Tittle: the loved ones that left scars.
I decided to go back to the old house I once lived in for all my teenage years. Where I left my books, my old pictures and even my older note books with math, English and other things. My mom invited me back because she missed me, why I don’t know but she wanted me to be there so I respected that and went to her in the same week. She was so happy to see me when I was the one she opened the door for and she hugged me like she had never seen me before. I don’t know what it was but there was a strange vibe going around the house.
The first thing I noticed was how empty the house was. My dad always sat in the chair in front of the tv and when I came into the room he would look at me, stand up and just stand with his arm wide almost screaming ‘’there is my little muffin’’ of course I never liked that when I was a kid because I was the tough one and had to be myself and that didn’t fit in my picture but now I miss that. My dad hasn’t been in this house for years because he is not with us anymore.
My mom sat me down at the table and like any other grandparent and parents they start to ask about how you have been, how everything is going, if something changed and of course everything else that they ask after it. You know how it goes but there was something going on.
My mom never did things without a reason and especially not when it wasn’t needed but this time something was wrong. Something was seriously wrong and I couldn’t figure out what it was.
Of course in that thought my mom grabbed my hand and looked me dead serious in the eye. ‘’Hey muffin’’ she said still looking with me but this time with sad eyes ‘’I need to give you something’’ I of course am very concerned because I have no idea what is about to happen.
She sais I have to close my eyes. Why? I don’t know but I do as she says and I hear her get up. She goes through some drawers and cabinets and then lays something into my lap. I grab it still with my eyes closed in case my mom doesn’t want me to see the present. I hear her giggle for a bit and she says: you can open your eyes no worries you don’t have to guess just by touching it.
I open my eyes and I see gift in my lap shaped in something that looks like a journal or a book. I open the present and it is indeed a book. The weird thing is that it is not a book that has been in the stores but rather one where someone has specially made it for this occasion. I open it and in the beginning pages it says my moms and dads name. Sonja and David.
I never called them by those names because it doesn’t feel right but I look confused at my mom. She just gives me a soft smile and gives me a little wave to continue in the pages so I do as she says.
I turn around another page and there is a letter in between the pages and again my mom has given me another scare of what this could mean. I open the letter and just like the book this is been written by hand as well and of course I start to read.
You probably still remember me your dad. Today we got you and your still so small and tiny. Your mom is so happy to have you and you have the cutest feet I can imagen. I can’t wait until you’re a bit older and I can run around the grass field with you on my back. You caused your mother a lot of pain but I will repay you that in horrible dad jokes and stupid names that you probably already know by now. Today me and your mom decided to give you the nickname muffin why? I honestly don’t know but I am hungry so maybe that’s why?
Anyway me and your mom decided to write in a book that we can give you later on. Basically when you are going to miss us both or we might leave you both soon. We promised each other that we would give the book to you until the last second so you can enjoy everything and still have a peace of us when we are completely gone. I honestly don’t know who will be gone first but I am sure it’s me because your mom is way to hot to die first right? Only me… okay haha but yah if one of us gave you this then it’s almost the end of the two of us and that makes us both sad. So we made this little poem book just for you.
I am the only one who writes in it right now because your mother is exhausted from shooting you out of her body but I am sure she will write in it later as well. And I hope we are able to fill it up soon enough but we have some time for that I hope and otherwise more space for the other person right? Better to see it from a positive side then the negative. Anyway little muffin enjoy our poems and our writing. I hope we can learn you something and we hope that you don’t feel as alone if we just left you alone on the world.
Your super dad’’
I get tears in my eyes because I haven’t seen my dads hand writing for years and something like this is huge to me at least. My mom just looks at me with a bit of hope and sadness and grabbed my hand. I know exactly what this means. Instead of saying something she shuffles two peaces of paper my way. They are both different hand writing and I know one is from her and one if of my dads. I decide to read my dads peace of paper first so my mom can hear it as well.
‘’My last heartbeat by super dad David.
Even though I lay here with the last beat in my chest,
I know the world will never end for real,
My head is full of movies, poems and series I share,
And the most beautiful thing of all,
The muffin I created years ago.
While running through the grass,
I learned you how to spread your wings,
I saw you grow like a little seed that became the most beautiful flower of all,
And even though you never really saw your beauty,
We knew you could reach the stars.
The little muffin we raised,
Through thick and thin,
Through storms and sunshine
That little muffin survived it all.
But today is not the day of my little muffin,
Because one of the doors will close forever.
My door will close forever for the little muffin that I raised.
While my heartbeat gives out his last pumps,
My life will be all for them,
For my star that starts with an S,
And my little muffin who lifted my life to a better purpose.
And even though my heart will give out,
My heart will never be given away to another,
Because with every beat I gave in my life,
That was all for them,
And they are the only ones that will truly hold my heart.
My lasts beats will be of you my little muffin,
Fifth beat is how blessed I am to have raised you,
Fourth beat is for how happy I am to have met you,
Third beat stands for how beautiful you grew up to be,
Second beat stands for how proud I will always be,
Last beat is for how much I will always love you.
I love you with all my heart little muffin
And now lets end it on a beep.
Your always super proud dad’’
My eyes water and I don’t know what to say. I never knew my dad wrote poems like this in the first place but this he wrote for us but mostly for me. I see my mom shed a tear and I start to read her poem.
‘’my little star made by Sonja
Like a star in the sky you shine,
And even though the darkness consumes the things around you,
You shine bright.
Guiding the lost to hope,
And making the world a brighter place for others.