I live because I chose to get help and see what makes life worth living.

True Freedom is a myth, but choices are very real.

I'm the master of my life, and I decide when it's over. That is True Freedom.

I knew you were a sex addict!

In all seriousness what you have achieved SO FAR is absolutely amazing. I come from a family of addicts - alcohol, drugs, gambling, food and besides an aunt who lost her life to booze we're all just barely know our cut off points before we're in serious danger but it is not enough. There are things I wish I had the strength to go cold turkey on and I can't ever seem to. Its always "I'll do it tomorrow" or Monday, or next week, or next year.7

So yeah you're amazing because its not easy and I'm sure the fight doesn't feel any easier even after your amazing work but the fact that you've done it this long shows that you can do it even longer. I believe in you.

Hit me up if you ever need an ear to chew off.

Well, you'll be alright. I feel like relapses often happen when you give up on living because of certain events - as in you don't really see the point in trying for anything in life, so you go back to your "comfort zone". Happens a lot to me. Though I don't suffer from something as serious as drug, sex, or gambling addiction. At that point you should reevaluate your current situation and make changes to your life so you could be comfortable without that godforsaken "comfort zone."

I'm ashamed to admit but I gained a lot of weight in the last few months alone. Especially since I stopped playing Phantasy Start Online 2. Without anything to occupy me I started eating quite a lot. And the reason I stopped playing PSO2 was because I realized that I was tiring myself and wasting around 34 hours per week playing a game that I stopped liking over a month ago before stopping playing it. But I just can't not have my mind occupied by something, because I start eating MUCHOS.

I often also have "relapses" of making really crappy short porn stories or captions (mostly captions). Like I could make draw, music, games, but all I want to do is make something pornographic. I guess I have a sex addiction? But I have to stop myself because I can spend all my time thinking about and evolving those stupid stories that in the end are really badly written because of how arousal clouds my mind and it ends up as a pre-teen's fanfic dribble. And I scare myself sometimes when I start thinking about taboo stuff and have to stop myself lol

Can't relapse if you never quit in the first place...Black Star Trek Guy Pointing At Hairline Meme

no, but on the real. My relapse is being an absolute sloth when I come home from work.

Can't really consider a relapse if this is my norm.

I go into the weekend having aspirations and plans- but just can't find the inspiration to do otherwise.

Working too hard can't be it, these symptoms are only exacerbated during vacation, and specifically, this has been a problem in 2021.

I don't have television or fast internet, so I can't even claim to use my time unproductively to do something interesting

like watch a movie or get into a hip game that isn't one of the dated browser ones I've been replaying for years. Why don't I fix that and purchase television or a good gaming rig? Money isn't so much the problem, laziness is and for that I am ashamed. To a lesser degree I am fearful that I will be pouring my money into yet another service that I don't really use.

My weekends are a blur and all I can remember from the waking hours is mindlessly cycling through the same four of five websites prowling for updates...I promise myself, okay I'll look at one more article...reply to one more post...and before I know it, two hours have passed like that. And then I spend the next hour in self-pitying reflective nostalgic state...Then I'll spend the next hour playing a game to get my dopamine levels up...Oh, look it's time to fap*...why don't I read the person I just fapped to's biography...and then it's past my bedtime and I've got nothing done.

I fall back into bad BEDTIME habits because of the above. Doesn't help that my workplace has gone lax since COVID, people can come in late, deadlines are pushed, and people are often unavailable. Not blaming anyone but myself, just stating the situation I guess. (I do like the coming in late though and I always work my hours and then some...I will never be a morning person)

I haven't PICKED UP an instrument since July. Music was always my favorite pastime...what happened? I'm afraid to hear how rusty I've gotten. I'm afraid to release unpublished projects for years...is it fear of polluting a site that I hold in high regard, or to uphold some silly static false image of S3C?

I can't be BOTHERED to cook a proper meal, so I end up eating frozen foods, trail mix, and salads.

I am ADVERSE to doing chores so I wait until they pile up, and the clutter only cuts into my already dangerously low levels of motivation.

I ENJOY capitalizing key words in my sentences. I find it HUMOROUS. Sorry about this RAMBLE, probably should have left it as a NEWSPOST. Please help, thank you.

Looking at 'perfect people' and there motivational videos and normie, eventual, healthy activities makes me feel even more like sh*t. And for that, I am a bad person and need to work on being better. blabbering here will give me 30 seconds of motivation, but I've always been all think and no action. All plan and no promise.

*no masturbation challenges are kinda easy, abstinence isn't hard for me. But there was no benefits in my case, so why deny myself a basic yet powerful pleasure over an extended period? minus one 'relapse' I've been sober since April 2017. Not that I was ever addicted to substances or anything. I find it takes so much more energy to do something (i.e. create a piece of art weekly exercise) compared to abstaining from something like going to the store to buy booze.

I don't know if you'd consider it a relapse or anything (or maybe I'm really in the stages of denial), but I always say to myself "I'm going to try and masturbate less" and within 12 hours of that statement I'm back with my hand down my pants.

16 days until one year.

I can do this.

Yes, you will.

You seven are a rock you can dooo it

All night long!!

At 2/18/21 08:05 PM, SevenSays

I struggle every day.

Last time I smoked weed was in October with my older brother. Before then, it had been many years since I smoked a bowl, and the day or two afterwards, I was hit with such a significant depression that it stopped me in my tracks. Like, "What the fuck happened, I was doing so good. I was doing everything right, what changed- ohhhh right. The weed." Once I identified the root source, I was able to work around it and get back on track with little issue.

And ever since then I've declined it every time its offered to me (which, during a pandemic, isn't very often at all, but more than two more times since October.) I've spent my time being a kid, I partied through college, I've hung out in garages and brainstormed with bros and gals alike. I did that for years. Now its time to work. Now it is time to build, and that fun shit'll still be there waiting for me when I retire. Fuck yeah I'll be a stoner wizard old man, in the garage I paid for...and there I can deal with the bleary valleys I seem so quick to forget in the wake of their infamous green peaks.

I know booze will treat me the same. I'm one year, six months sober and my memory has holes in it. I can feel the cavities with pictures of me that I wasn't there for. Videos of me while I'm blacked out, like I'm watching someone else. And the memory must be selective, because I remember the embarrassment and the gross stuff, and feeling like a wet bag of sick, but I guess I kept coming back to it for....reasons? I kept coming back to it for...uhm...numbness? Being loosey goosey? Was I entertaining to fellow neanderthals or did I just like the taste- no, wait, the taste was awful. It's why I always chased with soda. My memories have holes in it, and I know the culprit well. A decades worth of drinking, and I was lucky that shame was all that survived that legacy.

Looking at it from the other side I don't know why I willingly returned to the abusive nature of alcohol dependency, but something inside irrationally yearns for it. It's the smell. Some of these hand sanitizers yanks me back to memories of everclear and vodka. But I'm not going to to drink again. If I do, it's gotta be for a good reason. Can't just be for some holiday or something common. No, I told my wife that I would drink if my toxic asshole brother died. I would reset the clock for that, a toast to his memory and a bon-voyage to the one man who I have ever wanted to die. It's terrible, and I would want to feel numb for that. He destroyed parts of me, it would be an appropriate tribute to destroy self...and I hope when the day comes, I'm of a mentally sound and spiritually harmonious mind to say "Y'know what, nevermind. I'll keep being sober. He doesn't deserve it/I don't deserve doing this to myself" but, at the moment, that's the idea...it's mostly an emotionally charged retaliatory gesture that is quite literally like "drinking poison hoping the other person will die" it's stupid.

What would you reset the clock for? What is the event that would make you throw away all of the time invested into bettering yourself? The parameter that needed to be met for you to say to yourself, your body, and your future "jk lol it has been ZERO DAYS since the last workplace oopsie!"

Because success is a campaign, and you're succeeding with your consistency. So if you're holding the winning strategy, why would you falter your foothold on victory by relenting. You have enough experience to ease any intrusive curiosity. You have enough memories of the negativity in the decision to relapse. You are armed with everything you need to hold the line.

All you need to do is remind yourself that success isn't any one trick, or motto, or thing or thought...it is a campaign of all of your accumulated experiences. The good and the bad, all of your wisdoms and decisions, all factor into your campaign to triumph over your former self. You will always be wiser and stronger than you were, so don't sabotage that campaign by feeding it with the wrong things.

you still haven't told us what this thing you're abstaining from is

keep it that way

enlighten us in 16 days

I've told a few people (from here) and while they have not been unkind, I've clearly been judged.

My actions are my own. I take responsibility. I deserve to be judged------ but it still doesn't feel great. 🙂

And that's why I haven't said what it is.

I posted some fallout memes in supporters if that helps

I feel like I've been in this dark room, and March 14th is a door I'm walking to, with light on the other side, and once I walk through, I'm not going to want any part of that darkness again. I'm feeling hopeful.

Screw them, your business is your business.

Everyone likes being nosey until they find out what they've been nagging to know, then they're all 'Why did you tell me that? I didn't want to know that!'.

The ides of March are a lucky day for certain people

There was a period when I was physically much more active. Ran few miles daily. But now I don’t have the motivation.

I've reaaaallly been struggling with this as well. And I truly miss it. I need to start back up.

Then you're on the right track, keep going. We're proud of you!

I don't know who you confessed to, but only God can judge. Or a judge. Or a jury of peers.

Last time I checked I don't have divine powers, I failed the bar exam, and haven't been summoned for jury duty.

So shame on me if I'm the one to judge another human being.

Your mysteriousness only increases my curiosity, but I have absolutely no business in knowing.

Besides it's in the past, and if you've made it this far without relapsing, that's fair enough indicator that you have become more responsible and changed for the better.

So unless it's therapeutic- it's perfectly fair game to keep it locked up in your mental chambers, as a benchmark from which you've improved, and as empirical evidence that you are strong enough to accomplish long term goals. Keep up the good work.

Just checking in. I look at funny animal memes when I’m sad. I also have a vast collection of others, pick a category if you want a meme and I’m sure I have it

woops i thought this was about a prolapse

But you don't have divine powers?

Damn.

I made it. 🙂

One year.

Infinitely stronger.

And I feel confident I'm "cured" for good.

YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!

I'm struggling tonight.

I don't know why.

March will be 2 years. I can do this.

You can do it man EZ PZ LEMON SQEZ

And by the way, I know you're talking about cranking it

You gotta fight your urge to "feed the geese"

Well how's sobriety and life and work mixing since your cylry for help?wish I saw this sooner.