Be a Supporter!

Relationship Crew

  • 309,562 Views
  • 7,555 Replies
New Topic Respond to this Topic
Bruute
Bruute
  • Member since: Sep. 1, 2002
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 15
Melancholy
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-04 09:51:08 Reply

I apologized to her and everything is alright. I do need to stop being so clingy. Im just going to throw it up and let god deal with it.

If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you then you were ment to have it.

This chick throws off my normal thinking. Normally im cool calm and collected. I think before I speak and act but with her its just like CHEEEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGEEEE!!!!!!!! <CRASH> lol

Ohwell. I need some pussy and ill be alright :D


- Sig provided by ME of the NGSM
- If you try to stay high, your bound to stay low. -
- If I make you a sig, please credit me here -

BBS Signature
Shaun
Shaun
  • Member since: Jan. 1, 2002
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 43
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-04 10:06:08 Reply

My relationship is coming to an end, it is going to end badly if I don't let her down gently soon.
But I am so used to being an asshole, it is so much easier.

How do I break up in a way where she won't hate me forever?


// Sig Makers // WWE Fans // Tumblr //

BBS Signature
Vincoid
Vincoid
  • Member since: Feb. 9, 2004
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 42
Animator
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-04 12:17:31 Reply

At 12/4/08 09:51 AM, Bruute wrote: I apologized to her and everything is alright. I do need to stop being so clingy. Im just going to throw it up and let god deal with it.

Good to hear that. Read that, actually... :P


If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you then you were ment to have it.

I don't really believe in 'meant to be', but in 'if you want it, get it, you're responsible for anything happening in your own life'.


This chick throws off my normal thinking. Normally im cool calm and collected. I think before I speak and act but with her its just like CHEEEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGEEEE!!!!!!!! <CRASH> lol

That's also why this statement right here is incorrect. It should be: "I let this chick throw off my normal thinking." She doesn't do it, you let her. You control wether or not she controls your thinking. What you need to do is take a good look at yourself.
When you're talking to her, are with her, etc. you need to step outside yourself and look at how you're acting. If it's stupid, change it, if not, continue. In any case, don't blame her for how you are acting, just change it.

Ohwell. I need some pussy and ill be alright :D

For your sake and that of any chick you'll ever meet, I hope you don't mean it that literally.

At 12/4/08 10:06 AM, Shaun wrote: My relationship is coming to an end, it is going to end badly if I don't let her down gently soon.
But I am so used to being an asshole, it is so much easier.

If you're an asshole, then just be yourself. Though you can still be an asshole without hurting her.

How do I break up in a way where she won't hate me forever?

What is the reason you're breaking up with her?


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

BBS Signature
tatsumaru7
tatsumaru7
  • Member since: Jun. 12, 2007
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 10
Animator
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-04 15:15:22 Reply

Thanks Vincoid for that terrific advice :)

Today I tried soooo much to avoid her, seriously I did I made my friends hang outside the college in the freezing cold because I didnt want to be in the canteen around her (the canteen is so small it could probably fit around 25 people, and today it was empty) so we after freezing our asses off we go inside and there all playing cards...and it looked fun...and there where a ton of girls playing, so we approched them and her faced slowly changed and I just walked away and left my friends there and spent about 2 and a half hours in the scientific library, with no homework to do, or any thing to read I felt like such a loser :(

My day got worse, eventually leading me to feel slightly depressed, and guilty for ditching my friends in the canteen. Iv tried sooo hard avoid her, and make her feel unawkward. So heres what I was thinking...to hell with her, she should deal with it, so what if i had/ have (lol) a crush on her, im not act creepy or shy around her....just gonna be myself, and if i see her say hi, how are you? if she doesn't react in a friendly way not my problem right?

ok and i think i figured something out today, today i was walking down the corridor and this really nice looking girl was walking in front of me she looked over her shoulders and smilled at me, I stoped to check the text on my phone and she carried on, to the next set of doors and waited with the door open for me then smiled at me again. I know its stupid to assume this but since im used to getting attention from girls, and this one seems to be the only one that doesnt even want to look at me, could this be the reason I want her so much lol? Or i want what I cant have? Just sharing my thoughts.


>>> Relationship advice! <<< Follow my Instagram: the_imaginary_boy

PSN I.D. Ninjakilla777Martial Artist club!

BBS Signature
Vincoid
Vincoid
  • Member since: Feb. 9, 2004
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 42
Animator
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-04 15:34:10 Reply

At 12/4/08 03:15 PM, tatsumaru7 wrote: Thanks Vincoid for that terrific advice :)

I call it tough lovin' :P


My day got worse, eventually leading me to feel slightly depressed, and guilty for ditching my friends in the canteen. Iv tried sooo hard avoid her, and make her feel unawkward. So heres what I was thinking...to hell with her, she should deal with it, so what if i had/ have (lol) a crush on her, im not act creepy or shy around her....just gonna be myself, and if i see her say hi, how are you? if she doesn't react in a friendly way not my problem right?

Ah yeah, that's definitely a better idea. And basicly what I was talking about all along ;)


ok and i think i figured something out today, today i was walking down the corridor and this really nice looking girl was walking in front of me she looked over her shoulders and smilled at me, I stoped to check the text on my phone and she carried on, to the next set of doors and waited with the door open for me then smiled at me again. I know its stupid to assume this but since im used to getting attention from girls, and this one seems to be the only one that doesnt even want to look at me, could this be the reason I want her so much lol? Or i want what I cant have? Just sharing my thoughts.

Could be, but she also could be very attractive. Of course, we all want what we (can't seem to) get, so my advice is to turn the whole thing around and you be the one who's actively ignoring her. In case you forgot/don't know, actively ignoring means you make very strong eye contact first (looking at her untill she looks away), and then you look away and don't look back.
However, if you look back anyway, make sure to keep looking untill she looks away.

I say go for it, have fun.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

BBS Signature
Knorpfdog
Knorpfdog
  • Member since: Oct. 26, 2006
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 02
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-04 15:36:23 Reply

Just thought this was funny, I'm interested in seeing if you agree with this kid, Vincoid ;).
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/28038281/?
GT1=43001

tatsumaru7
tatsumaru7
  • Member since: Jun. 12, 2007
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 10
Animator
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-04 16:09:51 Reply

At 12/4/08 03:34 PM, Vincoid wrote:

actively ignoring means you make very strong eye contact first (looking at her untill she looks away), and then you look away and don't look back.

However, if you look back anyway, make sure to keep looking untill she looks away.

I say go for it, have fun.

Waitt!!! hold up a second! making eye contact huh, and ignoring? never heard of that? so what your saying is walking up to her looking her direct in the eyes and walking away? thats a but odd but il try it :D....no of course I wont, what do you mean by me actively ignoring her? she realy doesnt make eye contact with me.


>>> Relationship advice! <<< Follow my Instagram: the_imaginary_boy

PSN I.D. Ninjakilla777Martial Artist club!

BBS Signature
Some-Stupid-Idiot
Some-Stupid-Idiot
  • Member since: Mar. 5, 2006
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 25
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-04 17:51:37 Reply

So my NG buddy Ragnarokia recommended that I talk to you guys about my relationship.

Well let's start at the beginning, there is this girl at my bus stop. When I saw her I had a little crush. That next week one of her friends walk up to me and says she has this huge crush on me. The next day, which is a Friday, we were walking home, since we go the same way from the stop, and I introduce myself to her. I then tell her that I like her and she says the same. We were pretty quiet after that.

For the next couple of weeks we waved to each other in the hallway but never really said much. Well Tuesday I asked her out by giving her this letter stating that I've been wanting to ask her out for a while but I'm way to nervous. I then ask her out in the letter. She didn't say anything to me till the next day where she walks up to me at the bus stop. She said good morning I did too. I then asked her, well, and she shook her head up and down and smiled. Later that day I gave her my phone number and told her to call me sometime. She hasn't called yet but I gave her my number yesterday.

I was planning on asking for her number after school when I'm most comfortable but she wasn't there. One reason she hasn't called me yet could be because she is grounded.

I really like her and I want to be able to talk to her, I'm not asking for advice but something more of a mental push to get me to do it. She's somewhat of an artsy type and the people she hangs out with are kind of loud as is she. I don't like her friends all too much.

She also plays this game with this one game where she and this one guy grab each others nipples. I know that she likes me but I can't figure out how to talk to her. I'm really shy and I've never been in a relationship before.

I also found out yesterday that she is a Freshman while I'm a Senior.
Bruute
Bruute
  • Member since: Sep. 1, 2002
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 15
Melancholy
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-05 02:29:00 Reply

Vincoid is the fuckin NG Love guru! :D

I appreciate all of your advice you have good wisdom and knowledge my friend.

Marishka Hargitay!

Relationship Crew


- Sig provided by ME of the NGSM
- If you try to stay high, your bound to stay low. -
- If I make you a sig, please credit me here -

BBS Signature
Vincoid
Vincoid
  • Member since: Feb. 9, 2004
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 42
Animator
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-05 04:03:59 Reply

At 12/4/08 03:36 PM, Knorpfdog wrote: Just thought this was funny, I'm interested in seeing if you agree with this kid, Vincoid ;).
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/28038281/?
GT1=43001

I, um... like... um... let's say...um, like...

Yeah, that's a future player right there. All the stuff he's saying is pretty basic, so there is a big chance you'll never hear from him again, since it's not that easy to get past all the basic stuff and learn the advanced level by yourself.

One thing I agree on is what he said about moving on the next one when shit gets messed up, though his advice on how many girls you should date sucks ass. Seriously, don't date too many girls because then you've got to reschedule dates? That's called bad planning, not a girl problem.

And yeah, his views on what dates are sucks.

Still, pretty impressive that this is coming from a 9 year old. Hope he continues finding wisdom and eventually learning some real stuff about women and dating.

At 12/4/08 04:09 PM, tatsumaru7 wrote: Waitt!!! hold up a second! making eye contact huh, and ignoring? never heard of that? so what your saying is walking up to her looking her direct in the eyes and walking away? thats a but odd but il try it :D....no of course I wont, what do you mean by me actively ignoring her? she realy doesnt make eye contact with me.

You don't walk up to her and then walk away :P

Let's say you're just chilling somewhere and she's sitting in the same room but at a distance. Then you make eye contact with her, and once you have that, you keep it untill she looks away. The reason you do this is to establish interest. Because you keep looking, you give off a strong vibe that'll make her interested.
Now that she's interested in you, you stop looking. This'll confuse her because she thinks you're interested in her, and normally guys keep looking at her, but you don't. This thinking about you is what'll drive her mad. It'll create attraction for you, it'll make her want to find out what you are about.

This differs from what most guys do, namely plain ignoring. Problem is, if there's no interest on her part, there is no reason for her to question your ignorance. That's why it's called actively ignoring.

And once you've done that, or maybe repeated it once or twice, you can walk up to her and start a conversation without her causing problems, after all, she's interested in you and wants to figure you out.

At 12/4/08 05:51 PM, Some-Stupid-Idiot wrote: I really like her and I want to be able to talk to her, I'm not asking for advice but something more of a mental push to get me to do it.

Hi, how are you doing?

Seems like a pretty good conversation starter, don't you think so?

The thing is, she's just a girl. She's not some godess, she's not the only girl on earth, she's not the only girl you'll ever meet, and most important, she's not you or your life. Guys get too worked up when they like a girl (like a girl, even though they have no clue what she's about, ridiculous), so they screw things up because they start thinking too much.

CHILL OUT!

That's the cure I advice for pretty much all parts of life. Just chill out and stop caring so much, she's just a girl.

Besides that, if you want things to work out with her, what's stopping you? Will you ever get to know her if you don't talk to her? I don't think so.
Will you ever be able to truly like her if you don't now what she's about? Again, I don't think so.

Therefore: "Hi, how are you?"

The most simple, plain and effective way to start a conversation with anyone. Why? Because it's casual, so there isn't any threat, and it causes people to talk about themselves, which all people love to do.

What do you think, is that the push you were talking about? Or should I write you some more to convince you that nothing will happen unless you make it happen?

At 12/5/08 02:29 AM, Bruute wrote: Vincoid is the fuckin NG Love guru! :D

What's love got to do, got to do with it? :P


I appreciate all of your advice you have good wisdom and knowledge my friend.

You're welcome ;)


Marishka Hargitay!

Wut?


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

BBS Signature
Some-Stupid-Idiot
Some-Stupid-Idiot
  • Member since: Mar. 5, 2006
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 25
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-05 07:39:18 Reply

At 12/5/08 04:03 AM, Vincoid wrote: What do you think, is that the push you were talking about? Or should I write you some more to convince you that nothing will happen unless you make it happen?

That is right, I was going to get her number today before getting on the bus. I'm house sitting for the weekend and I need someone to talk to while I'm there.

SilenzXE
SilenzXE
  • Member since: Nov. 1, 2007
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 15
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-05 17:14:17 Reply

I could use some advice...

There is this girl I knew last year. She was extremely hot. Then this year she moved to some other school. Most of the reason I'm stuck is because most of the girls at my school aren't so beautiful.

Should I pursue love with her? Or with some other chick at my school?


Click the image to go to the best free porn site in the world. It totally works. Believe it. If it doesn't work, your not doing it right.

BBS Signature
krazykangaroo
krazykangaroo
  • Member since: Mar. 4, 2005
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 08
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-05 19:14:03 Reply

Alrite new fucking problem: I think there might be a definition on urban dictionary or something- but im getting some multiple personalities of AIM. Its like we talk all the time on aim all good and fun, but when i actually see her she doesnt contribute too much to the convo. Like she laughs and stuff, but i think it just might be shes nervous and her minds racing- been there, but i run out off topics and it can go silent.. So what im asking is do you know if theres a way to make her more comfortable? I guess just seeing her more would make her comfortable, but as i said shes a different person face to face than on aim.

InnerChild548
InnerChild548
  • Member since: Aug. 10, 2007
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 35
Melancholy
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-05 19:18:08 Reply

At 12/5/08 05:14 PM, SilenzXE wrote:
There is this girl I knew last year. She was extremely hot. Then this year she moved to some other school. Most of the reason I'm stuck is because most of the girls at my school aren't so beautiful.

Should I pursue love with her? Or with some other chick at my school?

Follow her to the end of the Earth.

Not really, forget about it.

BBS Signature
tatsumaru7
tatsumaru7
  • Member since: Jun. 12, 2007
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 10
Animator
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-05 20:18:14 Reply

Thanks vincoid :)

Heres I have a problem with your plan though.....I get a little nervous when I look at her well more like confusion and panic, well because when ever im near her or about to say something one of her friends are are around, they usually stare at me a wait for me to say something..then giggle, she gets annoyed things get awkward I shut my mouth and walk away :(

How do I ger her attention from the other side of the class without acting like a clown?

Anyways Brute I think vincoid is more like Hitch :)

Relationship Crew


>>> Relationship advice! <<< Follow my Instagram: the_imaginary_boy

PSN I.D. Ninjakilla777Martial Artist club!

BBS Signature
Some-Stupid-Idiot
Some-Stupid-Idiot
  • Member since: Mar. 5, 2006
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 25
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-05 21:31:03 Reply

You know, I got her number and started a small conversation. Not because you told me too, but because I wanted to. Also she is currently grounded for a bad grade in math which I can actually help her out with. I'm going to see Monday, if she's still grounded, if I can help her out.

krazykangaroo
krazykangaroo
  • Member since: Mar. 4, 2005
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 08
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-06 00:25:20 Reply

At 12/5/08 08:18 PM, tatsumaru7 wrote: Thanks vincoid :)

Heres I have a problem with your plan though.....I get a little nervous when I look at her well more like confusion and panic, well because when ever im near her or about to say something one of her friends are are around, they usually stare at me a wait for me to say something..then giggle, she gets annoyed things get awkward I shut my mouth and walk away :(

Theres no way ur 19 thats for sure, talking to girls gets easy tho, be friends with a bunch of em to begin with- non relationship girls, and u should develop the social skill pretty quickly, its just like talking to a guy, just u gotta be funnier. Also try not to overanalyze shit it gets you nowhere.

Vincoid
Vincoid
  • Member since: Feb. 9, 2004
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 42
Animator
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-06 06:15:59 Reply

At 12/5/08 07:18 PM, InnerChild548 wrote:
At 12/5/08 05:14 PM, SilenzXE wrote:
There is this girl I knew last year. She was extremely hot. Then this year she moved to some other school. Most of the reason I'm stuck is because most of the girls at my school aren't so beautiful.

Should I pursue love with her? Or with some other chick at my school?
Follow her to the end of the Earth.
Not really, forget about it.

True, forget about it. There is no need to be with a girl anyway. Think of it this way, if you're desperate to be with a girl, there's a 50% chance you won't get any, and if you do end up with a girl, your desperation will cause a 90% to end the relationship within 2 months.

At 12/5/08 08:18 PM, tatsumaru7 wrote: Thanks vincoid :)

Heres I have a problem with your plan though.....I get a little nervous when I look at her well more like confusion and panic, well because when ever im near her or about to say something one of her friends are are around, they usually stare at me a wait for me to say something..then giggle, she gets annoyed things get awkward I shut my mouth and walk away :(

There is no problem with my plan at all. You just got to realize that if you keep doing this, you won't get anywhere. You have to think to yourself, fuck her friends, I'm here to entertain her.

And stop thinking you're nervous, if you're making eye contact with her or going up to talk to her, all you should think is: "She wants me". Don't put a limit on yourself by thinking negative thoughts about yourself.


How do I ger her attention from the other side of the class without acting like a clown?

You don't have to get her to look at you, you just need to keep looking at her once the eye contact is there. There is no need to get that as soon as possible, she'll look at you eventually, and that one time will be enough.


Anyways Brute I think vincoid is more like Hitch :)

Yeah, me too. Except for creating situations to get girls like he does, and turning into a wussy like he does in the end of the movie. Damn, you have no idea how that ending fucking ruined the whole movie for me. I was nearly crying, seriously, to see a man losing his balls like that, ouch...

At 12/5/08 09:31 PM, Some-Stupid-Idiot wrote: You know, I got her number and started a small conversation. Not because you told me too, but because I wanted to.

Shit, that's the only reason why you ever should do something. I show people the path, they walk it, they do the hard work.

Also she is currently grounded for a bad grade in math which I can actually help her out with. I'm going to see Monday, if she's still grounded, if I can help her out.

Sounds great to me, let me know how it goes, ok?


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

BBS Signature
tatsumaru7
tatsumaru7
  • Member since: Jun. 12, 2007
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 10
Animator
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-06 19:20:24 Reply

At 12/6/08 12:25 AM, krazykangaroo wrote:
Theres no way ur 19 thats for sure, talking to girls gets easy tho, be friends with a bunch of em to begin with- non relationship girls, and u should develop the social skill pretty quickly, its just like talking to a guy, just u gotta be funnier. Also try not to overanalyze shit it gets you nowhere.

Believe it baby :P well here is the problem, I talk to them like guys and I think thats the problem, Im too honest i tell them what I really think.


>>> Relationship advice! <<< Follow my Instagram: the_imaginary_boy

PSN I.D. Ninjakilla777Martial Artist club!

BBS Signature
krazykangaroo
krazykangaroo
  • Member since: Mar. 4, 2005
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 08
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-06 19:31:57 Reply

At 12/6/08 07:20 PM, tatsumaru7 wrote:
At 12/6/08 12:25 AM, krazykangaroo wrote:
Believe it baby :P well here is the problem, I talk to them like guys and I think thats the problem, Im too honest i tell them what I really think.

Alrite well im sure ur not a complete dick to them, i call girls bitches but i act like im joking so its all good, i cant say much atm tho cos bitches be crazy

Some-Stupid-Idiot
Some-Stupid-Idiot
  • Member since: Mar. 5, 2006
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 25
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-06 19:50:41 Reply

I thought up a way to bring up getting un-grounded in a conversation. I'll ask her about her weekend and if she says she didn't do anything because she was grounded I could offer to help her with math. I did get an A in that class after all. I'm still nervous but now I've gotten use to being around her allowing me to talk to her more.

SilenzXE
SilenzXE
  • Member since: Nov. 1, 2007
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 15
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-06 20:41:37 Reply

At 12/6/08 06:15 AM, Vincoid wrote: True, forget about it. There is no need to be with a girl anyway. Think of it this way, if you're desperate to be with a girl, there's a 50% chance you won't get any, and if you do end up with a girl, your desperation will cause a 90% to end the relationship within 2 months.

Thanks.

Though this won't end well for me will it?


Click the image to go to the best free porn site in the world. It totally works. Believe it. If it doesn't work, your not doing it right.

BBS Signature
D3NTATUS
D3NTATUS
  • Member since: Aug. 30, 2006
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 03
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-06 21:57:29 Reply

well, uh, hey guys. my girl life is long and complicated, but here's the basics, starting with freshman year.

Freshman year: I had a huge crush on a girl named Lily. I mean "huge crush" in the sense that I was too nervous to talk to her for 3 months. Eventually I manned up and started talking to her, but alas! I didn't know what to do from there. I spent a good 9 more months trying to figure out how to get her to like me. Then she told me that she knew how I felt about her, and that she didn't want a boyfriend, would rather we be friends, etc. It was hard at first, but I moved on. This brings us to sophomore year. Sophomore year isn't really that important; I had about 5 different, random mini-crushes on different girls. However, the last one was Caroline.

Caroline was going to be in band the next year, and I developed a crush on her the second I saw her. I'm not going to say it was love at first sight; i think that's bullshit. But I did get some pretty massive feelings in a short time. I mean, I didn't even know her name or what she was all about or anything. But my gut told me she was going to be awesome. I added her on myspace (lame, i know) and introduced myself. I fantasized endlessly over the summer about how I would get to spend time with her with the start of the new year. Long story short, my flirting paid off and I asked her out. She said yes, and all was wonderful.

A month later she broke up with me (this brings us to the end of October, 2008.) She said she just stopped liking me for no reason, except that she wasn't really as ready as she thought she was. The last couple months have been hard but I'm dealing with it.

So now I have two problems.

1. She and I both really, really want to be friends again. But it's too hard for me to be around her sometimes, and I dislike seeing anything involved with her. Without even making a real conscious effort, I've been avoiding her at school. I feel really bad about this, but I can't bring myself to act as if nothing has happened. I talk to her at a regular basis, but she wants to be best friends with me, and I feel the same. Any advice?

2. Since I got over Lily, she and I have become really good friends. But now, Lily has started to flirt with me really hardcore-like, unlike her usual flirting. She tells me how attractive I am, she thinks it's funny to put her hands under my shirt when they're really cold, invites me to do stuff with her, she's pretty much begging me to go to the college she's planning on going to, etc. That doesn't begin to cover it, but anyways; all evidence suggests that she's really into me. However, I don't want to entertain the thought of her liking me, because I'd really rather not get hurt again (but hey, who does?). I have no idea what her intent is; she's not the type to lead me on (she deliberately avoided doing so when I liked her), but last time I checked, she's not interested in dating. Any advice for this situation?

sorry for the gigapost, but i felt the backstories are necessary to understand the situations at hand.
Entice
Entice
  • Member since: Jun. 30, 2008
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 13
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-06 22:28:30 Reply

I've known a girl for about a year now, and she says that she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She says that she doesn't have time for one and doesn't think its important. But at lunch one day this one guy (fat, really religious, the only real guy-friend she has besides me) sat down at our table (stealing my seat next to her) and starting talking about all of the fun things they did together last year when she was to busy to see me, and started planning something else. She didn't even look at me for the whole time-I felt like I was invisible. I can't stop thinking about it. I don't think I can talk to her about it, since I'm not her boyfriend- but do you think I should casually bring it up and see what happens?

Vincoid
Vincoid
  • Member since: Feb. 9, 2004
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 42
Animator
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-07 08:21:34 Reply

At 12/6/08 08:41 PM, SilenzXE wrote: Thanks.

Though this won't end well for me will it?

It could if you're ignorant and keep wanting girls too much. What you've got to know is that it's okay to want girls, but you shouldn't need them. Desperate guys are always the ones that end up, a) with a girl they never wanted to begin with, simply because it's the only one that they could get, b) without a girl, being desperate, feeling like crap, becoming depressed, etc.

However, if you turn the whole thing around and start wanting them, but not needing them, you'll be way more attractive, plus you won't make any mistakes that convey clingyness or neediness, which destroy relationships.
Oh, and if a girl or woman ever tells you they want you to spend a lot of time on them etc. don't listen to it. What women want is a man who knows what women want, only very few women actually tell guys what they want for real.

To start changing this pattern of neediness, make small changes in your thinking about women. For example, when you now see a girl, your reaction won't be something like; "Holy shit a girl, what the fuck should I do, she's so hot!", but simply: "Just a girl, whatever", no matter how hot she is or interesting she seems to be.
After that, once you've done this for long enough (a week, two perhaps), you go one step further by thinking: "Hmm, she looks like she could be interesting, let's go find out and have fun".

You can be interested without showing too much interest, this is called self-control, and is very attractive.

At 12/6/08 09:57 PM, D3NTATUS wrote: So now I have two problems.

1. She and I both really, really want to be friends again. But it's too hard for me to be around her sometimes, and I dislike seeing anything involved with her. Without even making a real conscious effort, I've been avoiding her at school. I feel really bad about this, but I can't bring myself to act as if nothing has happened. I talk to her at a regular basis, but she wants to be best friends with me, and I feel the same. Any advice?

What's holding you back from doing what you want? If you don't want to be around her sometimes, leave. If you don't want to act like nothing has happened, then talk to her about it. If you can't be best friends with her, then don't try to force it.


2. Since I got over Lily, she and I have become really good friends. But now, Lily has started to flirt with me really hardcore-like, unlike her usual flirting. She tells me how attractive I am, she thinks it's funny to put her hands under my shirt when they're really cold, invites me to do stuff with her, she's pretty much begging me to go to the college she's planning on going to, etc. That doesn't begin to cover it, but anyways; all evidence suggests that she's really into me. However, I don't want to entertain the thought of her liking me, because I'd really rather not get hurt again (but hey, who does?). I have no idea what her intent is; she's not the type to lead me on (she deliberately avoided doing so when I liked her), but last time I checked, she's not interested in dating. Any advice for this situation?

Connect the advice I gave to the guy above you to your situation. What do you notice?
Once you stopped being interested in her, things turned around. However, if you now start to act really interested again, she'll lose interest in you again.

I bet the same thing has happened with that Caroline girl. What I get from the background info you gave me, you're a pretty desperate guy when it comes to girls. Neediness and clingyness are major relationship destroyers, and I think that's definitely what happened with your relationship.
Of course, I don't know you or know exactly what happened, but if you're nervous to go talk to a girl, think 9 months about how you can get her to like you, fantasize about how to talk to a girl all summer, and this girl telling you she just stopped liking you, are major signs of neediness and clingyness. I doubt she just stopped feeling things for you, sure, it might feel that way to her, but I'm pretty sure you just weren't attractive to her anymore. Clingyness and neediness kill attraction. Let me change that; clingyness and neediness SLAUGHTER attractiveness and then feeds it to the dog. No mercy whatsoever.

So if you ask me, take the same advice as I've given to guy above you. Also, work out the things in the first problem by talking about it with Caroline. And if you've got any other questions etc. please ask.

sorry for the gigapost, but i felt the backstories are necessary to understand the situations at hand.

That's great. Better than: "I like this girl, help!" :P


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

BBS Signature
Vincoid
Vincoid
  • Member since: Feb. 9, 2004
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 42
Animator
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-07 08:28:43 Reply

At 12/6/08 10:28 PM, bgraybr wrote: I've known a girl for about a year now, and she says that she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She says that she doesn't have time for one and doesn't think its important. But at lunch one day this one guy (fat, really religious, the only real guy-friend she has besides me) sat down at our table (stealing my seat next to her) and starting talking about all of the fun things they did together last year when she was to busy to see me, and started planning something else. She didn't even look at me for the whole time-I felt like I was invisible. I can't stop thinking about it. I don't think I can talk to her about it, since I'm not her boyfriend- but do you think I should casually bring it up and see what happens?

Bring what up? That she didn't look at you? That this guy 'stole' your seat next to her, which is apparently very important to you? That she didn't have time for you because she hung out with someone else? That she lives her own life in which you don't play as big a role as you want to, but she couldn't care less? That she says she doesn't have time for a relationship, but she does have time to talk to a fat religious guy during lunch, which apparently means something to you?

Again, bring what up?

Also, how old are you, seriously?


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

BBS Signature
ChickenGod
ChickenGod
  • Member since: Oct. 12, 2008
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 09
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-08 16:26:34 Reply

This is sorta the opposite of what this topic was meant for, but a mod sent me here...:

-There's this girl in my school, who really likes me. Her friend has told me that, and I can see that she really does, she always hugs me (which gets annoying at times) and just seems really clingy. She's my friend, and I value our friendship, and I can't bring myself to say that I don't like her. How should I hint to her that I don't like her?

Vincoid
Vincoid
  • Member since: Feb. 9, 2004
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 42
Animator
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-09 05:02:44 Reply

At 12/8/08 04:26 PM, ChickenGod wrote: This is sorta the opposite of what this topic was meant for, but a mod sent me here...:

-There's this girl in my school, who really likes me. Her friend has told me that, and I can see that she really does, she always hugs me (which gets annoying at times) and just seems really clingy. She's my friend, and I value our friendship, and I can't bring myself to say that I don't like her. How should I hint to her that I don't like her?

I think that saying it to her would be the best way, but it could jeopardize your friendship a bit, so yeah, not really an option.

From the top of my head, I can come up with two options:
- You do nothing, let everything go as it goes, and if she makes a move on you and tells you she likes you, you tell her you don't think of her that way.
- You start hanging out with more girls. If she sees this and thinks you're into someone else, she'll most likely back off. This might also hurt your friendship a bit since she might get hurt, but I think it's impossible for you to do anything that won't hurt her, unless she's a really understanding person.

Amd just a small tip, if someone asks anything about the two of you, tell them you're friends. Not 'just friends', but friends. It's a small difference, but when people say 'just friends', they either expect or want it to become more.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

BBS Signature
addicted-hamster
addicted-hamster
  • Member since: Aug. 28, 2005
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 07
Blank Slate
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-10 04:18:08 Reply

Well I need some help...

It's not that I have troubles talking to girls, it's that I can't really keep a long relationship. I have been seeing this girl who at first I didn't really like much. My friends thought it would be funny to invite her to a party in order to surprise me. The party sucked so we came back to my house.

My friends then decided to leave the room in order to give me and the girl some alone time. She sorta laid down on my bed and mentioned how comfortable and warm it was. I didn't like her much but I just decided to turn off the lights, lay down next to her and just cuddle and kiss. It was pretty intimate. I felt bad because it meant alot to her and I didn't really like her much.

Now that I'm talking to her more and going on more dates I'm starting to really like her. I can just hang out with her hours, never running out of things to say. I'm going to ask her out. But I'm afraid of long relationships... I know, and I really want this to work out.

Vincoid
Vincoid
  • Member since: Feb. 9, 2004
  • Offline.
Forum Stats
Member
Level 42
Animator
Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-10 07:42:20 Reply

At 12/10/08 04:18 AM, addicted-hamster wrote: Well I need some help...

What exactly is it about long relationships that won't work out for you?


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

BBS Signature