As of the 22nd of August; My step-dad is completely dead to me. As for the rest of my family, they're getting there.
It sucks thinking that your mom, step-dad, and older brother have hatred towards you. I know what they think. I know they feel disappointed by me, even emberassed at times. Let me take you into what has been happening for about half of my life.
It all started when my mom met my step-dad, we got settled in, etc... That was over 10-11 years ago. Everything was great from the start but I guess this whole messed started with my grades. I wasn't the kid with the best grades. I usually got enough just to get by, my mom almost encouraged me to get better. I tried and tried. However, my step-dad wasn't so optimistic. He would punish me - Grounding me, hitting me at times.
He was a harsh dad. I was the one out of 3 siblings that was often yelled at.
As I started to grow older and had a better view of life, it started to cool down. I haven't been grounded or hit since I was around 8-9. Even though all of that stopped, his hatred towards me got worse and worse. He would yell at me for every chance he got. This was the time when I realized my mom started feeling emberassed by me, same with me brother. I felt it all. I guess it was because I wasn't the best person to make decisions with. I would constantly be outcasted by them because of what I would say or do.
I knew most of the stuff I would do was bad, but how can someone hate somebody so much for it?
The things I did were things most people would consider vulgar or rude in public. I'm an open-minded guy, but when it comes to personal opinions I speak like I'm superior to everybody. I'm not mean, however. I try to avoid conflict as much as possible, I'm nice to people. I like to make people laugh and 70% of the time, I do. I realized that I had to change to way I was so I did. I admitted what I did was wrong. I never apologized to them for it, though...
So a couple more years pass and by now I hardly ever speak to anybody - I don't really make jokes with anybody and I'm usually the one people consider the "quite person". But that's just because I only talk when something of my interests comes up, not much of them ever do come up - Which is why I rarely talk.
I digress, back to the topic. Now it's the around the end of '06 and I'm out with some of my friends that are probably the only people I talk to a lot. I would always go to their houses after school to hang 'n' stuff. I would come home late, sometimes by midnight on a school night. They tell me to stop coming home late and come straight home after school. But, something about the way they act towards me made me not want to listen. I would continue coming home and/or going out late.
Nowadays, I still do go out late but only to the gas station 2 blocks away to buy a drink or something. (Open 24 hours.) My dad caught me one night and being the hostile-towards-me-guy as he is, demanded I step away from the door and go back to my room. I was thinking of just leaving but I stayed. They all were awake. It was an annoying night. They would constantly every hour come check my room to see if I had left.
Most of this doesn't sound too bad but to me it hurts. As I said before - It hurts thinking that your family just doesn't want you around.
Now, lets get to what happened yesterday. My mom had just got home from laundry and she took my workout sweater. I was waiting for it all day so when they came home I quickly helped them with the laundry bags. I was frustrated at the time because I was yelled at by my dad for picking up the wrong bag. I told him that: How would I know which bag to pick-up if noones tells me which one I SHOULD pick up? He responded with, "I just don't want you picking up MY laundry." Whatever, I said. I just ignored it and hurried up with the bad, I was extra-heavy. I got tired with it on the way up the stairs and started to drag it.
My mom saw what I was doing and started scoulding me that I got dragged it on dirty water that was spilled on the ground. I ignored it as well and asked her to quickly get me my sweater so I can go to the gym. She didn't bother and once my dad was at the door with his own laundry she quickly went and told him. He started calling me names, cussing at me, etc... I put his ranting aside and kindly asked my mom to get my sweater or, at least tell me which bag it's in so I can get it and go.
She ignored me. I was completely flustered by now. I started picking up laundry bags and picking out the clothes. I WAS DOING THIS IN A MANNERED WAY. I didn't mess-up any folded clothes. I picked them out of the bad the way they were, put them down the way they were. My mom thought I was angrily messing up her clothes and started yelling at me. My dad, obviously, started yelling too.
I was bombarded with things like: Stupid fucking kid, retard, idiot, and all combinations of those words. I try to ignore it but I was just too angry and confused to ignore them. I started tearing up a bit but when I realized that my sweater wasn't in the bag that I was picking at, I got up and just started walking to my room. He quickly got up and yelled to the top of his lungs to put all the clothes back.
I told him that I wasn't going to and I started walking around him, he pushed me. But I keep trying to get by him. He starts getting really angry and pushed me REALLY hard that I head hit the wall and I fell to my ass. I had a major headache at the time and my mom was just shocked at what she just witnessed.
I closed my eyes to try and forget all about it. My mom called 911 thinking I fell unconscious and/or was bleeding from the back of my head. They started shaking me but I didn't want to open my eyes - I tried to forget all about it. The ambulance arrives and I open my eyes. I was completely covered in tears and I was shacking badly. The guy asked what happened, my mom explained everything and they had a long discussion with several solutions.
They haven't told me anything yet. I don't know what's going to happen.
I told them that I don't want to even be in the same room with my father. They could probably see how much I disliked him.
We haven't spoken nor seen each other since last night. He tried to apologize badly but I guess I was
just too filled with hatred and sadness at the time I blocked everything out. There's so much more to what has been going on but I'm only posting the a few. This however, was the worst so far.
The thing is, I sensed that his apology was a fake on and just wanted to not have to go to a any meeting to settle this out. But, that's just what I felt.
As for my older-brother. I included him because he can be the same sometime. He constantly threw out the day baggers me and teases with insults. Everytime at night when I step into my room he gets really annoyed and angry at me. I try to start a friendly conversation most of the time but it seems to doesn't want to talk to me.
For the record, I'm not a juvenile delinquent. I get along with my friends alot more than my family.
My brother at times, can be pretty nice to me. But that's only a very FEW times. He knows about the problem with me, mom and dad. The problem is, is that they don't discuss any issues with me. They never bother asking me how I feel about certain things, why I stay home from school behind their backs, why I do these things I do. NEVER do we talk about these things.
It's my fault too for not brining any of these issues up but I guess I never do because I feel they don't to talk about it or don't want to talk to me altogether.
I can only hope my relationship with my mom and dad get better. Mainly my dad.
As for now, I guess I'll try to improve from this day on.
