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I killed a hooker.

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gibleto
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I killed a hooker. Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 11:38 PM

I just don't know what to do Newgrounds. Like the thread title states, I accidentally killed a hooker. To be more specific, I bludgeoned her to death with a rock.

It was last night. I was walking home from a friends house and passed through a specific part of town that's known for not being so nice. Lots of gang violence, prostitution and drugs go around. I walk by two houses and hear a sharp whistle from in between. Curious, I go to investigate. A wrinkled lady wearing a green spaghetti strap that reminded me of boogers and a vinyl mini skirt the color of vagina blood walked up to me.

" -wheeze- hey boy do you want a good time"
" Um, are you asking me to put my dick in you?"
" Depends on how much you want to pay"
"Lady, you couldn't pay me enough to put my dick in you. You couldn't MAKE me put my dick in you. I wouldn't even put my FRIENDS dick in you. I'd put dick cheney in you, but just to teach that asshole a lesson. I'd put a chihuahua--"
" Ok ok I get it asshole, I'm not attractive. But trust me, you look like you need it."
" Lady please leave me alone. I'm obviously able to get a girl of my own. I don't need to PAY for shitty sex."

At this, she screamed in a rage. Grabbing the nearest beer bottle lying on the floor, she charged at me wildly screaming "I SAID FUCK ME YOU STUPID TWAT" Loudly. May I remind you, that we are in public.

I dodged to the side, and grabbed a stone the size of a fist. She charged again and ran into a dumpster. She then proceeded to throw up all over the ground, and subsequently my new shoes. I think she was drunk because she then fell down on the floor in a pile of her own bile.

Trying to teach her a lesson, I decided the best course of action was to urinate on her hair. So I unzipped. Unfortunately for me, she woke up halfway through my taking a whiz on what I realized was a shitty wig. Scrambling up, she latched her fake lips around my package and started to bite down. I must have peed a full quart of urine into her mouth and face.

That's when I realized I still had the rock in my hand! Brandishing it like a weapon, I bashed it into her head until she fell down. I kept on hitting and hitting her in the head. I think I blacked out for a while and when I came to, I was fucking her while she was still passed out.

Apparently she COULD make me put my dick in her.

Well anyway, I finished up, and got dressed. That's when I noticed she wasn't breathing. Panicking, I dragged her to my house about a mile away. Her blood and vaginal juices left a trail all the way to my front door.

So right now she's sitting in my backyard naked, covered in honey. I figure wild animals will pick her clean.

Was this the best course of action? What should I have done instead Newgrounds?

MoreDrugsForKitty
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 11:41 PM

EMERGENCY BRAKE!!!!!!
inside joke.

animehater
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 11:43 PM

At 6/21/09 11:38 PM, gibleto wrote: What should I have done instead Newgrounds?

Don't worry, you did everything exactly the right way. You should be proud of yourself.


"Communism is the very definition of failure." - Liberty Prime.

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katyperryy
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 11:45 PM

I always like these type of stories.

Don't worry, she's a hooker, they keep coming back all the time.

LDAF
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 11:49 PM

Ah, I love NG telling these kinds of stories. But by the way, you're legally responsible. That sucks.


Are you MAN enough to click this?!

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CapnCrunchDaPimp
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 11:49 PM

It's ok, she was already dead on the inside.

Iron-Hampster
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 11:50 PM

apologise to her pimp


ya hear about the guy who put his condom on backwards? He went.

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manonthemoon516
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 11:51 PM

You gotta cover your tracks! You should have cleaned up the mess with ShamWow. Although it didn't work to well for Vince.

I killed a hooker.


"There's a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think I walk that line every day of my life." -Leonard Church

LDAF
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 11:52 PM

Wait a sec, you're profile says you're a hooker. You just killed one of your own. :|


Are you MAN enough to click this?!

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Iron-Hampster
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 11:54 PM

before its too late, draw dicks all over her


ya hear about the guy who put his condom on backwards? He went.

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SkullsNSkate
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 11:54 PM

Where were all of your friends when this happened?


I love Street Fighter. obviously.

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gibleto
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 21st, 2009 @ 11:57 PM

At 6/21/09 11:52 PM, LDAF wrote: Wait a sec, you're profile says you're a hooker. You just killed one of your own. :|

I know. It's against hooker law to do that, too. Don't tell anyone SSSHHHH.

Alpharius120
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 12:01 AM

At 6/21/09 11:38 PM, gibleto wrote: So right now she's sitting in my backyard naked, covered in honey. I figure wild animals will pick her clean.

You did the right thing. Just let nature take care of her.

Funny story.

Hey yo

Iron-Hampster
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 12:02 AM

At 6/21/09 11:59 PM, HecticCircleCrap wrote:

Wait, you're a 79 year old male daytime hooker? None of those adjectives make any sense when put together in a sentence.

he must be the monopoly man...


ya hear about the guy who put his condom on backwards? He went.

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gibleto
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 12:02 AM

At 6/21/09 11:59 PM, HecticCircleCrap wrote:
At 6/21/09 11:57 PM, gibleto wrote:
At 6/21/09 11:52 PM, LDAF wrote:
Wait, you're a 79 year old male daytime hooker? None of those adjectives make any sense when put together in a sentence.

I appeal to a very select few people.

DiscoveryOne
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 12:08 AM

your trunk better be at least 8 DH big


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gibleto
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 12:09 AM

At 6/22/09 12:02 AM, Iron-Hampster wrote:
At 6/21/09 11:59 PM, HecticCircleCrap wrote:

Wait, you're a 79 year old male daytime hooker? None of those adjectives make any sense when put together in a sentence.
he must be the monopoly man...

I'm his fat sister.

We have the same mustache.
CapnCrunchDaPimp
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 12:11 AM

At 6/21/09 11:51 PM, manonthemoon516 wrote: You gotta cover your tracks! You should have cleaned up the mess with ShamWow. Although it didn't work to well for Vince.

Oh, you are clever. You successfully made me giggle.

manonthemoon516
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 12:36 AM

At 6/22/09 12:11 AM, CapnCrunchDaPimp wrote:
At 6/21/09 11:51 PM, manonthemoon516 wrote: You gotta cover your tracks! You should have cleaned up the mess with ShamWow. Although it didn't work to well for Vince.
Oh, you are clever. You successfully made me giggle.

And on this day, after over 2 1/2 years of membership, I successfully made someone giggle. Achievement unlocked.


"There's a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think I walk that line every day of my life." -Leonard Church

Skwurll
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 12:48 AM

good job man

but you should know, that dom does not approve of the killing of hookers

Pic related

I killed a hooker.


The redesign happened, now my signature doesn't match anymore.

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Hiphopopotamus
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 01:32 AM

I'm just surprised that even in a scary situation like this one, you still managed to dispose of the body in such a creative and full proof way.


Sig by Maximus

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Leidolfr
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 01:36 AM

At 6/22/09 01:32 AM, Hiphopopotamus wrote: I'm just surprised that even in a scary situation like this one, you still managed to dispose of the body in such a creative and full proof way.

Yeah, sucks

[ he could have mailed it to me, c'mon, a little consideration people ]

Jolly
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 01:48 AM

At 6/21/09 11:49 PM, LDAF wrote: Ah, I love NG telling these kinds of stories. But by the way, you're legally responsible. That sucks.

I love them too.. Too bad they are always fake.

VJoe10
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 02:04 AM

At 6/22/09 01:36 AM, Leidolfr wrote:
At 6/22/09 01:32 AM, Hiphopopotamus wrote: I'm just surprised that even in a scary situation like this one, you still managed to dispose of the body in such a creative and full proof way.
Yeah, sucks

[ he could have mailed it to me, c'mon, a little consideration people ]

i lol'd

gibleto
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 07:43 AM

At 6/22/09 01:48 AM, JollySpace wrote:
At 6/21/09 11:49 PM, LDAF wrote: Ah, I love NG telling these kinds of stories. But by the way, you're legally responsible. That sucks.
I love them too.. Too bad they are always fake.

You can't prove that.

TheLameSauce
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 08:10 AM

when hookers die, their bodies decompose into state parks.

uzzan101
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 08:11 AM

what the fuck are you bringing it to newgrounds for? >:( you should call the cops

interesting story though make more!
you make me want to live where you are!!! SO MUCH ACTION!!!! :)


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uzzan101
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 08:15 AM

oh yeah take pictures :)


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masterchef56
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 08:16 AM

At 6/22/09 12:48 AM, Skwurll wrote: good job man

but you should know, that dom does not approve of the killing of hookers

Pic related

Dom doesn't approve?
Well, I don't either then.


You guys are all real swell.

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TurboTom
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Response to I killed a hooker. Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 12:57 PM

At 6/21/09 11:38 PM, gibleto wrote: I just don't know what to do Newgrounds. Like the thread title states, I accidentally killed a hooker. To be more specific, I bludgeoned her to death with a rock.

It was last night. I was walking home from a friends house and passed through a specific part of town that's known for not being so nice. Lots of gang violence, prostitution and drugs go around. I walk by two houses and hear a sharp whistle from in between. Curious, I go to investigate. A wrinkled lady wearing a green spaghetti strap that reminded me of boogers and a vinyl mini skirt the color of vagina blood walked up to me.

" -wheeze- hey boy do you want a good time"
" Um, are you asking me to put my dick in you?"
" Depends on how much you want to pay"
"Lady, you couldn't pay me enough to put my dick in you. You couldn't MAKE me put my dick in you. I wouldn't even put my FRIENDS dick in you. I'd put dick cheney in you, but just to teach that asshole a lesson. I'd put a chihuahua--"
" Ok ok I get it asshole, I'm not attractive. But trust me, you look like you need it."
" Lady please leave me alone. I'm obviously able to get a girl of my own. I don't need to PAY for shitty sex."

At this, she screamed in a rage. Grabbing the nearest beer bottle lying on the floor, she charged at me wildly screaming "I SAID FUCK ME YOU STUPID TWAT" Loudly. May I remind you, that we are in public.

I dodged to the side, and grabbed a stone the size of a fist. She charged again and ran into a dumpster. She then proceeded to throw up all over the ground, and subsequently my new shoes. I think she was drunk because she then fell down on the floor in a pile of her own bile.

Trying to teach her a lesson, I decided the best course of action was to urinate on her hair. So I unzipped. Unfortunately for me, she woke up halfway through my taking a whiz on what I realized was a shitty wig. Scrambling up, she latched her fake lips around my package and started to bite down. I must have peed a full quart of urine into her mouth and face.

That's when I realized I still had the rock in my hand! Brandishing it like a weapon, I bashed it into her head until she fell down. I kept on hitting and hitting her in the head. I think I blacked out for a while and when I came to, I was fucking her while she was still passed out.

Apparently she COULD make me put my dick in her.

Well anyway, I finished up, and got dressed. That's when I noticed she wasn't breathing. Panicking, I dragged her to my house about a mile away. Her blood and vaginal juices left a trail all the way to my front door.

So right now she's sitting in my backyard naked, covered in honey. I figure wild animals will pick her clean.

Was this the best course of action? What should I have done instead Newgrounds?

If this is real, you shouldn't have pissed on her hair u nitwit. After she collasped and knocked herself out by runing into dumpster, u should have legged it.

If this is fake, get a life. SERIOUSLY, this is probably the sadest thing I have ever seen, IF it is a fake story.

As for the rest of u who gave responces like "She diserved it" or "There will always be more around the corner", u lot are just as bad. Someone died here, and ur all joking. Even if it is a joke thread, the fact that u lot would say such sick jokes is...well, pathetic.

Never post anything like this on Newgrounds or any other website again.