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krazykangaroo
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-28 19:37:09 Reply

Alrite well heres the problem: Im kinda with a girl who has had some really bad relationships in the past, ive gone out with her once, and we talk all the time. Early on she told me about her past relationships(really quite fucked up, fell in love, fucked the guy, and he left her the next day)- and now whenever i ask her if she wants to hang out she always has an excuse. Normally i would straight up back off, but she keeps flirting with me on aim, so its confusing.
anyway main issue: last night she was depressed(she really has issues, she legit has depression) and she just mentioned she doesnt wanna get closer to me than she already is, cos she knows herself and she doesnt wanna get hurt when it ends. What am i meant to say to that? I still want her cos theres no one on the horizon, shes really cute, and down the road ill need a solid date to prom.
thanks in advance

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-28 20:07:14 Reply

Dont luagh but I was researching how woman are are attracted to men and discovered this article "this one" and it kind of made sense I hope it helps some of you guys out there ^_^


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-29 00:16:04 Reply

I went on the date with the chick. I asked her out and she said yes. One problem though : she can't kiss worth a shit. She doesn't know her tongue exists. She accused me of using too much tongue and this is a lie, I know because I have been called a good kisser numerous times, and if you like stereotypes, I used to play the French horn lol. I talked to her ex boyfriend and he said even when stuff got real hot and heavy she wouldn't use her tongue.

Any way to break this? She seems genuinely convinced she is doing it right.


All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to stand by and do nothing.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-29 08:49:46 Reply

At 11/28/08 01:20 PM, Ragnarokia wrote: Boys I thought looked attractive which only worked with one of my friends when she was alone, also things I can't really be specific as I can't remember but in random conversations I can say what comes to mind and I get distanced for it, even oncepeople were talking about fetishes and I mentioned catboys and was later told that the whole group of people hated me.

Do you know why that was said? Was it because of the catboys stuff? How sure are you that it was? Can you even be sure that it was? Can you even be sure that they all hate you, or that this person is just trying to be funny?
Whatever people say, it can mean all sorts of things, but if you approach it with a frame of mind that says that everyone hates you, you'll make it mean that they hate you, while in reality, that might not even be what they meant.


They don't It's just because people are like that to me, I am enjoying myself with some friends and then someone puts their thingers up to me with a really angry hating expression completely uncalled for, an other time I kept a door open for someone and then shouted at me saying I was ignorant or something.

Ok, so those are two examples, but what does that say about you, and what says it about other people? Does this mean that all people are hateful towards you, or does it just mean that these guys are assholes?
And since it's their behaviour, how can it say anything about you?


My friends online I talk about basicly anything like my feelings and whatI like to do and lookingfor help but if i try talking about my feelings or anything else in real life people dislike me for it even if just looking for some help saying I am lonely : (

Do you think it odd if someone you don't know suddenly starts talking to you about being lonely? Most people only talk about their feelings with people they know and are friends with, so it can be weird to them if you start with that.


I honestly don't know I have never been able to let go of anything even insults from years ago stick in my mind to this day I just can't let anything that affects me go : (

Then why does it affect you? And how does this affect you specifically? What feelings do get from it?


It's ok you don't have to help but I fear people as a whole, I have the fears that if open up I will be hated and if I find someone I will be used, but ones that really have no ground are fears that if I go to parties I will be druged or forced to get drunk or get raped or all this stupid stuff and similar with other social things like pubs, nothing like that has happend to me and I shouldn't fear it but for some stupid reason I do : (

Why don't you take this conversation as an example? You have opened up to me and I have not hurt you. Plus you've been open to me on a website which anyone can access. Sure, they won't know who you really are, but they can still read about you and reply and possibly insult you, yet you've continued posting here. If this is as much, or even more, about emotional issues and emotional pain as it is about situations in person, you'd think you'd have stopped posting by now.
The point is, there are enough examples to counter your view on fearing people as a whole. Besides that, there really is no reason to fear people that way. If you fear people hurting you if you open up to them, you can also try opening up less to them. If you fear being drugged etc. at a party, you can also realize that you can always walk away when you're not feeling comfortable.
You are in control of yourself, and sometimes we need a little help to regain that control and that's ok, but the first step starts with you.


It's not that I am after compliments I am after at least some recognition that I am there, I don't even get that most of the time : (

Do most people get that? I don't think so. And why would you want that recognition? If you fear these people like you said before, why is there recognition important to you? And how do you know when someone has recognition for you, how do you notice that?

Mostly nothing good and kind of a solitary feel, maybe even cold as I used to despite not feeling like that.

That could be a very good explanation. As I said before, most people tend to go towards people who project strenght, leadership, positivity, etc. I can't expect you to suddenly be very positive, but when you keep projecting this coldness, it's hard for people to engage you.
How many times do you engage people, or even want to go talk to them, when they're looking really sad, lonely, or hurt?


Today I actually was rather social I guess compared to other days, I was still hardly noticed but a few people did and those were the ones that mattered.

That's great. How did that feel to you? Did it make you feel good? Does it make you want to be more like you were today?


I think I like a boy in my drama class as I have thought he was nice and attractive and wanted to get to know him and today I was told he is bi and I keep thinking whether I do like him or not whether I should try and ask him out or something. He looks at me a bit but I think it may just be friendly rather than liking.

Why don't you go try and find out? Just go talk to him a bit, try to find out what he's about. You obviously have something in common (Drama), so you can always start with that. Maybe try to find out why he's into it etc.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-29 09:01:29 Reply

At 11/28/08 07:37 PM, krazykangaroo wrote: thanks in advance

Ok, first off, you don't need a solid dance to prom. If that's your goal, you're basicly doing the same as the other guy, although less worse.

How about you change your view to this one:

I want her to go with me as my prom date so I can show her a good time.

A lot better huh?

As for your problem, I'd do as she asks. Keep your distance, don't try to push anything. It's a matter of time untill she'll trust you, so it's important for you to make sure there is no reason for her to distrust you. And when the prom thing is about to happen and you ask her, make sure she knows that you're not trying anything, you'll just have fun and have a great time, etc.

At 11/28/08 08:07 PM, tatsumaru7 wrote: Dont luagh but I was researching how woman are are attracted to men and discovered this article "this one" and it kind of made sense I hope it helps some of you guys out there ^_^

HAHAHAHA

No, seriously, why would I laugh?

Also, do yourself a favor and check out the real deal instead of someone who gives you the same stuff in a lesser form. David D got all his knowledge from going out and trying to find out what was going on, not from books. This person right here got his knowledge from David D, but hasn't got the talent to bring it the same way he does.

And I know David D's stuff costs money, but so does music. You get my point there?

At 11/29/08 12:16 AM, PhoenixTails wrote: Any way to break this? She seems genuinely convinced she is doing it right.

Show her where the tongue is located and tell her what she can do with it. Be completely honest about it.


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Ragnarokia
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-30 13:55:04 Reply

At 11/29/08 08:49 AM, Vincoid wrote:
At 11/28/08 01:20 PM, Ragnarokia wrote:
Do you know why that was said? Was it because of the catboys stuff? How sure are you that it was? Can you even be sure that it was? Can you even be sure that they all hate you, or that this person is just trying to be funny?

I don't know as I have seen a person from their group who seemed okish with me but he still seemed to not want to be near me really.

Whatever people say, it can mean all sorts of things, but if you approach it with a frame of mind that says that everyone hates you, you'll make it mean that they hate you, while in reality, that might not even be what they meant.

Yea I can get this, all about how you percieve what happens and stuff, usually I always choose the wrong thing to think of it as though, but I guess it's a win or loose situation.

Ok, so those are two examples, but what does that say about you, and what says it about other people? Does this mean that all people are hateful towards you, or does it just mean that these guys are assholes?
And since it's their behaviour, how can it say anything about you?

I guess it can just say that I take offense to easily and to everything. I wish I didn't but I don't really have any leeway with abuse against me, I take complete offense even if it is from people on here, people say it is just the internet but it effects me the same : (

Do you think it odd if someone you don't know suddenly starts talking to you about being lonely? Most people only talk about their feelings with people they know and are friends with, so it can be weird to them if you start with that.

Not with random people I mention it to people I have been close to for a long time, and I usually dont go saying things like "I am lonely help me" usually if they ask how I am I say bad and things and if they ask why I would add that I am lonely or something. Then even though they asked they seem to not like the answer : (

Then why does it affect you? And how does this affect you specifically? What feelings do get from it?

I either feel like shit and that I shouldn't exist as I am completely pathetic or I end up getting really angry for no reason which always leads into the first : (

Why don't you take this conversation as an example? You have opened up to me and I have not hurt you. Plus you've been open to me on a website which anyone can access. Sure, they won't know who you really are, but they can still read about you and reply and possibly insult you, yet you've continued posting here. If this is as much, or even more, about emotional issues and emotional pain as it is about situations in person, you'd think you'd have stopped posting by now.

I have been posting as I thought it would be the best way I could try and get help, due to it being in this crew I thought that people wouldn't come here jsu tto flame people and people would either come to give help or ask for it. If it was in general I wouldn't and I have started being open on the internet as I just need somewhere to be : (

The point is, there are enough examples to counter your view on fearing people as a whole. Besides that, there really is no reason to fear people that way. If you fear people hurting you if you open up to them, you can also try opening up less to them. If you fear being drugged etc. at a party, you can also realize that you can always walk away when you're not feeling comfortable.

I know and I also know that the chances someone would do that to me would also be very slim but I just can't help wit hthe fear of it. Even yesturday I heard the door bell and thought against going to it for a while fearing someone might barge in and attack me. I don't know why I have theese fears it is like the whole world is against me in my mind or something.

You are in control of yourself, and sometimes we need a little help to regain that control and that's ok, but the first step starts with you.

Whenever I do have control over myself I tend not to do anything with it fearing that it will go badly, whenever I do try things it always ends up making others worse so I don't want to do that.

Do most people get that? I don't think so. And why would you want that recognition? If you fear these people like you said before, why is there recognition important to you? And how do you know when someone has recognition for you, how do you notice that?

I don't care for people saying I am good or something I just care for them treating me as a friend if they say they are, or even as a human really.

That could be a very good explanation. As I said before, most people tend to go towards people who project strenght, leadership, positivity, etc. I can't expect you to suddenly be very positive, but when you keep projecting this coldness, it's hard for people to engage you.

I know, I stopped the coldness about 1 or 2 years ago and I dont use it where I am now, but I might as well be like that as people treat me, if anything less than before.

How many times do you engage people, or even want to go talk to them, when they're looking really sad, lonely, or hurt?

A lot actually I really want to feel like I can help someone, if I can help them it makes me feel better as it kind of gives me a reason.

That's great. How did that feel to you? Did it make you feel good? Does it make you want to be more like you were today?

I felt good being able to actually be with people, even if it was only for the short period of time like less than an hour at least for then I was able to talk, I still hardly did anything but if I did say something people did actually listen, still there were only 2 or 3 people that did but it's better than none.

Why don't you go try and find out? Just go talk to him a bit, try to find out what he's about. You obviously have something in common (Drama), so you can always start with that. Maybe try to find out why he's into it etc.

I will try and get to know him better and talk to him maybe see if I can become his friend, i don't want to rush in and ask incase we end up not having anything in common or we don't end up liking each other or he is strait or it just happens to fast or anything like that. I want to make sure that if it did end up becoming serious though the chances are against it that I dont do something to screw it up like I did last time : (


When this post hits 88 mph, you're going to see some serious friendship.
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krazykangaroo
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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-11-30 14:00:54 Reply

thanks vincoid!- also a message to everyone interested: Pretending like u dont give a shit about a girl makes her more interested, She didnt talk to me on aim, and it made me wanna see her more, so i did the same thing to her for 2 days now, and she really wants to talk to me. At least once an hour she messages me saying sorry for every possible thing shes done to piss me off, and shes commenting on all my facebook pics just trying to get me to talk to her. Ill talk to her a bit, cos if u dont talk at all she loses interest, but right now shes given herself a challenge for me to talk again. I just felt like adding that cos right now shes talking

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-01 03:37:50 Reply

At 11/30/08 01:55 PM, Ragnarokia wrote: I don't know as I have seen a person from their group who seemed okish with me but he still seemed to not want to be near me really.

That's okay, that's something you can work on. But what you can tell from this is that you shouldn't put the same meaning on everything right away.

I mean, someone told you everyone hates you, but how do you know this person is telling the truth? Is he someone that's always right and never wrong? Is it someone who's honest? And even more important, does he know you well enough to hate you?

Yea I can get this, all about how you percieve what happens and stuff, usually I always choose the wrong thing to think of it as though, but I guess it's a win or loose situation.

It's usually that people are unaware of this that makes them choose the wrong thing. But now you know, so you can focus on some more positive things to help you out. Also, just some more info, but these limiting thoughts also apply to physical aspects.
For instance, if you are about to do something like making a backflip, and you believe that you won't be able to, your body will block itself, causing you to be unable to do it. However, if you believe you can do it, your body will actually help you achieve this. Sure, you still might not make it due to inexperience or some other aspect outside of your control, but that's not the point :P


I guess it can just say that I take offense to easily and to everything. I wish I didn't but I don't really have any leeway with abuse against me, I take complete offense even if it is from people on here, people say it is just the internet but it effects me the same : (

How about you turn their behaviour against themselves? If someone makes a comment on you, they form an opinion inside their head about you. If someone calls you a loser, doesn't mean you're a loser, it means he's an asshole.
Turn things around, make their behaviour about them, not about you. What they say about you isn't about you, it's about them.


Not with random people I mention it to people I have been close to for a long time, and I usually dont go saying things like "I am lonely help me" usually if they ask how I am I say bad and things and if they ask why I would add that I am lonely or something. Then even though they asked they seem to not like the answer : (

Do you know why most people ask that? To feel safe. Believe it or not, but when people ask that, they're basicly communicating: "I'm a normal person and I mean no harm, do you?".
By responding to this with a typical answer like 'I'm great', people agree to that question in order to feel safe too. But, if you answer honestly (which I think is the best way), you go in the opposite direction. What you need to understand is that they don't want an honest answer. They don't care about your feelings, not much anyway, they're just being kind.
Also, what adds up to this is, what I've said before, people like to hang out with people who project positivity. So saying you don't feel so good and you're lonely, not only makes them feel uncomfortable, but also blocks the rest of the conversation, as the only thing to talk about would be something negative.


I have been posting as I thought it would be the best way I could try and get help, due to it being in this crew I thought that people wouldn't come here just to flame people and people would either come to give help or ask for it. If it was in general I wouldn't and I have started being open on the internet as I just need somewhere to be : (

Ok, but how come you trust us? You have no idea who we are, what we are about, only that we say we want to help you, how did you know we actually would? Why can't you trust a random person you meet to be like us?

I know and I also know that the chances someone would do that to me would also be very slim but I just can't help wit hthe fear of it. Even yesterday I heard the door bell and thought against going to it for a while fearing someone might barge in and attack me. I don't know why I have these fears it is like the whole world is against me in my mind or something.

Here is something I want to you to do. Make a list of things you need to remember. On this list, write:
- Think positively
- Project strenght and positivity
- Nobody is trying to hurt me
- Nobody can hurt me
- If something doesn't feel right, walk away
- I am in control of myself and what I do
- No thought can prevent me from getting what I really want

What you do next is, you repeat these things to yourself every morning when you wake up, after which you put it in one of your pockets. Then, every time when something comes up which is about anything on this list, you think about the list in your pocket and you repeat in your head what you wrote on it.
At night repeat the list again before you go to sleep.

Whenever I do have control over myself I tend not to do anything with it fearing that it will go badly, whenever I do try things it always ends up making others worse so I don't want to do that.

Why does it end up bad? Is it because you don't know what to do, or is it because of this fear that is blocking you?


I don't care for people saying I am good or something I just care for them treating me as a friend if they say they are, or even as a human really.

What does treating like a friend mean to you? What should someone do in order to make you feel like a friend? Is it words they should say, or is it a certain feeling you should get?


I know, I stopped the coldness about 1 or 2 years ago and I dont use it where I am now, but I might as well be like that as people treat me, if anything less than before.

Just because you stopped projecting coldness, doesn't mean you project the right thing now ;)
Negativity - Negativity doesn't make positivity.

A lot actually I really want to feel like I can help someone, if I can help them it makes me feel better as it kind of gives me a reason.

Of course, helping others does feel good, but would you not rather feel good about yourself? If helping others makes you feel good, you are depending on others to need help, do you want this?


I felt good being able to actually be with people, even if it was only for the short period of time like less than an hour at least for then I was able to talk, I still hardly did anything but if I did say something people did actually listen, still there were only 2 or 3 people that did but it's better than none.

Hey man, that's more than some other people do. What was the difference between the things you said now and the things you usually say?


I will try and get to know him better and talk to him maybe see if I can become his friend, i don't want to rush in and ask incase we end up not having anything in common or we don't end up liking each other or he is strait or it just happens to fast or anything like that. I want to make sure that if it did end up becoming serious though the chances are against it that I dont do something to screw it up like I did last time : (

That's ok, I too think you should take it slow. Getting to know someone isn't that easy, so just take your time.

At 11/30/08 02:00 PM, krazykangaroo wrote: thanks vincoid!- also a message to everyone interested: Pretending like u dont give a shit about a girl makes her more interested, She didnt talk to me on aim, and it made me wanna see her more, so i did the same thing to her for 2 days now, and she really wants to talk to me. At least once an hour she messages me saying sorry for every possible thing shes done to piss me off, and shes commenting on all my facebook pics just trying to get me to talk to her. Ill talk to her a bit, cos if u dont talk at all she loses interest, but right now shes given herself a challenge for me to talk again. I just felt like adding that cos right now shes talking

Very nice, looks like you get it ;)

And no problem by the way ;)


"Never was anything great achieved without danger." - Niccolo Machiavelli

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-01 18:21:48 Reply

i kinda need help
theres this girl in my school i like, and one day my friend goes n ask her wat she thnks of me n she says she thinks of me as a little brother
is there a way to make her think of me more than a little brother.? mayb make her think of me as a boyfriend or something

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-01 18:27:45 Reply

At 12/1/08 06:21 PM, rockinspades wrote: i kinda need help
theres this girl in my school i like, and one day my friend goes n ask her wat she thnks of me n she says she thinks of me as a little brother
is there a way to make her think of me more than a little brother.? mayb make her think of me as a boyfriend or something

Something is throwing me off here a little bit.. she thinks of you as her little brother? That must mean that there is an age difference if she thinks of you as her little brother. How much of an age difference is there? If you are 14 and if she is too much older than she may just be a little out of your league. If it's just the way she worded it and you guys are actually close in age then you need to do something which shows that you can be more than a little brother without making it look like you are trying too hard.

I don't know exactly what that something is though. I will let Vincoid handle that, but just the way you worded that made me think something was up with your age difference.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-01 18:49:16 Reply

me and the girl are close in age
im 14 n shes 15

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-01 21:49:48 Reply

At 12/1/08 06:21 PM, rockinspades wrote: i kinda need help
theres this girl in my school i like, and one day my friend goes n ask her wat she thnks of me n she says she thinks of me as a little brother
is there a way to make her think of me more than a little brother.? mayb make her think of me as a boyfriend or something

Well my friend, it would seem you have found yourself in the ever feared "friend zone" ^^ Dont worry though! This can be quickly and smoothly recovered from!

****DISCLAIMER*****
*All avice and hints givin by myself (or affiliates...?) are intended to be acted on with confidance if acted on at all. If you dont believe in your cuase, then how can anyone else!!!??*

Ok....now that actually brings me to my first topic. Confidance.
Honestly this is more importent then anything else i write in this message. When you go to interact with this girl, do it with your head high! Try to avoid looking at your shoes, they are still tied ;) Look her in the eyes! Thats major mucho points. And try your best to wear a smile too :D And when your speaking, just slow down! Keep your head cool, think about what your saying, and what you want to say! No need to stutter or be nervous, or talk a million miles a minute! She thinks of you as a brother, so use that as cushion to fall back on. And DONT WORRY ABOUT REJECTION! If worse comes to worse, she will say something to the effect of "i jsut dont think of you that way", and then what then...? Your back where youy started! And guess what? That means you get to try again!

Alright, so i layed this out very vagely, so you ask questions from here and ill be happy to answer!

CHEERS~!

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-01 23:52:50 Reply

16 y/o guy with an 18 y/o girl reporting in.

I think maturity matters more than age.


All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to stand by and do nothing.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-02 00:02:14 Reply

Okie dokie. . .

First relationship im 21 she is 24.
We just seperated today beacuase of some bullshit, I dont even really know why she left but she did. Her DOC (Drug Of Choice) is cocaine and today when she left she called this dude that deals and she went over there to go chill and shit, i got HEATED not only because she was leaving but because of the person she decided to leave with. A couple weeks back she almost cheated on me with her X BF, out of malice towards him because he got married to a woman 2 months after they seperated. She has expressed to me that she would like to bring other people into our sex life both male and female, and I have made it very VERY clear that I have no problem bringin a chick in but no dudes, I just cant handle that.

Blah blah. To make a long story short Im wondering if she worth taking back if she wants to come back. I feel so paranoid that I cant let her go and do her own thing because she might cheat on me with some dude. She is a drug addict Alcoholic but I do love her, but im afraid that she will sell her body for drugs :( And I really cant stand the thought of her fuckin some other dude. And if she does cheat on me then I will never fucking know, and I will always be paranoid about that wtf can I do? Im really confused right now, dont know what the fuck to think dont know what the fuck she is doing dont know who is around her i just dont fuckin know shit. comments or suggestions?


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-02 00:14:32 Reply

At 12/2/08 12:02 AM, Bruute wrote: comments or suggestions?

Get the hell away from her and in the future don't pursue crackhead alcoholic whores?


All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to stand by and do nothing.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-02 00:27:02 Reply

At 12/2/08 12:14 AM, PhoenixTails wrote:
At 12/2/08 12:02 AM, Bruute wrote: comments or suggestions?
Get the hell away from her and in the future don't pursue crackhead alcoholic whores?

Thats a good suggestion and has crossed my mind. . . ALOT. ive known this girl since I was 10 she is my best friends sister and he doesnt know half the dirt about her, but Ive always liked her and she is so fuckin pretty, I was hoping that maybe I would be able to change her. She has 2 kids that got taken away from her recently and she has been trying to get them back. and so I figure once she gets the kids back she will settle down we will stop using and drinking and live a happy life... Or atleast thats what I wanted. shit sucks
lifes a bitch then you die.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-02 03:02:11 Reply

At 12/1/08 09:49 PM, Helikma wrote: Well my friend, it would seem you have found yourself in the ever feared "friend zone" ^^ Dont worry though! This can be quickly and smoothly recovered from!

****DISCLAIMER*****
*All avice and hints givin by myself (or affiliates...?) are intended to be acted on with confidance if acted on at all. If you dont believe in your cuase, then how can anyone else!!!??*

Ok....now that actually brings me to my first topic. Confidance.
Honestly this is more importent then anything else i write in this message. When you go to interact with this girl, do it with your head high! Try to avoid looking at your shoes, they are still tied ;) Look her in the eyes! Thats major mucho points. And try your best to wear a smile too :D And when your speaking, just slow down! Keep your head cool, think about what your saying, and what you want to say! No need to stutter or be nervous, or talk a million miles a minute! She thinks of you as a brother, so use that as cushion to fall back on. And DONT WORRY ABOUT REJECTION! If worse comes to worse, she will say something to the effect of "i jsut dont think of you that way", and then what then...? Your back where youy started! And guess what? That means you get to try again!

Alright, so i layed this out very vagely, so you ask questions from here and ill be happy to answer!

CHEERS~!

Yeah, some good points there, but I'd like to add some things as well as comment on your advice.

I agree about your whole 'confidence' speech, as it's really important, but it would be nice if your spelling was correct (which goes for the entire post) ;)

I can see why the spelling is messed up though. It seems like you're a very energetic person, seeing as your style of writing is quite chaotic, yet also makes people read it and feel energized themselves.
Problem though is, while it may be a good read, it's not the best way to teach stuff. It's better to keep it organized, and very important, to lay out the details.
This stuff is logical to you, so you generalize it and then hand it over to someone else. But how do you build a house if you don't have the equipment to do so? Right, so you've go to explain everything in detail, especially the basics.

Now, rockinspades, what are some things you do around girls? And what is it, according to you, that caused this girl to think of you as her little brother?

As for getting out of the FZ (Friend Zone), there is a neat little trick that works pretty much all the time. What you do is you cut back on seeing the person in question. Let's just say you spend a lot of time with her or in her presence, what you now do is break that pattern. You're going to see her as less as possible.
You're going to make up for the mistake most guys make, which is hanging out with or hanging around a girl too much.

But, like Helikma said, whenever you do hang around her or hang out with her, you've got to show confidence. Not just around her btw, but everywhere.

Which brings to my next point, if you have any trouble with showing confidence, please tell so. If you have some things you are insecure about, please PM those things to me and I'll work with you on changing them into positive believes.

At 12/1/08 11:52 PM, PhoenixTails wrote: 16 y/o guy with an 18 y/o girl reporting in.

I think maturity matters more than age.

Maturity and age are unrelated. In fact, most men and women spend their entire life (except for childhood) in adolescence.

I know, totally unrelated comment. All I really had to say was: Nice!

At 12/2/08 12:27 AM, Bruute wrote:
At 12/2/08 12:14 AM, PhoenixTails wrote:
At 12/2/08 12:02 AM, Bruute wrote: comments or suggestions?
Get the hell away from her and in the future don't pursue crackhead alcoholic whores?
Thats a good suggestion and has crossed my mind. . . ALOT. ive known this girl since I was 10 she is my best friends sister and he doesnt know half the dirt about her, but Ive always liked her and she is so fuckin pretty, I was hoping that maybe I would be able to change her. She has 2 kids that got taken away from her recently and she has been trying to get them back. and so I figure once she gets the kids back she will settle down we will stop using and drinking and live a happy life... Or atleast thats what I wanted. shit sucks
lifes a bitch then you die.

You know it's more likely to die from a coconut falling on your head, than being killed by a shark? Do you also know it's more likely that you get killed by a shark than it is to win the lottery? Well, the chance of you being able to change this girl is somewhere inbetween that shark and the lottery.

Seriously, I think you should pick your own life up and improve that first before you try and help others. Besides that, a girl like this isn't going to help you with that.

As for settling down when her kids come back, when did this behaviour start? Did she start drinking and using after her kids got taken away? Or is that the reason why her kids are taken away?
And when did she start (wanting) to cheat on you, before or after her children were taken away?

Trust me, I think it's highly unlikely that she'll change when her kids get back, so do yourself a favor and pick up your own life, you'll be better off without her.

Besides that, there are millions of other women out there who aren't addicted to drigs and alcohol, nor do they cheat. And just because this was your first relationship, doesn't mean you should stick with it.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-02 03:13:57 Reply

At 12/2/08 03:02 AM, Vincoid wrote: You know it's more likely to die from a coconut falling on your head, than being killed by a shark? Do you also know it's more likely that you get killed by a shark than it is to win the lottery? Well, the chance of you being able to change this girl is somewhere inbetween that shark and the lottery.

Seriously, I think you should pick your own life up and improve that first before you try and help others. Besides that, a girl like this isn't going to help you with that.

As for settling down when her kids come back, when did this behaviour start? Did she start drinking and using after her kids got taken away? Or is that the reason why her kids are taken away?
And when did she start (wanting) to cheat on you, before or after her children were taken away?

Trust me, I think it's highly unlikely that she'll change when her kids get back, so do yourself a favor and pick up your own life, you'll be better off without her.

Besides that, there are millions of other women out there who aren't addicted to drigs and alcohol, nor do they cheat. And just because this was your first relationship, doesn't mean you should stick with it.

lol nice. The reason her kids got taken away is because she went on a bender one weekend and when the grandma came to drop off the kids she couldnt be found. At the time she was stable though. Had her own apartment good job car but her boyfriend was cheating on her thats why she went out and got twisted. Im not sure if she wants to cheat on me or not but she is very promiscues and freaky so she wants to bring other partners into the equation and have three somes. I think the easy thing to do is to just leave her alone and forget about it but I really do love her and I want to see her do better for herself and her children and I really think I could make that happen. Ofcourse another one of my concerns is if in the future we are stable and then she wants to go on a bender again how would I react etc. Only reason kids got taken away is because the boyfriend was pissed off and called child services because he wanted to go party instead of watching the kids untill they could locate her. I say to myself she is like this now because she is depressed about her kids and she has only been out of a relationship for 2 months so shit is still fresh but am I just a rebound? She says no but I believe otherwise. We do have alot of history but she was talking about marriage and shit and I told her right off its too soon for all that shit. And then she will flip the script and fuckin leave? ERRRRRGHGHGHGHGH!@!!!!!! wtf man this shit sucks I knew I would have been better off hit it and quit it like ive always done, I dont know wtf made me want to have a relationship with this girl. . . I guess because Ive known her for 10 years and shes beautiful and she is so good in bed, and she is a nice person, but she has alot of fuckin issues and I guess that just comes with the territory? Grr I dont fuckin know... I know I dont like sleeping alone now and this is the first night Ive had to in awhile and I cant seem to goto bed. I tried laying down for a little while then I turned over and I went to grab her and smell her hair and.. she wasnt there. . . :( Shitty.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-02 04:22:02 Reply

At 12/2/08 03:13 AM, Bruute wrote: lol nice. The reason her kids got taken away is because she went on a bender one weekend and when the grandma came to drop off the kids she couldnt be found. At the time she was stable though. Had her own apartment good job car but her boyfriend was cheating on her thats why she went out and got twisted. Im not sure if she wants to cheat on me or not but she is very promiscues and freaky so she wants to bring other partners into the equation and have three somes. I think the easy thing to do is to just leave her alone and forget about it but I really do love her and I want to see her do better for herself and her children and I really think I could make that happen. Ofcourse another one of my concerns is if in the future we are stable and then she wants to go on a bender again how would I react etc. Only reason kids got taken away is because the boyfriend was pissed off and called child services because he wanted to go party instead of watching the kids untill they could locate her. I say to myself she is like this now because she is depressed about her kids and she has only been out of a relationship for 2 months so shit is still fresh but am I just a rebound? She says no but I believe otherwise. We do have alot of history but she was talking about marriage and shit and I told her right off its too soon for all that shit. And then she will flip the script and fuckin leave? ERRRRRGHGHGHGHGH!@!!!!!! wtf man this shit sucks I knew I would have been better off hit it and quit it like ive always done, I dont know wtf made me want to have a relationship with this girl. . . I guess because Ive known her for 10 years and shes beautiful and she is so good in bed, and she is a nice person, but she has alot of fuckin issues and I guess that just comes with the territory? Grr I dont fuckin know... I know I dont like sleeping alone now and this is the first night Ive had to in awhile and I cant seem to goto bed. I tried laying down for a little while then I turned over and I went to grab her and smell her hair and.. she wasnt there. . . :( Shitty.

That sucks, but still, what is more important to you; her or you?

I'd list all the negatives that come from being with her, and all the possible future negatives like frustrations, insecurities, etc., list all the positives and then see what's worth more to you.

My choice would be simple since I would never go with someone who has these kinds of issues, but yours is obviously different. Thought you should think about this: is sleeping alone for a few nights worse than being with someone who possibly is using you, is a cocaine and alcohol addict and is likely to cheat on you?

I think no girl is worth the trouble if it might cost you things in your own life, especially when it comes to emotional pain and frustrations, as well as possible physical ones, like addiction to drugs and alcohol.
But, like I said, it's your choice.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-02 05:25:19 Reply

Thank you for your oppinions and insights, have helped.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-02 07:07:01 Reply

Glad I could help ;)


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-02 17:07:13 Reply

thanks, i really didnt know what to do,i have another question. if i see her around when switching classes should i just say hi or start a little conversation with her?

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-02 21:46:15 Reply

If a girl says "bye" in an expectant/slightly annoyed tone, what exactly does she want you to do?


All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to stand by and do nothing.

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-03 02:59:53 Reply

At 12/2/08 05:07 PM, rockinspades wrote: thanks, i really didnt know what to do,i have another question. if i see her around when switching classes should i just say hi or start a little conversation with her?

Depends on what your plans are for the future. If you want to keep her as a friend, just say hi to her or talk a bit if you've got the time.
If you plan on not having her in your life at all anymore, ignore her. Little harsh but necessary.

At 12/2/08 09:46 PM, PhoenixTails wrote: If a girl says "bye" in an expectant/slightly annoyed tone, what exactly does she want you to do?

She wants you to go on a date with her mother. Seriously, I've been there, I can know!

Ok, maybe not, but you can't expect me to give you a serious answer with so little information. There could've been a number of things going on, but without a frame to place this in, I can't tell you what it is.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-03 07:57:59 Reply

ok, I found this weird

I ask girl out

She says no

She dates other dude

We make out.

Now i dont really get that shit. and then she wanted to do things in "secret"

has this happened to anyone else?

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-03 14:09:26 Reply

Got a problem....... I still have some feelings for this girl in my class :( Its been a year since iv liked her, I woulda asked her out already but she had a boyfriend/ fiance at the time. well they broke up a while ago...I think October not sure.

She never speaks to me or even looks at me, personally I think its because she knows I like her and feels awkward around me, she avoids me avoids eye contact and looks away in during those rare occasions when she does talk to me. Its not like I follow her around or stalk her or go on her myspace 24 hours a day.

Iv tried avoiding her, but im friends with her friends, iv tried moving on, but no one seems to catch my eye like her ¬_¬ lame I know but true. Tried ignoring her, theres no need sinc she does that to me, I'l say hi and shel say something like oh!...hi¬_¬.

I honestly dont know what to do, fine I understand I should move on and I will....eventually, but what do I do about all this awkwardness and her being so cold towards me?


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-03 15:16:20 Reply

At 12/3/08 02:09 PM, tatsumaru7 wrote: I honestly dont know what to do, fine I understand I should move on and I will....eventually, but what do I do about all this awkwardness and her being so cold towards me?

Still that girl huh?

I don't think there's an awful lot you can do about those two things. The only way you can make her more comfortable is by ignoring her. You say it's not useful, but it can be for her.

The most important thing for you to understand is that what you're doing right now isn't working, nor will it ever. Besides that, seeing how long this thing has been going on, I'm pretty sure she has a very strong image of you, which I doubt is in your advantage.

So the best thing you can do is avoid all contact. Sure, if you run into her and say hi that's ok, but I'd avoid all contact whenever possible. It will make sure that her image doesn't get any stronger, plus it'll make her feel more comfortable.

Also, moving on doesn't necessarily mean that you should instantly go to the next girl. It's more about forgetting this girl and focussing on being happy by yourself and with yourself.

And CH4Z, I have not, and yeah, it's pretty weird.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-03 21:18:11 Reply

I was missing her when i woke up (and I couldnt borrow the car) so I fixed my bikes flat tire and rode my bicycle a couple miles to go drop by. I got there and she wasnt there, she went to an NA Meeting. So I sat around and waited about 45mins till she got home, and when she arrived she had a huge smile on her face, she was happy to see me and it made me feel good. I asked her to walk down to the park with me so we could talk and shit and she agreed to.

So as we are walking shes talking to me about how serious she needs to be about getting her kids back and how she didnt realize the severity of the situation. Shes telling me about how her 4 year old is now seeing a psychiatrist and how if she looses custody one more time then she will never see her children again. We get to the park and we sit down and I ask her how she feels towards our relationship and she explains how she cant really be bothered with me right now. She needs to focus on her children and her being clean and sober. I took it all wrong and I acted like the world was ending and I never wanted to see her again or hear from her again because she didnt have time for me... Yeah I made an ass out of myself. I took it as we were completely over and she was moving on to bigger and better things when in fact she was just saying we need a break so we can get our shit together. I hope I didnt spoil our relationship by over-reacting and im really hating myself right now. Dont know why but I just wanted to share that here.


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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-04 00:33:54 Reply

Yeah... any idea on what i should do? Its to weird for me to understand. I asked her about it. she thinks its weird too. im confused

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Response to Relationship Crew 2008-12-04 05:11:40 Reply

At 12/3/08 09:18 PM, Bruute wrote: So as we are walking shes talking to me about how serious she needs to be about getting her kids back and how she didnt realize the severity of the situation. Shes telling me about how her 4 year old is now seeing a psychiatrist and how if she looses custody one more time then she will never see her children again. We get to the park and we sit down and I ask her how she feels towards our relationship and she explains how she cant really be bothered with me right now. She needs to focus on her children and her being clean and sober. I took it all wrong and I acted like the world was ending and I never wanted to see her again or hear from her again because she didnt have time for me... Yeah I made an ass out of myself. I took it as we were completely over and she was moving on to bigger and better things when in fact she was just saying we need a break so we can get our shit together. I hope I didnt spoil our relationship by over-reacting and im really hating myself right now. Dont know why but I just wanted to share that here.

So she's doing what I suggested you to do, that's good, but why did you react in this way? Was is the way she said it?

Also, if you realize you made a mistake and know what she really was trying to tell you, have you apologized to her for being an ass? That's probably the best thing you can do right now.
And while you're at that, tell yourself you need to stop being so clingy. Clinginess is in the top 5 of reasons why relationships fail*, just so you know.

* Not officially, I just pulled that out of my ass, but I have no doubt in my mind that it is.
At 12/4/08 12:33 AM, CH4ZM4N92 wrote: Yeah... any idea on what i should do? Its to weird for me to understand. I asked her about it. she thinks its weird too. im confused

I think it's unconscious behaviour on her side, so she won't be able to explain to you why she did it, she won't even be able to explain it to herself.

But, what I do know is that most of the times when this happens, it's usually because the girl is somehow unsure of how it'll affect her status among her friends if she goes out with the guy in question. Again, totally unconscious behaviour, and it might not even be the case, but if it is, there is not much to do about it.
Yeah, you could try and convince her that status among her friends is not as important as having fun, but unless you're a professional psycho-therapist (or me :P), that won't work. In fact, it'll probably make things worse because you'll question one of her deep rooted believes, which she'll see as an attack, so she'll defend herself against that.

No, the best thing to do her is to let things go their way, go with the flow, and enjoy whatever there is to enjoy.


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