I don't usually get mad at music, but fuck this

At 12/2/11 06:27 PM, SineRider wrote: I don't usually get mad at music, but fuck this

Thanks for that... I'll be crying myself to sleep now.

At 12/2/11 02:41 PM, Envy wrote: Are you going to change your name too? What to? Something sexy. Please be something sexy.

aha! no way man, devon's a totally sexible girls name. I'm really proud of you devon. You're a strong black woman that don't need no man. Really though, that's an exciting avenue to take your life in. I hope you the best!

At 12/2/11 06:27 PM, SineRider wrote: I don't usually get mad at music, but fuck this

Indeed.

At 12/2/11 06:27 PM, SineRider wrote: I don't usually get mad at music, but fuck this

Also, I've heard things to be more upset about. I think it was a Beethoven/ Golddigger Mash up. Dude, music is constantly being fucked with in unholy ways. Modern sound is a cluster fuck of noise that you either like or you don't. On some conceptual level, opinions are noisier than the music they describe. I'm just happy that the original song rocked enough to have some guy tribute it. While I disagree with the remix, I have to give the guy props for having good taste in music.

At 12/2/11 06:27 PM, SineRider wrote: I don't usually get mad at music, but fuck this

I'm still confused as why this makes you mad?

At 12/2/11 06:26 PM, Back-From-Purgatory wrote:

At 12/2/11 05:17 PM, jpbear wrote: as long as its not harming your existence why change yourself?

The same could be said for people that don't approve of such operations, someone else changing their sex in no way harms your existence, so why tell them not to change?

I phrased a question not a statement lol.

I've never been through the experience of severely doubting what gender physically or mentally I am, and what I would feel necessary to do in such a situation is a farce to me. Either way, I feel that its certainly beyond the realms of a doctor to perform such actions, if a private (namely not public) institution that did not call itself a hospital and did not have people calling themselves doctors inside I would certainly be more open to the idea. Either way it is certainly beyond my personal ethical boundaries.

Learning to live an at peace with yourself and truly knowing yourself is the goal of every human. I dont understand how anyone could want to change themselves in such a drastic way.

I could write heaps more but i dont feel like clogging this place up lol.

At 12/2/11 06:53 PM, jpbear wrote: I phrased a question not a statement lol.

Details... details... You know what I meant.

All I could really say is everyone's different, no doubt there will be people who have issues with it, and just as many people who don't.
My point is really just that we have free will for a reason, and that's so we can think for ourselves, some people wish they were taller/shorter, some people wish they had bigger/smaller boobs, some wish their nose was bigger/smaller, some wish they were black/white, and some people want to be the opposite gender.

Some people act on it, some people don't. That's life, human nature, nothing can really change it, so I try not to get up in arms about it one way or the other.

Dieselboy used to be the shit. I remember listening to his DnB mixes all the time back in the day, but theres plenty of good DJs who make bad tracks. Look at DJ Tiesto for example. (waiting for people to give me shit for saying that haha).

Anyone know how long it usually takes for an Audio Submission to go through? I've been waiting for a week now.

At 12/2/11 07:28 PM, LogicalDefiance wrote: Dieselboy used to be the shit. I remember listening to his DnB mixes all the time back in the day, but theres plenty of good DJs who make bad tracks. Look at DJ Tiesto for example. (waiting for people to give me shit for saying that haha).

I was actually just listing to the Human Resource today. That will forever hands down be my favorite dnb mix. It's what got me listening to edm in the first place.

At 12/2/11 07:34 PM, DoctorWily wrote: Anyone know how long it usually takes for an Audio Submission to go through? I've been waiting for a week now.

It can take anywhere from a couple days to a couple months depending on the list size, which right now is a little on the larger side.

Also:
Awaiting Audio Approval? thread.

At 12/2/11 07:38 PM, Back-From-Purgatory wrote: It can take anywhere from a couple days to a couple months depending on the list size, which right now is a little on the larger side.

Also:
Awaiting Audio Approval? thread.

thanks for the link, was helpful!

At 12/2/11 07:28 PM, LogicalDefiance wrote: Dieselboy used to be the shit. I remember listening to his DnB mixes all the time back in the day, but theres plenty of good DJs who make bad tracks. Look at DJ Tiesto for example. (waiting for people to give me shit for saying that haha).

Well it's not actually dieselboy, that's just his label. But still... i know there are worse remixes out there, but that one just irked me.

At 12/2/11 07:34 PM, DoctorWily wrote: Anyone know how long it usually takes for an Audio Submission to go through? I've been waiting for a week now.

Fucking six months yo.

At 12/2/11 09:28 PM, Syztm wrote:

At 12/2/11 07:34 PM, DoctorWily wrote: Anyone know how long it usually takes for an Audio Submission to go through? I've been waiting for a week now.

Fucking six months yo.

I think a "fuck that bullcrap", would suffice.

At 12/2/11 09:32 PM, DoctorWily wrote: I think a "fuck that bullshit", would suffice.

Fixed for swear-level consistency

At 12/2/11 10:21 PM, Stupor wrote:

At 12/2/11 09:32 PM, DoctorWily wrote: I think a "fuck that bullshit", would suffice.

Fixed for swear-level consistency

Kinda like saying "Fuckin-a" huh

At 12/2/11 10:25 PM, LaForge wrote: Obligatory post because I've been absent the past few pages and I'm feeling left out.

I hate that feeling. For a while I was lurking but my habits here are getting more and more obscure by the day. I think I've almost completely broke my newgrounds dependency...

and I replaced it with a facebook dependency :/

At 12/2/11 02:59 PM, LiquidOoze wrote: Ehm, Echoz is going this very same way...

@Echoz: I think you're extremely brave! :O

Lulz, I'm an MtF! (Male to Female) Not the other way around lol.

At 12/2/11 06:43 PM, Quarl wrote: At 12/2/11 02:41 PM, Envy wrote: Are you going to change your name too? What to? Something sexy. Please be something sexy.

aha! no way man, devon's a totally sexible girls name. I'm really proud of you devon. You're a strong black woman that don't need no man. Really though, that's an exciting avenue to take your life in. I hope you the best!

Actually I'm keeping it the same and changing it at the same time.

Just changing the spelling on my first name Devon --> Devyn. It's pronounced the same, but it looks more girly and is just kinda symbolic of the change. The middle name I'm still working on... I've got a list of suggestions that I've been kinda tossing around.

Oh yeah... one more thing to add to this post: To reply about the functionality of the equipment... A good SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery) doc nowadays can make a vagina so good that it can fool a gynecologist. Srsly. Orgasmic, and as for the lubricating bit... one surgical technique that was developed and is currently undergoing limited trials is called buccal cell SRS.

This technique takes a sample of tissue from the inside of the cheek and grows it around a form (If you've looked into recent developments in growing organs, that is what is going on here)... to basically grow the vagina itself, which then gets utilized during the surgical procedure. The big advantage is that you don't have the issue of lubrication with that as much.

Hopefully that will be an option by the time I'm ready for the procedure!

At 12/3/11 12:18 AM, EchozAurora wrote: Hopefully that will be an option by the time I'm ready for the procedure!

I gotta say... all of this stuff sounds like it would be horrifically expensive to get done.

At 12/3/11 12:18 AM, EchozAurora wrote: Hopefully that will be an option by the time I'm ready for the procedure!

And then comes the obligatory audio mod gangbang--

--did I say that out loud?

At 12/2/11 10:25 PM, LaForge wrote: Obligatory post because I've been absent the past few pages and I'm feeling left out

I know how you feel, I've been lurking this forum the since 2008 reading everything but hardly contributing.

At 12/2/11 06:53 PM, jpbear wrote:

At 12/2/11 06:26 PM, Back-From-Purgatory wrote:

At 12/2/11 05:17 PM, jpbear wrote: as long as its not harming your existence why change yourself?

The same could be said for people that don't approve of such operations, someone else changing their sex in no way harms your existence, so why tell them not to change?

Learning to live an at peace with yourself and truly knowing yourself is the goal of every human. I dont understand how anyone could want to change themselves in such a drastic way.

It's a medical condition. Most researchers agree nowadays that there are a bunch of potential causes for transsexualism in people... but it could be from a large number of causes. My personal guess is that my case is related to stress during pregnancy and hormone fluctuations in the womb. (My mom is severely bipolar, I'm fortunate to have not inherited it)

Warning: Long explanation ahead

I'll just kinda tell my personal story...

First off, this isn't something that I just stumbled over all night. I've felt uncomfortable with my body as long as I can remember. I never really identified as a guy. I hated getting hair cuts when I was little because it made me look more like a boy... and I cross dressed secretly since I was 6 or 7 years old. My dad and stepmom constantly tried to make me more masculine as I grew up...

I'd get corrected in all sorts of ways for my feminine tendencies... whether it being teasing or whatever. And as I hit puberty and started to develop as a male... it was a stressful and confusing process... because then I physically lined up with my identity less and less.

(And this could be going to deep into things... so feel free to TLDR)

But yeah... my later teen years got very stressful... I'd consider self mutilation and all sorts of stuff... because things just... didn't match up. I had a couple moments where I'd considered suicide... but that was never something I really wanted. It was more like I just didn't care if I lived or died a lot of the time.

(On that note, the trans population has a disturbingly high suicide rate. To quote one support site: "The National suicide rate is 3 per 100,000 People. The Transgender Transsexual suicide rate is 31% of our group. Over 50% of Transsexuals will have had at least one suicide attempt by their 20th birthday. Even more self harm themselves daily either by cutting or self mutilation.")

I've personally had to reschedule an appt with my therapist at the last minute on more than one occasion because she had to put another client in the hospital... it's really bad.

So basically... by not changing myself... I could very well be harming my existence.

You mention making physical changes to take care of a mental issue... and that's not the first time I've heard someone say that. The thing is... there are people that practice doing things the other way... it's called "Reparative Therapy"... and it's pushed pretty heavily by groups such as Focus on the Family and other right-wing nut jobs.

Trust me though, I tried for years to deny what I am... I was involved in multiple Southern Baptist churches... got into the praise band... went on mission trips... just tried to involve myself thinking that Jesus would "cure" me of all these messed up thoughts.

All it did was lead to a lot of self-loathing and even more internal conflict. I HATED myself sometimes for who I was. If that's not harmful... I don't know what is.

Anyway though...

I gradually learned as I spent more time online that I wasn't crazy for having these thoughts. As I spent more time researching things... cutting through the bullshit... I gradually was able to step away from the self-loathing and started instead developing better coping methods for dealing with myself.

I dropped the whole church thing as I exited high school (Not like I really believed in it to begin with... but I was desperate)... and started getting out more and working on improving my life. I got to the point where I was pretty successful... doing a lot with music... getting a solid social life going...

Hell, I lost my virginity and started picking up a pretty active sex life even.

However, nothing I did could shake it. Drug use, denial, sexual experimentation... nothing I possibly tried could get rid of my feelings that I was somehow wrong... incomplete.

I wanted to be female... not a drag queen... cross dresser... gay dude... straight dude... dude at all.

Just a girl.

That seemed out of reach for a long time though... I did research on trans-related things for years... but never could pull myself to actually believe that of all people... I was a transsexual.

It seemed like an alien concept, y'know?

Anyway, I finally... finally... after getting back on my insurance plan and such earlier this year... decided that I was going to find a therapist with a good reputation for gender issues... and get myself sorted out. So I contacted my therapist finally just before my birthday this year. I was insanely nervous... but it was something I absolutely had to do.

She was hesitant to just label me though. We had two Skype sessions... she recommended books that I read to help me think about things... and also had me start writing a rough autobiography to try and line up exactly how I felt as long as I could remember. Around this time I started to have an epiphany. My thoughts, emotions, memories... they lined up with so many others... it just started to make sense.

After finally making the drive up for an appt in office... I had a long talk with my therapist and just spilled out all my thought and emotion to her... at which point... it became absolutely clear that this is the path I needed to take.

So I'm following the WPATH standards of care... just started hormones recently after having been in therapy for over 4 months... still see my therapist at least every other week... and I've already started to become happier than I've ever been.

So for the TLDR folks... basically I view it as this:

I'm a girl that was born with a really fucked up birth defect... and I'm just now finally able to treat it. So hopefully soon... I'll be able to just be me! It's a journey to self-actualization... and definitely a necessary thing in my life. I'm really excited about it!

Does the surgery include ovaries? Is that possible?

At 12/3/11 01:11 AM, brokendeck wrote: Does the surgery include ovaries? Is that possible?

I wish. My best bet is to sperm bank if I want kids later... which I'll have to do really soon.

The one nice thing is that if I do end up in a long term lesbian relationship where we want kids... we'll actually be able to be the biological parents because I can supply the "male" portion. If not, I may have a surrogate carry a child down the road.

It's weird... because I do have a maternal drive... and it's actually something that surfaced before I even had started therapy... forget about hormones. I've always told people I don't want kids... but the weird truth is that I want to be a mom someday. Now is definitely not the time for that though lol.

All this trans talk got me thinking... And it's just pointless curiosity, so don't read too much into it:

If a guy gets a sex change because they've always been a women mentally... but is still only attracted to women... After the sex change to female, would that make you gay/lesbian? Or would you still be straight because physically you were born a male?

And oddly enough, this question came about long before this topic started up here... My sister actually brought this up with me a while back, and this just sort of seemed like a good time to ask.

Again, no implications, just meaningless curiosity.

Cool read, just dont become as annoying as Zag on general and you'll have my respect lol.

At 12/3/11 01:31 AM, Back-From-Purgatory wrote: All this trans talk got me thinking... And it's just pointless curiosity, so don't read too much into it:

If a guy gets a sex change because they've always been a women mentally... but is still only attracted to women... After the sex change to female, would that make you gay/lesbian? Or would you still be straight because physically you were born a male?

Yes! Even though I haven't had the operation and won't for a while... even now I identify myself as a lesbian-leaning bisexual. (As in I could be with any gender or sex really, but overall greatly prefer women)

And thanks JP, I don't intend to be too obnoxious... lol

@Echoaz:

Boobs

That is all