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Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape

937 Views | 19 Replies
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Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-18 19:41:17


Today we have a new battle! Yes, today is that fateful day that Nothingmater meets the one and only TacticalShoe...will he survive? Will TS screw up so that we can laugh at him? We shall see...

It's a BATTLE!

Topic: Rape

I know it's explicit, but lets give it a go.

1 day starting now to write and then (changing this a bit) 2 days to vote!

Yes, I am changing the amount of days given to voting...I need to try things as the number of those interested grows!


Failure should push you until success can pull you.

BBS Signature

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-18 20:23:28


The city is quiet and dark.
Here and there, light sounds flitter in and out of recognition.
As I wait in the alley, I prepare myself for the battle that is yet to come.
Many prospects pass by,
But none of them suit my innermost needs and wants.

Finally, after what feels like a horrible eternity,
I spot a glistening jewel amongst the chaff that makes up the citizenry of this city.
She walks toward me,
Her figure glistening with sweat in the heat of the night.
As she reaches the entrance of my dark, seedy sanctum,
I strike.

My left tightens like a vice around her wrist
While my right seals her mouth
Ensuring that this meeting will remain private.
In the blink of an eye, she is on the ground
In another blink, so am I

Like a raider who has just breached the castle gates,
I have but one thing on my mind:
Treasure.
I tear through her defenses like
A flame through dead grass
And soon,
I have reached the reward that I so desperately seek.

After taking my fill of the joyous bounty,
I leave.
All that remains in my wake is a castle
Bleak and dead looking.


I'm gonna go back to my room and be awesome.

Desert Punk of the NG /A/|My VA Demo Reel|Audio Portal|

BBS Signature

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 00:26:58


I have to say that I just read this and I feel slightly creeped out.


I'm gonna go back to my room and be awesome.

Desert Punk of the NG /A/|My VA Demo Reel|Audio Portal|

BBS Signature

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 02:14:30


one question, in with context do you mean rape?
rape as in sexul assult, or raped as in every thing is taken from you as fast as could be?


i like pie ^^

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 02:31:39


ok well i took it his way, and its but 2:30 am have pitty on meh >.<

push her down on to the ground
snarl at her like a hound
then whisper in her ear
and go and ask her what she fears
curl your lips and slide your hand
undo the shirt
under her skirt
and make it hurt
watch her scream
enjoy it more

tell her what you'll do
as you start to count 1, 2...

grab her breast,
don't let her rest
if she screams
all to better the dream
look around one more time
and get ready for your fun time
the more she fights the more of a hype

tell her to hush, as you slide your fingers in
watch her squirm beneath your weight
she her filling with hate
unbutton you pants
and hold her down with a single hand
jam it in as far as you can
as blood comes out you go ever harder
see the rain wash it away
see it wash from the cobble stone way
city winding down
darker every second
as he goes again
the man lets it all out, then beats her on the head
he leaves her there naked and in shreds
police find her next day
she told em what she could
and vowed to have her revenge

but as karma has it
he was sentenced to the pit
where the man meat buba
and became his huba
after a little shower lovah


i like pie ^^

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 04:25:24


tactical shoe you have my vote, it, although i am not sure if this topic i9s actually legal on the forum


BBS Signature

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 06:33:32


Same with me, Tactical shoe has my vote.

nothingmater had a good poem going, but it went 'in the pit' in a sense when in came down to the last 5-8 lines. Compared to Tactical Shoe, this is albeit accurate, but rather weird ending to the poem you had going.


I put the BS in BBS.

BBS Signature

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 07:25:39


yay my bad on the ending >.> i need sleep........


i like pie ^^

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 08:58:28


Unfortunately, mater, I'm going to have to agree with the crowd at the moment. The final stanza was so jarring as to completely jerk me out of the moment of your poem. I loved the dichotomy between the visuals you painted and the sing-songey nursery rhyme style of the couplets you used, but the end failed to deliver. Going for the Sublime ending would be fine if you simply executed it in similar fashion to the rest of the piece. I bet this is going to sound somewhat ironic and hypocritical of me considering the hooplah my own jarring ending caused and my defense of it, but I think if you simply re-wrote your final stanza into something structurally similar to your first stanza, you could have a winner here.

Tactical had a wonderfully creepy vibe going on, that was visceral without being graphic (a coup considering the subject matter), and though I think he could have had a stronger finish as well (I think a more elegant metaphor than "dead-looking" would be a huge step in the right direction) overall I think his execution was better.

My vote goes to Tactical.

Great work the both of you on a very tough theme.


Tis better to sit in silence and be presumed a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 10:05:08


My vote goes to TS as well.

Although I felt like TS's meter could have been improved in the first and second stanzas (though I liked the last three) while mater's seemed to be solid throughout the whole piece, like the other voters I'm going on content here.

Like has already been said, mater's ending was its downfall. But, I also feel like his touched the subject on more of a surface level while TS's got down into the more show-not-tell area. Now maybe that's just my perspective, but that's what swung my vote.


[quote]

whoa art what

BBS Signature

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 10:44:53


At 2/19/10 08:58 AM, Ravariel wrote: (I think a more elegant metaphor than "dead-looking" would be a huge step in the right direction)

Haha, I totally agree with you.

I went to the movies last night, and about halfway there this awesome idea popped into my head and I was like, "Damn, I should have ended with this instead of that crap!"

Oh well, it is what it is.


I'm gonna go back to my room and be awesome.

Desert Punk of the NG /A/|My VA Demo Reel|Audio Portal|

BBS Signature

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 11:36:33


yah like with my music, im not to good with endings.... and i dident know how to put it, so i was like screw it and just put that down


i like pie ^^

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 14:48:42


Believe it or not, I'm actually having a hard time giving my vote. In the end, though, I have to agree with the crowd and say TactialShoe.

Nothingmater's had awesome flow (I could hear it as a song in my head) and comedy...

and it was somewhat arousing

but I had a hard time taking it seriously, which is where TS's took the upper hand. It was darker, and more realistic.

tl;dr: Vote goes to Tactical Shoe.


BBS Signature

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 20:00:08


TS gets mah votification.

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 20:21:12


At 2/19/10 07:25 AM, nothingmater wrote: yay my bad on the ending >.> i need sleep........

to be honest, your ending was hella funny...
But sadly, tactical shoe is my vote.

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-19 21:42:44


I have to say I prefer TacticalShoe's more. I thoroughly enjoy the comparison to a pillager laying siege to the castle walls. Like a lot of others are saying, the ending to yours, Mater, was a little too different. It was too far of a leap from the original context.
My vote goes to Tactical


There is a secret I must tell you, but if I do it will no longer be so.

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-20 17:44:53


just to clarify i have no problem with the concept of non sequitur but i didn't think it was the intention here


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Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-20 18:25:32


My vote's for nothingmater. TS's was good too, but I was looking for a humorous poem when I saw the topic was rape.


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Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-20 18:27:26


i'll make sure my next one is complete and doesn't drop off at the end. but.. i do need 2 days to do it, unless it is on the weekend one day is fine
because of school i wont have much time during the week


i like pie ^^

Response to Nothingmater v TacticalShoe: Rape 2010-02-21 20:27:45


The votes are in.

TacticalShoe wins with 8 votes to Nothingmater's 1.

Good battle guys.

Battle Closed.


Failure should push you until success can pull you.

BBS Signature