At 11/22/08 06:11 PM, iRRegular wrote:
Oh I just needed to get that out.
I understand your situation, having been there before myself. The real problem for me back then was that I didn't even do anything, knowing that I didn't even have a clue what to do.
Your situation sounds different. All you've got to remember, is that you can't wait to go in and make a move. Unless you leave a really really good impression the first time, making her very attracted to you, anything might disturb your plans.
Also, how sure are you that they are together? Sure, they were holding hands, but that doesn't always mean anything. Find that out first.
If they are together, my advice is to move on and remember the lesson you've learned here.
At 11/22/08 10:32 PM, PhoenixTails wrote:
She's got a stalker though. When she told him we were a couple (something that isn't true and started as a joke, but most people believe regardless) he asked her if she wanted to cheat on me with him. Fucking creep! Then she asked me to get him to leave her alone.
Dude, that's the Queen of the Wusses right there.... but I've got only one thing to say about this whole situation:
Seriously, it doesn't get any better than this.
Ok, it does, but this is pretty awesome too.
If I were you, I'd tell the guy that following girls around and being a creepy stalker won't make them like you. If you can convince him of that, you A) Help him in stopping being a stalker with girls for the rest of his life, B) Safe the day for this chick (claim your reward!), and C) Made him even less of a threat because now he still has no game whatsoever.
Now, it's not really easy to convince this guy that stalking girls won't make them like him, because his entire 'game' is based upon it. You've got to rewire his entire system. So now you've got to ask yourself: "What is powerful enough, and entertaining enough for yourself, to reframe his mind?".
I'll tell you how. You go talk to this guy, and as you do, you bring in random girls and ask them a simple question: "What do you think about guys who follow girls around to make them like them?".
And when they've given you their answer, ask them this one: "How would you describe such a guy in one word?"
I bet answers like stalker and creep/creepy will scare him off. Also, before you bring in these girls, ask this question: "You're following girls to get them to like you. How does this serve you? What are the results? How effective is this method?"
Then, after you've brought in the girls and have demonstrated that his system sucks, you need to propose a new frame. Now it's time to tell him some very very basic stuff that women find attractive. For example, tell him that they find guys who don't look desperate to get a girl very attractive, that they like guys who play it cool, are relaxed and do their own thing. Basicly, tell him the opposite of what he was doing before.
This won't make him good with girls, it will definitely will make him better, but it won't turn him into a threat. In fact, you'll make him less of a threat for girls, but he'll still won't make a chance with this girl you're seeing.
At 11/23/08 12:31 AM, Knorpfdog wrote:
I know I should be happy, but I'm the type of person that picks apart every situation and ends up making even the good ones seem negative.
And how does that work for you? What is the point in doing this if you don't learn anything from it? If it doesn't motivate you to do anything, or to step up your game?
The thing is, being able to dissect a situation and understand every part of it, won't help you in any way when you use it to critisize your actions, instead of evaluating them and learning from them.
In this situation for example, you say it felt like you just stood there. The first thing I ask myself is, why were you focussing on that? And if you weren't, how are you so sure you just stood there? Are you even sure you just stood there, or is it something you've unconsciously made up so you can critisize yourself like you always do?
See how much more there can be behind such a simple looking situation?
You've got to realize, that critisizing yourself can be really helpful, but only when you use it to improve yourself. Right now, all you're doing is creating anxiety with it, instead of learning from it.
I could also say that you should just go with the flow, to let go of the meaning of things as they don't really matter, but I think that's a bit too basic. The most important thing about all this is one simple question: "Are you, and is she, enjoying this?". That's the only thing you should focus on, not worry about, just focus on.
Which brings us to this right here:
Will she like me a lot less if it seemed like I just stood there while she kissed me? And any advice on kissing?
No, not a lot. If she's into you, which she obviously is, a small thing like this means nothing, especially since you can make it up, not to her but to yourself.
As for tips on kissing, I'll give you a small guide.
First off, a very basic technique I use is 'Two Steps Forward, One Step Back'. As you can see, this means you take two steps and then go back one, after which you replay this. So, when talking to a girl, you start kissing for a little while (nothing too crazy), then you back off and start talking again. Some minutes later, you get back to the kissing but now you go one step forward, making it a bit more intense.
Now, I think you get the point in this technique. To go into it further, the reason I do this is because it creates anxiety, tension and keeps it interesting. If you do this right, and don't worry since it's very hard to do it wrong, she'll keep longing for the next step. Every time she expects you to move on, you suddenly move back, which creates sexual tension, a very good tension to have.
General kiss tip # 1 is to go with it. If you have no idea how to kiss, just follow her lead. At first it might not go extremely well, but no one expects it to. You can't expect to be born as the worlds greatest kisser since no one is, nor does anybody cares.
Just follow what she's doing and you'll get better over time.
General kiss tip # 2, also applying to anything sexual, is to remember that she has an entire body that is extremely responsive to touch. So, as you're kissing her, stray away from the lips. Kiss her on her neck, on her shoulder etc. Also, use your hands. Put your hand on her face, on her hair, smell her hair, let her know that you're enjoying it.
As for sex, the same things apply, don't focus on just a few parts, but have your hands all over her body, kiss her whole body, and, if you're into it, lick her her whole body. I don't care what you like, just remember that her whole body needs attention. Again though, keep in mind not to worry about it, but to relax and enjoy yourself.
Also, not so much a kiss tip but more of a progress-into-sex tip; don't touch any x-rated parts untill you're taking of clothes. Why? Because she expects you to.
If you don't touch her like that while she expects you to, she'll start thinking: "Why isn't he touching me?", which creates more sexual tension. Practically the same reason why you should touch her whole body, is because she expects you to focus on the x-rated stuff.
Now that my hands are dead from typing all this, I have one more question: "Is there anything else you need to know, or something you need have explained in more detail?