At 2/10/08 09:53 AM, Lost-Chances wrote: Ever considered seeing a psychiatrist?

As I stated in one of my replies, I can't and won't talk to them for whatever reason my mind gives.

At 2/10/08 09:55 AM, Xavon wrote:

At 2/10/08 09:53 AM, Lost-Chances wrote: Ever considered seeing a psychiatrist?

As I stated in one of my replies, I can't and won't talk to them for whatever reason my mind gives.

Oh, sorry.

I used to slight little urges to kill people for almost no reason, but it slowly went. The memory I remember the most is when I was in food technology in year 9 and was walking past a girl with one of the sharpest knives you were allowed to use. I was so tempted to stab her, no reason why. I didn't hate her but I just wanted to stab her. Then again, I was going through a rough period back then with bullying, thoughts of school shootings and a few friends back stabbing me.

If you don't want to see a psychiatrist, try doing something like chewing gum and just ride it out. See if it fades away.

You sound like me like Half a Year ago, Since then I've cut myself Countless times, Poured Alcohol in the wounds and lit it on Fire, And Stuff like that, I've Mostly secluded myself to the Internet, And I take long walks all the time to think, Plan out how to kill some of the people I know, Thinking about where to hide the Corpses, How to Make sure I don't get caught.

I've been planning to Hide in the mountains for some time now, Fake my own death, And Live up there at day, and Killing at night, eating my Victims for Sustenance, Also Killing some deer and Birds up there.

I've started moving supplies up there, Soon, Death wil overcome the lands.

The Unburdened Mind

At 2/10/08 10:01 AM, Lost-Chances wrote: If you don't want to see a psychiatrist, try doing something like chewing gum and just ride it out. See if it fades away.

I suppose I could just ride it out and see where it goes, not that I didn't plan to do that already. Curiosity has been getting hold of me quite a bit lately though, maybe this feeling will pass and maybe it won't.

At 2/9/08 11:28 PM, Xavon wrote: Whatever, just tell me what the fuck is wrong with me. What is your diagnosis, Newgrounds?

You probably just diagnosed yourself better than I could ever do.

At 2/10/08 10:13 AM, thomtomw wrote: The Unburdened Mind

That's quite intriguing how similar I am to the way they describe.

" 'They are frightened, right? But, you see, I don't really understand it. I've been frightened myself, and it wasn't unpleasant.' -Hare, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us "

This line in particular along with the paragraph or so below it are practically exactly how I feel and what I would be like. I've been frightened before, quite frightened, and I loved the feeling. It was so exhilarating, so refreshing, that fear overwhelmed me and erased every other emotion that was present. I was able to speak differently, speak freely, my sight was enhanced and I remember staring with a hatred in my eyes ready to slit that throat in front of me for the bullshit he's spewing.

(If you want a recap, I was caught at my slutty ex girlfriends house around 6 in the morning one about a half year ago. I spent 3 hours in their kitchen, staring at her father and bitching back and forth until the police arrived and I had to put on my fake innocent act. I got off clean, no charges even though they knew I was fucking their underage slut they dare call a daughter.)

As I was saying though, fear isn't unpleasant to me as that quote above says, I enjoy it.

I'm still reading the link you gave me though, but everything it's said so far relates to me almost perfectly. The little test they included also points out that the probably deduction is to call me a "Psychopath."

the article also says that most psychopaths don't kill, you could focus that energy elsewhere.

At 2/10/08 10:34 AM, thomtomw wrote: the article also says that most psychopaths don't kill, you could focus that energy elsewhere.

They don't kill but harm others in other ways. Stealing, lying, physically harming in other ways besides murder.

At 2/10/08 10:34 AM, thomtomw wrote: the article also says that most psychopaths don't kill, you could focus that energy elsewhere.

Yes, I finished reading it now, and I suppose these traits definitely could be put into something much more productive than a somewhat immature "purify the world" kind of act. I'm listening to a CBC Radio link that site provided, I'll probably check up on all the links at the end of that article in time.

That link was extremely helpful and interesting to me, perhaps I am a psychopath, but I guess that doesn't mean I have to kill someone to satisfy my urges.

mu ha ha ha!

you just EVIL

Interesting topic, so you're saying that you're not entirely sure if you have sociopathic tendencies or not. Let me get some psychology books there but just a word of advice. Maybe you should talk to as many people as you can. Talking helps you from not going mad, talk to anyone, familiy, friends, anyone. Talk about yourself, about your life and about how you feel. Find somebody who listens to you, someone with a lot of life experience.

Hopefully this will help you.

I think it's due to you being more self aware of yourself, your purpose in the world, your awareness of other humans, and your perspective of their purpose on earth.I think it has to do with natural instinct.

Like subconsciously you are decding who is right to be alive or who should be living and who doesnt deserve it.You feel like your one of a kind and that everyone is a pawn.

I'm not saying this is a bad quality of you, your not a psycho.

My diagnosis?
Welcome to the Family, dude.
You need either psychiatric help or to be institutionalized so other people don't get, like, scared.

At 2/10/08 10:53 AM, Sashuno wrote: My diagnosis?
Welcome to the Family, dude.
You need either psychiatric help or to be institutionalized so other people don't get, like, scared.

People are already scared of me, to be honest. Whether they're serious or not I don't know.

No man, I'm a sociopath. I Swanton Bomb my brother off the roof through a table.

At 2/10/08 10:49 AM, SouthAsian wrote: I think it's due to you being more self aware of yourself, your purpose in the world, your awareness of other humans, and your perspective of their purpose on earth.I think it has to do with natural instinct.

Maybe that's true. An old instinct reawakened, or possibly an evolution to take advantage of this current world.

Like subconsciously you are decding who is right to be alive or who should be living and who doesnt deserve it.You feel like your one of a kind and that everyone is a pawn.

Yes, I do feel that way.

I'm not saying this is a bad quality of you, your not a psycho.

It may not be a "bad" quality, but my thoughts aren't very ordinary and I'd say it's possible psychosis.

Yes.

; TL;DR

At 2/10/08 11:01 AM, Xavon wrote:

At 2/10/08 10:53 AM, Sashuno wrote: My diagnosis?
Welcome to the Family, dude.
You need either psychiatric help or to be institutionalized so other people don't get, like, scared.

People are already scared of me, to be honest. Whether they're serious or not I don't know.

I'd be GREAT friends with you, but... most people would be scared. I do think they're scared only because... well, how do I put this? You've snapped in a way... Or at least, that's this society's definition. You seem to have shed most ideals and morals this society has; while this isn't a bad thing, the extent it's gone to has made you sociopathic (much like Charles Manson, in fact, which is quite ironic because I've been fascinated by him as of late).

In any case, You might just be an extreme misanthrope. How do you feel and react...
-in a crowd?
-alone with a person?
-alone in a forest?
-walking past a factory?
-walking through a city?
-when you read a newspaper?

At 2/10/08 12:22 PM, Spartan204 wrote: Yes.

; TL;DR

At 2/9/08 11:38 PM, John12346 wrote: _________________

Also, to everyone else, tl;dr isn't allowed, so don't even try it.

Enjoy your ban you dumb fucker. Hopefully you don't get off for being an ignorant douchebag.

At 2/10/08 12:26 PM, Sashuno wrote:

At 2/10/08 11:01 AM, Xavon wrote:

At 2/10/08 10:53 AM, Sashuno wrote: My diagnosis?
Welcome to the Family, dude.
You need either psychiatric help or to be institutionalized so other people don't get, like, scared.

People are already scared of me, to be honest. Whether they're serious or not I don't know.

I'd be GREAT friends with you, but... most people would be scared. I do think they're scared only because... well, how do I put this? You've snapped in a way... Or at least, that's this society's definition. You seem to have shed most ideals and morals this society has; while this isn't a bad thing, the extent it's gone to has made you sociopathic (much like Charles Manson, in fact, which is quite ironic because I've been fascinated by him as of late).

In any case, You might just be an extreme misanthrope. How do you feel and react...
-in a crowd?

I blend in I suppose, I don't try to stand out but I don't act like something I'm not. I just go with it.

-alone with a person?

I'm extremely different if I'm alone with somebody, my entire personality can change sometimes depending on who it is and what the situation is.

-alone in a forest?

Mysterious, ponderous, inquisitive. I think a lot, sometimes I take walks just to asses my life.

-walking past a factory?

I'd analyze the facility, I'd be tempted to sneak in.

-walking through a city?

Blending in again, no reason to stand out.

-when you read a newspaper?

I don't usually read newspapers, but if I did it'd be to pass the time and I'd only skim it while waiting.

At 2/10/08 09:30 AM, Xavon wrote: Saying I leave at "I just know" kind of makes it seem a little worse than it is. It's not that I just know, I have my basis, but as I said I can't fully describe the process I go through when judging people.

Not to sound sappy but, would it be fair to compare this to love? Solely in the sense that: Love is not intangible, not completely. Only the core emotion is the piece that can't be put to words. With that usually comes a host of very tangible things. I'd say that these tangible things are what we eventually use to rationalize that we are in love or love someone. Without (considering) the pieces that follow or precede the core emotion, I think we'd be very confused as to what the hell is going on inside.

I suppose I can't be fully psychotic while I admit I would rather go after and torture people who deserve it though, but I wouldn't be limited to just "bad" individuals, branching into innocence seems like a possibility..

The innocent have the capacity to be just as enviable or despicable as the bad. So I wouldn't say you'd necesarily have to 'branch out' in order to consider the innocent in the same pot as the bad. You however, seem to make a distinction (or atleast made). It seems to me we may have found a 'tangible' little chunk of that elusive criteria.

The next set of questions would be: What qualifies as innocent? What separates the innocent from the bad? Why are the bad more disposable than the innocent?

Yes, I have tried to make an effort at explaining what I feel through words. Just because I've done that though, doesn't mean I still understand it as well or that I even got half of the message that I wanted out. My justification is quite possibly an impulse, but as I said, it's different in my mind. I've tried to translate what I'm feeling in order to get an answer, because I really don't know.

I think you've convinced me that my signature quote needs a third condition: sensation.

We are creatuse of motivation, through sensation, for justification. The saying's potency I think comes from it being in chronological order. I find the last step to be the most misleading, the second to be the most confusing, and the first to be the most mechanical. Or: least honest, least clear, least "human".

As of now, sensation is getting the most attention, with alittle justification on the side. I think, if you explored justification further, you'd have enough material between the two latter steps, to successfully explore the former. And I think once you've got a clear handle on the former, you'll have a better understanding of the latter two.

Maybe I really don't feel like this, maybe it's just random bursts of hormones

If you reach into a box and feel spaghetti, but it turns out to be jello... you still felt spaghetti. You feel how you feel. What comes of or causes the feeling can change said feeling over time. What you felt still stands.

or maybe I really would go through with all of this someday if I were pushed to the edge. [. . .] there's no way for even me to tell while I'm stuck in this state of confusion.

Even the most wonderful of people probably have the capacity to do 'terrible' things when pushed to the edge.

Perhaps you are able to analyze this situation better than I am.

I highly doubt that. You're in a much better position I think to analyze than I am. For the most part I'm just providing a loose methodology.

At 2/10/08 06:39 PM, ReciprocalAnalogy wrote:

At 2/10/08 09:30 AM, Xavon wrote: Saying I leave at "I just know" kind of makes it seem a little worse than it is. It's not that I just know, I have my basis, but as I said I can't fully describe the process I go through when judging people.

Not to sound sappy but, would it be fair to compare this to love? Solely in the sense that: Love is not intangible, not completely. Only the core emotion is the piece that can't be put to words. With that usually comes a host of very tangible things. I'd say that these tangible things are what we eventually use to rationalize that we are in love or love someone. Without (considering) the pieces that follow or precede the core emotion, I think we'd be very confused as to what the hell is going on inside.

When I think about it, it does feel almost as confusing as love I suppose. I can sense it, but I can't fully understand it, but I know it's there.

I suppose I can't be fully psychotic while I admit I would rather go after and torture people who deserve it though, but I wouldn't be limited to just "bad" individuals, branching into innocence seems like a possibility..

The innocent have the capacity to be just as enviable or despicable as the bad. So I wouldn't say you'd necesarily have to 'branch out' in order to consider the innocent in the same pot as the bad. You however, seem to make a distinction (or atleast made). It seems to me we may have found a 'tangible' little chunk of that elusive criteria.

Possibly.

The next set of questions would be: What qualifies as innocent? What separates the innocent from the bad? Why are the bad more disposable than the innocent?

It's in my head still.

Yes, I have tried to make an effort at explaining what I feel through words. Just because I've done that though, doesn't mean I still understand it as well or that I even got half of the message that I wanted out. My justification is quite possibly an impulse, but as I said, it's different in my mind. I've tried to translate what I'm feeling in order to get an answer, because I really don't know.

I think you've convinced me that my signature quote needs a third condition: sensation.

We are creatuse of motivation, through sensation, for justification. The saying's potency I think comes from it being in chronological order. I find the last step to be the most misleading, the second to be the most confusing, and the first to be the most mechanical. Or: least honest, least clear, least "human".

As of now, sensation is getting the most attention, with alittle justification on the side. I think, if you explored justification further, you'd have enough material between the two latter steps, to successfully explore the former. And I think once you've got a clear handle on the former, you'll have a better understanding of the latter two.

Exploring justification bridges the way to understanding what I feel as a whole, I think I understand a bit of what you're trying to say.

Maybe I really don't feel like this, maybe it's just random bursts of hormones

If you reach into a box and feel spaghetti, but it turns out to be jello... you still felt spaghetti. You feel how you feel. What comes of or causes the feeling can change said feeling over time. What you felt still stands.

Yes, quite an accurate analogy there.

or maybe I really would go through with all of this someday if I were pushed to the edge. [. . .] there's no way for even me to tell while I'm stuck in this state of confusion.

Even the most wonderful of people probably have the capacity to do 'terrible' things when pushed to the edge.

Also very true.

Perhaps you are able to analyze this situation better than I am.

I highly doubt that. You're in a much better position I think to analyze than I am. For the most part I'm just providing a loose methodology.

I'm trying to figure it out as much as I can on my own, to tell the truth I'm somewhat frightened to try and confront any of my real friends or even my girlfriend seriously about this due to what they might think of me. It's always been an open joke that I'd be a murderer or that I'd be a hitman or I'd go psycho, but I don't know what they'd think if they understood everything I've said is serious and true.

I wish I could talk to my girlfriend about it but she's even younger than I am by 2 years, I don't want to put the burden of my mentality on her more than I already have with my other mental issues, and the fact that I don't think she'd be able to handle it very well if I told her I was literally psycho. I'm not quite sure what I should do besides find out what's up inside me on my own.

At 2/10/08 12:03 AM, Xavon wrote:

Though I would cause pain, suffering, and death to other people, and while I don't think it's "normal", I don't believe I would show much remorse for it as long as I were good at it and didn't have any reason to worry about being caught. The only boundary I draw between killing and not killing is the fact that I can't do it without getting caught, just because I have these urges doesn't mean I can't be smart and control them until I can be smarter about things and if I do wind up being some psycho mass murderer one day, hopefully I'll be smart enough not to get caught.

No, Your normal...All humans have that feeling, some however are willing enough to not have the slightest thought about it. You however are different, not for your urges to kill, no, your different because the urges keep coming and you don't act on them, it defies human laws really, All animals(We are animals) act on their instincts eventually.

But then there are those who don't they hold it and hold it and while lying on their death bed 60 years later they hate themselves, they wish they could go back, do something, change the world. Instincts and urges are 100% natural, It is only law that denies us from murder, wild animals often feast on their young, something that would condemn us to a forced state of insanity. Humans demand everything whether others like it or not, changing laws is near impossible, and no one in their right mind would vote for a psycopath...

Now I must tell you, I was a pretty fucked up kid. Sure people tell you they would burn things as a child but they don't really know what they're doing. I would kill defenseless animals such as rabbits and ducks, and I would steal baby geese and leave them in a metal box out in the woods, letting another bird of prey take it away or simply watching it starve to death...I loved the sounds of it dying, I went as far as pushing my grandparents dog over a balcony, it almost died as there were nailed pieces of wood on the ground below. I grew out of this sick habit and for the remaining 8 years of the dogs life, I cringed whenever I saw the poor thing, hating myself for what I had done to it, and yet it still ran up and licked me whenever it saw me...Such a forgiving creature.

Long story short we've all done some screwed up things in our life, but you have to get by them and keep going, otherwise you could end up hurting someone or something you love dearly.

If you really need to kill someone, get arrested for arson or something and then kill someone in prison.

The cure to everything

At 2/28/08 04:37 PM, Chapsticks wrote: The cure to everything

That just cured my herpes , thanks :D

I do that too.
Heh :D

At 2/9/08 11:28 PM, Xavon wrote:

Try not to do anything that makes you perfect. Don't do everything completely perfect and you won't have too much of an urge to kill anyone (otherwise, do not be a perfectionist).

Your anxiousness is turned into compulsive desires to murder and destroy. You're deep set desire to become leader of the pack strives to set you to new lengths to frighten and impress your compodres otherwise you wouldn't tell them. It's as if you're compensating for something you lack.

I think that you a rare breed because you have the capacity to post this on newgrounds with the entire world to read, so I don't actually know how fucked up you really could be. The fact that you have never even cut yourself makes me think that you are actually just an angsty teenager looking for a way to make up for something you lack. You look for any possible way to be different, so you can feel even smarter and more unique than your peers. Just so you know, 3/4's of any one; on the BBS especially have looked for grandure and probably felt the same desires and been able to move past them. You are not unique, in fact I would say you are the opposite. It's harder to find real strength in humans these days.

I personally think that you should try to suppress these emotions, maybe supression isn't the best method. But you should enact some sort of change before it's too late. If you are willing to tell the world I think you are ready to tell a psychiatrist who knows you because they can see your eyes when you say these things. You could be lying for all we fucking know. What kind of person would lie about this? I don't know, but perhaps that would be less fucked up than what you have said.

My next logical explanation is that you have no outlet for your energy. We don't hunt anymore, we are told what to think by the TV. We have the same routine every day. We are forced to be humans, live inside the deffinition of normal. It really creates for an atmosphere for insanity.

Perhaps you should take up working out. You probably have never felt real adrenaline in your life. Eespecially since you have never cut yourself. Try getting in a fight, climbing buildings, or stealing. Also, changing your sleeping patterns might inact a big change in your psychosis. I recommend sleep cycles. Google polyphasic sleep cycles, or uberman sleep cycles. Not only that but it will make you smarter. It's called free-running as well. It makes dreams stronger and longer. I have experienced feelings that are indescriable and beyond anything I have ever considered capable by my own vessel of a body.

I have gotten in a few fights and it's a very scary drug, adrenaline. If you ever do stab someone you have to really think about the reprecussions. After doing it you would come down from your high and feel absolutely sick and freaked out. That person and everyone in their life will be extremely saddened for the rest of their life and everyone will know you caused this pain. You probably wont get away with it because you are probably stupider than you think. I am very smart in my own ways, but I am also crazy and forgetfull. You are probably really stupid in actuallity because you sound broken and incapable of complete thought patterns. Your soul is probably cracked; you're probably aware that you may never amount to anything you ever dreamed of so you are looking for other ways to get there. My own soul is cracked as well, but it makes me strive to new lengths to find it. I think I am closer now than ever actually. Try recording your voice, rant into the microphone for about an hour without stopping, and then try listening to it, and see how you sound. Your voice sounds different in your head.

You really have to think about it though, besides ruining peoples lives and become a social outcast and everyone hating you for what you have done, you only have about 40 good years in your life that are worth living, besides living in diapers in a retirement home or being too young to live on your own truly feeling the wind in your hair. If you spend 8 years in jail, that's almost 25% of your only life down the drain. I hear jail isn't very much fun either. You only have one hour outside of your cell and you are old enough especially with your capacity to type with such good grammer to be sentanced as an adult. You don't sound very big either, so I bet you would get ass raped in federal prison where there aint nothin else to love.

I recommend you find an outlet for such great energy. Most kids your age, are too lazy to be such exuberant fiends. Rather sleeping in, eating junk food, getting stoned and fucking bitches while planning to go to university than planning to poison someone with a certain oxide that they fancy than ripping apart their iniards with a knife. Try climbing buildings. It's a very scary experience if you try hard ones and afterwards you feel alive. Doing drugs and drinking doesn't make you stupid. It makes you do stupid things, just an FYI.They do change you though.

Personally, you don't seem like a genius either. The way they type which is an extension of the way you think seems young, reckless and foolish. A genius thinks not with emotions and lustfull desires. Numbers are colours to them and equations are music. They can use different parts of their brain at different times, they can create beautiful music within the depths of their skull and literally shape and mold people around them as they will with the power of their will. The majority of all psychopaths that they check for brain density which is a mark of genius are very low and extremely uncomplicated.

What comes around goes around, and just remember change after the age of 16 gets harder, and harder. So try to do it now before it becomes a relentless pattern that you cannot change that overtakes your soul and find yourself killing yourself one day because you are fighting a losing battle. I think one day empathy will eventually create itself inside of you out of necessity whether it be with dreams or schytsophrenia, but by that time perhaps it will be too late for you and you will eat yourself from the inside out, mentally. It would be most horrible and it would be like the devil torturing you, so you may be pure before you die so maybe you can feel remorse for all the bad things that you have thought.

I know my friend use to claim to have such a lack of sympathy as you. Now he cringes when he sees horrible things happen because he can't let himself live the same way he use to. He changed himself because he had to use. He use to kill small animals for fun. I myself rarely give an ounce of sympathy or empathy to most things, hardly blinking when I see those horrible PETA movies. Most cringeing results from the association with the victims pain with the idea of you feeling the pain. For example when you see someones neck get cut in a horror movie, you may grasp your own neck.

Based on the idea of evolution I like to think of God as a nature film director. To test a persons faith, you have to let nature take its course. A film director for a nature movie wouldn't step in and stop a seal from starving so why would God save that poor girl from malaria. Although weird miracles happen every day everywhere. Even such happening in my own family! My uncle was in a coma and an inch within death but miraculously with no explanation from the doctors came out of it with a very speedy recovery.

On the other hand, have you had no association with the devil? Have you not seen the horrible levels of the dark side? There are many things worse than pain hidden deep within your subconcious. Using the devil only as a manifestation or a metaphor for all the horrible things that could result. Don't you have a fear for the inevitable break down and imminent inner tormoil you could face? I know my guilty concious faces my misdeads in my dreams. I have seen evil, and I have seen light. Forgiveness is a hard thing to swallow sometimes.

Do you ever use drugs? Have you ever gotten in a fight? Have you ever had a girlfriend? ETC.

I hate the jocky pride arrogant assholes that bully the innocent and prey on the weak for fun just as much as the next guy. I taste the worlds ugly, it is inside all of us, the weak babies we humans are. I see such atrocities and yes I have dreamed of the same things as you sure.

Page 2:

Who hasn't wanted to be spawn. But it's all just a fantasy because the fools do not know better probably been hurt themselves when they were younger, built to live this way. Everyone is just a product of their environment. You have to find inner strength to be the better person. Otherwise you are just the same as them, no better, living only on their level of fear and hate.

So if you decide to shoot up a place, shoot up a san jose hockey arena. San Jose booed our Canadian team during the stanley cup finals. Fuck san jose!