Chapter Five - All Night Puke Party
A knock at the door. Who could be here this late at night? I stumble out of bed and to the door. Lenny is fast asleep on the couch, face covered in coke. I peer through the peep hole on the door. Its Rosa. Whats she doing here? I try to straighten my fur real quick and check to make sure my breath doesn't stink, it does. I pull the door open.
"Hey Rosa.. What are you doing here?"
"Sorry, I know it's late.."
"Oh, its fine. Just unexpected is all."
"I just wanted to come see you. I miss you since you left work."
"I've missed you too, Rosa. Come in."
I pull the door open and motion for her to step inside.
We tip toe past Lenny and go and sit down on my bed together. "I'm so sorry I showed up so late, Samuel. I'm just so busy lately I-"
"Its absolutely fine, Rosa. I don't sleep much at night anymore
There is an awkward silence.
"I've been really lonely lately. Work just isn't as fun without you."
"Oh, I doubt its much different without me there."
"It is. I'm thinking about quitting. Mr. Bigman has been extra crazy lately. He's got fleas."
"Oh shit. How bad?"
"He's covered. Everywhere he goes a huge cloud of fleas follow. He's tried the shampoo but they seem to have built up an immunity. So he just sort of lays there on the floor in the fetal position most of the time, trembling."
"Wow, that doesn't sound so bad though."
"Oh that part is fine. Its when he's not on the floor that is horrible. He threw Maxwell out the window yesterday."
"Really? Is he okay?"
"Heh, sort of.. He's dead."
The light flickers and the air conditioner cuts on. " So what do you do all day?" She asks looking around at the empty, boring room.
"Nothing really.. Read, listen to the radio."
"Sucks that you have that Static Sickness thing. I don't know what I would do without television."
"Its not so bad. TV is bad for you anyway."
"Bad for you? Really?"
Mr. Source lays his hand on my shoulder.
"We're losing them, Samuel. Don't say things like that while we're on the air."
I ignore him.
"Yeah, it turns you into a mindless idiot."
"Oh really? Well with as much TV as I watch these days I must be a complete zombie."
"Stop it, Samuel. You are fucking up my broadcast."
"Nah, you seem okay for now. But you better cut back on your television viewing. You don't want pudding for brains, do you?"
"Oh, certainly not. That just sounds horrid."
"Thats it, Samuel. I've had enough of this nonsense."
I abruptly puke all over Rosa's dress. Then fall back on the bed twitching and gagging.
"Oh my God, Samuel! Are you okay?" She yells.
"Oh, good. You scared me there for a minute."
I gag again. Then twitch.
"Really? I didn't-"
Vomit squirts from my mouth.
"Oh.. I-I love you too, Samuel."
"There we go. Ratings rising. Up! Up! Up!"
I pull myself up and get close to Rosa. Puke runs from my mouth and down her shoulder. She smiles.
"Now kiss her. Every show needs a little romance."
I reach up and run my paw through her feathers. Then we both close our eyes. I press my lips against her beak. Our tongues meet each other.
"Now puke down her throat, Samuel."
Lenny stumbles in. Obviously out of his mind on coke. "What the fuck is going on here, man?" He asks while hopping in place.
I turn to him, covered in puke.
"Rosa decided to stop by. We're just talking."
He pouts a little and stumbles over to Rosa, wagging his finger.
"So, Rosa! I heard that you.. You.. Think that I am a low life, huh?"
She scoots up against me.
"Oh I didn't mean-" She starts.
"Well fuck you Rosa! You think you're any better then me? Fuck you, you aren't shit! I should fucking-"
"Thats enough, Lenny! Get out of here."
"No! Not until she apologizes!"
Rosa gets pissed.
"Apologize? I'm not apologizing for shit! All you do is fuck Samuel over! He doesn't even have a job now because of you!"
She jumps up and gets in his face. They start arguing. I start to get up and stop them but Mr. Source stops me.
"Don't stop them. This'll be great for ratings. Look at this!"
His screen changes to the ratings graph which is now higher then its ever been and still continuing to rise.
"We are gonna be fucking rich, Samuel. So many viewers!" Mr. Source exclaims, fingering his cigarette.
"Stop this, man. They have nothing to do with this. This is getting way out of hand."
Mr. Source sighs.
"But the ratings, kid! Look at the ratings!"
"I don't give a shit about the ratings, Source. You know that."
"But you're the star, Samuel."
"I don't want to be the star."
He switches his screen to a view of nice little pond. A boat is in the middle, a couple of fishermen sitting inside it. His voice becomes distorted and the lights dim. I can no longer hear Rosa and Lenny arguing. Its as if they have been muted.
"Open the box, Samuel. Show your friends the new television."
A high pitch ringing. Its driving me crazy. I walk over to the box and rip it open. Then I sit the little TV on a desk in my room and plug it in. It cuts on and Mr. Source disappears along with the ringing. The lights return to normal and Rosa and Lenny's voices come back.
"Yeah, well at least I'm not a fucking duck!" Lenny yells.
"Real mature, Lenny. Bringing species into this. That has nothing to do with anything and you know it!"
The television cuts on and I puke. Gallons spray from my mouth covering Rosa and Lenny and just about everything else in to room. They stare at me in shock, dripping vomit. I look down at Rosa's toenails.
I wake up. Lenny is passed out on the floor covered in cocaine and puke. He's got dirty words written all over him in magic marker. Rosa is chopped up in bloody pieces in the corner of the room. Her head is on the desk where the television was, facing upwards with her beak open filled with puke. I'm not sure where the TV is at now. The room is covered in blood and coke and puke and blister puss.
Lenny wakes up rubbing his head. "Man, that was some party last night, dude."
"God, my head is killing me, man. I cant remember a thing."
He squints and looks over toward the pile of Rosa limbs.
"We better get rid of that, Samuel. It'll probably start to stink soon."
I get up and try to balance myself. The whole room is spinning. Then I notices a strange pain in my pants. Lenny gasps and points toward a wriggling mass in my crotch. "Oh shit, dude! Looks like someone's got Dick Slugs!"