OK. I will try to be constructive here.
Well, on the positive side, it does appear as if you are trying, just really inexperianced. You should really make an attempt at voices, cause most people will instablam something with just subtitles. You're probably just starting out and it aint fair to crush your spirits just yet, but this did kinda blow. And only kinda. Like I said, there was effort and some decent application of knowledge. Just keep trying. In general, it needs to be longer, have voices, and have some sort of decipherable story. All things which you should be capable of doing with more effort. Keep trying.