The Hell?
That wasn't really good at all. There wasn't really any humor in it, and no music. Doesn't even have to be Singing music, just some nice background music that would fit in with it would work.
Advice: Try and learn how to Syncronize voices and mouths. It would add a great deal of goodness to it. Once again, some Music would be nice. Also, Typos aren't your friend.