Let me explain.
As a hobby of mine, I call everyone a bitch. It's just my thing. Guys, girls, even animals and inanimate objects.
So I was at the mall with some friends of mine, and we decided to get something to drink. We were waiting in line, and I said to my lady friend " Hey bitch, be a good woman and bring me some coffee. Chop chop"
She wasn't offended, and found it funny, but this middle aged woman came up to me and said "Excuse me, young man, what did you say?" I repeated what I said, and being polite, I said " I'm sorry if I offended you, I just make jokes like that sometimes, and mean nothing by it."
She got really huffy, like a pufferfish, and said something along the lines of " You shouldn't joke about that! There are people in the world who actually say that kind of stuff! I should report you to the mall police RIGHT NOW."
This is where my friend stepped in. "Hold on, ma'am, he really is a nice guy, he just makes jokes about 'touchy things'. I forgive him, don't worry"
The lady spouted nonsense like " I don't agree with what he said, yadda yadda"
Finally, she said " You shouldn't take this kind of treatment."
I muttered under my breath, "She'll take a lot more, if she knows what's good for her."
Of course, the pufferbitch heard me, and almost exploded. She pulled out of her purse some mace, and aimed it threateningly at me.
I screamed " RUN " and we ran all around the mall, being chased by a fat lady with some mace. Soon, the mall cops noticed, and started after us as well, thinking we had tried to rob them or something. We ran into a big JC Pennies, and hid in the dressing rooms. That fat bitch, with about 5 mall dogs, burst into the room, and started saying shit like " you are going down, you little punk!"
There were two different hallways, each lined with 6 or 7 stalls on each side, with just enough room inside for one person. So us four were pretty cramped. Luckily it was not cut off at the bottom, and the door was like 7 feet tall.
After searching the first hall, they came around. I was thinking about how we would get away. " Fuck this, " I thought, and waited for the lady to get right in front of our stall. I quietly unlatched the lock, and kicked the door with all my might.
After running around a mall all day, this lady was pretty red, and gasping for breath. That door forced all of the remaining particles of oxygen out of her breath. She flew back, and landed against a wall. While running out, I had the quick-thinking to spit on her and call her a fat bitch.
So apparently, she followed us home with her truck, and now is leaving death notes on my door. She says that tomorrow, she is going to make a huge sandwitch, and make me choke to death on it, by shoving it down my throat at the middle of the night.
So NG, what should I do?
