If you intend to write a short, please keep a couple basic things in mind:
1) Decide what the point of it is.(comedy, telling a story, conveying a message, etc...) This flash just consists of random chatter, no funny jokes, and spends time explaining things we don't care about, such as the bizarre and nonsensical Korichipo thing.
2) Beginning, middle and end. Basic tenant of writing. Don't dump us in the middle of something with no information, have one actual event happen, and then fail to follow through on it. The assassination thing was really silly, and I think it was suppose to be an rpg joke, but then you switched back to being serious and dropping half hearted explanations for things we don't care about yet.
3) Lastly, learn the basic who, what, and whys of storytelling. The characters talk about Strad and his wife. Who is Stard? Finally answered after 5 minutes of talking about the sexual appeal of cartoon women. What's a yeoman? Who knows? Why are we hearing about the ethics of monster slaying and a crown wearing rebellion? Can't tell as there's nothing noteworthy to be said about them.
For all the time it took to watch this, I can honestly say I know nothing about the characters or their world aside from random name drops. If you do comedy, focus on jokes. If you telling a story, start with a beginning and a main character to focus on.