Hesperax's Pet

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Date: 2 573 078.M42

The origin of this heretical musical piece dates to 059.M42, it was found on the cogitator of an adept of ill repute within the shrine world of Sanctus IV, no doubt placed there by Drukhari Mandrakes or some other infiltrating force. This particular file was cause for the execution of Adept Benedict, who by opening the file, also opened a hidden adjunct executable which uploaded and played the loathsome piece on every cogitator within a quarter of the planet's network. Due to this, a purge had to take place in order to cleanse the civilian population of such heretical thought provoked by this tainted music. Calling it music is hardly fitting, concerning the abrasive quality of whatever instruments were used to produce these sounds. Apparently, thanks to contact from the Adeptus Musica from Holy Terra, the genre of music played here is known as "heavy metal", which originated in M2 in Holy Terra itself. It has been obviously perverted by the Drukhari "performers" playing it. Sources indicate the piece was commissioned to a Drukhari musical group whose name translates as "Vect's Dick" in Eldar tongue, whose slogan reads as "WE'LL MURDERFUCK YOUR EARS", in all caps apparently. If I am so bold as to make an assumption based on past experience, the song tells of an Adept from a disgraced Inquisitor's retinue who was grossly misused on a "mission" to gather information on top Drukhari gladiatrix Lelith Hesperax. It was later found that this so called mission was nothing but gathering footage and sensations for the Inquisitor's own erotic amusement. Such things are not tolerated in our organization and as such, this Inquisitor has been excommunicated and exiled from imperial worlds, as well as the adept, whose name I shall not write due to his willing and openly heretical consortion with xenos filth. This file has been provided to you as a means of reviewing Drukhari interference within Imperial worlds, you are to immediately write down your notes and reviews then report to your nearest confessor to recieve your punishment in order to purge the heretical thoughts this piece communicates. Failiure to do so will result in demotion, excommunication, or death. The following is the lyrical content of the piece:
Hesperax's Pet

Darkness surrounds me like a shroud of gloom
Captured and bound, heading to a certain doom
At her command, to your new queen you'll kneel
The Emperor won't save you from this pain you'll feel

In cathedral darkness I was trained to bleed
For the Queen of knives and her most lustful greed
By her hands I'll know what pain really means
Mistress Hesperax, forever my queen

The nails on my back pierce me all the way through
Whip me baby I can't get it up 'til you do
Sadistic love bites oh please feed off my pain
On my knees I serve you whole, body and brain

In cathedral darkness I was trained to bleed
For the Queen of Commorragh and her every need
By her hands I'll know what hell awaits me
Mistress Hesperax, never set me free

You've captured my mind and you've captured my soul
I'm lost in the torment you've dealt on my whole
Deny me release or milk me 'till near death
I'll await all your loving with bated breath
I've long forgotten my fears of heresy
I've left behind notions of purity
What I've felt from her I'll take to my grave
Lelith Hesperax, forever your slave
Stay vigilant for taint within the Imperium of Man.


Thought for the day: Covet not heretical xeno ass


Whoo, well that was a doozy of an introduction. I almost didn't make anything for the knockout round, I'll be honest, nothing was coming up and everything I did was not satisfying to me plus my hands were hurting like fuck when I tried to play fast so that was discouraging. But then the 4th came and I nutted the fuck up and decided to TRY REALLY HARD to get something out because just letting it slide was going to be a shamefur dispray. So I jammed out some radical riffs and wrote the drums and got to work and I was almost done until I entered the forums at 11PM and saw that the deadline was extended. WELL THAT WAS A FUCKING RELIEF. I decided I'd ring up a bro that has an interface and an SM57 and he lended me that shit, thanks to that I recorded the leads and the vocals, which I'm proud to say are my best sounding yet. I intentionally left the rhythm guitars as originally recorded because I found out I couldn't reproduce that filth with the interface, plus the bass already sounded good enough from the original recording so I left it as is. Anyway the tune's based on a 1d4chan Warhammer 40k smutfic called Hesperax's Pet, you can look it up so you can get an idea heh.

I'd also like to dedicate this piece to every metalhead smut artist on NG and even if they're not metalheads it's cool, please never stop drawing tiddies and thicc bitches.

PS if you're wondering what it says in the end, reverse it :^). It's probably some Chaos Slaneeshi meddling.

EDIT 8/22/2019 - Didn't advance to next round, but hey what the hell, this song kicks ass so idgaf. I was unhappy with the mix of the NGUAC version I submitted so I took the next few days to try and remix this fucking thing, then giving up halfway through because I'd saved over the original mix with a terrible version and I had no idea how to remix it but then the judges helped me out and now it's ok
EDIT 9/8/2019 - Wow uh, frontpage? No shit? Fuck, thanks a lot then, no joke.

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This song SLAPS

so i like the iron maiden vibes on this, your rhythm guitar playing is really tight and the solos are fantastic. the way the song takes a journey through different tempos is neat. i don't think your vocals have quite the right sound for this kind of song but your tone of voice and inflection still have this cool garage rock feel, and the scream at the end is siiick.

the drum mixing is super weird! the kick and snare are perfect for the 80s fantasy hair metal sound but they dont pop out of the mix as much as they should. the cymbals disappear under the guitars and it sounds like the toms have been muted and we're only hearing the reverb bus. the guitar solos are great but the washy reverb makes the tone feel less vibrant and accentuates the midrange in a weird way. idk if you multi-tracked the vocals or not but they feel like they've been stretched out a bit, like there's been a really fast delay effect added to them. the vocals are also just not loud enough - they need to be as loud as that guitar solo because they are just as important!

as far as the composition goes there isn't too much to complain about. the intro is definitely bloated, could probably just start on the first drum hit at 0:50. the transition from the slower breakdown section is cool but takes way too long to get to the point - like ok i get it the tempo is getting faster haha. the payoff for all that building up is just a weird sounding tom fill straight into the solo and you probably could've gone straight into that 16 bars earlier without the gradual tempo thing. also the fadeout ending seems lazy but it seems like you know that already.

anyway despite the criticisms i think this is a cool song with a lot of potential, and i'm glad you were able to get something in even though you didn't have much time. keep it up!

MercyfulDeath responds:

Thank you for your response man. To start with the vocals, eh, well, I have an idea on how to sing it now, but I was stricken with strep throat for the past fucking week and my bro came to pick up his mic and interface so W E L P. I am going to get me an interface and mic soon, as this experiment has been wholly successful and the improvement over a shitty PC mic for vox recording has been jarring.

To tackle the iffy spots; man, I'll be honest, drum mixing is probably my most troublesome area, partly because EZdrummer doesn't make it easy sometimes. I see the cymbals needed to be boosted along with the snare and kick, cymbals a lot more though. Toms are a different matter entirely, for some godforsaken reason I can't get them to stop reverbrating like crazy. Eh man, idk bout that reverb on the leads, I thought it sounded cool and oldschool, but I'll experiment with different 'verbs to see if I can get a cooler sound, also I'll be honest, I'm very midrange biased, if something boosts the midrange, even if it's weird, I'll keep it, because mids are love, mids are life. The vocals had a very short delay put on 'em, maybe 20ms or 50ms, not sure, gotta check, but I got it once I was doing some vocals for some older song I made and it sounded stupid cool and like Ozzy on the first two Rhoads albums so I've kept it for the rest of my recordings, will note to boost the fuckers too.

As for the composition, well I wanted it to burn in at the start, maybe add some high heel clacks and mischevious female laughter but since I lack females for the latter then that was out of the question, wanted to create a foreboding 'hot' sounding atmosphere see. I'd argue the point of the speed up is for that "FASTER, FASTER, RIDE ME FASTER" kinda feeling, so that's why I put it in, idk my dude, I experimented with it being 16 bars shorter without the speed up and it kinda felt strange and jarring to suddenly shift into overdrive like that. Yes, the fadeout is lazy, I'm sorry, I really am. I thought it would sound 80's as fuck but goddamn yeah it's pretty fucking lazy.

Thank you very much for your input, I really appreciate it man.

I like the distorted atmosphere at the beginning and the heavy, wobbly guitar chords. The texture is a bit overly staticy at around :38, and the panning at :57 is a bit too heavy. The vocals at 1:10 are nice - I’m impressed you managed to articulate the syllables so well given the fast tempo. That said, I think they sounded a bit dry, and could probably use some more mixing effects. They also sound like they’re coming from a slightly different stereo space as the guitars, so you might want to record them with that in mind next time. I also wanted the drums to be more prominent in the mix at times - the snare was struggling to come through at some of the busier sections. Sometimes, the syllables could be synced to the beat a little smoother, like at “I can’t get up until you do” at 1:44. I like the provocative nature of the lyrics themselves, though. I also think the structure gets a little repetitive after a while. The verse forms are very similar, although the variations in the instrumental tracks at 2:12 were refreshing. The solo at 3:00 was awesome. It’s clear to me that you’re a very talented guitarist, although sometimes the drums are a bit behind the beat. I think you could’ve foreshadowed the re-entry of the vocals at 3:50, although their content seemed a fitting conclusion to the set-up in earlier verses. The fade-out at 4:13 came across as a bit lazy, and the creepy, echoy whispering at 4:32 seemed a bit unnecessary. Perhaps it’s intended to be Hesperax herself? I’m unfamiliar with Warhammer. Overall, strong work with the melodic content, energy, and vocals here. I think the mixing could use some cleaning up, and the arrangement could be a bit less choppy, but it’s an engaging and fun piece nonetheless. Keep at it, MercyfulDeath! :)

Mixing, mastering, and balance
Structure, transitions, phrasing, and variety
Melody, tonality, harmony, and texture
Instrumentation and sound design
Emotion, atmosphere, and catchiness
Originality and uniqueness
Overall (how do the elements above interact?)
Composite score

MercyfulDeath responds:

>Overall (how do the elements above interact?)


I'm joking though. Thank you for your detailed review, I'm extremely grateful for it. To answer the most glaring question; the whispers at the end are basically any overtly evil entity from the 40k universe meddling with the song, reversed, they say "covet heretical xeno ass" which is (in my opinion) a very cheeky joke directed at the 40k canon and metal's history, to pontificate, the imperium of man, which is the largest faction of 40k, is led by an incredibly dogmatic (kinda like catholicism on steroids), semi-fascist government which spans nearly the entirety of the Milky Way. The most capital crime you could commit is heresy, which is basically disagreeing with the Ecclesiarchy, which is also the government, and is punishable by death. The imperium is also extremely against consorting with anything that isn't human, so something like screwing an alien is basically grounds to get your shit pushed in with a bolter. The backmasking is basically a nod and a tribute to the satanic panic from the 80's, which given the overtly religious focus of The Imperium in 40k it'd be like whoa, you know, heh.

I'm fond of the beginning as well, feels like hot tension, the way the fuzz burns in. The static at :37 is basically Amplitube telling me FUCKING PLAY SOMETHING CAUSE I AIN'T GONNA FEEDBACK, since I'm using headphones to monitor my playing, the amp simulation can't really cook up the properties a real speaker would bring. I'll work on the panning at :57 as well, I really like the tone I set up for that guitar but mixing it to cut through is a cast iron bitch. I agree with the syncing of syllables, as well as the vocal mix, I'm mostly used to recording vox without a proper professional mic and this being the first time I've gotten the chance I wasn't exactly sure how to get em to mix properly, the biggest complaint I've gotten is "I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING" so I just put em as upfront as possible without fucking up my other shit. I apologize for the repetitive structure of the vocals on the first verse and chorus, what I was trying to aim for was a frantic feeling with the delivery, and the closest to that was that way, originally it was gonna be 1 more verse and chorus but I'm glad my laziness prompted me to just call it a day with 2 of each, as I feel it would've been too repetitive to pull that, plus the milking of the money shot main riff would've gotten tiresome. I'm very, very glad you enjoyed the solo, I felt that from 3:00 to end, that's the highlight of the whole tune, and it's what keeps me, and hopefully other people coming back. The reason why the drums feel behind at a couple points is because I intentionally tried to play in front of the beat, reason why is because I read an interview from an old 80's speed metal band called Savage Grace that the lead guitarist on the first album tended to play infront to give it a very quick feeling. As for the fade out, come on dude, that is a HALLMARK of 80's music, and, and, I'm kidding, yeah, it's lazy as shit, was pressed for time and went "hey, what could possibly be more 80's than a fucking fade out?" and bam. I intend to play this tune live with a band so when that time comes I'll just stick in more solos because solos are always cool. And for a final note, yes, I agree with the fucking snare, I figured it out way too fucking late but hey, shit happens.

Once again, thank you for the review, I'm very glad to have participated in this contest.

Credits & Info

3.45 / 5.00

Aug 6, 2019
4:27 PM EDT
Heavy Metal
File Info
6.9 MB
5 min 3 sec

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