soooo much potential!
Nice diminished on intro
Progression is sick for intro
The phrasing of the lyrics is really good feels natural.
Solo feels orgasmic make it longer
Did you double the vocal part? If so why didn't you do any harmonies?
The song is damn good the way it is now but if you want to take it to the "why isn't this guy signed" level put a rock band behind it and give it some harmonies. Do that and you have a hit.