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This one was a long time in the making. I had this idea rolling around my head for months, but somehow it just seemed like the right time to finish it. There's nothing overly epic in the mix, just a single vocal and two acoustic guitars, all recorded and mastered in a couple hours. The work came way before, while I practiced and continually rewrote lyrics. This is deeper than I usually go with a song.

I hope you like it.



Well she touched down
on a night of frozen dances
sliding' past my lips

shakin' loose the sounds
of grey nights
with the war cry of her hips

She played it off it was jester's work
and no futures were on the line
and here's me thrown' my ante in
just one more time

She swerved round my lines
like Maginot
as she Gordian'd my ties

Wound a tourniquet
around my rage
and flattened all my crimes

She dripped a storm of crystal sweetness
Stretching taut her vines
And here's my shaking lines
of weakness one more time.

But O! the sound
of dry eyes blinking
after so very long
And the time of sipping
Daydreams all slid along

And the bleeding hearts
and headstrong words
and the plastic society
Saw just one more drunk in a bar room
but she saw me

And the shaking world
With it's sanguine plates
Calls a fire-brand
a casualty

For the dice they roll
They demand control
And controlled ain't what I be
But my defence was breached
Though defence I preached
I was helpless at her heels
I was one more drunk in a bar room
But she was real

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This thing is full of emotion! The vocals sound a little furtive, and I know it’s supposed to sound that way, but I think you need to emphasize your consonants a little more because some of the lyrics are hard to make out. However, the lyrics themselves are very good. The instrumentation is simple yet effective. I’m loving the organic vibes, but I might point out that the song has little sense of development until around 1:20. It might be beneficial to flesh this piece out more by splitting the first 80 seconds into 2 shorter verses connected by a brief bridge. The solo at 1:45 is great - very heartfelt and soulful. Some of the vocals seem a little misplaced - such as the line that ends at 2:34 - but overall I think your voice fits the character of the song really well. Not only did you write a song here, you also told a story, which is an important distinction. The minimalism works really well here, and I have no complaints about the mixing and mastering. Nice work, Ceevro! ;D


Ceevro responds:

Well...that's one of the highest scores I've ever received here! Thank you so much! It would appear I've set myself a high bar here. And I'm not even one of the high-scorers in the opening round. This shall be a challenge indeed! I'm looking forward to it.

Very nicely done, Ceevro. Beautifully written, played, and sung.

The vocal sound reminds me somewhat of Rob Thomas or Counting Crows at times, with a sort of wistful melancholy. Keeping the mix simple is what makes the most sense with a song like this, and most percussion simply wouldn't feel appropriate, unless it were something non invasive like a cymbal roll. A couple acoustic guitars plus vocals just works perfectly here to set the proper tone.

A truly excellent job on your lyrical composition. I love the way you delay some of the timing to really draw out the emotional impact of each word and chord, especially at the end. You really put a lot of time and effort into this piece, and it shows.

Ceevro responds:

Coming from you, that means a lot! Like I said, this was a couple months in the writing/composing phase. I wanted to really make it work right, so I just took my time and let it evolve naturally.

nice song!

Ceevro responds:


Credits & Info


4.55 / 5.00

Nov 10, 2015
3:50 PM EST
File Info
6.7 MB
2 min 57 sec

Licensing Terms

Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.