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Poetry by Earthshine

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Earthshine
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Poetry by Earthshine Jan. 26th, 2010 @ 05:58 PM Reply

Every now and then I write some poems. So I guess I'll post them here. Comments and criticism will be appreciated.

the sky is torn
the world is broke
the women's scorn
is nothing but a joke

the children cry
people in tears
the sick die
they hide in fear

the world was nice
happiness was all you could see
but with a roll of the dice
it turned to misery

they knocked down walls
they attacked the meek
they shot you in the balls
in this world, a hero we seek

one who will save us
one who will protect us
one who will care for us
one who will save us

he did not come though
every town was haunted by a wraith
everyone overtaken by woe
all because we had no faith.

Fro
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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Jan. 26th, 2010 @ 06:10 PM Reply

When I read your poem I can't really figure out what it's about. I couldn't tell if there was a deeper meaning or if it was suppose to be about a certain thing or whatever.

It gives off great emotion though. When I read this I can really feel that there isn't hope. There's always hope for something to give hope, but hope itself is almost non existent. (If that makes sense)


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megakill
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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Jan. 26th, 2010 @ 06:18 PM Reply

At 1/26/10 06:10 PM, Fro wrote: When I read your poem I can't really figure out what it's about. I couldn't tell if there was a deeper meaning or if it was suppose to be about a certain thing or whatever.

This.

But i did enjoy it, and Fro was right about it portraying a strong feeling of hopelessness.

To me, the short length of each verse and layout also helps, because it reminds me of someone trying to take short gasps for air, much like people would in the world you've described there.

Good job man.

Earthshine
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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Jan. 26th, 2010 @ 06:30 PM Reply

Here is a quick sonnet. For those of you that do not know, a sonnet is a 14-line poem.

they stalks in the shadows
in the still of the night
they hunts in the meadows
while his prey waits for the light
they crawls and they creep
while the little prey sleep
then they pounce
they attack
until there is not even an ounce
of life in the motionless sack
of skin left on the ground
for their family to feast
then they turns around
ready to attack again like a beast

Earthshine
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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Jan. 27th, 2010 @ 03:14 PM Reply

Over time, over space
over the hill in a desolate place
across the sea there will be
a wise old man that holds a key

You must run to him boy
run as fast as you can
but remember it's not a toy
said the wise old man

so the kid ran and ran
he was ran as fast as he can
but he did not find the old man
all that was there was a lone snowman

"the wise old man is dead"
said the lone snowman
"but he did leave something up ahead
for a smart young man"

he looked and could see
a shiny gold key
he went and took it home with him
so now the future is far from grim.

Over time, over space
over the hill in a desolate place
across the sea there will be
a wise old man that holds a key

You must run to him boy
run as fast as you can
but remember it's not a toy
said the wise old man

megakill
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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Jan. 27th, 2010 @ 03:21 PM Reply

I like that sonnet, you dont see too many of them.
It flowed really well, and you used some good adjectives through-out.
Well done!

Earthshine
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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Jan. 27th, 2010 @ 06:30 PM Reply

Another sonnet. This one about the holocaust.

I grasp the barbed wire fence
Not knowing what to do next
The chambers of gas
Memories of the past
When I use to play
In the sun all day
Then he came into power
and arose, a tower
Started a dictatorship
that alone will rip
society in two
and cause us to rue
what he did until we die.
All I can do now is sit and cry.

Josh-B
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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Jan. 27th, 2010 @ 06:56 PM Reply

This is interesting stuff, but the rhyme scheme of some of these poems seem a bit inconsistent. The sonnets are pretty nice tho.


:U

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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Jan. 27th, 2010 @ 07:04 PM Reply

I wish that your scheme was not so overbearing -- you have to be careful that your rhyming does not overpower your poetry. Also in at least one of them there is no defined rhyming patter as it transitions from stanza to stanza. Please know that rhyming words does not make for poetry, there is much much much more to poetry that lining up a few words that sound alike.

Keep working and good luck!


Failure should push you until success can pull you.

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Earthshine
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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Feb. 13th, 2010 @ 03:31 PM Reply

Another sonnet.

The sun rising on a darkened day
Bombs bursting as the Japs play
Ships sink with the captain's shout
The cries of fallen lashing out
It marks the start of a war
They shall be covered in blood and gore
But for now we wait and suffer
Though it shall only make us tougher
We shall make them all pay
We shall turn their country gray
For now they feel victorious
But we will come out glorious
And when they think everything is calm
We will hit them with the bomb

TrevorW
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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Feb. 15th, 2010 @ 07:20 PM Reply

At 2/13/10 03:31 PM, Earthshine wrote: Another sonnet.

The sun rising on a darkened day

I would love to see more historical work on this forum. Nice job here...the rhyme scheme was a lot less over-bearing.


Failure should push you until success can pull you.

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Metal-Loving-Medic
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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Feb. 15th, 2010 @ 08:11 PM Reply

Maybe the whole... shooting in the balls should be... erased XD

otherwise, with a tweak or 2 I think it would be pretty good :)


Unarguable rebuttal^

Earthshine
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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Feb. 26th, 2010 @ 04:37 PM Reply

The grass is greener
on the other side
The world is cleaner

The days are longer
on the other side
The sun is stronger

With friends surrounding
on the other side
There will be less pounding

The colors shine
on the other side
A beautiful design

The grass is greener
on the other side
the world is cleaner

Earthshine
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Response to Poetry by Earthshine Feb. 27th, 2010 @ 07:39 PM Reply

The day turns dark
as the birds flock
My love is no more
dead at the door

he shot her in the back
then ran back to his shack
I know I must avenge her
her love I would kill for

I grab my gun from my room
and take off to his tomb
He was ready though
hit me with a hard blow

My gun hit the ground
and out came one round
by luck it settled the score
for he too was dead at the door