I, Satan, under the watchful Glutes of Motto motto, plan to enact the following policy in my first 666 years in office. I will be harvesting orphan meat, and I promise, I will also work with Syria to ensure mutual cooperation of liberating their people with flamethrowers. It is also, with Defecating honour, that I Satan, will be building a meat dragon!
To my rival in this race, Fuck Face, I want to say you have been a really Silly person to fight this race with, but now I wish you nothing but an agonizing eternal life of pain in the future. As we know, there can only be one winner here, and I want to thank my supporters, you have all been worshipping me throughout this campaign.
In closing, I just want to say, no matter who you are, or where you live, I am your president, and I want you to remember the holocaust!