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Knorpfdog
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-12 20:12:13 Reply

Well, I've officially found myself a girlfriend, with the girl I was posting about before =D. But now I have another problem....while I'm talking to her, I'll sometimes just go BLANK. Like the conversation will just DIE, because I don't feel like I have anything interesting to say. And I feel like she thinks I'm coming across as stupid....I dunno. Any advice?

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-13 11:12:29 Reply

At 11/12/08 08:12 PM, Knorpfdog wrote: Well, I've officially found myself a girlfriend, with the girl I was posting about before =D. But now I have another problem....while I'm talking to her, I'll sometimes just go BLANK. Like the conversation will just DIE, because I don't feel like I have anything interesting to say. And I feel like she thinks I'm coming across as stupid....I dunno. Any advice?

Don't try to force it. If you feel like there's nothing to say at the moment, just say nothing. There is no need to talk all the time.
Also, relax, you might go blank because you're trying to hard to come up with something to say. Just go with it.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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PhoenixTails
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-13 18:39:27 Reply

Today I was talking to some chick I had been flirting with for a while, and she started punching my arm. I figured I would just ignore her till she stopped, but she didn't. I told her I would smack her back if she didn't quit and she just kept going. So I punched her back. Not like decking her or anything ; it was pretty soft. She punched me for awhile again, but I ignored her and she quit.

This was a shit test, right? How the hell could I have won in this situation? I either don't do anything to stop her, or face the social stigma of hitting her back. We were in a situation where I couldn't really do anything less aggressive/more funny, such as tickling her.


All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to stand by and do nothing.

Vincoid
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-14 12:40:49 Reply

At 11/13/08 06:39 PM, PhoenixTails wrote: This was a shit test, right? How the hell could I have won in this situation? I either don't do anything to stop her, or face the social stigma of hitting her back. We were in a situation where I couldn't really do anything less aggressive/more funny, such as tickling her.

Oh man, that's simply annoying. I'd be up in her face about it, saying: "You think you're tough huh? Let's take it outside, you and me, right now!", and put my fists up in the air as if I'm ready to hit her.

Alternative 1: "What's with the punching? Some kind of weird fetish or something?".

Alternative 2: "Punch me one more time and I'm going to have to call your mother and tell her that you're a bad girl". Of course, after she hits you again, try to get her phone and call her mom up.

Alternative 3: "Hang on a sec while I get a restraining order."

Alternative 4: "You're doing it wrong, you've got to put some strenght in it", followed by knocking her out.
Ok, maybe not, but you can pretend you're going to hit her.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Gore-Hound
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-14 16:48:03 Reply

k so I've got quite the awkward situation going on here.

k so basically i dated this girl for about 2 years, it was pretty serious.
eventually she started hanging around other guys and it kinda fell apart.
after we broke up we hardly talked, an she found a new boyfriend.
then out of nowhere about 2 months after the break up she tells me she misses me and wants to get back together. we 'kinda' get back together but she was still 'kinda' with this other guy.
eventually she broke things off with this other guy, then told me she didnt want to date me.
she just wanted to take it easy, be single, and "experience life"...(experience life...lol thats such bullshit)
so...we're not dating, but we're good friends...no sex.
THEN, she meets a new guy, and we basically lose contact. she tells me its 'weird' hanging out becuz she has a boyfriend now and im her ex. so it went from being mad good friends to all the sudden its weird now cuz she had a boyfriend.
that pissed me off.
few weeks go by, this guy dumps her, she comes back to me...as a friend.
so now we're back like we used to, mad good friends.
but here's where i need some help....

shes always talking to me on msn, right wen she signs in till she signs off
she texts me on her breaks at work ALL the time
shes very friendly wen its just me and her hanging out, but in a crowd shes completly different.
she tells me she just wants to be friends...and that she doesnt wanna sleep over at my place becuz she doesnt want to confuse me....

...anyway...shes telling me now she wants to stay over tonite....
i used to have a terrible futon that was a pain to sleep on...and i just got a new bed
and shes all like "i wanna come sleep in ur new comfy bed"....im confused as hell.....
theres no way a new bed can be that exciting lol but she insists she just wants to be friends

Gore-Hound
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-14 17:00:26 Reply

sometimes shes really flirty and it really seems like she wants to be more than friends.
she talks all cute, etc.
then sometimes she just sounds like a fuckin ignorant bitch

but i guess thats girls anyways lol

megaepiclulz
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-14 18:36:06 Reply

I started talking to this girl a few weeks ago(girl I like), and now one of her friends that hangs out with my friends at lunch (and the girl I like hangs out with us too) has started asking me almost daily if I like her friend, and if I have a crush on her and stuff..and I do but does that mean the girl I like, likes me too since her friend asks me if I do a lot?


At 2/11/08 11:38 PM, NimbleElephant wrote: : What an interesting point you have, and very debatable and exciting. Status: Unbanned!

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Gore-Hound
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-14 19:18:25 Reply

LOL

just say yes kid. wut harm will it do?

dont bea pussy

megaepiclulz
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-14 19:21:04 Reply

At 11/14/08 07:18 PM, Gore-Hound wrote: LOL

just say yes kid. wut harm will it do?

dont bea pussy

I do say yes lol, that wasn't what I was asking though..


At 2/11/08 11:38 PM, NimbleElephant wrote: : What an interesting point you have, and very debatable and exciting. Status: Unbanned!

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jimmick
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-15 03:19:33 Reply

My girlfriend is sloppy when making out.
Is this a sign of inexperience?
Also, should I say anything?


[I Has A Hat] And it's on my head, your source for stupid comics and everything hats (No hats)

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Vincoid
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-15 11:31:18 Reply

At 11/14/08 05:00 PM, Gore-Hound wrote: sometimes shes really flirty and it really seems like she wants to be more than friends.
she talks all cute, etc.
then sometimes she just sounds like a fuckin ignorant bitch

but i guess thats girls anyways lol

You're talking to the wrong person about this stuff. You should be talking to her.

If it were me in that situation, I would already have told her to fuck off a long time ago. Seriously, if she's confusing you with all this shit, just cut her off.

At 11/14/08 06:36 PM, megaepiclulz wrote: I started talking to this girl a few weeks ago(girl I like), and now one of her friends that hangs out with my friends at lunch (and the girl I like hangs out with us too) has started asking me almost daily if I like her friend, and if I have a crush on her and stuff..and I do but does that mean the girl I like, likes me too since her friend asks me if I do a lot?

Doesn't matter. Go find out yourself, you're not in elementary anymore.

At 11/15/08 03:19 AM, jimmick wrote: My girlfriend is sloppy when making out.
Is this a sign of inexperience?

That or she has no technique.

Also, should I say anything?

Does it bother you? The answer to that question is the answer to your question.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Lacie
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-15 16:28:23 Reply

Wow its been a long time since i been here how is everyone??


LOL yes I am the LOL Girl ^_^ The "LOL" girl is back ^_^

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Vincoid
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-17 05:31:28 Reply

At 11/15/08 04:28 PM, Lacie wrote: Wow its been a long time since i been here how is everyone??

I'm great, how have you been?


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Lacie
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-17 10:25:54 Reply

At 11/17/08 05:31 AM, Vincoid wrote:
At 11/15/08 04:28 PM, Lacie wrote: Wow its been a long time since i been here how is everyone??
I'm great, how have you been?

Good, thankies ^_^

So whats everyones winter like?


LOL yes I am the LOL Girl ^_^ The "LOL" girl is back ^_^

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Vincoid
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-17 14:28:55 Reply

At 11/17/08 10:25 AM, Lacie wrote:
At 11/17/08 05:31 AM, Vincoid wrote:
At 11/15/08 04:28 PM, Lacie wrote: Wow its been a long time since i been here how is everyone??
I'm great, how have you been?
Good, thankies ^_^

So whats everyones winter like?

Pretty much the same as always, which means that there is no snow, just cold and rain, a lot of rain. Which is great btw, seeing as I work outside for about 3-4 hours every day...

Except for that it's great. I always like coming back home and walking into this wall of warm air.

How's yours?


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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SinthaiB
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-18 03:24:57 Reply

I know it's 'LOL DUMB' terminology, but I'm quite 'love sick'.

And just note, I AM posting on an alt, because I am rather insecure about the possibility that the girl found this posted by my main (I know, very unlikely..but...eh).

Anyway, I've known this girl for a while now (almost a year) and basically I've fallen in love with her. The problem is I've got quite a severe case of social anxiety and couldn't really build up the courage to see her in real life much, in fact we've only 'really' hung out once or twice and they went pretty well, but most of our relationship is built from instant messaging over the internet.

Now this 'love sickness' is also becoming quite severe, I find myself getting physically sick, not eating and losing sleep over this (I know it's not linked to something else), because I can't confess my love for her. The main reason I'm not doing so is because she's still confused about whether she loves someone else or not and I don't wish to make her even more confused.

What do you think I can do to cope with this NG?

Vincoid
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-18 03:48:40 Reply

At 11/18/08 03:24 AM, SinthaiB wrote: I know it's 'LOL DUMB' terminology, but I'm quite 'love sick'.

And just note, I AM posting on an alt, because I am rather insecure about the possibility that the girl found this posted by my main (I know, very unlikely..but...eh).

So? There is nothing to be ashamed of. There are millions of guys who don't know what to do when it comes to girls/women.
Also, why would she even look for this? She's not some kind of stalker, is she?


Anyway, I've known this girl for a while now (almost a year) and basically I've fallen in love with her. The problem is I've got quite a severe case of social anxiety and couldn't really build up the courage to see her in real life much, in fact we've only 'really' hung out once or twice and they went pretty well, but most of our relationship is built from instant messaging over the internet.

I honestly don't see what the problem is. Why don't you hang out more with her when the previous times went well? How can you not be confident that, because the other times went well, the next one will too?

I think the real problem here has got nothing to do with social anxiety. I believe the real problem is that you're expecting something. You're either hoping she'll like you, or something to magically happen, but whatever it is, it is preventing you from having what it is really all about: fun.

If you hang out with a girl, she wants to have fun. She doesn't want you to try your best to entertain her or get to like her. She wants you to be yourself, and the secundary effect of you being yourself should be fun for her. That's what makes a girl like you.

Let me give you an example of what a lot of guys do. They go up to a girl and tell her they like her. Why? Because they think it'll make her like them. WRONG, you can't make a girl like you by saying you like her. The only way for you to make her like you, is by being like-able.

Now, seeing as you've hung out before and she obviously talks to you quite a bit, I'd she likes you at least a bit. Of course, there might be a chance she only likes you as a friend because you've known each other for so long, but you haven't done much in real life together, so I think you have a good shot with her.


Now this 'love sickness' is also becoming quite severe, I find myself getting physically sick, not eating and losing sleep over this (I know it's not linked to something else), because I can't confess my love for her. The main reason I'm not doing so is because she's still confused about whether she loves someone else or not and I don't wish to make her even more confused.

Then you have a choice to make. Either tell her for your own sake or accept that you can't tell her.

Not that I suggest you do either one of those things. I'd do none of those things because A) Confessing your love to her at this stage only decreases your chances with her, and B) You have no idea wether she'll be confused or not since you can't see into the future and you have no idea what her reaction will be. If you could, you wouldn't be asking these questions here, would you?


What do you think I can do to cope with this NG?

Get a move on, do something about it. Hang out with her more in real life (though not too much). Get rid of every single believe you have regarding things that supposedly hold you back with girls. In fact, I think it's best if you write all of them down, think about them really well and then PM them to me. I'll go through them with you and try to eliminate as many of them as possible, as well as teach you some new ones that should help you along.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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aznpanda
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-18 11:55:50 Reply

=]] iiiiiiiii think everyone is screwed

=]


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-18 20:56:13 Reply

At 11/18/08 03:48 AM, Vincoid wrote: Get a move on, do something about it. Hang out with her more in real life (though not too much). Get rid of every single believe you have regarding things that supposedly hold you back with girls. In fact, I think it's best if you write all of them down, think about them really well and then PM them to me. I'll go through them with you and try to eliminate as many of them as possible, as well as teach you some new ones that should help you along.

I think a lot of people, myself included, could benefit by having you systematically destroy our limiting beliefs for us via PM.

That isn't what I came here to post though...

Is it stupid to take a girl out to a place you work? I work at a giant 2 story arcade/pizza place that has a rock wall, bumper cars, laser tag and go-karts. Before somebody accuses me of making pizza, I do not. I fix broken games.


All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to stand by and do nothing.

Vincoid
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-19 03:30:18 Reply

At 11/18/08 11:55 AM, aznpanda wrote: =]] iiiiiiiii think everyone is screwed

=]

Ok

At 11/18/08 08:56 PM, PhoenixTails wrote: Is it stupid to take a girl out to a place you work? I work at a giant 2 story arcade/pizza place that has a rock wall, bumper cars, laser tag and go-karts. Before somebody accuses me of making pizza, I do not. I fix broken games.

Oh come on, there is no shame in making pizzas, just admit it...

But seriously, I think it's a great idea. It sounds like you could have a lot of fun there, plus the fact that you know some people there is an advantage.
Place yourself in her shoes. You go to this place with a guy and have fun. In the meanwhile, he gets recognized by a lot of people there and talks to them etc. and they seem to get along really well. How does that look? What will you think of him?


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-20 23:06:44 Reply

IOI if a girl jokes about liking you/having sex etc? Every time I text with her we joke about stuff like this but she always adds lol/jk.

This is what I mean. (via text)

Her : you are so arrogant sometimes lol
Me : you know you like it
Her : oh yeah i just cant resist that jk
Me : I knew it!
Her : lol well obviously you cant resist the clingy girls who cant take a hint. lol
Me : you mean like yourself? Slam! lol
Her : oh i get the hints i just dont listen to them lol jk


All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to stand by and do nothing.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-21 04:11:23 Reply

At 11/20/08 11:06 PM, PhoenixTails wrote: IOI if a girl jokes about liking you/having sex etc? Every time I text with her we joke about stuff like this but she always adds lol/jk.

Yes. The reason she puts lol/jk after everything she says is sort of a backing-up mechanism. In your example, she talks about clingy girls. That's why she puts jk after everything, to prevent herself from getting too clingy with you.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-22 18:11:05 Reply

I'm one sad motherfucker right now. This night, me and a couple of friends gathered so we could roll some joints and have a good time. We got together in the city and were already through the half of the ammo when we decide it's time to move. We were going to a party nearby when we bump into a good friend of mine and the girl that I like a lot. By alot I don't mean that I'd just fuck her. I would love her. When my brain picked up that these two are together (holding hands) I felt like I got bashed in the face with a sledgehammer. With fucking spikes on. I just don't know anymore.

I dreamt about her. I dream about her a lot. Always in the back of my head there was a straying thought. God damn. Her and I we talked and everything. I'm not like this at all it's just this girl. I think I even had some chances but lost them along the way somewhere. However gay this sounds I iften blush when I talk to her or see her.

Oh I just needed to get that out.


ffs. that is all.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-22 22:32:23 Reply

I'm going ice skating with this chick on Friday. She's the same one I was talking about with the texts.

She's got a stalker though. When she told him we were a couple (something that isn't true and started as a joke, but most people believe regardless) he asked her if she wanted to cheat on me with him. Fucking creep! Then she asked me to get him to leave her alone.


All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to stand by and do nothing.

Knorpfdog
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-23 00:31:11 Reply

So I had that girl over my place today, we messed around for a while and it was all pretty fun and cool. We started hugging and she ended up kissing me.....I feel like I just stood there though.

I know I should be happy, but I'm the type of person that picks apart every situation and ends up making even the good ones seem negative. So I'm not really sure what I'm asking here...I guess I just felt like typing that up :P. But then in relation to that: will she like me a lot less if it seemed like I just stood there while she kissed me? And any advice on kissing?

Vincoid
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-23 06:04:46 Reply

At 11/22/08 06:11 PM, iRRegular wrote: Oh I just needed to get that out.

That's good.

I understand your situation, having been there before myself. The real problem for me back then was that I didn't even do anything, knowing that I didn't even have a clue what to do.
Your situation sounds different. All you've got to remember, is that you can't wait to go in and make a move. Unless you leave a really really good impression the first time, making her very attracted to you, anything might disturb your plans.

Also, how sure are you that they are together? Sure, they were holding hands, but that doesn't always mean anything. Find that out first.

If they are together, my advice is to move on and remember the lesson you've learned here.

At 11/22/08 10:32 PM, PhoenixTails wrote: She's got a stalker though. When she told him we were a couple (something that isn't true and started as a joke, but most people believe regardless) he asked her if she wanted to cheat on me with him. Fucking creep! Then she asked me to get him to leave her alone.

Dude, that's the Queen of the Wusses right there.... but I've got only one thing to say about this whole situation:

Advantage Time!

Seriously, it doesn't get any better than this.

Ok, it does, but this is pretty awesome too.

If I were you, I'd tell the guy that following girls around and being a creepy stalker won't make them like you. If you can convince him of that, you A) Help him in stopping being a stalker with girls for the rest of his life, B) Safe the day for this chick (claim your reward!), and C) Made him even less of a threat because now he still has no game whatsoever.

Now, it's not really easy to convince this guy that stalking girls won't make them like him, because his entire 'game' is based upon it. You've got to rewire his entire system. So now you've got to ask yourself: "What is powerful enough, and entertaining enough for yourself, to reframe his mind?".
I'll tell you how. You go talk to this guy, and as you do, you bring in random girls and ask them a simple question: "What do you think about guys who follow girls around to make them like them?".
And when they've given you their answer, ask them this one: "How would you describe such a guy in one word?"

I bet answers like stalker and creep/creepy will scare him off. Also, before you bring in these girls, ask this question: "You're following girls to get them to like you. How does this serve you? What are the results? How effective is this method?"

Then, after you've brought in the girls and have demonstrated that his system sucks, you need to propose a new frame. Now it's time to tell him some very very basic stuff that women find attractive. For example, tell him that they find guys who don't look desperate to get a girl very attractive, that they like guys who play it cool, are relaxed and do their own thing. Basicly, tell him the opposite of what he was doing before.

This won't make him good with girls, it will definitely will make him better, but it won't turn him into a threat. In fact, you'll make him less of a threat for girls, but he'll still won't make a chance with this girl you're seeing.

At 11/23/08 12:31 AM, Knorpfdog wrote: I know I should be happy, but I'm the type of person that picks apart every situation and ends up making even the good ones seem negative.

And how does that work for you? What is the point in doing this if you don't learn anything from it? If it doesn't motivate you to do anything, or to step up your game?

The thing is, being able to dissect a situation and understand every part of it, won't help you in any way when you use it to critisize your actions, instead of evaluating them and learning from them.

In this situation for example, you say it felt like you just stood there. The first thing I ask myself is, why were you focussing on that? And if you weren't, how are you so sure you just stood there? Are you even sure you just stood there, or is it something you've unconsciously made up so you can critisize yourself like you always do?

See how much more there can be behind such a simple looking situation?

You've got to realize, that critisizing yourself can be really helpful, but only when you use it to improve yourself. Right now, all you're doing is creating anxiety with it, instead of learning from it.

I could also say that you should just go with the flow, to let go of the meaning of things as they don't really matter, but I think that's a bit too basic. The most important thing about all this is one simple question: "Are you, and is she, enjoying this?". That's the only thing you should focus on, not worry about, just focus on.

Which brings us to this right here:

Will she like me a lot less if it seemed like I just stood there while she kissed me? And any advice on kissing?

No, not a lot. If she's into you, which she obviously is, a small thing like this means nothing, especially since you can make it up, not to her but to yourself.

As for tips on kissing, I'll give you a small guide.

First off, a very basic technique I use is 'Two Steps Forward, One Step Back'. As you can see, this means you take two steps and then go back one, after which you replay this. So, when talking to a girl, you start kissing for a little while (nothing too crazy), then you back off and start talking again. Some minutes later, you get back to the kissing but now you go one step forward, making it a bit more intense.

Now, I think you get the point in this technique. To go into it further, the reason I do this is because it creates anxiety, tension and keeps it interesting. If you do this right, and don't worry since it's very hard to do it wrong, she'll keep longing for the next step. Every time she expects you to move on, you suddenly move back, which creates sexual tension, a very good tension to have.

General kiss tip # 1 is to go with it. If you have no idea how to kiss, just follow her lead. At first it might not go extremely well, but no one expects it to. You can't expect to be born as the worlds greatest kisser since no one is, nor does anybody cares.
Just follow what she's doing and you'll get better over time.

General kiss tip # 2, also applying to anything sexual, is to remember that she has an entire body that is extremely responsive to touch. So, as you're kissing her, stray away from the lips. Kiss her on her neck, on her shoulder etc. Also, use your hands. Put your hand on her face, on her hair, smell her hair, let her know that you're enjoying it.
As for sex, the same things apply, don't focus on just a few parts, but have your hands all over her body, kiss her whole body, and, if you're into it, lick her her whole body. I don't care what you like, just remember that her whole body needs attention. Again though, keep in mind not to worry about it, but to relax and enjoy yourself.

Also, not so much a kiss tip but more of a progress-into-sex tip; don't touch any x-rated parts untill you're taking of clothes. Why? Because she expects you to.
If you don't touch her like that while she expects you to, she'll start thinking: "Why isn't he touching me?", which creates more sexual tension. Practically the same reason why you should touch her whole body, is because she expects you to focus on the x-rated stuff.

Now that my hands are dead from typing all this, I have one more question: "Is there anything else you need to know, or something you need have explained in more detail?


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Vincoid
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-23 09:38:10 Reply

At 11/23/08 06:04 AM, Vincoid wrote: Practically the same reason why you should touch her whole body, is because she expects you to focus on the x-rated stuff.

I just realized this is pretty unclear. What I mean is that she expects you to focus on nothing but the x-rated stuff, so instead you focus on everything.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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iRRegular
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-23 10:44:22 Reply

Thank you V. Thanks a lot.

For actually replying. :)


ffs. that is all.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-24 03:08:20 Reply

At 11/23/08 10:44 AM, iRRegular wrote: Thank you V. Thanks a lot.

For actually replying. :)

No problem, that's what I'm here for ;)


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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CH4ZM4N92
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-24 07:28:00 Reply

So i was over at one of my lady friends house with her and two of her friends and we were watching a movie(Charlie Bartlett if your curious). Well the friends left and me and the girl start flirting more than usual.(but apparently she has some boyfriend that she wont tell me about) We started making out and that went on up until I had to go home. And then the next day she said That shews not going to cheat again.

I was thinking about asking her if she'll break up with the guy and go out with me, but i dont know. what do you guys think?