Topic: Crumble
1 day to write
2 days thereafter to vote!
Failure should push you until success can pull you.
Here's my entry.
Standing on the edge
Rocks crumble before my feet
Wondering if I should live
Or end this life of deceit
The vultures wait hungry
My heart wishes I could fly
But my mind is set life
And how mine is one long lie
But then I start to think happily
I want to step back
But god has other plans for me
Below my feet I hear a crack
The rocks start to crumble
Faster and faster
I start to fall over
I know this will end in disaster.
So now I'm falling to my death
One that is long overdue
Someone please tell my wife
"I love you"
The Big Mound in the Graveyard
My spade blocks the moonlight,
from the hollowed out grave
where three clowns wait all night,
to see where they'll be laid.
But the holes are too few,
that to fit more than one,
there just isn't the room
or the time, 'fore the sun.
So the difficult task
is again in my hands
to choose who must go last
and who first, fills the land.
They all gave it their best,
To win over my favour,
But I can't be impressed:
It's where gravediggers waver.
So I did what I must:
'Dig dirt 'til I reach 'er',
and I worked the grave rough;
and I ploughed it out deeper
***
When the sun took the sky
And I sweat through my vest
I knew to have pride,
For the clowns laid in rest.
Now my spade blocks the skyline, for the crumbled in nest
Where it now marks: Earthshine, and Birdbeard and Boatwest.
Excellent
what happens now that boatwest didn't write?
Excellent
At 3/24/10 10:15 AM, Birdbeard wrote: what happens now that boatwest didn't write?
He's out. Start the voting :D
Failure should push you until success can pull you.
Difficult. Birdbeard has captured more elements of my preferred writing style and morbid atmosphere, however, although I pride myself on being able to see into deeper, hidden meanings within poems, and greatly enjoy cryptic works, the fact remains that I really see nothing in his poem to do with the theme, other than where he used the word once. Don't get me wrong, i enjoyed the way it flowed and idea of digging graves for clowns and all that jazz, but Earthshine did a better job of capturing the theme, and still told a tale of hope and remorse.
Earthshine - 2
Birdbeard - 0
Keep it up though guys, you both submitted some great work!
Mine goes to Earthshine. His stayed true to the topic.
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:P Its my first battle, I still have much to learn. :P I had a lot of trouble and brain farting with the topic :P. Thanks for the encouragement though. :D
Excellent
At 3/24/10 04:50 PM, Birdbeard wrote:P Its my first battle, I still have much to learn. :P I had a lot of trouble and brain farting with the topic :P. Thanks for the encouragement though. :D
Eh, I have lost 3 of my 4 battles! It happens. Just make sure you pick the pieces up after you take a loss and you will do great in life. Remember that a lot of what determines a winner in these is the taste of the readers. Just because you lose does not mean that you are a bad writer!
Failure should push you until success can pull you.
I'm going to extend this battle in order to get more votes in.
Failure should push you until success can pull you.
My vote goes to Earthshine, I liked his better.
Earthshine- 4
Birdbeard- 0
Failure should push you until success can pull you.
