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Time to find this Wizard of OZ.4.22 / 5.00 15,987 Views
Let me explain.
As a hobby of mine, I call everyone a bitch. It's just my thing. Guys, girls, even animals and inanimate objects.
So I was at the mall with some friends of mine, and we decided to get something to drink. We were waiting in line, and I said to my lady friend " Hey bitch, be a good woman and bring me some coffee. Chop chop"
She wasn't offended, and found it funny, but this middle aged woman came up to me and said "Excuse me, young man, what did you say?" I repeated what I said, and being polite, I said " I'm sorry if I offended you, I just make jokes like that sometimes, and mean nothing by it."
She got really huffy, like a pufferfish, and said something along the lines of " You shouldn't joke about that! There are people in the world who actually say that kind of stuff! I should report you to the mall police RIGHT NOW."
This is where my friend stepped in. "Hold on, ma'am, he really is a nice guy, he just makes jokes about 'touchy things'. I forgive him, don't worry"
The lady spouted nonsense like " I don't agree with what he said, yadda yadda"
Finally, she said " You shouldn't take this kind of treatment."
I muttered under my breath, "She'll take a lot more, if she knows what's good for her."
Of course, the pufferbitch heard me, and almost exploded. She pulled out of her purse some mace, and aimed it threateningly at me.
I screamed " RUN " and we ran all around the mall, being chased by a fat lady with some mace. Soon, the mall cops noticed, and started after us as well, thinking we had tried to rob them or something. We ran into a big JC Pennies, and hid in the dressing rooms. That fat bitch, with about 5 mall dogs, burst into the room, and started saying shit like " you are going down, you little punk!"
There were two different hallways, each lined with 6 or 7 stalls on each side, with just enough room inside for one person. So us four were pretty cramped. Luckily it was not cut off at the bottom, and the door was like 7 feet tall.
After searching the first hall, they came around. I was thinking about how we would get away. " Fuck this, " I thought, and waited for the lady to get right in front of our stall. I quietly unlatched the lock, and kicked the door with all my might.
After running around a mall all day, this lady was pretty red, and gasping for breath. That door forced all of the remaining particles of oxygen out of her breath. She flew back, and landed against a wall. While running out, I had the quick-thinking to spit on her and call her a fat bitch.
So apparently, she followed us home with her truck, and now is leaving death notes on my door. She says that tomorrow, she is going to make a huge sandwitch, and make me choke to death on it, by shoving it down my throat at the middle of the night.
So NG, what should I do?
CALL THE POLICE, SHE STARTED IT. DUH! Or do barrel rolls. But seriously she can get in SERIOUS trouble since she threatened you first, she had NO right telling you what to do.
I'm not cool enough to have a nice sig.
At 1/16/08 04:04 PM, Robojester wrote: CALL THE POLICE, SHE STARTED IT. DUH! Or do barrel rolls. But seriously she can get in SERIOUS trouble since she threatened you first, she had NO right telling you what to do.
You dare say that in a topic where Zerok posted?
What a prick, i call people cunts and never got in trouble for it.
but if i was you, i'd be glad that i didn't get maced, nothing would happen apart from you wasting your time anyway.
In fact, i'd tell everyone on NG about it.
At 1/16/08 04:09 PM, gibleto wrote: you still haven't changed your sig from that picture that I made.
Ejit told me he made it also
or was it Elios? well it was one of them i'm sure
At 1/16/08 04:13 PM, emo-penguin wrote:At 1/16/08 04:09 PM, gibleto wrote: you still haven't changed your sig from that picture that I made.Ejit told me he made it alsoor was it Elios? well it was one of them i'm sure
At 1/16/08 04:12 PM, gibleto wrote:At 1/16/08 04:08 PM, andhination wrote: You could publish this.Is this a compliment? Thank you.
It is a compliment. You're welcome.
At 1/16/08 04:17 PM, Orange-Jews wrote: So where was this womans owner during all of this?
Probably buying another one.
HOLY TOASTER STRUDLES BATMAN!
At 1/16/08 04:00 PM, gibleto wrote: I muttered under my breath, "She'll take a lot more, if she knows what's good for her."
Haha, that was so great.
You did nothing wrong...well maybe a little but you even apolagized.so the old fat bitch is yust being a bitch.these people have issues.
Well hello there crazy internet people.
she followed us home with her truck
Women can't drive cars, let alone trucks.
And I agree,women are too touchy. They need to accept they are inferior to us men.
Dont worry, with any luck someone will kill her and her family. I hope so. I'm serious, I hope she gets cancer or something
Your first mistake was repeating what you said when the woman came up to you. The whole situation could have been avoided if you answered as follows.
You: Be a good bitch and get me a drink
Woman: What did you say
You: I asked her to get me a drink
John Rambo is my hero