain more control and people will respect you more, thus creating a higher status.
- You gain more control of what you do, thus increasing the chance of reaching your own goals and fullfilling your dreams.
- You'll gain more control over your emotions, decreasing the amount of drama in your life (and with that depression etc.) and become increasingly happy. You'll be more confident about yourself (since you don't worry about approval anymore) and you'll probably become more optimistic.

Again, back to dating. What things can you see here that I talked about in other posts? What were things that I said women want?
- Being on your path or purpose.
- Doing your own thing.
- Not looking for approval.
- A man with high status.

I think that's about it for today. Feel free to comment on anything what I said here, ask questions about it, ask for some additional info or maybe you have a suggestion for some other topics you would like me to talk about.

At 2/26/08 03:53 AM, Vincoid wrote:

At 2/25/08 05:43 PM, CTM222 wrote: Vincoid, why don't you post one of your daily tips as an example?

Sure, I'll do the first one today ;)

That was good! A nice topic to begin with (hope you dont run out of ideas)..

One thing.. It was a bit long. Not too long because it needed to cover all the points it had too. I just think that the average reader would skip over bits or the whole thing.

No worries though it was decent advice on personal psychology and it was just the right length in my opinion. Could do with a bit more on how to achieve the right locus of control.

Nice one!

At 2/26/08 03:53 AM, Vincoid wrote: Locus of Control

Well, I was here to ask a question, but I think i figured out the answer by reading that. Thanks alot, man.

At 2/26/08 04:31 PM, Sistine1408 wrote:

At 2/26/08 03:53 AM, Vincoid wrote: Locus of Control

Well, I was here to ask a question, but I think i figured out the answer by reading that. Thanks alot, man.

Nice! Looks like your plan is working Vincoid. Keep it up.

So I kissed Ember's ass for the past well, almost 2 days. Today around 530 I decided to say fuck it. I sent her a message saying, 'One day you'll realize that you messed up. And it'll be too late. Cuz I'll have moved on.' I acted like an asshole calling her various names. I think I got her to hate me, which is good. She won't be thinking about trying to impress me anymore. I'm over her, and I'm just gonna hit on random girls and not care about them like I used to. Shit happens, I'm over it.
How is everyone though?

At 2/26/08 02:46 PM, CTM222 wrote:

At 2/26/08 03:53 AM, Vincoid wrote:

At 2/25/08 05:43 PM, CTM222 wrote: Vincoid, why don't you post one of your daily tips as an example?

Sure, I'll do the first one today ;)

That was good! A nice topic to begin with (hope you dont run out of ideas)..

Thanks. Don't worry about that, I have plenty of things to talk about.

One thing.. It was a bit long. Not too long because it needed to cover all the points it had too. I just think that the average reader would skip over bits or the whole thing.

I know, but that's not really my problem now is it :P

No worries though it was decent advice on personal psychology and it was just the right length in my opinion. Could do with a bit more on how to achieve the right locus of control.

Well, most important is that you know about it. Untill you hear of it, it's all subconscious behaviour. But, now that you know of it, you can keep it in the back of your mind. And everytime a situation comes up, and you think of this, and behave accordingly, it will slowly grow into your subconscious. That's when you have mastered it.

Nice one!

Thanks again ;)

At 2/26/08 04:31 PM, Sistine1408 wrote:

At 2/26/08 03:53 AM, Vincoid wrote: Locus of Control

Well, I was here to ask a question, but I think i figured out the answer by reading that. Thanks alot, man.

You're welcome ;)

Can you tell me though what it was? I would like to see if you understand the whole thing here, and if your solution connected with that.

At 2/26/08 08:32 PM, Black-Lightning wrote: So I kissed Ember's ass for the past well, almost 2 days. Today around 530 I decided to say fuck it. I sent her a message saying, 'One day you'll realize that you messed up. And it'll be too late. Cuz I'll have moved on.' I acted like an asshole calling her various names. I think I got her to hate me, which is good. She won't be thinking about trying to impress me anymore. I'm over her, and I'm just gonna hit on random girls and not care about them like I used to. Shit happens, I'm over it.
How is everyone though?

Kissing ass is indeed not the way. But it's not that smart to go to the extreme opposite.
I'd say moving on and not give a fuck is enough, but why do you always have to text? She doesn't need to hear from you that you're moving on. That's your own thing.
Also, your text is a bit contradicting to your message.
And please, don't start calling her names man. The easiest way to get a girl to stop impressing you is to tell her. It's that simple. Don't act like a jackass. There is no need to hurt or insult anyone.
Have you read the locus of control part? If not, you should, it's really useful.

I'll give you this hint, just try it: stop texting or trying to let her know how or what you're doing.
You're saying you don't give a fuck anymore, but your actions tell otherwise.

And I'm great btw :P

I just told my best friend i hate her and want nothing to do with her anymore, and she is a fucking bitch about all this. Right decision or not?

At 2/27/08 04:05 AM, Vincoid wrote:

At 2/26/08 08:32 PM, Black-Lightning wrote: So I kissed Ember's ass for the past well, almost 2 days. Today around 530 I decided to say fuck it. I sent her a message saying, 'One day you'll realize that you messed up. And it'll be too late. Cuz I'll have moved on.' I acted like an asshole calling her various names. I think I got her to hate me, which is good. She won't be thinking about trying to impress me anymore. I'm over her, and I'm just gonna hit on random girls and not care about them like I used to. Shit happens, I'm over it.
How is everyone though?

Kissing ass is indeed not the way. But it's not that smart to go to the extreme opposite.
I'd say moving on and not give a fuck is enough, but why do you always have to text? She doesn't need to hear from you that you're moving on. That's your own thing.
Also, your text is a bit contradicting to your message.
And please, don't start calling her names man. The easiest way to get a girl to stop impressing you is to tell her. It's that simple. Don't act like a jackass. There is no need to hurt or insult anyone.
Have you read the locus of control part? If not, you should, it's really useful.

I tried to make things cool with her. I was the only one giving her the effort. I got nothing in return, so I was sick of just looking like a fool. It was pissing me off to say I love you and just get an 'ok' in reply. I texted her telling her I was sorry about what I did, but I didn't deserve this much from her. I really didn't dude. But she kept like reeling me in, then pushing me off again so I just said you gonna gimme a chance or no? She said No, so I said later. Why isn't there need to insult her? She left me for another guy, man. She couldn't even tell me herself. That's pussy. That's stupid. I had to find out from my friend, the guy she likes. Control is something after this situation. I'm making it known that I was with her. I'm gonna leave a mark like her ex that she constantly flirts with.

I'll give you this hint, just try it: stop texting or trying to let her know how or what you're doing.
You're saying you don't give a fuck anymore, but your actions tell otherwise.

I did man. I told her to text someone who actually wants to talk to her. I seriously stopped texting her and she texted me. I just told her to go away. I said 'I'm leaving you alone like you asked, so you can leave me alone too. I guarantee today will be a fucking dick in the asshole!

And I'm great btw :P

Good for you. That makes 2 of us today, besides the fact that I need to leave in 7 minutes AND take a shower. but I thought I'd fill you guys in. Much love my friends.

At 2/27/08 05:54 AM, SpeedMetalSandwich wrote: I just told my best friend i hate her and want nothing to do with her anymore, and she is a fucking bitch about all this. Right decision or not?

well i dont know the situation but if she was your best friend unless she completely destroid your car for no good reason, probably not. it might help if there was a story behind the whole calling her a bitch deal. there might have been a better way to handel the situation.

At 2/25/08 03:45 AM, Vincoid wrote:

At 2/24/08 05:11 PM, sirtom93 wrote:

stuff

This for a mature responce which is completely different from the rest of the bbs. I like a girl who doesnt know me in particular. Shes the year below me and a slightly know her friend. I really dont know how to get into a spontanious conversation with her even though I have talken to her in past. I always seem to speak crap when speaking to girls and like half pass out lol. So err please help.

OK HERES MY PROB
ok so there is that girl
wich is my friend (not girlfriend and we friend for only half a year)
and i am in love with her
and im going crazy becouse if i ask her to be my gf she maybe say yes and its all ok
maybe she would say no but she wont be my friend any more

WHAT SHOULD I DO?
note:
i am xtreamly shy

At 2/27/08 11:59 AM, druglord1 wrote: OK HERES MY PROB
ok so there is that girl
wich is my friend (not girlfriend and we friend for only half a year)
and i am in love with her
and im going crazy becouse if i ask her to be my gf she maybe say yes and its all ok
maybe she would say no but she wont be my friend any more

WHAT SHOULD I DO?
note:
i am xtreamly shy

You are far from alone in this problem.. It would be weird not to be shy, especially if you are new to the idea of asking girls out..

This is mainly a problem with yourself. It is a confidence issue. I doubt that she will stop being your friend. If she likes you (as a friend at least) YOUR opinion of HER shouldn't change HER opinion of YOU.
But how will you know what she will say unless you ask or talk to her..

Vincoid. Think you could do a post on these self confidence issues next please? Its one of the most common problems on here and would therefore be most usefull for reference.