This, as you can see is pretty long resonse so before read just note that i'm not a perv, black (mostly) and extremely crazy w/ a lot of time on my hands. ZOMBIES RULE!
(if you read it you'll understand)
Darth Vader hands down would win Darth Vader be all like "RRRRAWWR!" and Darth Maul be like "HRRRK-GSSSP!" and then Darth Vader would say "LOL fuckin n00b"
And then this big sign with the word: PWN'D! would suddenly appear followed by some hardcore gang bangin' with magic mushroomz in teh backgrownd! But Darth Maul would be like "NO!" and their lightsabers would go "wwoooo-vrooon" And this long-ass lightsaber duel would follow. (the porn is still in the background mind you) and then everyone in the audience would be like "GO VADER" George Lucas would naturally be in the audience secretly masturbating while thinkin' of all the money he'll make when he sues me for making a movie with a STAR WARS reference in it. I'd sneak behind him with a machete and stab it through his chair and like 5 seconds later cry after realizing a killed my father (jk) and not getting an autograph to sell on e-bay.
The lightsaber duel will almost be half-over with DV of course winnin when OMFG th lil' kid (this is when the movie gets really drunken cuz anikin is DV)
Lil' Ani would be like "Suck it, BITCH" and pull out this like 15 foot tall lightsaber an' cut off Maul's legs in this hella cool flip thingy. At this point the movie has been going on for 5 hours, people are restless and trying to leave but the doors are locked some resort to suicide while others suck it up (this one dood commited suicide with 2 burnt popcorn kernals it wuz teh cool) but anywayz DV would be like "VVVSSMMT" (sound a lightsaber makes while going through flesh) to Lil' Ani. Ani would leave with his heart-warming catchphrase "These black folk are fuckin' krazy!" He'd do a cutsie wink and the camera and fall face first onto the floor covered in his blood thereby crushing his skull because they were on a 1,000 foot obelisk in Naboo. Darth Vader totally won everyone who didn't commit suicide breathes a sigh of relief. And as a st00pit Loony Tunes reference Yoda pops out and says "All that is, folks" "LOL" says the audience as they get up and start leaving. With a look of shock and horror in there eyes the audience sees that the doors are still locked and will never be opened. Suddenly, the THX ultimate sound starts as teh movie is immortal. Most go def immediatly, those not lucky enough have to suffer the pain of what seems to be a waterfall of blood falling from their ears. The horrid stench of death fills the air as the once enjoyable background porn becomes a disgusting montouge of blood and penis. Some people blind themselves with straws. The children happily dance until they can't no more that's when they get bored and hungry. Everyone is hungry after all it's been 55 days. "DAMMIT" some random person yells as everyone is getting progressivly hungry he shoves his face within the bowels of George Lucas' maggot-ridden flesh and pulls out a big chunk with his teeth. The virus spreads and everyone becomes ZOMBEEZ! "OMFG!" the cops yell as they see the zombies burst out of the cinema wall "THAT BASTARD COW DID IT AGAIN!" Yes, yes I did do it again *insane laugh* "Thank god for tamponz thank god almighty.... I haven't been caught yet! So yes of course Darth Vader would win!